Taming the Shrew (7 page)

“Of course she knows who you are Sweetheart, she’s just jealous.”

Juliana cringed in horror as she hissed, “You haven’t kissed that old nag have you?”

“Sweetheart, who I did or didn’t kiss before I married you, is irrelevant.”

Juliana felt a big hole open in her heart causing her eyes to water. “Well it isn’t irrelevant to me.” Her throat tightened at the awful mental image of the Hervey creature in his shirtsleeves rolling into Lady Malmsbury’s evil arms.

“Sweetheart, you married me because I have a reputation. I couldn’t have a reputation if I hadn’t done anything to deserve it...”

“You bed that sneering nag didn’t you? I hate you.”

“Sweetheart, it hurts my feelings when you say you hate me.”

“What about my feelings?” She lowered her voice to an angry hiss, “My husband’s bed every woman in London except for me.”

“I couldn’t bed every woman...”

“Did you bed that nag?”

“Sweetheart, it doesn’t matter.”

“Tell me or I’ll demand an annulment.”

“Why don’t you just put a pistol to my head and be done with it?”

“You’re avoiding the question; I assume that means you did. I feel sick.” She turned her head away so he couldn’t see her disappointment.

He waited till another group of pedestrians passed before whispering into the side of her bonnet, “For the past three years every time I’ve kissed a woman I’ve pretended she was you. You are the only woman who makes my heart ache and my knees tremble and if you mention the deplorable word annulment one more time in a fit of pique I’ll march you to the Archbishop and give you one even if it kills me. Now I’d like to buy you a pair of gloves and then take you to the Pulteney for tea. If instead you wish me to take you to the Archbishop then say so and you may annul my disgusting kisses, my ugly orange-head and my awful family from your life today.” Looking down, she covered her mouth with her free hand as the pain in his words enlarged the hole in her heart; shame for her thoughtless angry words leaked from her eyes. She accepted the large handkerchief that appeared in her line of vision and blew her nose. “Sweetheart, what do you want?”

She sniffed back her tears, “I want some new gloves.”

“An excellent choice Sweetheart, I think I know just the pair.” A smooth leather gloved finger caressed her chin before tipping back her head. “Juliana de Vere, you are the loveliest woman; even with a red nose and bloodshot eyes.” He let out a long exaggerated sigh, “If only you’d married me three years ago...I wouldn’t be haunted by the vile memory of kissing so many nags.” Juliana’s scowl won her a pinched cheek. “Madam Wife, shall we leave the nags behind us and bridle the future?”

“I’m sorry I hurt your feelings Hervey creature, it’s just that the thought of you kissing that awful woman makes me feel unspeakably ill.”

His eyes lit up as if she’d told him he was handsome. “Does it really? If I wasn’t in public Sweetheart, I remove that silly bonnet and soundly kiss you. If you were to put a hand inside my shirt, you’d know my freckled heart is trying to leap from my chest in hopeful delight.”

“Why is it hopeful?”

“Why do you think?” Juliana growled in irritation as her husband winked at her and then lifted his hat to passing acquaintances as they set off for the glove makers.

“Hervey creature...”

“Yes Sweetheart?”

“Would your brothers like me if I gave them a bride gift?”

“It depends on the gift. If you gave them each a porcelain plate painted with an orange haired cupid they’d probably think you heartless and have a contest seeing how far they could throw them. If you want their eternal devotion give them each five quid.”

“Five pounds? You make them sound cheap.”

“When you’re penniless five quid is a fortune.”

“I need to visit my bank.”

“As you wish...do I get a bride gift?”

“You get a bride.”

“A lovely bride she is too; if only she’d call me Sweetheart as if she meant it.”

Juliana’s heart danced in her chest at his tone of longing. After a few minutes digesting her strange reaction she turned her bonnet to see him lift his hat to another acquaintance as he offered the usual greeting. Sunlight dazzled off waves of orange gold. Why had she hated his hair? It wasn’t ugly at all and it suited his pale freckled face. The pleasure of indulging her hungry eyes was suspended as he unexpectedly turned in her direction. Her cheeks caught fire as she quickly looked away. Clenching her teeth, she prepared herself to have her curiosity mocked, but his only response was to caress her hand on his arm as they continued their leisurely promenade.

As evening settled over London, Hervey’s haunted drawing room flickered with shadows as nine wing back chairs sat in a large half circle around the hearth. There was tension in the positioning of several chairs as all nine brothers sat in their order of birth silently reflecting the uncomfortable situation of being together. Vernon de Vere, the eldest unwanted son of the Baron de Vere cleared his throat, “Hervey are you going to tell us why we’re here or did you want to frighten us again? This place gives me the creeps. You couldn’t pay me to live here.”

Having temporarily lost his place as the eldest Avery scowled at Vernon’s shadowed face two chairs away, “It’s not Hervey’s fault the ghosts hate you. Perhaps they’ve seen your mistress. Hervey’s wife might be a shrew, but at least she isn’t stupid.”

“At least I don’t have to pretend to be Hervey to win a woman’s favour.”

“Doubtless you tell dim Theresa that you’ll marry her and make her the lady of a dilapidated castle. You certainly can’t afford to pay for her services.”

“She happens to be in love with me. She likes my freckles.”

Belvedere rolled his eyes, “Spare us your never-ending nursery spat and shut up. You’re going to irritate the ghosts. Hervey wake up...” Hervey’s pleasant reminiscing of his wife’s last kiss burst like a pretty bubble as he was pulled back into the group. “...personally I’d like to know what the devil you’re doing here when your wife, the woman you’re in love with, clearly desires your company. My chamber is above your Aladdin’s cave. I heard every word this morning; the woman was demanding you do your duty. What is the problem? Are you taking the mercury cure?”

“No, I have a plan to win her heart; hopefully by bed time. I have a special evening planned...” Hervey ignored the eight jealous sighs and continued, “Juliana asked me to bring you all together this evening. There’s something she wants to say to you. She’ll be here in a few minutes.” Eight groans of horror echoed in the room.

Avery folded his arms and glared at Hervey. “Do we have to face that virago again today? My exposure to her tongue this morning was enough for any sane man. I thought I was going to die of embarrassment. You could have sent Beecher up with the message that you’d brought her back with you.”

Raven leaned towards his two eldest brothers with a smirk, “Avery was exposed in his unmentionables and found wanting.”

Avery didn’t join in the laughter. “You wouldn’t think it funny if you’d been the de Vere being eyed by Hervey’s demonic bride. Wellington could hire her to decimate the French with her scream of death.”

“If you’d accepted her apology instead of sneering at her she wouldn’t have felt wounded and she wouldn’t have nearly decided to annul my marriage. You gave your word to be polite Avery.”

“I tried. She was insufferable.”

“She’s highly sensitive. Try harder; I’d do the same for you.”

“I was only defending you. The shrew thought it perfectly reasonable to be rude to me because she thought I was you. I merely pointed out her faulty reasoning and then she nearly stopped my heart with that evil scream.”

David sneered at his squirming brother, “Well Avery, I guess you have to be a good boy and do what you’re told. You wouldn’t want to upset the Pawnbroker would you? You might end up in rags. If you had a spine you’d take the King’s coin and go to sea. At least you’d be living off your own wages. Oh wait; you get work-sick. Ah well, at least Hervey won’t have to be polite to your wife; who’d marry an aging orange haired parasite with no prospects worth lying about?” Seven sharp intakes of breath hissed through an awful silence. “At least I’m the spare heir; you’re just the spare spare.”

“I hate you.” Avery sharply swivelled his chair so he wouldn’t have to see his older brothers. “I’d like to see you fall in love knowing the only thing you’ll win is rejection; unfortunately that would require you to have a heart.”

Hervey leaned forward his anger highlighted by firelight. “Were you born a bastard David or is it an attribute you’ve developed purely for enjoyment?”

David de Vere’s smile didn’t reach his eyes. “One should embrace the truth Hervey, especially truth that can’t be pawned off by a baby brother. I suppose your days of pawning tat are over now that you’ve trapped a wealthy shrew. She must have been desperate to marry you. I hope your reputation with the ladies isn’t a myth. I can’t imagine what else she’ll get out of the union.”

“She married me; I’m the luckiest man in the Kingdom.”

“I’ll wager you made a bargain with the devil.”

Belvedere glared at his older brother, “Shut up David. You know Hervey loves the shrew.”

“If you want me to shut up you can come over here and try to silence me. Last time you ended up on your backside with a black eye. You and Avery are a pair of crackfarts. No wonder the shrew picked Hervey; at least he doesn’t have to ask another man to buys his wedding ring. I’d rather die than live off a pawnbroker who cavorts with that devil, Lyndhurst. It wasn’t enough to sit in his musty pocket, now Hervey rides around in the devil’s carriage advertising the connection like some demented slavey. My friend, Lord Sedgwick, is not amused. He’s heard the most disgusting rumour about you and your devil-friend.”

“Lyndhurst is a business associate. I bought his carriage because it was a bargain.”

“You could have bought one from someone who doesn’t reek of social death.”

“As long as it’s legal, I’ll deal with anyone for a bargain.”

“Well you won’t starve now that you’ve won Medusa’s bed.”

The faint sound of the front door closing brought Hervey to his feet. “Please pretend to be polite for five minutes; this is the woman I love.” Hervey’s brothers all sighed in resignation as they listened to footsteps on the stairs.

Juliana shivered and pulled her woollen cloak around her thin silk dress as she started up the stairs. It was only four hours since she’d kissed her Hervey creature and promised to rendezvous at his house by seven, but it felt like four days. He’d convinced her to trust him to deliver an enchanted evening full of mystery and magic. She had an awful feeling he was going to persuade her to dance. She’d agonised over her dress and in the end had chosen a blue-green ball gown, gold combs for her hair and a long gold chain with blue green glass beads that drew the eye to a low décolletage. Her mirror had reflected a pleasing sight. Her mother’s hazy approval hadn’t meant anything. The smiling woman would probably have given the same response if Juliana had been wearing a black shroud.

She shivered with excitement at the thought of seeing the Hervey creature. The endless years prior to her first kiss seemed unaccountably dull and boring. Her husband only had to wink at her and the past seemed to evaporate like a spent storm cloud.

Her thoughts were dragged back to the present as Beecher paused on the first floor landing, “Are you sure you don’t wish me to carry your basket Madam?”

“No thank you Beecher, it’s not very heavy.”

“Very good Madam; Master Hervey and his brothers are in the main reception room waiting for you. If you’ll follow me...” Clutching her basket in one hand and her long skirts in the other Juliana reached the top of the stairs and sighed with relief at being closer to the light. The thought of losing her way in the creepy darkness made her long for the Hervey creature’s hand. Gulping down her fears, through the open door she could see firelight warming the darkness. The house was strangely quiet as if holding its breath. She shivered in fear as a single set of unseen footsteps marched across the highly polished floor towards the door.

“Sweetheart?” The man appeared to be painted in shades of black and white except for a hint of orange hair and a sapphire pin closing his shirt front. She smiled in relief as the formally dressed man. “Here, let me take your basket...and your hand.” His lips saluted the back of her glove and then retained it. “Beecher, let us know when my carriage arrives.”

“Very good Master Hervey.”

“Why is it so dark Hervey creature? Can’t you afford candles?”

“It’s less creepy in the dark; one sees less.” He lowered his voice to a whisper, “I can’t wait to have you all to myself. I called in a few favours for this evening...you smell delicious. Call me Sweetheart, say it like you mean it and we’ll go to my room instead.”

“I didn’t spend an hour and a half getting dressed to waste the evening in this creepy house.”

Her husband sighed in her ear before whispering, “As you wish...” He lifted her hand to his lips again. “...but first my brothers are dying of curiosity, or at least from spleen.” She clutched the warm masculine hand as he led her to the fire, but then he let go of her hand and returned her basket and fell back into his chair. Only one of the nine doppelgangers was smiling at her. She opened her mouth and looked again at the Hervey creature for moral support. His wink seemed to say hurry up so I can kiss you.

“I apologise for calling you stupid, ugly, orange-headed miscreants. I don’t really think you’re ugly.” She looked at her husband. “Your face isn’t unpleasant, though a trifle freckled. You have a nice nose and your eyes are brown. I like brown...as I would. You can’t all be stupid. Hervey creature isn’t stupid.” She blushed as he blew her a noisy kiss. “I don’t want you to hate me. I have a bride gift. She turned to the man who looked the oldest. “Are you the Vernon creature?”

“That must be me.” She ignored the sarcastic tone and lifted one of the green velvet purses out of her basket and put it in his hand.

“David creature?” The man was staring at her with a jealous dazed expression.