Tender Graces (13 page)

My mouth had a mind of its own. “You’re like my Aunt Ruby. You like to smite stuff like God does, just because you can.”

Mrs. Penderpast was a Baptist, or maybe Catholic, or Presbyterian. Whatever she was, she didn’t like that comment one speck. “You little heathen! Blasphemer!” She pointed to the door. “Get out, all of you. Out Out Out!” She pointed straight at me. “I’ll get to you later, Virginia Kate. I don’t like your kind.”

The other kids looked at me as if I was a crazy girl while we walked in a line out of the room. Edsel was behind me; I felt his hot breath on my neck. I thought for sure I heard him say, “I love you, Virginia Kate,” but I was hoping not.

I was scared out of my mind with wondering what Mrs. Penderpast would do to me. We lined up on the sidewalk outside of class and waited. Afterwhile, Principal Tucker came by. He raised his eyebrows at us, went into the classroom, came right back out, and said, “Children, come with me.” He took us to the cafeteria where the cafeteria ladies gave us milk. I liked the cafeteria ladies, they talked about interesting stuff. Like what teacher was acting up when they didn’t know anyone was watching. Or how they saw the principal trying to pick up an Ohio girl in a bar.

The next week we had a new teacher, Miss Bowen. She was nice and friendly, and she never paddled Edsel. She gave me lots of silver stars. They stuck Mrs. Penderpast in the ground and forgot about her. Except me. I took home the picture of her poodle she kept on her desk. On the back was written,
Precious Piddles Penderpast. My best friend
. It made me feel sad.

It was strange knowing Daddy wasn’t coming home so I could show him my stars. Micah stayed in his room drawing most times, or he’d run down to Buster’s. Andy went around the house saying, “Daddy? Momma, where’s Daddy?” until Momma screamed at him to stop. He’d cry, and Momma had to hug him.

Then Daddy called to say he had Important News and would be over. While waiting, I did my homework. I had a collection of silver-starred papers. I could never get enough of those stars.

Momma was cooking a big supper for Daddy. Chicken, potatoes, lima beans, and homemade yeast rolls. For dessert, Daddy’s favorite apple pie with all the crumbly stuff on top. She wore one of her nice dresses, too. A light blue with a wide belt to show off her teeny waist. The top went up around her neck, leaving her back naked. Her hair was in a rolled twist and she smelled like a Shalimar explosion.

Daddy knocked on the door at six, stepped in, and Andy grabbed him around his legs screaming, “Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!” I stood holding out my schoolwork. Micah sat on the couch drawing. He didn’t even look at Daddy when Daddy said, “Hi there, Micah Van Gogh. What’s shakin’?” But I saw Micah’s eyes when Daddy first came in. How his eyes looked like he missed Daddy and was secretly glad he was there.

Momma came in wiping her hands on a dishrag. “Hello, Frederick. Supper . . . I mean, dinner is almost done.”

“You didn’t have to go to any trouble.”

“No trouble a’tall. I made you a drink, take a chair.”

We kids stared at them as if they were from outer space.

Daddy sat on the couch next to Micah, who scooted away from him. I sat beside Daddy, leaned against him and put my nose into his shirt to take in his Daddy smells. Andy sat in Daddy’s lap.

When Momma called us to eat, Andy and I grabbed Daddy by the hands and pulled him into the kitchen. The table was done up with the wedding-present dishes, at least the ones that weren’t broken. In the middle of the table glowed two fancy candles. She’d spread a tablecloth and the food on it steamed good smells.

“My, this looks delicious, Katie.” He dug in, eating like he hadn’t for a week. The rest of us dug in, too, except for Momma.

“Oh, it’s nothing.” She sipped with her pinkie raised up. I copied her with my glass of milk, but it felt too strange not having all my fingers on the glass.

After we finished, Momma served the pie with vanilla ice cream. Micah ate the whole thing in two bites and held up his bowl for more before Momma hardly had a chance to sit back down. Andy tried to copy him, ending up with a big mess all over the place. But Momma didn’t fuss at all. She laughed, and fetched Micah more pie.

After dessert, we all went into the living room to watch television like we used to. But Daddy ruined the warm goodies in my stomach. Ruined Micah finally grinning at Daddy. Ruined Momma’s feeling happy. Ruined everything.

“I have some important news.” He stood up and went to the kitchen. Momma straightened her dress around her knees and smoothed her hair. When he came back in the room, he poured his drink without ice down his throat in one gulp.

I was sure he was about to ask Momma to forgive him for whatever, and then Momma would ask him to forgive her for whatever, and then they’d kiss.

He said, “I’m moving back to Texas.” He cleared his throat. “To go to school, that is.”

I heard Mrs. Mendel’s cat meowing for me to come play with her. I heard the wind stir the redbud tree in her yard. I heard Grandma Faith sigh.

Momma stared at him, same as the rest of us. “What did you just say, Frederick Hale?”

“I said I’m going back to school.” Daddy hurried back to the kitchen; I heard ice clink. He then stood in the doorway, looking at the bottom of the glass he’d emptied before he was back in the room.

Momma gave Daddy a stare that should have made him keel over dead. She stood up so fast the chair scraped hard across the floor. “And just like that you decide to leave your family? There’s no schools in West Virginia?  Or are our schools too full up with hicks for you?”

“It’s not that way, Katie.”

Micah jumped off the couch and ran out the front door.

“You see what you’re doing to your family? You selfish bastard.” Momma pushed Daddy aside and went into the kitchen. Ice pounded into her glass.

He smiled down at me. “Baby Bug, look at you how pretty. You’re getting so grown up.”

Before I could say anything, Momma came back with a glass full and said, “Like you care. You won’t see your kids growing up.” She gulped it down in three swallows, then asked, “Why, Frederick? Why so far away from me?”

Daddy looked down at his feet. “Mother said she’d pay for school if I moved back to Texas to help her since Runt’s gone.”

“Don’t be such a coward. Tell your daughter and your son full face on.”

I didn’t want him to say it again. Andy didn’t either, his bottom lip poked way out.

Daddy looked over my head. “I said, Mother is paying for school, but only if I move back to Texas.”

Momma didn’t take her eyes off Daddy. “Are you a wittle boy? Mommy’s got to take care of yew?”

“I’m taking care of her.”

“Ha!”

Andy looked from Momma to Daddy, and his face pinched up. If he took up to whining, Momma would make me take him out of the room and I’d miss what was going to happen to us. I sat still as I could, even though I had to pee.

“I can’t pass up this opportunity.”

“And your children? You’ll pass them up? And me?”

“I’m bettering myself for them.”

“They’d rather have their Daddy.” She looked at Andy and me. “Wouldn’t you, kids?”

Andy nodded, but I felt frozen up solid.

“It’s not forever. And they can come visit anytime they want.” He looked at me, then away real fast. “Mother said she’d send you money every month to help while I’m in school.”

“Like hell my kids will visit you halfway across the world.”

Andy ran over and grabbed Daddy by the legs. “Daddy, don’t run off. I’ll be good, I pwomise. Sister will too. And Micah. We pwomise.” It was just like in the soap operas momma watched, it was so pitiful.

Momma turned to me, her face a mask of mad. “Take Andy outside.”

“But Momma . . . ”

“Now!”

“Daddy?” I begged him in that one word.

He put his face in his hands.

Momma gave me her meanest I’m-not-telling-you-again look. I grabbed Andy’s hand and he went limp as a dead dog. Momma had to pick him up, set him outside on the steps, then she pushed me out the door, and closed it behind us.

I ran down to the window where I could listen in, but Daddy came running out, slipped in a car I hadn’t seen before, and drove off. I ran in the dust he left behind, screaming at him to come back. When I looked behind me, Micah was standing beside Andy with his arm around him. I went to stand by them and there we stayed. Soon after, Momma came to stand with us. We stared at the road. But it didn’t make him turn around.

After he moved, Daddy wrote a letter to each of us. I read Andy’s to him and it wasn’t any bigger than an inchworm.

Dear Andy, I promise to see you soon. Be good and mind your momma. Love, Daddy
.

I didn’t know what Micah’s said, since he tore it up without reading it and threw it in the garbage. I tried piecing it back together, but the bits were too small. I saw some words—you’ll see, grown, angry, sorry, please—but that’s all.

I waited until I was alone in my room to read mine.

Dear Bug, I’m in my own apartment. Can you believe it? Old man me with the young ones. I decided not to stay with Mee Maw, but I visit her every day. I’m catching up on everything I’ve forgotten. I don’t know if I will get A’s like you, but I’m trying to make everyone proud of me.

Here is a Shakespeare quote for you from the Merchant of Venice: ‘The quality of mercy is not strain’d, it droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven, upon the place beneath. It is twice blest; It blessith him that gives and him that takes.’ Do well in school, Bitty. I love and miss you, Daddy.

In the envelope was a photograph of him sitting in a leather chair. Books were piled up on the floor, on the coffee table, on the end tables, everywhere. He was grinning bigger than Mrs. Mendel’s Cadillac. I put it in my new Special Things Box.

Mee Maw called once a week and I had to listen to her bellyache about how she missed her grandbabies. I said, “Then come live with us and bring Daddy back home.”

“Me leave Texas? The greatest place in the You-nited States of America?”

“West Virginia is the greatest place, Mee Maw. It’s beautiful. We have mountains and the holler is quiet and the trees burn bright and we have lots of rivers like the Cranberry—”

“—I get the picture, Laudine Virginia Kate. But I’m too old.” She told me she was lonely since Runt had passed, but he left her plenty of money and she sold his business for heaps of cash. “I can afford to help, so that’s what I’m doing. Doing it for my grandbabies.”

With the checks, Momma bought out the grocery store. She told us, “You never know when the well will run into the creek and leave us dry.” She bought herself new dresses, stockings, and shoes with it, too. Momma’s closet was near to bursting with beautiful clothes. Silks, cottons, linens in blue, green, red, and pale cream yellow. The nice clothes she bought my brothers and me were lost under the dirt and sweat of our playing. We liked our old clothes better anyway.

She said, “Your daddy will be back. Mark my words.”

She was wrong. One day Momma opened a big envelope and without saying a word, marched into the kitchen for a bottle and her glass. Then she marched herself into her bedroom and slammed the door. I heard cussing, crashing, and bumping all the time I did my school letters. When it was quiet, I tiptoed into her room. She was laid out on her bed asleep, still dressed. The papers in the envelope were strewn all over the floor. I picked them up and took them outside to wait for Micah to get home.

An hour later, he came clunking down the road with crushed beer cans stuck under his shoes. Lately he’d taken to wearing shoes, even on the warm days, and said bare-footing it was too hick. I think he said that because Buster was from Massachusetts. He’d cut his hair in a crew cut like Buster, too, and it made him look taller.

I shoved the papers under his nose. “Momma got this and pulled a big doozy.”

He stared at them a minute before he handed them back. He kicked off the beer cans, sending them flying across the road. “If I were you, I’d forget about having a Daddy anymore.” He turned around and ran up the hill to the empty house.

I wanted to follow him, but was afraid Momma would wake up and see I had the papers. I took them back and laid them on the floor where I’d found them.

Momma never said anything to us kids. I heard her on the phone once with Daddy saying it was going to cost Mee Maw a lot more for her to sign those papers and for any other deals she had in mind.