Take What You Want (66 page)

Alex felt something snap in
his chest. He'd never heard that tone coming from Chase; each of his
words stung more than the last. He needed to put some space between
him and Chase before he crumbled into a ball of emotional mush. His
tears were so very close to falling. He could feel the moisture
burning the corners of his eyes, but there was no way he'd let Chase
see him fall to pieces. He'd save that meltdown for when he was
alone and a couple of thousand miles away.

-0-

Alex returned to the estate
and stepped into the kitchen, clutching at his head, as if that might
keep him from exploding. His mind raced in a million different
directions. He felt scattered, like he was being pulled apart piece
by piece.

Focus,
dipshit! This isn't your first rodeo!

He tugged the cell phone
from the back pocket of his jeans and called the jet charter service.
In less than ten minutes he had scheduled a plane to fly him back to
Los Angeles and he had an hour to get his ass to the airport.

His eyes scanned around the
house. There was so much to pack, but he couldn't worry about that
now. It was more important to get himself back on the West Coast and
he'd have someone else worry about moving his shit out of the house
later. What mattered most right now, was putting as many miles as
possible between him, Chase and Danni. It was the only way he could
salvage the last remaining thread of his being.

Alex stomped down the hall
to his bedroom and grabbed a duffel bag and began tossing things into
it to bring back to L.A. with him. He picked-up a discarded t-shirt
and a lacy camisole belonging to Chase and Danni from the floor and
lifted the garments to his nose; inhaling deeply. Alex closed his
eyes, as the scent of them filled his lungs.

Fuck! This hurt too much.
He was so done with love. No more. He wouldn't do it to himself
again. He couldn't.

He grabbed what he wanted in
the bedroom and walked across the house to the music room. He took
his acoustic guitar and the pile of recent sheet music he'd been
writing and went back to the kitchen. He zipped up the duffel and
reached for his keys to the rental car on the counter-top and walked
out of the house. He ignored the pain gripping his heart as he
pulled out onto the main road, and drove himself straight to the
island airport.

Hearing
the door slam tight on the plane brought the reality clearly into
view for him. It was over with Chase and Danni. He'd likely never
see them again; not that they'd want to see him anyway, but it was
done.

He glanced at his cell phone
and squeezed his eyes shut. His inner voice began screaming at him
to start the process of forgetting them, but there was no way he'd
ever accomplish that. Chase and Danni were a part of him now and
always would be. There would be no forgetting. Every touch, scent,
taste and sound was permanently etched into his heart forever.

Alex slid open the text pad
on the phone and began typing a message to Chase.

“
I
left the house unlocked. Take whatever stuff is yours. I'll have a
moving company ship me the rest, then I'll have a cleaning crew
finish up.”

He hadn't expected a reply
from Chase but was thankful to see the message pop up on his screen.

“
I
have a cleaning company under contract. Once your things are out of
the house, I'll schedule the cleaning.”

Christ, could Chase possible
be any colder? Alex thought. It was like nothing they'd shared meant
a damn thing to him.

“
I'm
truly sorry for the way things ended, but I'll always love you. If
you ever need anything, please give me a call,”
Alex typed. He hit the send button and immediately regretted his
action. He sounded like a desperate fool.

A full minute passed before
Chase responded. Alex lifted the phone with a sliver of hope Chase
might leave the door open a crack for them, but he didn't. Instead,
he slammed it and nailed it shut.

“
Thanks
for the offer, but I'll manage just fine without your help.”

Alex threw his phone onto
the empty leather seat beside him. Fresh tears began to pool in his
eyes and this time he didn't bother to stop them from falling.

-0-

Chase
walked past the main house, noticing the darkened rooms. Logic told
him Alex was gone; probably already seated on a private jet flying
his ass back to L.A., but a small part of him hoped to find Alex
sitting outside by the pool. He hated the finality of their last
conversation, and the terse text messages that followed only offered
a final blow. Much of what Alex had said was true; he stood no
chance of getting Danni back with Alex hanging around. Chase needed
time alone with Danni to sort through what happened and get on with
the life they had already mapped out for their future. If Alex was
anywhere nearby, Chase would be tempted to seek out the man that had
somehow managed to sate his inner desires; making him feel normal and
whole for the first time in his life.

Normal
and whole? How fucking crazy was that? When had loving a woman
and
a man – at the same time, become normal?

Since
Alex showed you it was not only possible, but made you feel like
sharing your bed and your heart with Danni and Alex was the most
natural thing in the world to do.

Shit! Now he was answering
his own questions. How had he allowed his life to become so twisted?
Was Alex to blame for all of this, or maybe, this mess was of his
own doing? After all, if he'd never had the fantasy of being with a
man, none of this would have happened. If he'd only walked away from
Alex in the very beginning, he wouldn't be standing here trying to
figure out how to win Danni back.

And
you'd also never have known how fucking perfect it felt being with
Alex – falling in love with him, and having every aspect of
yourself fulfilled … and completed.

All that was left in the
wake of Alex's departure was the nasty taste of emptiness.

Wonderful.

Chase stepped into the guest
house, as his cell phone vibrated to announce an incoming text
message. His heart lurched in his chest, hoping it would be from
Alex or Danni. But, it wasn't.

“
Danni
has decided to stay in my guest room for a while,”
Jayson typed.
“I
thought you'd want to know.”

“
I'll
come over and see if I can change her mind,”
Chase
quickly replied.

“
She
needs time,”
Jayson said.
“And,
space.”

“
I
really need to talk to her again,”
Chase
said.

“
What
about Alex?”
Jayson asked.

“
It's
over,”
Chase
typed.
“He's on a plane headed west.”

“
Was
that your doing or his?”
Jayson
asked.

“
Mine.
I can't bear to lose Danni – even if that means I can't have
him.”

“
You
love them both. Do you really think you can give up one in order to
have the other? I don't think that's how it works. You're always
gonna want him and she'll know that.”

“
Thanks
for the FYI,”
Chase
said.
“Do
you have a better solution – maybe one that would allow me to
keep them both?”

“
Nope.
I have trouble finding one person to love,”
Jayson
said.
“Keeping two lovers, long-term in my bed … sounds like
too much work. Lol.”

Several
minutes passed. Chase sat at his kitchen table alone in his
thoughts.
“Do you think Danni will take me back?”
he asked Jayson.

“
I
don't know. It's too early to tell. All she's done since you left
here is cry,”
Jayson said.
“I'll
try and talk to her some more tomorrow. Get some sleep.”

“
Thanks,”
Chase
said, and shut off his phone.

Sleep? Yeah, that wouldn't
be happening any time soon.

-0-

Jayson sat at his kitchen
table with Danni. He watched her staring at the liquid in her coffee
cup, like the answers to all her problems were floating in there. He
hated to see her struggling like this, hated to hear how shattered
Chase was, too. And, somehow they all needed to find their way back
together before the separation killed them.

“
Did
you lose something in there?” Jayson asked her.

She looked up at him, as if
she were just now realizing he was sitting there with her. “What'd
you say?”

Jayson shook his head. “You
miss them both,” he said. “Problem is, I don't think
you're ready to admit you're missing Alex just as much as Chase.”

Danni held his gaze. She
felt her face heat and fresh moisture pool in her eyes. She blinked
and sent new tears down her cheeks. “What I feel isn't
normal,” she said, her voice a soft whisper.

“
Who's
the dickhead that decides what normal is?” Jayson asked. “What
you feel for Chase and Alex is your
personal
normal. No one else gets to decide that for you, and what anyone
else has to say, doesn't fucking matter. Remember that.”

Danni wiped her cheeks and
forced a smile. “You're an amazing man, Jay. Why haven't you
been able to find a nice guy to settle down with?”

It was Jayson's turn to feel
his face heat. “Until I saw Chase find his true self, I wasn't
sure I could ever expect more than I had with my friend on the Cape.
You and Chase have shown me that I can have more,” he said with
a shrug. “My eyes are wide open now for my own Mr. Wonderful.”

“
Well,
I know you'll find him, Jay, just don't you dare settle for less than
you deserve.”

Jayson smiled and nodded.
“Does Chase know how you feel about Alex?” he asked.

She looked away and shook
her head. “Honestly, how I feel about Alex is part of why I
walked away.”

“
Why
would you do that?” Jayson asked. “Love is hard to find,
Danni. Finding it with one person is pretty fucking special, but
finding it with
two
people … that's a gift. You should be running toward it –
not away.”

“
It
scares me,” she said in a soft voice.

“
Anything
new is scary at first, but that's the best part of the adrenaline
rush,” Jayson said. “It's the way you feel when the
roller coaster is chugging up toward the top – right before the
bottom falls out beneath it. Feeling that fear lets you know you're
alive.”

“
How'd
you get to be so damned smart?” Danni asked.

Jayson laughed. “No
one has ever accused me of being smart – especially Chase,”
he said, still chuckling. “Seriously? You need to be honest
with Chase and let him know you're in love with Alex, too. It will
ease his guilt for loving the guy.”

Danni tipped her head back
and sighed loudly.

“
You're
both in love with Alex and you still love each other,” Jayson
said. “That should be celebrated, not mourned.”