Teaching Roman (18 page)

“Let’s give them a minute,” Liam suggested, pulling Jills away.

“If you want me to stay, I will,” Cassie offered, but I shook my head. Then to my surprise Lil crossed to Liam and Jillian, leaving with them. It was only then that it hit me that they were giving me a private moment with Roman.

I
looked around for an out, but my friends had deserted me. I considered running, but that wasn't really my style. I needed to stay here and face this. I needed to face Roman and what happened between us if I was ever going to get over him. But as soon as I turned to face him, I regretted that decision as the feelings I still had for him washed over me. My knees went weak and my stomach flipped over. It was that peculiar combination of happiness and nerves I’d always felt when I ran into an ex for the first time after a break-up. Because deep down you're hoping to get back together or to discover they're as big of a mess without you as you are without them.

Roman didn't look like a mess though, much to my chagrin. He looked perfect. Sure there were dark circles under his eyes, but he probably got them staying up late to read. And he'd always looked better when he'd let his 5 o'clock shadow turned into sexy second day scruff. I could have eaten him up with a spoon if I could find even the barest ability to speak to him. Instead I stood there, feeling silly and girlish, while I waited for him to say something to me. For him to say anything.

"I assume that was Lil," Roman said.

It was the last topic of conversation I expected him to broach, but it was a safe topic nonetheless. I was less likely to break down sobbing if we talked about my sister. I smiled as I answered. "The one and only."

"Why didn't it occur to us to point out that we were both students?" he asked.

"Because it was too easy of an answer. Lil makes her living by finding the simplest argument to present to a jury," I reminded him. While the rest of us over-analyzed, worrying about every little decision we made, people like Lil saw the simple answer that was right under our noses.

"I guess you're right." Roman paused, providing me with a clear invitation to change the subject, but I still couldn't think of anything to say, so he continued. "But maybe part of the attraction was feeling like we were doing something wrong."

The butterflies in my stomach turned into a hive of pissed off bees. My anger practically wafted off of me. "Was that it? Tapping a student felt dirty to you?"

"Jess," Roman's voice was low with warning. "You know what I meant."

"No, actually, I don't. Not anymore. If you really think it was wrong of us to hook up, to, to..." I tried to say fall in love, but the words refused to come out of my mouth. "Then you're right, I guess that was part of the attraction."

"Maybe it was at first," he said. "You deserve to know that much. A man's mind isn't always the most chivalrous place in all the land. But we both know that it's more than that now."

"Wrong again," I said. I didn't even feel like crying as I confronted him. Instead I wanted to scream at him or slap him or curse or throw his shoes at him.

Great, I'd turned into Cassie without the fabulous sense of style.

"You know I'm in love with you!" His words were angry, passionate and unreserved, and his eyes reflected a stormy interior that he rarely allowed to break through to the surface.

"Are you?" I asked. It wasn't a question for me. It was one for him.

"I couldn't let you walk out on everything you worked for here, Jess. I couldn't let you take the fall so that I wouldn't get in trouble." Roman's hand shot out and grabbed my wrist, but I tried to wrench free. My anger churned into confusion and I didn't want him to see it any more than I didn't want to feel it. The only way to ensure neither of those things would happen was to get away while I still could, but Roman wouldn't release me.

"You let me walk out on you again," I said in a cold voice.

"And it almost killed me." His words were whispered vows. There was no mistaking the truth of them.

When I asked my next question it was in earnest. "Then why did you do it?"

"Because giving you up hurt, but I had to face the idea once before that I'd ruined your dreams, Jessica Stone. That was one time too many for me. I wasn't about to let it actually happen. You will graduate college and go to med school and continue to be amazing. But the only way you were going to do that was if I let you walk out that day.”

"What about what I wanted?” I asked. "I could have transferred. I wanted to."

Roman shook his head. "I couldn't let you do that. In fact, I came prepared today in case the board found you in violation of the university's ethics code."

He thrust an envelope into my hands. I turned it over, but the only thing on it was the school seal.

"It's a letter of withdrawal. If it came down to me staying at Olympic State or you, I knew exactly who needed to be here."

"But you just defended your dissertation."

"Yeah," he said. "And that's a collection of pages. You're the woman I love. I'll always choose you.”

“Maybe it’s too late for that,” I said, willing myself to stay strong.

“I know you’re hurt and I know I’ve screwed up, but I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you.”

My lip quivered, but I bit down on it so he wouldn’t see that I was near tears. “I’m sorry, Roman. I can’t.”

“Can’t what, Jessica?” he called after me as I fled from him. “Can’t forgive me or can’t take a chance?”

N
o one asked me what happened when I got back to the apartment. Jillian had occupied us by choosing outfits for our official end of the semester Garrett's night, which was also going to be an impromptu girls’ night. Cassie would be here any minute, and with any luck, I’d be too drunk to remember my own name–least of all Roman’s—in the next hour.

"You should bring Liam," I said to Jillian as she tossed a tank top at me.

"No way." She waved me off like this was no big sacrifice on her part.

"He's leaving for Scotland next week," I said.

Jills shot me a bright smile that was a little too Barbie-perfect to be believable. "All the more reason that I need to get used to him not being around."

I couldn't think of a thing to say to her. Jillian was in love with him and he was in love with her, and they were about to lose each other because they'd had the bad luck to be born on different continents.

"We want you to have a celebration," Jillian said. "Although maybe we'll do some boycatching for old times’ sake."

She laughed at this suggestion, bumping my hip as if to urge me to get excited about the prospect, but the idea of bringing home a random guy stabbed me straight through the chest. "Not really feeling that right now."

"Maybe a rebound is what you need," Jillian suggested.

"The last time I utilized a rebound guy, it didn't turn out so well," I said.

"Maybe some loose change?” Jillian said. "I mean there are always some hot guys at Garrett's who should be seen and not heard."

I tried really hard to crack a smile at that one. It definitely would have made me laugh any other night, but right now it felt like I'd been put through the ringer inside out. I wasn't myself.

"We want you to be happy, and we're willing to be your wing-girls if that's what it takes,” Jills promised.

"Just dance with me and make me laugh and make me forget..."

"Forget what?" Jills asked. She was challenging me, trying to make me see that the only way I was going to get over Roman was by admitting that he'd broken me in the first place. But I wasn't about to give in that easily.

"That I made a mistake." I meant it. I was certain of that.

The front door slammed shut and Jillian and I jumped. Cassie flew into the room a second later.

"Okay, I need you to just listen to what I have to say before you flip out," she said, her eyes trained on me.

Hearing those words out of Cassie's mouth was never a good sign. Her personal motto was Freak out and Panic on.

"I had to turn in a final paper for my Theories of Comm class."

I nodded, even though I already hated where this was going. Roman had ruined communications for me. It was going to be a long hard life without the use of I-statements, but I was done with the subject.

"Anyway," Cassie continued, "as I was leaving it in Professor White's box, I overheard the department secretary telling another instructor that Markson was leaving for Puerto Vallarta immediately."

"So?" I asked. “He’s running away from his problems to Mexico. It’s hardly the first time any of us had done that.

"No," Cassie said, shooting me the
you-promised-you'd-wait
look. "Apparently there's been a family emergency."

All the blood rushed out of my head, making me so dizzy I had to sit down as Cassie recounted the rest of the story.

"She didn't elaborate further than that."

"But you found out the rest, right?" Jillian asked.

My fingers were in my mouth as I waited for Cassie to confirm what I already knew.

"Of course, I did. This is me we're talking about," she said. "I put on my best sweet concerned student face and asked her if Markson was okay. I may have mentioned he was my favorite teacher and I was
sooooo
worried."

"Nice," Jillian said. I couldn't help but notice that Cassie didn't mind Jillian's interruptions as much as she seemed to mind mine.

"Jess, it's Aba," Cassie confessed in a whisper.

I knew that, of course. I'd known since she said he'd gone back to Puerto Vallarta, because Roman had told me he only got down there once a year if he was lucky. If he was going back this soon, something had to be wrong.

"Did she know how bad it was?" I asked Cassie.

"She told me that she expected he would stay down there until final arrangements had been made."

A choke escaped my body and I clutched my chest, trying to hold the rest of them back. "She's dead?"

"I don't think so," Cassie said. "But it sounds like it won't be long. She said Roman would be lucky to make it in time."

I didn't think. I was on my feet and in my dresser drawer before Jillian could wrap me in a hug or Cassie could give me any more details.

"What are you doing?" Jillian asked, moving to stand next to me as I rummaged through my drawers, tossing underwear on the floor, until my fingers closed over what I was seeking.

I flashed her my passport in response to her question.

"I thought he was a mistake," she reminded me.

“It was!" I said. "And it wasn’t. He's...
he's my family
. I need to be there."

Jillian and Cassie said nothing else they simply flew to action helping me pack. All they knew was that I needed their help. They didn't need to understand how confused I was about Roman. They'd been there themselves. Besides, that was the one thing I could always count on with them. In the end, there were no questions. When we needed each other, we were always there.

Cassie began rattling off flight times.

“I don’t care which one,” I said, tossing her my credit card. A flight down there would eat up the rest of my available balance, but I knew with absolute certainty that I needed to go. Roman needed me. He’d tried to tell me that this afternoon and I’d ignored him.

“Crap!” I stopped packing and banged my fist into my dresser. “I took my car in for maintenance. We’ll have to go get it.”

“It’s too late. They’ll be closed,” Cassie reminded me. “I’ll need to check the ferry schedule and the sounder.”

I swallowed back a scream of frustration. “I can call a cab.”

“That will cost a small fortune,” Cassie said. “If only I still had Trevor’s credit card.”

“The world would be in another financial crisis if you still had his credit card,” Jillian said as she zipped my suitcase shut. I grabbed it from her and started hauling ass to the living room where I’d left my cell phone.

“It’s called helping the economy rebound,” Cassie argued with Jills as they followed me into the living room.

“Wait!” Jillian snapped her fingers. “Lil!”

“I am not calling my sister in on this one,” I said emphatically.

“She can’t be far,” Jillian said, as she tugged her cell phone out of her pocket. “And luckily, I have her number.”

“Don’t you dare, Jillian Nichols!”

Jillian danced away from me, holding the phone out of reach while she pulled up Lil’s number. I lunged for her, but Cassie blocked me.

“Let people help you,” she advised me.

I took a step back and thought about what she was really saying. Somehow I managed to keep my mouth shut as Jillian sweet talked Lil into being my personal taxi cab again.

“Done! She’s on her way!” Jillian said, waving the phone like it was a prize.

“She’s going to flip out when she finds out where I’m going,” I whined.

“I’m guessing she already knows,” Cassie said, dropping an arm around my shoulders.

“And how would she know that?”

“Because, much like my best friend Jessica Stone, Lillian Stone is not an idiot.”

L
illian Stone might not be an idiot, but she wasn’t exactly a free ride either. Something she reminded me of as soon as I jumped into the passenger side of her Lexus. She was still dressed for the hearing in her tailored, black dress suit, but she’d added a blue tooth headset. Instead of getting a two hour lecture about following Roman to Mexico, she spent most of the trip, taking phone calls and setting up appointments. When she finally pulled the headset off, she stared me down for at least a full minute, never once swerving, even as she drove.

“This time I feel like I really do need to tell you not to get pregnant,” she said.

“I’ve learned my lesson there,” I promised her. “And I’m only going for moral support. Aba is like a mother to Roman, and she’ll expect me to be with him.”

“Did he ask you to come?” Lil asked me.

I shook my head no. I couldn’t quite bring myself to tell her that he didn’t even know I was going.

“So why are you doing this?”