Tender Graces (15 page)

I held on tighter to Micah. I imagined Mrs. Mendel at her window, getting her heart broken in ten pieces by what she saw going on.

Micah showed the first scared look I’d ever seen. His hands were sweaty when he grabbed onto my arm. Daddy set down the suitcase, pried Andy off his leg, saying, “Son, I’m sorry, Daddy has to. I’m sorry.” Andy ran off as fast as he could, his feet kicking up leaves. Daddy pulled Micah and me apart, and took Micah’s arm. Micah stiffed up, and even though he was getting tall and strong, Daddy was taller and stronger as he made him go to the car.

Daddy came back for Micah’s suitcase. He put his finger under my chin. “I’m sorry, Baby Bug. I’m so sorry.” I hit him in the stomach as hard as I could. He grabbed his belly and said, “Oh no, my Bug.”

I ignored him and ran to Micah.

But Micah held up his hand while shaking his head at me. I felt young and silly and scared. He said, “Tell Buster I had to go.” He climbed into the backseat and looked straight ahead. I stared hard at my brother, sending him mind messages that I thought he was giving up too easy. That he was leaving Andy and me alone with Momma. Daddy put the suitcase in the backseat with my brother and turned to me again. I pretended I didn’t notice his wet eyes. Momma didn’t come out of the house. I wanted to hate her, too.

Daddy got in the car, turned on the engine, and backed up. Micah gave me a thumbs up. I saw his eyes, how they were already far away. I waved at him, but my arm belonged to someone else. My feet in the grass belonged to someone else. Everything belonged to someone else. As Daddy drove off, I thought how that woman hadn’t remembered to give me my book. I thought of that day I told Micah he could never go away.

After Micah left, I took a drawing pad he left behind to my room and kept it under the Easter picture. Momma told me to stop my moping since it didn’t do a person a bit of good.

Later, I heard her on the phone with Mee Maw. She said, “One gone and you must be gloating.” She tapped with her nails. “Yes, a deal’s a goddamn deal. I can’t hardly make it on what I got and you prey on me like a vulture to dead meat.” Tap tap tap. “Well, I hope you’re happy, you cold-hearted bitch. You just wait, I’ll get them back. You wait.” Tap tap tap. “You do that.” The slamming of the phone.

That night, I heard her crying in her room and Andy crying in his. I had a mess of hornets flying around in my head, their buzzing covering up the sound of all that crying.

Chapter 13

What’s missing from this picture? You!

Micah’s ghost showed as if he’d died. I’d turn the corner and see him, but it turned out to be the sun spilling in the window, or a shadow falling on the floor.

After a time, Andy quit asking when Daddy and Micah were coming back and that seemed as sad as when he asked it. He’d come into my room nights when he was lonely or scared and stand by my bed until I woke up. Sometimes, I’d go sleep in Micah’s bed so he’d feel better. One night I heard him sniffling in his pillow, so I lay beside him and patted his back until I thought he fell asleep.

“Sister?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I call you Seestor like Micah did?”

“I dunno. It’s kind of stupid.”

“Nuh uh.” He let out a big sigh, then, “Seestor?”

I sighed, too, then, “Yeah, Andy?”

“Somebody’s in the room with us sometimes.”

I sat up and stared down at him. “Who?”

“I dunno. Just sometimes I think someone’s here.”

“Maybe it’s just me when I come check on you.”

“No.” He sat up and copied me cross-legged on his bed. “It’s kinda scary.”

“Maybe it’s Grandma Faith. She isn’t scary. She talks to me and I see her lots.”

“I don’t want no ghosts around me.”

“I bet it’s just the wind. Look, see how your curtains blow around?”

He watched the curtains for a bit then lay back down and was soon asleep. I eased back in Micah’s bed, but I couldn’t go to sleep for a long time. The next day in school, I was tired all day from not sleeping. I made my first B ever on my spelling report.

The last day of class, poor Edsel handed me a flower and a box of chocolates, carrying on about going away to Tennessee until I thought I’d die from everybody giggling. Finally, he left off, big-tooth grinning because I said, “Why thank you, Edsel. Have a grand time in Tennessee.”

The box was opened and some of the candies were missing, and the flower was made from a dirty pipe cleaner. I threw it all away when I got home. I was the only girl Edsel bothered. I was the only one in my class whose parents had a divorce. I was the only one whose brother had moved away. I was the only one with a momma like Momma.

Momma had dates, but they didn’t come calling for her at the door. She’d tell them over the phone that she’d meet them on the long road. She’d wait at the end of the road in her high-heels and pretty dress. Momma let Aunt Ruby find her dates at the grocery, at the hair salon next to the barber, and at the butcher’s shop. But, Momma met Timothy on her own, at the five and dime.

It was the day we went to the library to get her more romance books. She’d go through two a week sometimes. I was happy since it meant I got to go to the library and get books. We would pile into the pink Rambler and tear off leaving clouds of dust. Her hair flew out of the window, and I let my hair do that too, where it tangled all in a mess. Momma threw her hand out and hollered, “Wheeeeeee!” while Andy and I laughed. We liked her best on library days.

That Thursday, she pulled into the five and dime first. She said, “I want to see that Kimberly. I got something to say.”

We marched in with Momma in the lead. Andy ran straight for the candy aisle, but I stayed by Momma to see what she’d do. She wore her favorite red dress, red lipstick, and her hair was wild over her shoulders from the wind. She was more beautiful than any movie star. Through the store we went, Momma sashaying, her head tilted up same as she used to do, her eyes so dark I couldn’t read a thing in them.

By the aspirin, there stood a yellow-haired thing just turning to chubby. Her nametag read, “Kimberly,” and her whiteness made her disappear next to Momma. Momma tossed her tangled up hair. “You couldn’t keep my husband here either, could you, you little twit?”

“I don’t know
what
you’re carrying on about.” Kimberly’s voice was prissy whiney.

Momma up and sniffed Kimberly. “My husband came home smelling like you more times than not.”

“I think you need to leave.” Kimberly stuck her nose in the air, but her hands were shaking.

“I ‘tink yew need to weave.” Momma pulled her lips in a snarling dog look. “What my Frederick saw in a sniplet of nothing like you, I’ll never know. Maybe he thought you were that Juliet in his Flakespeare books.” She did a coochy jig and made kissy smack noises, then said, “Oh Romeo, Romeo, where the fuck are you Romeo? Why it’s Juliet, little whore from the five and dime.”

My mouth dropped open big enough for a cow to walk in.

Kimberly tossed her hair. “You’re a fruity fruitcake.”

Momma flew at Kimberly and knocked her into the cold medicines, sending bottles rolling and flying everywhere.

I laughed with my hand over my mouth. I couldn’t help it, it was funny.

Kimberly’s tears sprung out, and snot came running from her nose while she boo hoo’d. Andy had come to watch, pointing and laughing. There were also three men and a curler- haired lady.

Momma said, calm as a kitten, “You couldn’t keep him happy. No woman but me ever will.”

“I wasn’t with him!” Kimberly wiped her nose with her hand.

A man with a glob of mayonnaise on his cheek rushed over to Kimberly and patted her on the back, “What’s going on around here?”

Kimberly turned her face into his white jacket. “She’s crazy, John.”

“I’d watch that. She’s been had more’n my neighbor’s cat.” Momma turned her back on Kimberly, took Andy’s hand and mine, and walked down the aisle with her head held high, the Queen of West Virginia.

The curler woman turned her back, and the men parted for her to pass. But one of them whistled low, stepped in front of Momma and said, “Woman, your husband’s an idiot.” He stuck out his hand. “I’m Timothy.”

She grabbed his hand, reached into her purse for a pen, and wrote our phone number on his palm. “Well, Timothy, I reckon he isn’t around to answer the phone now.” She dropped his hand, grabbed ours again, and we headed on to the library.

The next day Timothy called and they talked for an hour. They did that four times, and when they had their first date, Momma let him come to the door to fetch her. He tipped his hat to us, but I didn’t think he looked too friendly. He ate supper with us on the second date. He hardly paid any mind to Andy and me.

On their third date, Momma dressed in a swirly black dress. Her hair was pulled up and she had on new earrings. Timothy grabbed her and kissed her and it made me want to vomit. She turned to me. “Virginia Kate, me and Timothy are going to Charleston to go dancing. I need you to watch Andy, hear? Mrs. Mendel’s right next door.”

“Yes Ma’am.” I slid my eyes to Timothy; he slid his eyes to me. I knew right then he was No Good, but I didn’t say a word.

I fixed Andy and me peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for supper, and we watched television until we were sleepy. I tucked Andy into bed, even though he said he was too big to be tucked. It turned later and later. I was worried.

Mrs. Mendel called. “You chil’ren need anything, you just holler. You hear? I’m right acrost the way.”

I said, okay, then hung up, snuggled under Grandma’s quilt, and even though I didn’t think I could, I fell right off into sleep. When I woke up, Momma was by the side of my bed. “Good Morning, daughter.”

“Morning, Momma.” I stared at her face. She had a fat black eye and a split lip. “Momma?”

She put her finger on my lips to shush me. “I’ve made breakfast. Blackberry pancakes.”

That was all she said. We never laid eyes on that Timothy again.

I daydreamed that I’d get to visit Daddy and Micah for the summer. Daddy sent pictures and letters about Shakespeare, school, and Mee Maw’s driving Rebekha insane. I tried to put myself in the pictures with them where they grinned out at me. Mee Maw sent one of Micah and Daddy and Rebekha in front of Mee Maw’s house. The house was long and brick with an iron fence around it. I couldn’t imagine being behind big black bars like that. Little squatty-man trees stood willy-nilly in the yard. Daddy had his arm thrown across Micah’s shoulders, and Rebekha was on the other side of Micah looking down at him. Micah was squeezed like the insides of a sandwich.

Mee Maw wrote on the back “What’s missing from this picture? You!”

I felt sad looking at them. I wanted to holler my mad, but couldn’t.

Momma came in while I was all hangdog and said, “You better get that picture out of here before I tear it to pieces and flush it! I’m so mad I could spit nails!”

I put it in my Special Things Box even though I wanted to tear it into a bazillion pieces myself.

Then Momma got a letter from Daddy that said his family (that’s what he said, his family) was moving to Louisiana so Daddy could finish school there.

Momma said, “I don’t think that snip will put up with him for long with his moving to Loo-see-aner, and taking on another woman’s kid to boot.” She did a jig, shaking the letter around, and then flopped on the couch to read the rest. Her smile turned upside down. “Well, that woman is
from
Louisiana. Says right here.” She showed me, pointing at the words “born in Louisiana.” She smoothed the letter on her lap, tore it in three pieces, wadded it up, and threw it in the trash, for me to secretly fish out later. “Well, still. I expect she’ll get to hating things enough to leave him.”

“What’ll she hate, Momma?”

“I wouldn’t want to take on another woman’s kids. Your daddy having fun in school while she cooks, cleans, takes care of Micah.” She was counting off on her fingers again. “What you want to bet?”

“They look happy.”

“Go on to your room, Virginia Kate. My head’s pounding.”

I looked up Louisiana in the encyclopedia Daddy sent. It was right next to Texas.

Momma asked Daddy to send Micah back for a visit but he wouldn’t do it.