Teach Me (17 page)

F o u r t e
e
n

Cooper

             
The last thing Allison said to me was my name. It looked like she wanted to say more, but then those stupid drugs took her straight to la-la land. At least she looked peaceful and relaxed. I did kiss her soft lips one last time before they wheeled her out. Now I have to sit here for who knows how long, praying I get to hear the end of her sentence. Just so I can see her one last time, even if it is to tell me to kick rocks and leave her alone. At least if she is telling me to get lost, that means she made it through and is alive.

             
I thought of how fragile she felt under my touch. Is she really strong enough to make it through such a tough surgery? 
             

No, Cooper. You can’t think like that
, my brain tells me. I close my eyes and scoot down in my chair, propping my head on my hands and elbows on my knees. This can’t be real. I am having a nightmare, and when I wake up, Ali will be just fine. Maybe I fell asleep on the beach and we are still in San Diego at the water’s edge, the hot sun covering our bodies and the cold waves slithering up the sand to our feet.

“I am going to the cafeteria. Would you like some coffee?” I look up, and Trudy is talking to me. I hope I am not dreaming about Trudy now. She shakes my shoulder, and I realize I am just staring at her—awake—not dreaming.

“Uh, no, thank you,” I tell her as I try to focus on the here and now. She shrugs and takes in a deep breath.

“You got to think positive, Ryan. Ali is going to pull through. I just know she will.” I want to laugh and cry. I haven’t slept in almost two days, and I think I am starting to
lose  my
grip on reality.

“You know what, you are right.” I stand up, and Trudy’s eyes go wide at my sudden movement. “Coffee would be nice too.” I try to smile, but I’m sure it looks like a grimace. I pull out my wallet and hand her some money then sit back down. I look at my watch to see how long they have had Ali back there; it seems like it has been hours. I am shocked to see it has only been about twenty minutes. Mr. Starr is sitting a few chairs down from me, head bowed in silent prayer.

I wish I could think of something to say to him, to both of us, to make this easier. Nothing can be said to make this any less hard on us. I put my head back in my hands and let my eyes close. It’s not like I am going to be able to sleep, not until I know she is okay; my eyes are just so heavy. I take some slow deep breaths and know that if I weren’t so worried, I could fall asleep in a matter of minutes. I can hear someone walking toward me and look up, expecting Trudy with my coffee.

It is a nurse dressed in all-blue surgical scrubs, and she looks upset. Mr. Starr and I jump to our feet in synchronization, thinking the same thing—this can’t be good news. The nurse looks back and forth between the two of us then lands her gaze on me.

“Cooper,” she says, sounding frustrated. Her brown hair is tucked neatly in a scrub cap, and a name badge is clipped to the hem of her top which has her picture and name printed on the plastic—Laura.

“Yes,” I mumble. She waves her hand in a motion to follow her and takes a step away.

“Allison won’t let us start on her until she can talk to you,” Laura says loud enough for Robert to hear. “She is agitated and upset, so maybe you
can help calm her down.” I nod and follow her behind doors labeled Restricted. “I need you to come in here first.” We stop in front of a door which leads into a room lined with stainless steel sinks.

I follow her lead and scrub all the way up to my elbows for what seems like an hour. Out of nowhere another nurse appears and dries my hands and arms then slides them into some latex gloves. When they are on, she slips a mask over my face and then is gone. I am just standing there feeling like I am in a hidden-camera show, not knowing what to do.

“This way,” Laura says as she uses her back to open yet another set of doors. Of course I follow her not knowing what I’ll see behind these doors.

I wasn’t prepared for what happened next.

I’m standing in a surgical bay, Ali’s surgical bay to be exact. Ali is in a bed with straps across her body, and tubes are sticking out from all over. Huge bright lights are on overhead, and monitors beep in compulsive intervals. Then I noticed everyone else: Ali’s doctor next to a tray of shiny tools and about ten other nurses, not including the one who had come to get me, and maybe two more doctors. Laura led me forward gently with her gloved hand on my back.

Ali’s eyes were closed and her breathing steady. “Here is Cooper for you, Allison,” Laura said slowly. Her eyes opened, and she searched the room. I moved to be in her view, which meant stooping next the operating table.

“Cooper,” Ali whispered and smiled. I couldn’t help but to smile back and felt tears burn at my eyes. “They gave me drugs,” she mused. This statement got a few snickers from the audience, which I ignored. I wanted to scoop her into my arms and take her far from here, to protect her.

I touched her head with my glove-covered hand and smiled. “Allison, they need to start so they can fix you up,” I told her softly, trying to soothe her. Ali rolled her eyes.

“I know
. . .
I know,” she said sleepily as her eyes closed again. “But I wanted to
. . .
to tell you something
. . .
important
. . .
and I thought I had
. . .
but
. . .
shot
. . .
then I realized I hadn’t,” she babbled. I nodded, pretending to understand what she meant.

“What is it?” I asked, suddenly wishing we weren’t surrounded by all these people. What if she wanted to tell me she didn’t want me here when she wakes up? I think my heart would need a doctor.

“I was going to
. . .
to tell you to move on
. . .
if I don’t make it.” She looked me straight in the eyes. “That you will be able to find someone
. . .
”

“Ali,” I whispered and moved closer, our faces inches apart, and touched her lips with my gloved finger.

“
Lemme
finish,” she gurgled. “Then I wanted to tell you
. . .
no
. . .
to thank you for giving me the best summer of my life.” I couldn’t stop the tears. “That you gave me the greatest gift when
. . .
when you gave me your love. So then I thought
. . .
hey
. . .
you are mine
. . .
so
. . .
I don’t want you to find someone else,” she slurred, sounding almost drunk. I watched her carefully, and she looked like she knew what she was saying. Her dark brown eyes were lucid, and she smiled.

“Okay,” I said through my mask, the one on my face and the metaphoric one holding back my emotions. “I won’t.”

Ali smirked. “Ask me again.” I shook my head, confused. “Ask me, Cooper.” Her voice was low and raspy. I took a deep breath, trying to process what she was saying. I’d asked her if she wanted me to leave, but she hasn’t sent me away. She just told me she didn’t want me to find
someone else, but she had declined me.
Ask me again
, she had said. I looked into her waiting eyes and arched an eyebrow. Was she serious?

What the hell—you only live once, right? Bad timing on that thought.

“Allison Starr,” I spoke quietly just to her, blocking out all the other people in the room. “I promise to heal your heart every single day for the rest of our lives.” I took a deep breath. “Will you marry me?” Tears streamed from the dark pools of Allison’s eyes.

“Yes,” she whispered, and I noticed there wasn’t a dry eye in operation bay 2. “I was being so stupid before,” she said loudly. “Yes, Cooper. I will marry you.” My heart pumped so hard in my chest I was sure it was going to explode. I wanted to kiss her, but this stupid mask was in the way.

“Yes,” I repeated back, unsure. “You want to marry me?” She tried to nod, but her head had a strap across it.

“I wanted to save you from this, well, from me, but I just love you too much, and like my dad said, ‘life is too short,’ so yes,” Ali said easily. I couldn’t help
it,
I leaned over and kissed her through my mask.

“You are going to marry me?” I asked again, shocked. Ali laughed, and it sounded better than any sound I had ever heard. “You better be sure because I have witnesses.” I motioned to the room with my eyes.

“Well, you better be sure because they are going to fix me up and hold you to it,” she joked. I leaned in as close as I could get to her ear.

“I have been sure since the first day I saw you,” I said so only she could hear. “I love you.” I touched my forehead to hers. I unwillingly stood up to leave. Nurse Laura, who had retrieved me, had to return me. Her eyes were red with emotion. Before I left, I turned back to the room.

“That’s my fiancée,” I almost yelled with a smile. The medical staff laughed and then got to work. The nurse had me scrub up to my elbows again.

“That was the most romantic thing I have ever seen,” Laura said, not looking at me. “And you both are so young,” she continued, “but so sure.” She is right, I am sure.

I found myself back in the waiting room but did not remember how I walked back. Allison had said yes to me—to marry me. Trudy was standing with Mr. Starr holding two cups of coffee. Their conversation stopped when they saw me, looks of concern covering their faces. I don’t know what I looked like, but for as happy as I felt, I’m sure I looked terrified.

“Cooper,” Robert said, frantic. “What is it?” I stood arm’s length from him as I gathered my thoughts. I was just going to blurt it out but then thought better of it. I mean, come on, the last thing I wanted was to be punched out again just from pure surprise.

I looked up into his face then closed my eyes. “She said yes,” I spoke carefully and slowly, letting the shock of the reality sink into my body. The silence made me open my eyes so I could see his expression. Mr. Starr nodded in thought and looked toward Trudy who nodded as well, as if they had a silent conversation in which they agreed upon something.

“Then she will fight to survive,” Robert finally said, gripping my shoulder in his hand. “You gave her your heart, son, and now she will fight to keep it beating.”

His words shook me to my core. They held so much meaning and truth. I hadn’t noticed Trudy was crying. Mr. Starr, or my soon-to-be father-in-law, pulled me into a bear of an embrace. I hugged him
back,
knowing we both understood each other more than we ever thought could be possible. Ali had said yes. She did love me the same as I loved her.

Forever.

Forever would be the easy part. The now is the hard part—the waiting—waiting to hear that the love of my life was going to make it through one of the most difficult surgeries. But that is all I can do, wait. So wait I will.

***

Seven hours is a long time to try not to worry. I did sleep for a couple of hours, not well, but it was something. When I woke up, the waiting room was filled with students from Chino Prep. I recognized most of them. The two that stood out were Jeremy and Christina. Jeremy was giving me the
death stare
, and Christina, well, she looked like she understood. Had Allison told her about us? It didn’t matter anymore. I was no longer their teacher. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the wall, trying to forget about the dozens of eyes that kept glancing in my direction.

I hadn’t realized I dozed off again, but when my eyes snapped open, another hour had passed.

“There is still no update,” a voice said from next to me. I turned and was surprised to find Christina next to me. Jeremy was still across the room sitting with a small cluster of friends, some crying and some holding on to each other for support.

“Uh, thanks,” I stuttered. Christina smiled faintly, and I felt a little awkward.

She let out a long sigh and leaned her head closer to me. “Ali told me you dumped her as soon as you found out you’d be her teacher,” she stated. I didn’t know how I should respond, but I didn’t have to because she continued. “I knew she wasn’t over you, and then over winter break she
was alive again. It was like she didn’t know how to be happy without you, and you gave her joy again.”

I turned to face Christina straight on. “I never stopped loving her,” I whispered. She smiled and nodded. I had never talked to Christina before; she wasn’t one of my students. She was average height, about 5'4", and her shoulder-length blonde hair curled at the ends. She had dark green eyes, the color of emeralds, and a cute round face to set off her perky nose. Christina has a soothing voice filled with reason. There is no judgment in her; she seems loyal and compassionate.

“What are you going to do?” Her questioning was intense and almost as painful as my black eye.

“Well, between us.” I waited as she nodded again. “I quit Chino Prep and asked Allison to marry me.”

Christina’s well-guarded face turned into a mask of shock. She glanced over to Mr. Starr. “Does he know?” Her voice was low and almost harsh.