Tear (A Seaside Novel) (18 page)

I didn’t know I had been staring at him, or that anyone had seen.

My eyes flickered back to Demetri. He saw the entire thing. As if it spurred him on even more, he belted out the final part of the chorus. Tears stung at the back of my eyes.

When they were done, it was impossible to hear yourself think. People went crazy. They wouldn’t stop clapping.

And then both Alec and Demetri were gone.

“May I have this dance?” Demetri whispered in my ear from behind me.

I turned around and threw my arms around his neck. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”

“I wasn’t sure I could.” Demetri held me in his arms and kissed me softly across the mouth. “I found out around noon that I could make it up here, but I’ve gotta fly back out in a few hours.”

“You flew here for me?” I gulped.

Demetri laughed and nuzzled my neck. “I would do anything for you. Don’t you see that already?”

Guilt flared in my chest again, my eyes were swimming with tears, and then I saw Alec across the room. He gave a slight nod as if giving permission and I hated him for it. I hated him and loved him so much it hurt.

How did this happen in the real world? I always laughed at people who said they liked more than one guy at the same time. Well, what about love? Nobody could tell me what I was feeling wasn’t real. If anything, it was too real, too much, and so fast. I felt like I was drowning.

What do you do when you’re drowning but the only way to be free is to hold on to the one thing in all the world you’re afraid won’t be able to keep both of you afloat? That was how I viewed Demetri. He was all over the place, unreadable, uncontrollable.

I sighed heavily into his chest.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” Demetri laughed and kissed my forehead.

I shrugged. “I just miss you, that’s all.”

“I miss you, too.” His eyes brightened as his mouth descended and covered mine. His kiss was welcome. It helped me forget Alec. I kissed him back, hard, as hard as I could without mauling him on the dance floor.

He groaned, his arms coming around me, and then he was lifting me and twirling me in circles as he kissed me.

“Can we go?” I asked when he pulled back.

“Are you sure?” he looked nervous, his eyes glancing at all the people around us. I needed to be with him. Alone. I needed confirmation that this was right, what we were doing was right.

“Yes.”

“Your carriage awaits.” He tucked my arm within his and escorted me out of the gym. The late October air bit at my face and I hid in the safety of Demetri’s arms.

I jumped in the car and was ridiculously grateful that my boyfriend had heated seats. I turned mine on full blast and shivered.

“You look hot tonight, Nat.” Demetri gave me a seductive grin that I felt all the way down to my toes as we drove out of the parking lot.

“Where are we going?”

“Where do you want to go?”

I shrugged. “I just want to be with you.”

Demetri’s face relaxed as he drove down the street toward home. “Good, I want that too.”

The house was dark when we drove up. I looked for any other cars but Alec hadn’t come back from the dance yet.

Nervous, I unbuckled my seatbelt and followed Demetri up the stairs. He threw the keys on the counter and grabbed my hand.

“I heard you slept in my bed,” he murmured into my hair as he pushed open his door.

“It’s possible.” I grinned, shielding my mind from the memory of the nightmare.

“Did you wear my clothes too?”

“Yup.”

He groaned. “Ah, you are killing me, girl.” His fingers were threading through my hair. “You’re so damn beautiful, Nat. And you don’t even know it. You don’t see what everyone else sees. This beautiful, bright girl — you’re like the sun.”

“The sun?” I repeated.

“I want to revolve around you.”

Whoa, that’s bordering on very serious and possessive. Demetri stumbled a bit as he tugged at my hair. His mouth tasted like alcohol, had he been drinking before he sang? His mouth was on mine before I could protest. Nimble fingers found the back of my dress and began to unzip. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to pull away or step further into his embrace. His tongue flicked my teeth and then plunged into my mouth, forcing me to either kiss him back or jerk away.

I kissed him back. I decided not to think as I curved my body into his and matched his kiss as best I could. Another moan escaped and I realized it was me. My dress dropped to the floor. I was freezing. This was too fast. What was I doing? He made me feel things, good things, but it was always so confusing with Demetri. I always had to think about it.

With Alec, it was easy.

And that was the problem.

With Demetri I had to rationalize, I had to plan ahead, I had to think. With Alec, thinking wasn’t even possible. It was instinct.

“No.” I pushed at Demetri’s chest. He backed up and cursed.

“Sorry, Nat. I didn’t mean to get out of control.” He looked almost horrified that my dress was off of me. Gone was the seducer of hundreds of women. “Nat, damn.” Demetri tugged the dress back up and quickly zipped me. I’m sorry, I’m just used to more. I’m sorry.”

Why was he apologizing so much? “Demetri, you’re fine.” I kissed him briefly on the cheek and pulled him into a hug. “It got out of hand, it’s fine.”

His eyes were filled with pain. He cursed and for some reason trembled beneath my touch. “What’s wrong?”

“I just promised, that’s all.”

“You promised?”

He nodded. “Myself. I promised I wouldn’t have sex with another girl unless I knew for sure.”

“Knew what for sure?”

Okay, these boys were beyond secretive.

He swallowed and looked away. “You like him.”

“Him?”

Demetri rolled his eyes and softly pushed me away. “Nat, I’m not stupid. We’ve alluded to this conversation many times before. It’s always the same. I feel like I’m fighting this invisible battle, and you make it that much worse when you pretend to be ignorant.”

“Alec,” I breathed.

Demetri didn’t look at me. “Has he kissed you?”

Goodbye,
Alec.
“Yes,” I mumbled, wanting to be shot on the spot. “But, he told me he wasn’t good for me, he pushed me away, we both decided we were better friends. It was a mistake.”

The words were flying out of my mouth so fast I wasn’t even sure he heard everything.

Demetri stared out the window a long time. “I just don’t get it. I don’t understand why it always has to be like this.”

“Like what?” Maybe he would finally tell me what was bothering both of them so much. Starting with why they were here.

He shook his head. “I need to change, Nat. My flight leaves in an hour.” He quickly peeled off his shirt. I gasped.

“What?” He braced my shoulders. “Are you okay?”

“Your, um, your tattoo.” Forget similar. The tattoo was identical to Alec’s. Hands held a heart within them and thought I didn’t know Latin, the words looked the same. Why would they have the exact same tattoo? What did that mean? I touched it. He flinched as if in pain. “What does it say?”

Demetri exhaled and looked away. “My heart will be yours forever.”

I choked back a sob as tears filled my eyes. “Just like Alec’s.”

His eyes flashed and then he grabbed my arm and pulled our bodies together until there was no space separating us. “I’m nothing like Alec.”

What just happened? I tried to pull away but he held me firm in his grasp. “Please, Nat. I’m not him, I’m not him.” Demetri closed his eyes and touched his forehead to mine. “I was never him. She knew that, but it didn’t matter. I just want to be me. Love
me
.”

“Did I ask you to be him?” I said weakly.

Demetri tilted my chin and brushed a soft kiss across my lips. “No, Baby. It’s not what you said. This is all me, my shitty baggage. Got it?”

“Got it,” I mumbled, though it was clear I really didn’t get anything. I didn’t understand his mood swings, why he was so secretive and why he would go all crazy saying he wasn’t Alec.

“You okay?” I rubbed my hand across his smooth face then brought my lips to his. His kiss was hungry. He pushed me against the wall and again his nimble hands moved to my back to unzip my dress. Okay, what the heck? Déjà vu much? His skilled whorish hands had me out of my dress in seconds. It pooled at my feet. He lifted me off the ground and lifted my hips grabbing my butt in the process and making it impossible for me not to straddle him. I was still wearing my heels but only had my lingerie on. The very same lingerie that Alesha convinced me I should wear that night.

Demetri moaned as one of his hands held me in place while he pushed harder against me and began caressing the delicate lace of my bra. His hands were hot against my cool skin and even though it felt so good It was also all wrong.

“Demetri,” I panted. “What’s wrong? Remember, slow?” His kisses assaulted my senses as he swirled his tongue down the side of my neck. This was wrong. Something was terribly wrong. “Demetri,” I repeated, this time trying to sound sterner. Yes, he was hot, and of course it felt good, I mean I’m in high school. I’m no saint. I mean, until this year I hadn’t even been kissed, and now I felt like a giant hussy.

He groaned and began tugging on my panties. “No!” I didn’t mean to shout, it just came out. His hands froze, he cursed and I nearly fell to the floor from the abruptness of his release.

“You need to go, Nat.” He had his back turned to me.

“What the heck was that?” Goosebumps raised across my arms from the sudden chill in the room.

“Nothing.”

“Demetri.” I walked up behind him and wrapped my arms around his stomach. “Talk to me.”

“I just wanted you first.”

I blinked a few times trying to allow the information to digest into my fuzzy brain. “First?”

“Before everything happens.” His rigid muscles were rippling with tension beneath my palms. I broke out into a cold sweat.

“What are you talking about? Are you high? On drugs? Before what happens?”

For as long as I live, I will never forget the look in Demetri’s eyes. The way his pupils grew, almost dilating to the outside part of his blue irises. His mouth set in a grim line and his shoulders almost slumped as if he was in severe pain and didn’t want to scream but would hold it in until it exploded, shattering him from the inside out.

I noticed his hand clench at his side, and then he brought it to my face and closed his eyes momentarily. Why was his hand shaking?

“I’ll always love you,” he whispered.

I put my hand over his holding it in place against my cheek. “Demetri, I love you.” I needed him to know how I felt. And it was all true, I knew it was true. I’d never felt so strong for anyone except Alec, but this clearly wasn’t the time or place to say something like that.

“I know.” Demetri smiled sadly and exhaled. “I’ll see you in another week or so, okay?”

“Okay.” I shivered and went to put on my dress, then felt warm hands pull me back into a hug.

“I’ll miss you,” he croaked. I nodded numbly and watched him pop something into his mouth.

“What are you taking?”

“Pain killers,” He rolled his eyes, “Because I’m in pain, Nat.”

I waited for him to say something else but he just threw the prescription pills back onto the bed and turned to face me again. He bit his lip and pulled out his phone.

“Gotta go, Nat.” He opened his mouth. I needed him to explain to me what was happening, but instead all I got was a, “I’ll text you.”

Why did it suddenly feel like I was dying? Why did my heart constrict as if he was saying goodbye?

I walked home in a haze of confusion. Forget Alec confusing me. Demetri took the cake in that arena. My heart felt sick, the kind of sick you get when you don’t know whether you want to throw up or go lie down and have a good cry. I stumbled up the stairs to my room and lay down on my bed. After a few minutes my eyes felt heavy. I allowed myself to succumb to the darkness, which was really the problem in the first place, wasn’t it? I allowed myself to succumb — to everything.

Chapter Twenty

Sunday came and went with nothing exciting to report other than the fact that my heart felt like lead, and every time I texted Demetri he refused to answer me. Odd, because he had always been really good about getting back to me when I chatted. But he was teaching, so it was possible he was super busy.

Later that night I was so viciously bored, considering my ultra-expensive phone wasn’t buzzing at me, that I turned on TV.

Rumor has it that the D in band AD2 has been seen sneaking around town with someone other than his girlfriend. Our sources tell us that Anjelica Greene was spotted leaving the star’s hotel room in the wee hours of the morning this morning with a very satisfied grin on that picture perfect face. Has the rock
star dumped the local hottie? Stay tuned to find out!

What. The. Hell.

I threw the remote onto the couch and ran over to the guys’ house. I lifted my hand to bang on the door when it suddenly flew open, revealing a very shirtless Alec. Well, no one ever said life was fair, or easy, or awesome.

“What the heck is his problem!” I roared, stomping into the house like a woman on the edge.

“Good evening to you too,” Alec muttered behind me.

I ignored him. “First he’s all trying to take advantage of me at your house, then spouting nonsense about you and me, and then…” I began to feel hysterical. “He said that he wanted to be first. Of course, that was after his second attempt at getting me out of my dress and into his bed, and then he wouldn’t let me go, and then he got all weird and I saw pills and freaked. It was like he was saying goodbye. More like,
Sorry Nat, but I’m gonna go screw some movie star instead!
” I felt tears coming on but fought them back, allowing my anger to take over. “I’ve been heart-broken for almost forty-eight hours thinking I’ve done something tragic to him and he’s, he’s—”

“Nat,” Alec interrupted, his voice severe. “Stop.”

“No!” I whipped around and charged toward him, finally poking him in the chest. “You don’t get to tell me what to do! You rejected me! Twice — wait, three times!”