Tale for the Mirror (11 page)

Then came Somus. May-ry had always been allowed to entertain her many suitors, evenings and Sundays if she wished, in our kitchen, Father sometimes stopping in to chat with them, to let them know on what terms they were welcome, to have a little Southern cracker-barrel time—and to see that they were the right sort for May-ry. With Somus, this all vanished. Somus was the son of that same preacher of the Abyssinian Church of God who had brought May-ry up here, and he was the real reason (besides us, she said) why she had never married; she’d been in love with him, hopelessly until now, ever since they’d spatted mud pies together down home. Somus had quarreled with his own father almost from the moment they all came up here and had been away studying for a long time. Now he was here to take his civil-service examinations.

Somus turned out to be just as handsome as she’d said he was. Rebel from the church he might be, but I could never see him, black in his black suit, without thinking Biblically, things like “the ram of God” and “His nose is as the tower of Lebanon that looketh forth toward Damascus.” There was not an inch of ornament upon him, beyond the strict ivory of his teeth, the white glare of his eye. Not that I saw much of him. When Somus took May-ry out, he did just that, took her
out,
never sat in our kitchen or ate in it; later on we knew that she’d had a bad time getting him to ring at the back door.

Somus. Why he loved May-ry was not hard to tell, quite apart from the fact that she too was handsome, with a shapely mouth, a sweet breadth of brow and eye. She drank—and he didn’t approve of that. She dressed high and loud, not even in the New York way but in the bandanna bush colors that antedated Roanoke—and he was forever trying to get her to imitate that sister of his who wore navy blue with round organdy collars. She liked to dance at the Club Savoy—and it pained Somus to find himself still that good at it. Worst of all, she was the staunchest and most literal of Bible beaters, and to an emancipated man, this opium of his people must have been as the devil. So, all told, love between them was foreordained.

She adored him, of course. He was just like his father, strong, dour, and, like many ministers’ sons before him, with the genes of faith coming up in him just as hot and strong in other ways—in the very form of his unbelief.

I remember just when the trouble came. It could have been the red spring dress that sparked it. “Kah-whew!” I said, when she showed it to me. It was almost purple, and still trying. “Never get to heaven in that!” Heaven was a great topic between us. “Besides, it’ll run.”

“Sho’ will.” She stuck out her chin, pushing her smile almost up to her nose, her nostrils taking deep draughts of the dress, as if it, all by itself, were perfume. “And me with it. All the way.”

“May-ry, tell us about heaven.” It was a dull day.

Always willing, she answered me, explicit as if it were Roanoke, as if we had just opened the largest peach jar of all. It was a nice fleshly style of heaven but not rowdy; a touch of the Savoy maybe, but enough pasture for the cow. Triumphant, in the red dress, she entered it.

“Where’s Somus? Isn’t he there? Where he gonna be?” In these exchanges, exactly like my father, I used to fall into her language.

She cast her head down, furred up her brows under a forehead as smooth as a melon. “He be there,” she said after a while, in a low voice. Pushing out her chin again, she asserted it. “You just wait and see. He be!” And in the same moment she whirled around and caught me at the icebox, my hand in the evening dessert. Washing my hand at the tap, she warned me, “You go on like you been doing, you gonna come to no good end.”

“If I do—how’m I gonna be up
there
, to see
him
!” She and I loved to crow at each other that way, to cap each other’s smart remarks, in the silly sequiturs of childhood. But this day, something else teased at me to tease her. It wasn’t my own unbelief; that had already been around for some time. But in other ways I could feel how I was going on, and I didn’t like it either. I was growing out of my childhood. Maybe, like somebody else, I envied her the perfection of hers.

“Listen, May-ry,” I said, squinting. “Suppose…when you get there…it isn’t at all like you said it was. Suppose they don’t let you sashay around in any red dress—suppose they just hump you over your Bible in a plain old white one. No music either, except maybe a harp. Oh,
May-ry—
what the Sam Hill you gonna do if they give you a harp?”

Once more, she considered. The dignity with which she mulled my cheap dialectic already smote me. She raised up and looked at me. “Then I
wears
my white dress, and I
plays
my harp,” she said, her lip trembling, “and I praises the Lord God.”

I ran and kissed her. “You’ll look just as beautiful, I bet. You’ll look pyorely beautiful, pretty as pie.”

“You hush,” she said, sharp and starched. “Stop that talking like a nigger, you hear?” Yes, I forgot to mention that. She was the only one who ever said it in our house.

The next night, Thursday, Somus came to call for her. I was peeping, to see her in the dress, and that was the last time I saw him. Ram of God again, height six cubits and a span. May-ry looked beautiful. But in about an hour she came back alone, then went out again. I was the only one who saw her. We had the phone call the next morning, one of the several voices never identified but familiar. May-ry’s Mooma was taken bad. May-ry was already on her way down there.

The Saturday afternoon she returned, nine days later, my mother was out, as May-ry had known she would be. I heard May-ry’s voice, talking low to my father, in the parlor. Usually the sight of the place, left to the mercies of the day cleaners from the agencies, would enrage her at once, emboldening her enough to fling off her good clothes for her cleaning smock, bind up her hair, and set to work, meeting no one’s eye and loudly scolding the air. But this time, I could see by peeping that she was sitting in the stiffest chair and had not even removed her gloves.

“No, Mr. Joe,” she was saying, nervously holding on to her pocketbook. “No, suh—no.” No. She had to leave us. Somus say he wouldn’t marry her unless she did.

I heard my father “remonstrate” with her, as he always called it. This meant that he was using the same comfort voice that he used on us when delegated by Mother to punish us, the voice with which he helped us toward the first stage of being good again, by mending the
amour-propre
that we ourselves had injured in being bad.

It was all right, he was saying. Why, it was going to be all right! Whoever expected a girl like her to stay single? Especially when she was being spoken for by a fine boy like Somus. But what was all the fuss about? Mustn’t she know that all along we had expected it—that some day or other she was going to want to get married and live out? He put his hands on his spread knees and leaned back, shaking his speckled ruff of hair at her. “Lord, what you women won’t do to get a little torment.” This too was part of the comfort, to put the offense as quickly as possible in the realm of human nature.

She didn’t answer him, although she opened and closed her mouth several times.

“I see,” he said after a while, biting at his mustache, “Somus doesn’t want you to work at all.”

Oh nossuh, it wasn’t that. She was able to say this clearly; then she fell to mumbling, her head all the way down. Then she was silent again. He had a hard time getting it out of her. It wasn’t that, she said at last. She and Somus would surely have to count on her doing day work. But Somus say what the use of her being up North if she work for
home
folks? Somus say she won’t really
be
up North until she stop working for people from home.

And now my father really was nonplussed at first, then angry enough to stomp around the room. “Why, good God in heaven, girl!” (This was just what he always said to me at such times.) What in the name of the Lord had got her into such monkey-shines? Was she going to let that boy sell her down the river? Who was going to treat her better than us—not to mention pay! Didn’t she know right well, from talking to the other maids on the roof when she hung out the washing, how some people treated colored folks up here?

Yes, she knew. She said it in a voice like the Victrola’s when something was wrong with its insides, her head hanging down. She didn’t expect to be as well off, she said. And she would never forget his kindness—us. But Somus.

So, at last, my father played trumps.

He was standing over her by this time, looking down. “Day job or not, you’re going to want some kind of steady
family
people, aren’t you?” He said “ain’t you” really, or close to it. “Don’t tell me he wants to make you into one of those pitiful agency creatures working from dawn to dusk, getting somebody else’s piled-up dirt every day!”

No suh. For the first time, she looked at the moldings.

“Then—” he said, and hesitated. “Now then, May-ry—” His voice dropped to a conspirator’s. He rubbed the red spot left on his nose by his pince-nez, as always when he was embarrassed. “Now then, May-ry, what about…what about Roanoke? You know you got to go there, times you get laid up. You know right well not everybody going to give you the time off we do.”

Yes, Mr. Joe. She whispered it. And this was the point at which she stood up, stopped her hands from their fooling with each other, and looked straight ahead of her, as if she were going to speak a piece, or were attending a wedding. “Somus say I got to have that out with you too.” She spoke quietly, but she could not look at him. “I never did go there but once a year, on my vacation. And you all knowed it.”

He actually put up a hand to ward her off. “Now, now, don’t you go and say anything foolish, girl. No need to do what you might regret later on.”

“It’s true,” she said. Even her accent had shifted, hardening toward something like Somus’s—who, by some steady effort, had almost none. “I get drunk.” Then she turned gray, and started to shiver.

My father stepped back, and he too changed color. It was almost as if she had touched him.

Then a most peculiar scene took place. My father positively refused to consider, to treat, to discuss, to
tolerate
a hint of what she wanted to tell him and he knew as well as she did. That she’d been lying all these years and wanted the dear privilege of saying so. And she followed him around the room in circles after him, snuffling her “Mr. Joe” at him, all the time growing more halfhearted, confused—ever so often looking over her shoulder to see if Somus, that tower of strength, mightn’t have appeared there. But he hadn’t. He’d told her what she must do, and left her to it. He was a stern man, Somus, and a smart one—and he understood my father right down to the ground.

Finally, she stopped in the middle of the room and screamed it, exactly like a baby repudiating the universe, her face all maw. “I never was down there but once a year, and you know it. I was getting drunk over on One Hun’ Twenny-ninth Street. And you know it, and you know it.” Rocking back and forth, she beat her foot on the ground. “I’m going there now. And I’m not coming back.” But by this time she was crying like a baby too.

When my father took her to the back elevator, she was still weeping. “Now, now, we’ll just forget everything you said,” he said. “We’ll just forget this whole afternoon. Why, getting married is a serious thing, girl—no wonder you all upset.” His voice took on the dreaminess with which he told us our goodnights. “Hush now, hush. You just have yourself a good rest down there in Roanoke.” By the time he rang the bell for her, she was already nodding.

When the elevator door opened, she turned back to him. “I’d ruther…ruther—” But then she choked up again, and we never did hear what.

“Hush now,” he said, patting her into the elevator. “And when you come back…it’ll be just like always, hear? Meantime, you send us up some of those peach jars.” As the door closed, she was still nodding.

In the succeeding weeks, my mother and father kept a bet on. “You’ll see,” he’d say, even after the time had long since stretched beyond what May-ry had ever been away before. “She’ll have her jobs—and she’ll lose them. Nobody up here’s going to appreciate enough what she does do—and what she can’t. And she knows it, she knows it.” It was almost as if he were echoing May-ry, in a way. Other times, he just worried it aloud. He loved taking care of people. “Who’s going to take care of her like us?”

Then, one morning, the box of jars came—the herald. But when the box was opened, the jars were found to be of grape—grape conserve. Now, grapes were all over the shops right here, at the time—it was October. “Idiots,” said my father. “What was the address on the outer wrapping?” But it had already gone down the dumbwaiter with the trash. I think my mother knew, but she never said. She was never much for children really. Except for my father. And after that, as more weeks went by and we began the endless series of German “girls” whom I never quite liked or my father either, he submitted, and spoke no more of colored help, or of May-ry. My mother had won, it appeared—and Somus.

But I still yearned sometimes, and wondered.
Did
she go back to Roanoke? I tried hard as I could to recollect whether there had ever been talk of grape arbors on Fox Road in Roanoke—in the tales that had come out of the peach jars. There had been damson, I knew, and elderberry. Damson too sour for you folks, and all the berries goes to the wine. Had she ever said there were grapes? I couldn’t remember, though every now and again for years I tried. Had she sent them from there, or from Harlem? I knew well enough what the box meant, though, same as my father had. It meant pure spontaneity, and love.

Later on, years later when I was teaching in college, there was a girl who looked so much like May-ry—her eyes and that brow—that I had all I could do not to go up and speak to her, ask her who was her mother. Of course I couldn’t. How could I be sure, these days, of terms that would be pleasing to her? Besides, I never knew May-ry’s last name—or Somus’s. That was the way it was, in those days. So I’ll never know for sure whether Somus did marry May-ry and she got emancipated, at least enough to work for Northerners, and send that girl on to college. Or whether, by now, she’s only been emancipated as far as heaven. If so, I hope she has the dress she wants, and maybe even a little snifter after dinner—and I’m purely sorry I ever was mean enough to insinuate that heaven might be anything else. People should be able to get freed without having to be perfect for it beforehand. Maybe even Somus knows that now. I’m even big-hearted enough to hope that he’s with her, either here or there, and has been all along. She’d never be happy without him, so he must be. For if anything had gone wrong, she’d always know whom to come to. And it’s been a long time. It’s been thirty years now, and she hasn’t come back yet.