Take a Breath (Take 1) (37 page)

    It was then I find standing there my
mother hands on Jake’s chest and looking a little plumper than normal,
a smirk plastered across her damn face.  Anger and confusion
quickly emerge.  

   “Ana, darling there you are.  How are
you?  I heard about that awful mess and just had to come and see
my baby.”  

    Jake wasn’t looking at me.  Why wasn’t he looking
at me?  “Jake?”  I ask ignoring my mother completely. 
He stands there seemingly unable to look in my direction. 
“Jake?”  I say again with more urgency and again there is nothing
except this pained expression on his face.  Is he ashamed of
me?  

   “Darling, aren’t you happy to see your mother?  Jake and
I have some news for you and we have been waiting for your return, so
we can tell you all about it in person.”  

    I didn’t want to hear
anymore.  I tried one more time.  “Jake?”  He squeezes
his eyes shut and clenches his fists.  

   “Ana, dear whatever’s the
matter with you?”  

    I looked one last time at Jakes deflated state,
tears brimming in my eyes.  Not knowing quite what was happening
or what I was witnessing was real, I quickly about turned and rushed
outside towards my car.  All I heard when I left was my mother
screaming my name.  I start the car up and blaring through the
speakers and tugging at my heart is 'Nothing Compares to You.'  Why
was I now being tortured like this?  I grip the steering wheel
willing myself to move, do something.  I have to get out of
here.  I pull out of the drive tears stinging my eyes and rolling
down my cheeks.  Why did Jake let her in the house?  Why did
he ignore my cries?  The sudden stabbing realisation hits that
maybe he didn’t love me after all and I was just there as the gap to be
filled by my mother.  Now she’s back, he doesn’t need me
anymore.  My heart contorts in agony.  How could he do this
to me?  The clouds in the sky get thicker and darker almost in
tune with my mood. 

As
I get on the route 7 the faint rumble of thunder is heard in the
distance as the rain pelts heavily on my windscreen.  My mind is
racing with what I’ve just witnessed and pictures of them in my head
make the nausea in my stomach grow tenfold.  What possible news
could my mother and Jake have?  Have they gotten back together, is
the marriage back on?  I really didn’t want to know as the pain of
knowing would be too unbearable and would destroy me.  At the
traffic lights I rest my head on the steering wheel and tightly shut my
eyes, trying to erase Jake and my mother from my head, but it is only
replaced by moments of Jake and I laughing, smiling, making love. 
I’m quickly brought out from my slumber with the sounds of horns
blaring behind me, alerting me to the green light that has formed above
my head.  I put my car in drive and hit the accelerator.  The
pain in my stomach and my chest becomes so unbearable I don’t know how
I make the journey, but when I pull in to Sunnyside Apartments, I
switch off the ignition and fall back into my seat.  I take some
deep breaths, but no matter how much I try, the tears just keep on
falling.  The aching fire in my stomach is the worst pain I have
ever felt.  Of all the bad things that have happened to me in the
past, nothing comes close to the pain I am in now.  Not even the
feel of Tony’s hands around my neck squeezing the life out of me
bringing me close to death could compare to this.  What am I going
to do?  How am I going to be able to live life without him? 
He was my heart and soul, the reflection in the mirror looking back at
me.  My world, my all and nothing else matters to me in the
universe but us being together, wrapped up tight in his protective
arms, holding me, caressing me, making sweet love to me.  He was
and still is my everything.  How could life without Jake be? 
The despair comes over me like a rash and the sobs that escape me are
so harsh that it hurts my throat. 

I
will myself to get out of the car.  To take one foot in front of
the other until I’ve reached Jessie’s apartment block, already soaked
from the relentless downpour.  The rain is coming down as fast as
I shed my tears, so much so, I can’t tell which is which.  A
gentleman coming out of the door holds it open for me.  He visibly
winces when he sees me.  I must look like a wretched mess. 
He gives me a sympathetic smile and looks like he’s in two minds
whether to say something to me.  I smile back and thank him seeing
the kindness in his grey eyes.  Even when I’m surrounded by
ugliness, there can still be that one person who can make a difference
and that’s exactly why I am here.  I take the lift to the 4
th
floor and knock on Jessie’s door willing her to be home by now. 
She is the one person I can trust.  The one person I can rely on
after Jake has betrayed me so brutally.  My heart and my head are
pumping as I don’t know how much more agony I can take.  I have
never felt this way before.  It is a pain I would never wish on
anyone.  Jessie finally answers the door and takes one look at me,
the shock emanates on her face.  

   “Oh my god Ana, what in the hell
has happened to you?”  

    The tears are endlessly falling as I
tighten my fists to keep from falling apart.  “Can I stay with you
please?”  I don’t know how I manage to speak but the words come
out without my willing.  Jessie’s face is full of outrage, horror
and worry, but she soon softens as she makes way for me to come
inside.  

   “Of course Ana, anything.”  

    I find my feet, walking
through the door, before shutting it behind me.  The finality of
it all seeming to end the chapter of my life with the only man I have
ever truly loved.  My heart is broken into little pieces and now
lies in the hallway of Jake’s house, shattering my life, my
being.  He was the one who I thought I would spend the rest of my
life with.  The one who taught me to live, love, and find true
happiness.  My laughter, my song, my reason to take a
breath.  My Jake.

Introducing Jake Bennett.

Bored
as fuck is about the only way to describe how I feel.  I don’t
know why I have let myself get into this situation, but I’m here
nonetheless.  I like Stella, she is a nice lady in all but there’s
no spark there for me.  When our hands touched on the same cereal
brand in the local grocery store about a month ago, I didn’t really pay
much attention.  I smiled at her and like the gentleman I’d like
to think I am, offered her the item before choosing my own.  She
acted a little shy and giggled but I went on my way; but then it
happened again.  I started to wonder if fate was trying to tell me
something.  Here we were hands on the same strawberry jelly and I
thought that maybe I should give her a chance.  She made all the
right noises as she giggled and played with her soft wavy golden brown
hair.  Her light eyes sparkled in the brightly lit store as she
looked deep into my own.  I rarely give any women the time of
day.  I have my son to look after and none of the women I meet
provoke any kind of reaction from me.  I have been on dates, but
none of them have really passed the second time around.  They make
it plainly obvious what they want from me and although I have urges
just like any other man and fulfil them on occasion, it is not the sort
of shit I want at my age anymore.  I’m not getting any younger and
do need to settle down at some point.  Matthew is 15 and not long
from now he will leave for college and have his own life to lead,
whilst I will be left fending for myself.  

   “My daughter likes this
brand,” she said, tilting her head ever so slightly as she purred the
words to me.  

    I noticed then that she had a British accent and
that was sexy as hell.  “Well your daughter has good taste.” 
She laughed the tension eased as she began to tell me bits about
herself.  I thought I would just be polite and go on my way but
something held me back, so I asked her out. 

Almost
a month down the line I was well on the way to breaking things up with
her as I knew she wasn’t the right one for me.  The only reason
why I am here now is because she told me all about her daughter just
passing her Bachelor’s degree in Criminal Justice, so it piqued my
interest.  We could actually do with a new Analyst; although I
would never tell Stella this as she may naturally assume that I would
give her daughter the job.  I would have to meet her first and
decide for myself.

I
sat at the table in La Bistro restaurant in Reston.  It was a
lovely autumn day and people were all making the most of the lasting
sunshine by sitting outside.  The tables were full and laughter
erupted as everyone was enjoying the atmosphere.  I had ordered a
beer and Stella a wine and we sat waiting for her daughter to turn
up.  I didn’t realise I was doing it but my foot tapped anxiously
under the table, wondering if she were ever going to make her presence
known.  She was supposed to meet us at 1 o’clock and it was now
five minutes after.  It wasn’t a good sign on first
impressions.  

    I was about to ask Stella if she knew when she was
arriving when she spoke, “Ah, there she is.”  

    I turned seeking her
out but my breath caught when all I saw was this beautiful young woman
striding toward the restaurant.  The image of her burned in my
mind as I couldn’t stop myself from staring.  In all my 32 years I
had never come across anyone so perfect.  I watched as she
virtually danced as she strolled along the sidewalk.  She was tall
with long silky blonde hair, and legs that went on forever. 
Another image then flashed before my eyes of those same legs wrapped
around me and my cock twitched at the thought.  Shit, what’s wrong
with me?  I felt a loss as I couldn’t see her eyes and wanted so
desperately to look into them.  They were hiding behind a pair of
sunglasses and I had this sudden urge to stop her in her tracks and
gently lift them away from her so I could see the beauty behind
them.  She wore a knee length pencil skirt which only accentuated
her beautifully rounded hips.  The tight fitting polar neck top
she was wearing curved around her phenomenal breasts.  They were
just aching to be touched, caressed.  This girl was the most
beautiful creature I have ever seen in my life and evoked reactions
from me I never thought I ever had in me before.  Sudden hunger
erupted within me to touch her.  She absent-mindedly placed her
finger on her lips moving it back and forth like she was in deep
thought.  My cock came to life again just on that one tiny
movement.  It was the sexiest thing I had ever seen.  What
the fuck is wrong with me?  I noticed very quickly that I wasn’t
the only one immune to her beauty.  Other men were admiring her
presence and the reaction to it shocked and frightened the hell out of
me.  A rise of anger burned in my stomach and a voice I didn’t
recognise suddenly boiled to the surface, shocking me to my very
core.  ‘Mine.’  I almost turned my head from her wondering
where this voice had come from before realising it was my own. 
Fuck me Bennett, get a fucking grip.  It’s only a girl and not
only that she looks about 10 years younger than you.  I couldn’t
behave like this, but at the same time I couldn’t look away.  I
was just enveloped in her and only her.  Even when I tried to
avert my eyes they just sought after her again.  The butterflies I
didn’t realise I had, suddenly grew bigger as she came nearer to our
table.  My hands started to ache once I realised I had been
gripping on to the edge of the table like my life depended on it. 
She glances in my direction and my chest constricted at the
sight.  It is then I notice that Stella is waving at her and she
is waving back.  Shit no, this can’t be.  Please tell me
that’s not her?  Shit, that’s Stella’s daughter, Ana.  Now I’m
well and truly fucked.