Temptation (Journal of the Wolves of Spruce Hollow) (22 page)

It felt like our bond was more intimate and solid than it had been before he left Spruce Hollow.

I wondered if Roan felt the same way?

If the bracelet he’d given me for Christmas was any indication, I would have to say that he felt it too.

Walking to my bedroom door, I stopped and listened. Roan was in his bedroom, I could hear him dropping his rucksack on the floor, so I took a big breath and opened the door to peer down the hall.

Startled, I jumped and let out a little frightened squeak as Roan was standing in the hallway, right outside my door. Man, he was fast. 

He laughed as he walked into my room.“Hi little girl, miss me?” he said, as he picked me up and swung me around my room in a great big bear hug. 

“Yes, I did. I’m so glad you’re home Roan!” I said as I tried to wrap my arms around his muscular upper body to hug him back and failed miserable, he was just too wide. He smiled down at me, his blue eyes shinning with emotion as I hugged him as best I could and laid my head on his chest. He nuzzled my hair, inhaling deeply and set me down gently on the floor.

“I see you’re getting ready for your New Years party at Sorcha’s,” he said as he took in my hair and makeup. 

“Is this where you tell me that I can’t go?” I asked nervously. 

“No, I want you to go, Aspen. You’re young and beautiful. I want you to go and have a great time tonight.” 

“Um, Roan, are you feeling alright? You’re acting kind of “un- Roan like,” I said suspiciously. 

“Nope, I’m feeling just fine. I guess I must have missed you or something, pretty girl,” he said as he held me at arms length and regarded me with a strange look in his eyes.

Wow, he was in a great mood. I hadn’t seen this version of Roan in quite some time.

It was just too weird, like something was up. This was not the Roan I’d known for the past year and a half.

This was more like the old Roan, the happy, carefree one from my childhood.

“Where were you guys all day anyway? I thought you got back at lunch time?” I asked. I was hurt that he hadn't come home sooner to see me and was anxious to hear where he'd been. Although I'm sure what he considered a good excuse and what I considered one were two different things. Weres!

“I met up with some of the guys from the pack and we went out drinking to celebrate with the new Were on successfully joining the pack.”

Ah ha, I knew Roan wasn’t acting like himself and that explained
everything
! Roan had been drinking with his pack brothers, that’s what accounted for his jubilant mood. It explained everything perfectly: the smiling, the happiness, and the relaxed attitude towards me going out to Sorcha’s party.

I had rarely seen Roan while under the influence of alcohol, as he kept me sheltered from any unsavory behavior that he might engage in while he was out with the pack. My mind was racing with this new information; I wondered how much I could get away with, with him like this? Would he let me stay out later? Go on a date with Justin? Or maybe even give me something that I wanted so much more?

“I really missed you while you were gone, Roan,” I said as I stepped closer to him.

He just stood there, so I took another step closer. He still didn’t move away.

My hormones were racing at our proximity. I wondered if he would let me touch him? Swallowing whatever nervousness I had, I threw caution to the wind and grabbed Roan’s hand and pulled him closer to me until our bodies met. I hadn't been this close, physically, to him in a very long time. His body felt warm and solid against mine as he looked down at me, his eyes hooded with an unnamed emotion. Desire maybe?

“Aspen, what are you doing?” he said as he halfheartedly tried to pull away from me. I had no idea what had gotten into me and possessed me to behave in such a manner but I knew that unless Roan physically restrained me, there was no way I was going to stop.

His full lips were curled up in one corner, like he found my behavior amusing but I could feel his erection through his jeans, so maybe it meant something else entirely?

“Don’t you like me Roan? I like you,” I said softly as I looked up into his blue eyes. 

“Aspen…” he said in a semi patronizing tone, but he still wasn’t pulling away from me. So, that was a good sign.

This was it, my chance to get physically and emotionally closer to him and I was going for it with both barrels blazing.

“I want to kiss you Roan. I want you so badly. Don’t you want me,” I asked, my voice silky and smooth.

Roan stood, cocked his head and regarded me intensely for a moment, as if he was deciding something important in his head. I held my breath as I waited for his answer.

Oh, please say 'Yes', Roan, please. I’m on fire for you.

After what seemed like an eternity of us just staring at one another, finally he spoke:

“Have a good time at your party, Aspen,” he said suddenly as he pulled away from me and stalked out of my bedroom.

Damn it all!

I pushed too hard. I was too eager and wanting when I threw myself at him. And even though it stung to have him walk away from me, there was no way I was finished. Now normally, the old Aspen would have just died of embarrassment but something had changed within me in the past month and a half with regards to Roan. I couldn't put my finger on it but having him walk away from me this time, it almost felt like he was taking something that was rightfully mine. 

And it left me feeling more aggravated and kind of pissed off, rather than anything else.

I had no idea what was happening to me anymore.

The only thing I did know was that right now, I was fuming mad at Roan. I mean, how dare he walk away from me? How dare he send me hot and cold signals until my head felt like it was going to pop off?

I wanted him and he wanted me. 

He did too; I could feel it emanating from him and it seeped deep inside my bones. He’d even had a raging hard on when we were close to one another, for cripes sake!

Sexually frustrated and angry, I stomped off towards Roan’s room to find his door closed. But it made no matter, I would not be stopped from getting what was rightfully mine.

 
Oh my god, did I just say that Roan was MINE?

What in the heck was wrong with me?

Wrenching the door open, I found Roan standing by his dresser, naked from the waist up. I stopped short, my frantic quest temporarily sidetracked, as my breath caught in my throat.

***

S
till reeling Roan's abrupt departure from my room, I refused to be shot down so easily. I already had my hand in the cookie jar, I wasn't leaving until I could taste the chocolate chip goodness on my tongue.

Opening his bedroom door, I was greeted by a shirtless Roan getting dressed to go back out. He was, by far, the most beautiful man I’d ever seen in my entire life, which was saying a lot because we lived with a large pack of physically unblemished Weres. There wasn’t an ugly or physically unattractive Were in the entire bunch. Genetically speaking, they were flawless specimens of human physical fitness.

Roan’s body was perfect, hard and lean, as I stared at his chest, my eyes full of naked desire. My gaze roamed from his hard pecs to his six-pack and hard, tattooed biceps, and back again.

I drank him in but it wasn’t enough. I wanted to lick him everywhere.

“Jesus, Aspen! I’m changing here. Get the hell out!” he roared at me.

“I don’t give a crap, Roan. This needs to stop. You need to stop. I know you care about me, I don’t know how or why but I can feel it inside me. I like you too, so stop being such a coward and do something about it! I’m not going to wait around for you forever, you know. Why do you push me away, only to pull me back again? I can’t take it anymore, Roan. Either you want me or you don’t. Make up your damn mind!” I was breathless with the conviction and passion with which I’d uttered my little speech.

I stood my ground and stared at him right in the eye, waiting for a response. He just looked at me, his blue eyes dark as he held his shirt in his hand.

We stood and stared at one other for what felt like forever. Neither of us spoke, we just took in the others face, lips, eyes, hair, until Roan finally threw the shirt on his bed and stalked towards me like an animal hunting his prey.

My heart was pounding in my ears as he grabbed me by the upper arms and roughly shoved me against the wall. He was rough with me as he crushed me with his body and I let out a little “
ouff
” sound as his weight forced the air from my lungs.

We stayed like this, neither one of us moving, until he leaned down and whispered darkly into my ear: “You think you can handle me, little girl? You’re wrong. I would break you in half. I would fuck you until you cried. You are too young and too immature for me. You need to grow up first, then we can talk”.

He nipped my shoulder sharply as he pulled away and walked back over to his bed, thinking that he had frightened me; that I would back down and run away screaming like a little girl to my bedroom.

He obviously didn't know me that well any more.

I was a tempestuous bundle of sensual need, teenaged hormones and horniness, not a frightened six-year-old girl that sat on his lap eating cookies.

“You think you can scare me, is that what you’re trying to do here? Scare me away from the big bad Roan? Nice try but I’ve known you my entire life. You wouldn’t hurt me. You wouldn't dare. You are incapable of hurting me, Roan. You want me and I want you, you idiot! So what if I’m too young for you? Who cares? I don’t care, shouldn’t that be an important deciding factor here before you send me on my merry way?”

He was quiet. So very quiet as we stood in the silence of his bedroom. What was running through his mind? Why wasn't he talking? He just stood and stared at me, still plastered against the wall, in his steady half pissed off, half amused stare.

I was clinging to the precipice of desperation, struggling hard to maintain control over my newfound emotions but I could feel myself slowly slipping down into the sheer blackness of hopelessness and volatile distress.

Desperate and on the verge of weeping uncontrollably, I was nearly ready to beg Roan to love me.

Please love me Roan. Oh god, please.

I didn’t know where all these overwhelming emotions had come from but it felt like a damn had been split wide open inside of me, with all my longing and desire for Roan rushing forward like a tidal wave and pooling in my veins.

My lower lip was trembling as we stared at one another from across the room. I was holding on by a thread when his deep voice finally broke the silence in the room: “There are things going on here, Aspen, that you do not fully understand. It’s not time yet. Now, you need to leave my room and go get ready for your party” He turned his back on me and continued getting dressed, effectively dismissing me.

“Nooo,” I screamed at him, my vision clouding as my fury and tears ran, unchecked, down my face. I was wounded inside, my heart broken from this terrible unrequited love and desire that had infected my soul.

Roan had hit me in my most vulnerable spot, my heart. But I did not react in a weak, defenseless manner.

Oh no, I did not.

My youthful inexperience and my newly acquired tide of emotional longing and desire laid waste to any rational thought inside me and forced a savage reaction to Roan’s rejection. Stalking over to him, I started swinging blindly and screaming at him, “I hate you, Roan. I hate you. This is not what's supposed to happen. You’re supposed to be mine!” I wept.

Where were these voices, these thoughts and feelings coming from?

I had no idea, all I knew was that bitter tears of disappointment fell down my face until I feared there’d be nothing left of me. I wanted to hit Roan and hurt him like he was hurting me inside.

“Aspen, stop! What the hell has gotten into you?” Roan said as he moved away from my flailing hands and pushed me towards his bed.

I half fell, half landed on the bed and he was on me like lightning, straddling me and holding my arms down beside my head. “Aspen, look at me,” he said as he forced me to look at him, ”don’t you ever hit me, do you understand me, little girl? You and I do not hit one another, under any circumstances.
Ever
. What the hell do you want from me Aspen? Jesus, you’re not even done high school yet. What the hell do you want? Tell me, please, because I can’t stand it when you’re freaking out like this,” he said as he peered down at me.

He was so close and heavy, his upper body laid out over mine. There was no way that I was getting away from him unless he wanted me to. He completely physically dominated me in every sense of the word. I was held totally immobile by his arms and legs.

I looked up at him, towering over me and the words escaped my mouth before I even had the chance to check with my brain to see if it was a good idea first.

“Kiss me,” I said, the words floating gently through the space between us.

He stared at me hard, incredulous, his left eyebrow raised. “Kiss you?”

Nodding imperceptibly, I looked up at his beautiful, stormy blue eyes but I couldn’t read his emotions. His face was a mask of impassivity as he looked down at me. I could barely breathe with him so close to me; he seemed to suck up all the air in the room.

“Yes, I want you to kiss me” I whispered seductively.

“Who are you and what have you done with Aspen?” Roan asked, a look of unadulterated humor marring his perfect features as he held my face in both his hands and peered deeply into my eyes.

I was mesmerized and couldn't look away from him. I couldn't even blink as we stared at one another.

What is he doing to me?

Roan was calling to me in some way, I was sure of it. There were no words exchanged between the two of us but it felt like Roan was saying something to me, deep inside my head. I could hear the sounds, I just couldn’t quite make out the words.

“Almost, but not quite there yet, huh?” Roan said softly.

“What?” I said, feeling dazed.

“It’s classified, I’ll tell you when you’re older,” Roan said in a resigned tone, “Okay, so you want to kiss me, then you’ll leave, go to the party and stop with this entire thing, right?”