Taking a Chance (16 page)

She had been destroyed.

Being honest with Austin would be the most difficult thing she had ever done. Austin was a great guy, perfect for her, and she did not want to drag this out. She had held back on her engagement and it had almost ended their relationship, so she decided to go with the full truth now. If it scared him, he would leave soon, which would be better than him leaving a few months from now when he learned how damaged she was. The thing was, he would figure it out. Her demons were not going to disappear overnight. No matter how well Austin treated her, there would be pain and emotion down the road.

Deep breath, Maddie. You can do this. You have to do it.

“Austin, this is difficult for me. I’ll tell you everything, but please understand that when I do, you may want to leave. You will understand how much pain I come with, and I guarantee it’s something you probably don’t have time for in your life.”

“Maddie,” he gently placed his hand on her cheek, “I want you to trust me. Nothing you tell me is going to scare me away. I didn’t expect you to sleep with me tonight. Actually, I would be disappointed if you had because I know that’s not you. I don’t want anyone else and I want to know you better.” He leaned down and gave her a kiss giving her some reassurance.

Maddie walked over and sat on the side of the bed closest to the fireplace. While taking in a deep breath she removed her glasses and placed them on the table next to the bed. Without thinking about it, she reached up to grasp the four-leaf clover necklace in her hand. As she held it tight, she closed her eyes.

“He hurt me, Austin.”

“I know, baby, the break-off of an engagement is a lot for anyone to take. You’re moving forward now.” He waved his hand between them. “We’re moving forward together.”

“No, that’s not what I mean.” She paused. “What I’m saying is that I was abused. He hurt me emotionally, but also physically.”

Austin was silent for a moment and she sensed his shock. “Maddie,” he finally whispered. He started to move forward toward her. “I’m so sorry. I just don’t …”

She held up her hand. “Please, let me get everything out,” she begged. “I haven’t told anyone. My friends and family don’t know because I’ve been afraid to tell them. It’s embarrassing. I mean, how could I let someone do that to me?”

Tears were welling up in her eyes and spilling over, though otherwise, she managed to keep herself composed. Even though she did not want to cry in front of Austin she could not stop now. Almost a year of pain was bubbling over.

Austin sat down on the bed and pulled her on to his lap wrapping his arms tight around her. He kissed the top of her head and leaned back against the headboard and Maddie curled against him.

“Maddie, you didn’t do anything to deserve it. Please don’t be ashamed. It wasn’t your fault.”

“I know. Well, I know that now. But at the time, I thought I had to accept it. George always said I brought it upon myself and I believed him. He was a perfect gentleman for the first three years of our relationship. The day after he proposed, things changed. I had fallen in love with him, promised to spend the rest of my life with him, and he became a different person almost overnight. I couldn’t imagine not going through with my promise, no matter how much he hurt me. I thought he loved me and I believed I loved him.”

At that point, her body shook with sobs. Even as Austin pulled her closer, the sobs passed through her body in waves.

“You’re safe now. I’ll never let anyone hurt you again. I promise.”

She took in a deep breath.

“So I took it for almost a year. He pulled me away from my family and friends. The change in his personality and abuse started immediately after the proposal, but the level of it was a gradual progression. But then, almost overnight again, the change became even more drastic the last few months we were together. I started to completely lose touch with my family and friends. He knew he could isolate me, so he would be the only constant in my life. I couldn’t see it at the time, but I understand it now.

“God, Molly would ask me every week, sometimes daily, what was wrong. When I did have the chance to see her in person, she knew, she just knew something was wrong. It hurt me not to tell her the truth, but I was embarrassed and he had convinced me it was my fault. He told me over and over that if I did not act the way I did, he wouldn’t lose his temper. He was smart about it. Most often, it would happen on a Friday after work. So I wouldn’t want to see my friends or family over the weekend for fear they would see the bruises or at the very least the pain in my eyes.”

She stopped talking for a moment.

“It’s okay, just take your time. I’m so sorry you had to live that way. You will never have to go through anything like that again.” He paused. “Mad, you need to understand Molly loves you. She cares about you and she would never judge you. It will hurt her too, but she needs to understand what happened to you. She will be there to support you. You shouldn’t have to get through this on your own.”

She sniffled and nodded her head. “I know. I need to tell her, but I don’t want her to be mad at me for hiding it from her.”

“Baby, she won’t be mad at you, but she will hate George and what he did to you. Just so you know, she saw me first earlier tonight, took me into that room and yelled at me before she would let me see you. She wanted to make sure I wouldn’t hurt you again.”

“She did?”

“Yes, she did. She loves you and just wants the best for you. We both do. I know you’ve been through a lot, but we’ll get through this. I hate what George did to you. He hurt you in ways that I will never understand, but I needed to know.”

Maddie had calmed down, but then tears started again. Although her body was quiet, the tears ran down her face again.

“There is one more thing I need to tell you, so you have the entire truth before you decide if you can stay. I’m not naïve, Austin. I know this is a lot for anyone to take.”

Maddie saw Austin’s eyes grow wide. She couldn’t imagine what was going through his head. The story was like a bad nightmare. Even though she had lived through it, it didn’t sound real even to her.

“Please don’t judge me for this, but my belief since I was younger was that I was only going to sleep with one man, my husband. As you can imagine, once George had proposed, he continued to press me on it. He said we were going to be married soon, so what was the difference? To be honest, I agreed with him. I’m not sure why I continued to hold on to that belief, but when he had become so mean, I felt like it was the only thing I could keep from him.”

She shrugged and hesitated before she went on.

“Anyhow, less than two months before our wedding, I’d grown tired of the game and knew we were going to be married soon. He’d taken me out to dinner, bought me flowers on the way to the restaurant and we’d gone for a walk by the lake. We brought dessert home and he promised for the hundredth time he would never hurt me again. He went on and on about how he never wanted to hurt me again. He actually began crying because he
said
he felt so bad.”

Her tone had switched from sadness to anger. The tears had stopped.

“Maddie,” he placed his hand under her chin to lift her face toward his. “I have to be honest with you. I want you to tell me everything, but I just want you to understand this hurts me more than you can imagine. I hate that you had to live through that. I wish I could take the pain away from you.”

The compassion in Austin’s eyes made it even more difficult. If he did not care so much, she would not feel as guilty or ashamed about all of it.

“When I saw him cry, I assumed it was over, this anger and abuse had come to an end. So I gave in. I didn’t see the point in holding back anymore.” She paused and looked up at Austin. Struggling with her own emotion she imagined he was on the edge of hatred. “He was not gentle with me. I cannot say he forced me because I never said no. He was hurting me and I tried to pull back from him a few times, but he just kept saying that was how it should feel. Finally, I just closed my eyes and hoped it would be over soon.”

She paused again.

Maddie could feel Austin’s heart racing. His eyes had darkened to a level that would scare her if she didn’t trust him so much. It was a look that she had seen too many times, but that time it was not because of anything she had done. Austin was on her side.

“When I woke up in the morning, he was standing at the foot of the bed with a suitcase next to him. He looked at me and started laughing.
Laughing!
It was as if he was possessed. I had no idea what was going on. He told me he had fallen in love with someone else months ago and he was leaving me. He said he had made the decision to leave weeks earlier, but he did not want to leave until he took that one last thing from me. He said he deserved it from all he had put up with over the years. So, just like that, I had given up everything I had been holding on to. He took everything I had left.”

Austin sucked in his breath. “Mad, I just need …” he paused, “I don’t know …”

“I don’t expect you to say anything Austin. You can’t take it away. I cannot be fixed with magic words. I was the idiot that fell for it,” she managed to get out.

He quickly turned her face to his.

“Please, don’t ever say anything like that again. You weren’t an idiot. He was a manipulative bastard. This has nothing to do with you other than you were the woman he picked to torture. That monster took a lot from you. He does not deserve your spending another minute of your life on him. I know you’ve been through a lot over the last year, and if I could take any of it away from you, I would in a second. I want to protect you and show you how you deserve to be treated.

“I’m sorry. I know this comes out of nowhere and not at the best moment, but I need you to understand why this is so hard on me. Mad, I love you. I have fallen in love with you over the last month and it kills me to know you suffered and lived in fear. I never want you to be hurt again.
Ever.
I will never hurt you and I will never let anyone else touch you.”

Maddie managed through her tears. “That makes all of this that much harder for me. I wish I had waited just one more month to find someone who actually loved me. Don’t you get it, Austin? I gave up everything to him.”

“No, baby, he took everything from you. This wasn’t your fault. This is not something you did. Please,” he was begging, “I want you to know he took advantage of you. He abused you. He took from you. You did not give.”

He wiped the tears from her face and pulled her up, so her face was by his. He slowly ran his thumb over her lips as he searched her eyes. He leaned over to kiss her while keeping his gaze steady on her eyes. His lips hesitantly touched hers.

She saw the pain and questioning in his eyes and was sorry for that but glad he now knew. Maddie pulled her head back. “Austin, you don’t need to be afraid to touch me or kiss me. I’m not afraid of you. I trust you completely.” She reached up and placed her hand on the side of his face. “Somehow, in only a month you have proved to me that I can fully trust again. I never thought I would be able to. I don’t know how you managed to gain my trust in such a short time, but I’m grateful that you have given me that ability again.”

She took a deep breath. “I love you too,” she whispered.

W
hen Austin rolled over in the morning, Maddie was not in the bed. He sat up quickly, hoping she had not reconsidered her decision to give them another chance. Relief washed over him when he saw her sitting in a chair on the balcony. She had a cup of coffee in hand and looked peaceful. Their room was at the back of the property and she was gazing at the rows of vines planted behind the building.

He needed coffee. They had fallen asleep late last night and when he glanced at the clock, it was not quite seven. Austin walked over to the tray in the corner, where he saw breakfast pastries, fruit and a carafe of coffee. He poured himself a cup, walked out to the balcony, and leaned down to give Maddie a kiss. Considering they had such little sleep and it was a rough night for Maddie, he was amazed that she looked even more gorgeous to him that morning.

“You scared me, Mad. I thought you had reconsidered your decision to give me another chance.” He smiled, so she knew he was joking.

The corners of her mouth curled up. “Well, I gave it some serious consideration, but then I realized I wouldn’t have anyone to hang out with for the rest of the day, so I decided to stay here with you. I mean, you are my one and only option. Everyone else is deserting me today.”

He had underestimated her. She was quick in the mornings or she was finally relaxed and feeling good today.

“So, I know this may sound crazy, but I want to spend some time in the fields at the winery this morning. I met Frank, grandfather to the winery, a couple days ago. He promised he would show me anything and everything I wanted to see. Based on the grapes, he believed they would start harvesting this morning. I would love to see the process. If you want to hang out here, that’s fine. Although you are welcome to come with me, Frank said so himself.”

Austin laughed. “You’re amazing. How do you find time for everything? Just seeing the excitement in your eyes while you talk about the winery makes me want to go. No way I’m going to miss that.”

Maddie set her cup down before getting out of her chair to approach Austin. She put a hand on each side of his chair and leaned over so she was eye to eye with him.

“Austin, I’m sorry for dumping so much on you last night. I know I come with a difficult past and you don’t have time for drama in your life. I promise I will try not to burden you, but there will be times when I need more comfort or you may need to be more patient. I’m doing much better than I was a month ago, but I can’t be fixed overnight.”

“Baby, you are my priority. I don’t care if you call me every minute of the day; you are not a burden to me. Please don’t think of yourself that way. All I care about is that we are on the same page and we get through this together. Nothing else matters. Can you promise me that you will not hesitate to ask if you need something from me?”