Tananguard 02 - To Love a Lord (10 page)

“Then I would hate to be him, for you look fairly bad yourself.”

Connor laughed then groaned in agony.

“Well, I should be on my way.” The doctor gathered his bag and coat.

“Thank you for coming,” Sophia said.

“Yes, thank you,” Connor reiterated.

The doctor nodded.
“Good luck to you both. I can see myself out.” And with those words he left.

It was just the two of them.
Was Mrs. Lovegood even in the house?

Sophia looked at him. “You don’t really fight for money, do you?”

He nodded. “I do.”

She shook her head. “I don’t believe you. A gentleman does
no such thing.”

Connor forced himself not to laugh. It hurt too badly to. He did smile. “Believe what you will, Sophi
e, but I do not lie.”

“
Why do you insist on calling me that?”

“Because you refuse to let me use your real name, and it is a version of it. It’s endearing to me,” he admitted.

“Humph.” She stared at him a moment. “I still think you’re lying about the fight, though.”

He shook his head. “I’m not.”

“Very well. Take me with you the next time. Prove to me you tell the truth.”

“I will do no such thing,” he said.

She sighed, shaking her head. “Bar brawl,” she grumbled.

“I don’t fight needlessly.”

“Oh? Then what is this?” she asked, pointing to his chest and face.

“I made a hefty sum of money from this.”

“Where is this money? Show it to me,” she demanded.

He sighed. “Lucas has it.”

“Of course he does. Good night, Connor.” She turned to walk away from him.

“
Stubborn woman! Next time I fight, you will accompany me. Now may I have a bed to sleep in, or are you going to make me sleep on this retched sofa?” he asked irritably.

She turned and smiled in triumph.
“Can you make it upstairs?”

He forced himself to stand. “It hurts, but yes I can.”

She nodded. “You may have the one farthest from mine. Would you like me to make you the tea first?”

He shook
his head. “I just want sleep.” He moved stiffly toward the stairs.

She stared at him in concern. “You look to be in significant pain. I’ll make the tea.” She turned to go to the kitchen.

He grabbed her hand and pulled her to a stop. He could feel the scars beneath his touch, but he paid them no heed as he ran his thumb gently over the top.

She looked down at her hand then at him. Her face flushed red, and she tried to pull her hand away.

He tightened his grip, but not painfully. He shook his head. “I don’t want tea.”

She swallowed. “What…what do you want?”

Was she so blind to his desires? Even in the pain he was in, he wanted her and only her. “Rest. I want rest.”

A small laugh escaped her lips, and she quickly looked away from him, shaking her head. “Of course.” She smiled, but
she refused to meet his eyes again. Perhaps she was not blind. Perhaps he was the one who was blind. “Come, let’s get you to bed then.”

She helped him up the stairs and to th
e first room.

“Wait,” he said. “I thought this was Mrs. Lovegood’s room.”

Sophia’s eyes widened. “Oh…well…um…yes, of course it is.”

“Sophia, what are you hiding?” he asked.

She sighed. “Mrs. Lovegood lives in the house next door. She was our housekeeper and my aunt and uncle’s while my parents lived and while my aunt and uncle lived next door. But she always lived with them. When they moved, they asked her to care for the house but to still work for us. She did, and she still does things for me now and then even though there is no need. But…she lives next door. I live alone mostly. It isn’t proper I realize, but that is why we developed the lie. We both enjoy our privacy, but our homes are still very close together. So it is almost as if she lives here or I there.”

He smiled. “You do not owe me an explanation. I understand. I was fooled by the lie. I was none the wiser to it. I simply want to make certain a woman aside from you is not going to try
climbing in bed with me.”

She gasped at his statement, and he winked, doing his best not to laugh at her reaction.

“Oh, you…,” she trailed off, shaking her head. “I should just leave you here in the hall.”

“But I appreciate that you won’t.”

She scowled at him and helped him to the bed. Then she pulled the covers down for him and helped him into the bed.

They were so close, her hands burning his skin as she helped him lie down. She was leaning over him, and he was on his back. His hand slid behind her back while the other slid up into her hair. He was going to pull her to him. He couldn’t help himself.

He saw her eyes widen, saw the heat there, but she was stronger than he was. She placed her hand on his chest and pushed ever so lightly. He exhaled sharply, letting go of her at the same time.

She straightened. “Did I hurt you?” she asked almost too innocently.

He cursed at his bad luck. “Damn ribs are interfering with everything,” he grumbled.

She smiled as she covered him with the blankets.

His heart ached for her. His soul ached for her. “Thank you, Sophia,” he said quietly. “You have been very understanding tonight, and I appreciate your hospitality.”

She laughed. “You’re just lucky I d
on’t throw you out on the street, Connor Tananguard. I know why you came here so late, and it was not for a walk.”

He laughed and groaned at the same time. “I wasn’t completely sober when I came over either. It won’t happen again. I promise.”

She nodded. “Get some rest. I will fetch someone for you in the morning, so you may enjoy the rest of your recovery at home.”

“Again, thank you.”

She smiled. “You’re welcome. Goodnight, Connor.” She stared at him a moment then sighed, shaking her head as she left the room.

“Goodnight,” he said belatedly. How was he going to convince her he wasn’t simply interested in a mistress? How could he show her he wanted her in all ways?

Josephine loaded her packed saddlebags atop the horse her uncle had lent her.

“Are you certain you won’t change your mind?” William Meredith asked her.

“No, I need to go. I’ve used your hospitality too long, Uncle,” she answered quietly.

“I wish you would use it longer. I hate to see you and young Garret go,” he said sadly.

Josephine looked at him tenderly. “William, I…I am sorry,” she said.

“Sorry for what?” he asked with a laugh.

“I am sorry for the trouble I’ve been and for how poorly I’ve treated you when all you’ve been is kind to me,” she said sadly. “I know you meant the best for me, and I know…I know my father’s death was not your fault. I should never have blamed you.”

He smiled and pulled her to him, hugging her tightly. “There is nothing to be sorry about. You have been through
so much, my dear.”

“Thank you,” she replied quietly. She groaned within as she realized more tears wanted to fall from her eyes. She did not want to cry anymore. She was walking away from Connor, and she had known she would for some time. The pain in her heart had forced many tears from her eyes.

“Why don’t you believe he loves you?” William suddenly asked.

“We’ve hurt each other too deeply, or perhaps I have simply hurt him too badly.”

He kissed the top of her head and pulled her away so he could look at her. “Forgiveness is the key to love.”

Josephine bent her head. “It is too complicated and too late for me.”

“It is never too—”

“Running away again, I see,” a bitter voice said, breaking through William’s words.

“Kara,” he said threateningly, “not now.”

“Then when is the time, William? When will she ever learn, running is not the answer?” Kara asked, glaring at Josephine.

“Please, Kara. I simply want to leave in peace,” Josephine said wearily.

“He’s been gone a week, and you’ve already put him behind you? Did he mean so little to you?”

“He meant everything to me!” Josephine shouted angrily.

“Oh? Or was he simply a means to an end?” Kara asked coldly.

“What are you implying, Kara?” William asked carefully.

“She used that poor
man to get Lucas!” Kara accused. “And when Lucas refused her, she blamed him for her dismal lot in life. Why else would she run from a man who obviously loves her!”

“You know nothing of Connor and me!”

“I know you are hiding something! What pain did you put him through? Why would you turn to Lucas when a man like Connor Tananguard loved you? What were you thinking?” Kara exclaimed in bewilderment.

“You do not give her enough credit, Kara,” William said quietly.

“Then why?” Kara asked, frustrated and angry. “Because she is cruel and does not want to admit her treachery? Why?” she finally yelled vehemently at her niece. “They are good people you are hurting!”

“Kara, enough!” William commanded.

“No, we deserve an explanation!”

“I was a bet!” Josephine exclaimed near hysteria. “Nothing but a foolish, stupid bet! I loved Connor Tananguard unconditionally only to learn Lucas had bet him he could not lure me to his bed!
And then…then…when I found out?” The tears began to fall, causing Josephine to inhale sharply in order to force back the sobs that wanted to accompany them. “I went to Lucas to discover if it was true. He…,” she trailed off. She couldn’t voice it. She was too angry, and it was too terrible. “You want an explanation to everything?” she cried out, pulling a letter from her pocket. She’d read it so many times that it was crinkled and worn. She forced it open angrily, almost tearing it. “Then here!” She threw it into her aunt’s face. Then she turned and stocked off into the woods.

*

The paper hit Kara, and fell to the forest floor.
She could see the contents of it; see it was to Connor from Lucas. She bent and picked it up, desperately wanting the things Josephine just said to be a lie. She took a deep breath then began to read.

Connor,
If you are reading this, I am most likely dead or in a place you will never find me or your sister for that matter. I have never been one to feel guilt, and I still do not feel guilt for my actions that tore you and Sophia apart. It was necessary at the time. However, I feel enough time has passed to give you the truth of that night. I never bedded Sophia. I offered her wine until she slept from drinking too much of it. Then I staged the entire event. I never touched her except to strip her clothes from her body and lay her in my bed. Now that you know this, I will tell you one last thing. She came to find you over four years ago, a short while after she left you. I will not go into the details of our conversation that day, but I will tell you this. She was with child. And since you now know I never touched your precious Sophia, we can only assume the child is yours. Thus, Connor, do what you will with this knowledge. Ruin your life chasing a commoner who wants nothing but your title and money, or follow your dreams. Until we meet again, I wish you success.

Sincerely,
Lucas

“What have I done?” Kara asked numbly.

William snatched the letter from her grasp and read.

“I should have listened to you. No wonder she never explained herself. The poor girl,” Kara finished, pained and angry with herself for all the terrible things she had accused Josephine of. And not just the things from earlier, but for all of the things she had said and done to Josephine in the past. Five years of guilt swept over her. “We cannot let her go now, William. We must convince her to stay. We have to find a way to reunite her with Connor—”

“No,” William
said quietly. “Oh Josephine, the things you have suffered.”

“What?” Kara asked, bewildered by her
husband’s reply. She knew he had been supportive and even steering Josephine toward Connor earlier.

“
She must find her own path,” William replied sadly.

“But the letter…
” She motioned to it still in his hands.

He
shook his head, handing her the letter. “Kara, this is one thing we cannot force. Josephine must find a way to see what must be done.”

“My husband
, the philosopher,” she said in frustration. “You make no sense, William.”

“If we convince her to stay, she will feel obligated to go to Connor and confess. She must make the decision herself in order for her to find peace.”

“But she’s leaving! What if she never comes back?” Kara asked, and tears began to form.

“I believe she will.” William smiled that sad smile again before walking away.

Kara sighed. He wouldn’t try to convince Josephine to stay, but she would! With that decided, she headed toward the woods and the direction Josephine had gone.

It didn’t take long to find her niece, and when she did, she received a dark glare from the girl.

“I admit, I deserve the look you are giving me, but can you blame me for my behavior?” Kara said in exasperation.

Josephine looked down. She was sitting on the forest floor, knees to her chest and arms wrapped tightly around them. “I—”

“There is no need to explain, now. I understand, finally. And,” Kara paused, growing uncomfortable with the words she knew needed to be said. “I am sorry. Sorry for those things I said earlier as well as for the past five years of my poor assumptions,” she finished quietly.

Josephine laughed bitterly. “I am sorry too, Kara. I should not have hidden this from you and Uncle.”

“It is a shame it took something like this before either of us could be cordial to each other,” Kara said, coming closer and sitting next to Josephine. “You shouldn’t leave,” she then said quietly.

“I cannot stay,” Josephine replied just as quietly.

“Then at least take this to Connor.” Kara handed the letter to Josephine.

Josephine shook her head, pushing the letter away. “No, he will never know the truth.”

“What about your son? Don’t you think he has a right to meet him?”

“Someday…maybe when Garret is older and can make his own decisions. Until then, I will not place him or Connor in such a position.”

“And what kind of position would that be?” Kara asked.

“For Garret, allowing him to finally meet his father, and then taking him away from him. For Connor, introducing him to his son and making him feel forced to settle out of duty and guilt,” Josephine answered solemnly.

“I do not believe he would feel that way. I believe he loves you.”

“Perhaps,
but it’s too late.”

“Josephine, it’s never too late,” Kara tried.

“Please, do not make this harder. I
am
leaving today.”

Kara sighed. “Then at least know you are always welcome here if you choose to come back,” Kara said. The two women looked at each other.

“Thank you,” Josephine said. She reached around her aunt and hugged her tightly.

Kara sighed sadly this time. So many lost years full of bitterness and distrust all because she had been impatient and frustrated with the girl before her. And now that girl
—no, woman—was leaving. It truly was a sad day.

“Josephine, please take the letter with you. Keep it and remember there is always hope,” Kara said, pulling away from her niece. She held out the letter again.

Josephine stared at it before finally nodding and taking it. “For you, I will.”

*

Connor struggled to open his eyes. They felt heavy and sore, begging him to simply leave them closed. But he forced them open, blinking them, trying to focus his vision. He was home at Tananguard Manor in his old room under the soft, warm covers of his bed. His eyes searched the room, hoping to see
her
, believing he wouldn’t. The room was empty, and his hope left him. He
had
dreamt her. It had seemed so real, but it had all been a dream, a wicked, cruel dream his mind had conjured. Why couldn’t he seem to get that woman out of his mind? She had betrayed him, yet hadn’t he forgiven her the moment he’d lost her? He had never been the same since then, never feeling whole since she had walked away from him that fateful day. He sighed miserably. He wasn’t going to attempt to sit up like he had first intended. Instead, he chose to close his eyes and let sleep take him.