Temptation (Journal of the Wolves of Spruce Hollow) (25 page)

No, not Roan.

No, he’d lie in wait for me, in the woods just beyond the farmhouse, then would stalk me on the way home and wait for his chance to get me into the open so he could chase me down and pounce on me in wolf form.

I knew what that asshole was like, it was all just a game. So, as long as I was under Sorcha’s roof, I was safe. I just needed to stay here long enough for the bus station to open so I could buy a ticket and get the hell out of this one horse (and many werewolves) town. The further away I was from Roan, the better off I would be.

I was sure of it.

“This is my cousin, Taylor. Remember I told you about him?” Sorcha said as she introduced me to a male version of herself. He was a similarly blonde haired, tall and blue-eyed. He was also handsome, with classic features and an attractive wide smile, which was really no surprise, considering he was related to Sorcha.

Honestly, that family must have the DNA of a Norse god swimming around in their veins or something. They were all tall, blond and beautiful, every single last one of them.

As my hand got lost in Taylor’s larger, firmer handshake, he started gesturing towards his frat brothers and introducing each one of them in turn. I didn’t really care to meet any of them, truthfully, even though a couple of them were male model worthy. Troll, male model, what did it matter to me? I still managed to paste on an artificial smile and nodded politely as he introduced each of them.

There were five frat boys all together, three business administration undergrads, one English major working towards his teaching degree and a Philosophy major. All five of them were squeaky clean looking, all American boy types. That is with the exception of the Philosophy major.

The Philosophy major was dark and brooding looking with light blue eyes and dark hair. He sort of reminded me of Roan with his dominant stance and steely gaze. He wasn’t quite as tall as Roan though but he was just as powerfully built with broad shoulders and a straight back. His face was handsome with full lips and a wolfish grin.

He looked me right in the eyes and held my gaze, as I was introduced to his other frat brothers.

Dude, stare much?

As Taylor finally got to him and introduced us, I found it hard to look him in the eyes, uncomfortable with his bold gaze, while he raked his eyes up and down my body. He was sizing me up, I could feel it as he smiled this lopsided grin and held out his hand in greeting.

It was almost as if I was amusing to him in some way.

We shook hands and his grip was firm and dominant. I tried to let go before he did, but he held my hand a second longer, then let me go.

Like a big bossy jerk, just like Roan. Except for this bossy jerks name was Jude. What kind of name was that anyway? Maybe his parents were hippies? I felt like singing “Hey Jude” by the Beatles but the Jude in front of me didn’t seem like the type that laughed very often. He obviously liked to be in control though. I bet he got laid quite often with his dark, brooding, hunky male model, tortured soul vibe he had going on.

Sorcha and I stood around and made small talk with the frat boys for a while, until Sorcha heard a song she liked and gleefully drug me off to dance on the makeshift dance floor in the middle of the barn.

Frankly, I was relieved to get away from Taylor and his frat buddies but I’m sure they weren’t lonely for very long as the local Spruce Hollow girls had been hovering and glaring at Sorcha and I the entire time we stood around talking to them. I was getting tired of taking in their envious, catty looks and wanted to scream out “It’s her cousin for cripes sakes!!”

“Aren’t my cousin’s friends dreamy? Sorcha says as she grabbed me by the hand and spun me around on the dance floor. 

“Yeah, I guess so.” 

“Oh my god, you guess so? How can you say that Aspen? A couple of them are
Wall Worthy
for crying out loud!”

When Sorcha and I were younger, we had devised our own rating system of attractiveness for the guys we met and being deemed “Wall Worthy” was the highest level you could possibly attain. It simply meant that you were so smoking hot that you belonged in an underwear ad pinned up on our wall, like David Beckham.

“Really, you think so? Which ones?” 

“Well, I’d say my cousin because he’s really cute, but that would be totally gross. So, I’d have to say Ryan, the English Major and Jude, the Philosophy guy who is staring at you right now as we speak,” she said with a cheeky grin on her face.

She was right, I could feel Jude’s gaze on me the entire time we’d been dancing on the dance floor. Since we’d left their group, I’d not felt his eyes stray from my direction, not once. Not even when their group was inundated with intoxicated, provocatively attired young girls at the party.

Now, any girl in her right mind would have been flattered by Jude’s obvious interest, because he was a really nice looking guy, but I just didn’t give a crap about him or anyone else right now.

Frankly, I just wished he would look at someone, anyone, rather than me.

The night drug on interminably. It seemed like midnight would never come. Sorcha flirted with her cousins frat brothers all night, while I stood there and played the part of the supportive “wing man”. I wore an unnatural, fake smile plastered on my face the entire night but the frat boys didn’t seem to notice, every single one of them was entranced by the beauty that was Sorcha.

That is, no one noticed, except for Jude.

Jude watched me like a hawk all evening, staring at me boldly with his steely blue eyes. He didn’t even have the courtesy to look away, when I caught his gaze and openly stared back at him. We just stood there staring at one another all night like predator and prey.

I felt irritated. 

I just wanted to be left alone to wallow in my misery, so I brazenly walked over to him while shooting him my best snooty, stuck up look. It wasn’t one that I used, well, ever, because I was at the bottom of the social ladder in high school but I hoped it had it’s desired effect this time around.

“Look, Jude, I’m sure you’re used to girls falling at your feet en masse, but I’m not going to be one of those girls. Ever. So quit it with the staring, ok? It's getting on my nerves.” I said sarcastically.

I stood expectantly and waited for his retort. Maybe he would be angry and deny my accusations. Maybe he would just brush it off, like I was imaging things and he wasn’t actually staring at me all night, at all, but at some girl standing right behind me or something.

Either way, I didn’t care.

I just wanted him to stop looking at me, it was starting to tick me off and my mood was black enough as it was.

“Well, just look at you, you’re like a wet kitten, all sputtering and full of fury, aren’t you? “ he said, his voice deep and smooth like honey poured over gravel. It didn’t match his handsome face at the moment, which was wearing a look of deep amusement, like a cat toying with a tiny mouse.

I wasn’t sure what was so comical, but there was something about Jude that made me feel very unsettled and uncomfortable.

“Look, I don’t know what your deal is, buddy, but back off. I’m not interested,” I said as sternly as possible. 

“When I see something I want, I can be a very patient man, Aspen,” he said, his eyes boring into mine as he picked up my hand, raised it to his lips and kissed the knuckles gently.

I was stupefied as he shot me a devilish grin and turned away from me, stalking over towards some curvy brunette who’d been trying to get his attention all night.

“What the heck was that? He kissed my hand?? Who even does that anymore?
” I thought to myself as I curiously watched the brunette giggle and preen under the watchful gaze of Jude’s devilish eyes.

 How much of a womanizer was this brooding, handsome Jude anyway?

“If I could have everyones attention, it’s almost midnight and if I could, I’d like to direct all of you to the back of the house for the big finale!” Sorcha’s father announced into the dj’s microphone at ten minutes to twelve.

Thank god, it was finally time for the big New Years’ Eve countdown, which brought me one step closer to getting the hell out of Spruce Hollow and away from Roan for good!

“Oh my gosh, Aspen, this is so exciting, let’s go get a good spot,” Sorcha squealed as she grabbed me by the arm and towed me along to the backyard.

The area behind the barn quickly filled up with a sea of people, all packing in to see the fireworks show that was rumored to be the most exciting thing part of the evening. Sorcha’s parents had spared no expense and had even flown in a pyrotechnics expert from some big city back East.

Sorcha and I were huddled together against the cold, while partygoers jockeyed for position for the best vantage point with which to view the fireworks. The crowd was blaring and excited as the dj led the countdown with the crowd counting down in earsplitting unison to the beginning to the brand new year.

I had always liked this part, the countdown. It was the moment of rebirth, a time to embrace new possibilities. No matter how bad your year had been, you could always start over on New Years Eve.

But not this year. No, the possibility of starting over didn’t exist for me here in Spruce Hollow. Roan had seen to that.

The fireworks started up just as the countdown came to an end and the crowd gasped in awe as they were treated to a spectacular lightshow. Sorcha’s parents had truly gone all out in planning out the details. From the music accompanying the fireworks to the firework selection itself. It was a show to rival any big city fireworks show brought right to our little slice of the world.

The firework show was beautiful and yet I felt nothing inside. No warmth, no joy. No amazement at the bursts of color and flashes of light in the cold, dark sky above me. I even saw my favorite firework, “Heaven’s staircase”, and it meant nothing to me.

That was another life and another me that loved fireworks. This version of me only cared about getting far, far away from Spruce Hollow and leaving this doleful existence behind me.

S
tanding near the barn, chatting with Sorcha’s mother, I noticed it was well after midnight and the crowd was finally starting to thin out a little. I’d wished that I’d had a bullhorn so I could yell out “Go the hell home, the party is over people, move along now” but figured Sorcha’s parents probably wouldn’t be too happy with me.

Sorcha had gone off somewhere with one of the frat boys, the English major I think, and had left me to my own devices. I wasn’t upset that she had ditched me, though, because it meant I didn’t have to pretend anymore and could drop my “cheerful Aspen” façade.

I wondered if Sorcha had decided that New Years Eve was the perfect time to give up her virginity to the frat boy hunk? Naw, I was doubtful about that but I was still glad that she had left with him. My duty as Sorcha’s wingman had been fulfilled.

Frankly, it was exhausting pretending to be happy all evening while in reality; I was walking around with a big, black gaping hole where my heart had been. I just wanted to be alone with my misery and my hostile, murderous thoughts of Roan and his whore running through my head.

How I hated them both.

Without Sorcha and the frat boys to distract me, my head resumed pounding over and over again with Roan’s betrayal until I felt crazed and disconnected from reality. I excused myself from the conversation with Sorcha’s mother, feigning a headache and at her suggestion; I stumbled towards the house to go lie down.

I just wanted to be alone.

The closer I got to the house, the quieter and quieter the partygoers in the barn got. Relief flooded through me with each step that I took. I didn’t have to pretend anymore, I could just allow the blackness to envelope me.

                ***

N
ew Years Eve had come and gone with a bang but I couldn’t have been more apathetic.

Things were a mess.

Aspen and I had kissed in my room, gotten into an argument with her screaming and then crying when I told her that things between us had gone far enough and then I had bailed on her and left the house before I lost my resolve and gave in to my baser instincts towards her.

She was so close.

So close to stepping over the threshold and making the connection between whom we truly were to one another. I could see it in her eyes when I peered into them. There was an awareness in them that hadn’t been present before. I had even tried to reach out through our mate bond and give her a little push over the edge, but other than her pupils dilating enormously and her heart pounding wildly in her chest, she gave no sign that she could hear me.

This was all happening so much faster than I thought it would. All along, when I pictured it in my head, I envisioned that Aspen would gradually awaken to our mating bond, not explode in a bundle of sexual need and wanton behavior.

Aspen, we have to stop
.

She hadn’t liked those words coming from my mouth. Truthfully, neither did I. Her desire was hot and velvety smooth inside my mouth but I had no choice, I had to put a stop to everything before I stepped over that threshold and reached the point where I couldn’t stop myself and my wolf took over.

Aspen was so volatile and uncontrolled sometimes and I frequently had to rein her in now that she was getting older. She was the polar opposite of me in the emotions department and that was part of her immense appeal for me. I was tightly controlled in all aspects, while she was completely uninhibited and free to express any and every emotion that crossed her pretty little head. She was a force of nature, a turbulent storm that wreaked destruction over the entire landscape.

I bet she would be an animal in bed.

Fuck, I had to stop thinking like that; it would only get me deeper in trouble than I already was.

How could I have kissed her? What was the hell wrong with me? I knew it was a bad idea right from the start and yet, I allowed myself to be manipulated by her.

“I want you to kiss me
” 

“And then you’ll leave and go to the party and stop with this whole thing?”