Tenacious Trents 03 - A Reluctant Rake (42 page)

Tears sprang to her eyes. How had
everything gone so wrong? First Jordan had been accused of murder
and it turned out that Lydell was behind the deaths all because of
jealousy. And when had Millicent slipped into madness? It had to
have been madness to think Jordan would turn to her in the end and
to believe that he was in love with her. Was she in danger of
losing her mind in believing she loved Jordan and that he cared for
her?

What if he didn’t? What if he was just
being kind? What if she read more into their relationship than was
there? What if he really didn’t wish to marry her? What if he
turned from her? Rejected her? Would she hound him like Millicent?
Would she be so heartsick that she couldn’t go on and wouldn’t give
up until she had him?

No, the voice streamed in her head. He
will marry you and he does care. You aren’t crazy like
Millicent.

Had Millicent always been unhinged and
they were just noticing or did it simply happen over a long time?
Audrey had known her since they were girls. How could she have not
noticed?

My God, the woman was going to cut her
with a knife simply to have Jordan. Was everyone simply a step or
two away from madness if put in the right circumstance?

Audrey tried to take a deep breath to
calm her tremors but her chest was too tight. She couldn’t get
air.

The carriage was closing in and Jordan
was holding her too tight. She had to get out of here. “Stop.” She
cried.

Jordan jerked back and the maid
jumped.

She pushed at Jordan. She had to get
off of his lap and to get some air. She needed to breathe. It was
impossible to fill her lungs and her breaths became more shallow
and quicker with each moment that passed. Stars twinkled at the
edge of her vision and Jordan pounded on the roof of the
carriage.

It began to slow and before it came to
a full stop, Audrey pushed open the door and jumped out, running
away from it as fast as her legs could carry her.

“Audrey,” Jordan called.

Audrey dropped to her knees at the side
of the road, taking deep gulps of air but it wasn’t
helping.

Jordan knelt in front of her and raised
her face to his. “What is it, love?”

She opened her mouth to answer, her
breaths quick, heart racing and chest aching, but she didn’t know
what to say.

“Audrey, look at me,” he ordered in a
calm tone.

She focused her eyes on his deep blue
ones. He held her face in place.

“You are going to be fine. It is
over.”

She swallowed and blinked at him. Was
it really over? “What if it happens to me?”

A gentle smile curved on his lips.
“Audrey, you will not slip into madness. I won’t allow
it.”

“Who says anyone can control such a
thing?” she cried, tears slipping down her cheeks.

“You will have me, always.”

Audrey grasped his forearm. “Will I?”
she demanded.

The smile slipped from his face and her
heartbeat increased, threatening to cut off what little breath she
had left. Was she going to die at the side of the road in Bath? Is
this what was to become of her because she fell in love with a
rake?

“Audrey, what is wrong?”

She couldn’t explain. She didn’t know
how to explain. And, why was this happening to her? She hadn’t felt
this way in two years. Why now? She thought she had these “attacks”
as mother called them under control. Why now? Why when she was with
Jordan? He couldn’t possibly understand. And what must he think
seeing her this way. She just wanted it to stop.

“Audrey,” he asked slowly. “Has this
ever happened to you before?”

She couldn’t answer and simply nodded.
He must hate her and if she could control her emotions she would
but when they overpowered her there was nothing she could do. It
hurt so bad.

He grasped her hands and tried to hold
them still. His warmth engulfed her but not enough to stop her
teeth from chattering. She looked down to where his hands held hers
but she couldn’t see them. He had slipped them inside her cloak.
Why was she so cold?

“Look at me Audrey,”

She glanced up at Jordan
again.

“When did this happen to you
last?”

She swallowed. “Two years
ago.”

He simply nodded. “Did something tragic
happen at that time?”

She tried to concentrate and think
back. Nothing in particular. It had been a normal day. She was in
the stables and for no reason the stall had begun to close in on
her and she had to get out of there. She had been shaking and cold,
just like now. Mother had tucked her into bed and given her
laudanum. “Nothing?” she finally answered.

“I’m sorry.”

“Why?”

“I’ve seen this happen to someone I
love very much on occasion.”

She wasn’t the only one? “Is she in
Bedlam?”

A smile pulled at his lips and Jordan
chuckled. “No.” He clasped her hands tighter. “It is a strange
panic that comes on for no reason but it does pass in
time.”

Audrey blinked at him. “Does it happen
often?” Would this happen to her more and more and would she slip
into madness eventually.

“Not since my father died,” he answered
grimly.

Was it his step-mother?

“You probably won’t suffer from it as
much either. I think this was brought on by the
Lydells.”

“You don’t think I am going mad?” At
least her teeth had stopped chattering and breathing was becoming a
bit easier.

“No, love.”

“What if it happens again?” Tears
filled her eyes at the mere thought of being in this state over and
over.

Jordan brought his hands up and held
her face. “I will be there to hold you, always.”

Something broke in her at that moment
and before she could comprehend, Audrey was curled up, rocking and
sobbing. She couldn’t stop. She wanted to but every emotion she had
ever felt seemed as if it was engulfing, pulling her apart and
pouring out of her. Jordan gathered her onto his lap, rocked and
whispered against her hair. Audrey couldn’t understand a word he
was saying but his arms were a comfort. In this moment they were
her strength.

She had no idea how long she cried. It
could have been minutes or an hour. All she knew was that
eventually the tears subsided and she suffered through a short bout
of hiccups as Jordan wiped the tears and dried her face with his
handkerchief. When she finally had control, Audrey looked up at
him. His eyes shone with love and she knew in her heart that is
what he felt even though he had never said the words. A moment
later he leaned in and gave her the most tender kiss she had ever
experienced. If she hadn’t been in love before this moment, she
most certainly was now.

“Do you think you can return to the
carriage now?”

Audrey nodded.

Jordan stood and helped her to her feet
and anchored an arm around her waist. She could not fall
again.

Jordan did not let go of Audrey even
after they were seated inside. She was composed again. Color had
returned to her cheeks and she was breathing normally. He was
amazed she hadn’t broken before now given what she had been
through. But it wasn’t simply being upset and crying, she had
panicked, much like Rose used to do. They never understood what
brought it on in Rose, though Jordan suspected it was living with
his demanding and unforgiving father for so many years. Audrey had
just come through a harrowing experience as well. Was that what
sent her into hysteria?

No, Rose had suffered for no reason,
when father had been away for weeks.

He turned to study Audrey. He had never
felt more helpless when watching someone in so much pain and unable
to breath. If only he knew what caused such reactions he would be
sure she was never in such a situation again.

The carriage rolled to a stop outside
of a coaching inn. The yard was full of carriages and horses and
Jordan prayed travelers had only stopped off for a meal and to
change horses. If not, there were probably no rooms available. The
maid, who he learned was called Patricia, went ahead to speak with
her brother-in-law while Jordan assisted Audrey from the carriage.
He made sure her cloak was shut completely so that nobody noticed
the shackles on her wrist.

Her smile was weak and he knew she must
be more exhausted than he. Perhaps a good night’s rest and she
would be as good as new tomorrow. Of course, being rid of the irons
around her wrists would go a long way in easing her
comfort.

Patricia emerged before they reached
the door. “They only have one room left,” she whispered.

He glanced at Audrey and back at the
inn. “I will sleep in the common room, if they will allow
it.”

“No,” Audrey argued.

“I can’t stay with you and I am not
leaving you here alone.”

“I don’t want to be alone.” Her eyes
were more pleading with his tone.

“I thought Patricia could stay with
you.” That had been his intention all along. After today he wasn’t
about to leave Audrey to herself but he certainly couldn’t share a
chamber with her.

“I want you with me,
please.”

“Audrey, we can’t. We are not married,”
he whispered. “What if someone sees us?”

“Please, I want you with
me.”

The fear that had overcome her earlier
was not yet completely gone and despite how dangerous this may be
to her reputation, Jordan knew he could not leave her side. “Very
well. I will remain with you.”

Her shoulders dropped as if she were
relieved.

“I’ll take you around back and through
the kitchens. Nobody will see the two of you together when you go
to your room,” Patricia offered as she began leading them around
the building.

“The staff will know,” Jordan pointed
out.

“They won’t say anything,” Patricia
assured him. “Most of them are family and if someone speaks out of
turn they will lose their position.”

“Your brother-in-law would do such a
thing?”

She laughed. “He has done it twice
before so I wouldn’t worry none.”

Jordan led Audrey through the back door
into a very busy kitchen. The aromas of fresh bread and searing
meat assailed him. His stomach grumbled and mouth watered. The
first thing he was going to do after getting Audrey settled was
request dinner for both of them. How long had it been since either
of them had eaten. He couldn’t recall most of the last day so he
had no idea.

Patricia led them up a set of dark
stairs and into a hallway off the second floor landing. She paused
at the room directly across from where he stood and unlocked the
door.

“This is all he had. It may be a bit
cramped but it will do for the night,” she said as she entered and
held the door for them. A bed, barely large enough for two people
was against the far wall. A small stove for heating was in the
opposite corner. Beside it was a table and two chairs. There was
one window and Jordan strolled over to look outside. It faced the
courtyard but the noise wasn’t too loud given the window was
closed.

Audrey shrugged off her cloak and
Patricia draped it over the back of a chair before Audrey sank onto
the bed. “I think I could sleep for a week.”

Jordan glanced over at her. Rose
usually took to her bed after such incidents and slept for hours.
Would Audrey do the same? She probably needed the sleep but would
it be possible with those things about her wrist?

“I’ll see about getting you some
dinner,” Patricia announced before she left the two of them
alone.

“Why don’t you rest?” Jordan suggested.
He had to keep in mind that she was fragile at the moment and had
just come through a horrible ordeal instead of focusing on how
desirable she looked sitting on the very inviting bed. Only a cad
would attempt to seduce her at this moment.

“I will after I have eaten and
washed.”

Did she intend to bathe? How could she
with her wrists like that? Hopefully Patricia could be of service
because Jordan didn’t trust himself. The room was intimate enough
without him being present or helping her with her bath.