Tequila & Tea Bags (30 page)

I push past people, as I all but run out of the pub and into the street. When I’m free of bodies I double over, trying to catch my breath.

How can my life feel like it’s falling apart all over again? It’s like I can't breathe without him. He’s my oxygen. God, what a stupid girl thing to think.

I force myself to stand straight and walk back to the cottage, all the while wailing like an injured seal.

I let myself in and fill the kettle, flicking it to boil. God, I’d never drink tea if it wasn’t for him! He’s made me who I am today in so many ways. No, stop this.

I slap myself in the face. Fuck, that hurt. I’ve got quite a right hander. That’s good to know.

I drag myself up stairs, my chest rattling as if I’ve run all the way home. It’s just my grief trying to crush me. I won't let it though; I’m determined.

Instead I take my make up off, change into my pyjamas and settle down in front of Elsie’s The OC box set. God, life would be so much easier if I was living in Orange County and looked like Marissa.
Sigh.

The only problem is that now I’m alone in the house, all I can think about is him. Times we were together. The winking. The way he rolls his sleeves up to expose those perfect bronzed forearms. How gentle he was with me, treating me like I deserved it. Which I didn’t.   

Even though I completely understand his reasoning’s for going, I still selfishly don’t want him to. I don’t get how he can just run off and leave without pursuing the possibility of us. I mean, even if I had slept with James while we were together, wouldn’t I still deserve to have a second chance? Doesn’t everybody?

I should be stronger. I should be more of a feminist. The fact that he’s just running away should prove to me that he’s not worth the heartache, but… Oh, but who am I kidding? I’m bloody mad about him. Head over heels in…lust? Love? I really don’t know. Just head over crazy arse. And knowing he’s going with Riley is just salt in the wound. Maybe they’re already back together.

I might as well just turn in for an early night. I’m not even concentrating on the TV. Cry myself to sleep.

I’m just about to lift my sad arse off the sofa, when I hear a key in the door. Crap, that must be Elsie. She must have come after me. I’m
so
not in the mood to talk right now. I quickly turn off the lamp and TV, so I’m in total darkness. Hopefully she’ll just assume I’m asleep and go back to the party.

I watch Elsie’s body stumble in, but I quickly realise from the smooching sounds, that she’s not alone. Oh crap. Is it James?

I sink down onto the sofa, praying to God not to be seen. I hear them coming closer and I pray it’s to the stairs. They’re coming to the sofa. Crap.

They fall on top of me and I yelp out a scream, Elsie’s elbow hitting me in the stomach.

‘AAAAGGGGHHH!!!’ Elsie screams, jumping off me.

‘FUCK!’ James shouts at the same time. ‘What is it?’

The light flicks on, as I attempt to catch my breath. The bitch winded me in their moment of passion.

‘Rose?’ James says, staring at me in disbelief.

‘What the fuck are you doing sitting in the dark?’ Elsie demands, her face red and her pink lipstick smudged.

I love how
they’re
the ones shouting accusations.

‘What the hell are you two doing anyway?’ I giggle, clutching my tummy. Like it’s not obvious.

‘Nothing!’ Elsie shrills, turning beetroot. James stands behind her and wraps his arms around her waist, grinning knowingly at me. ‘Nothing at all!’

‘Okay, kids,’ I smile, rolling my eyes. ‘Just use protection.’

‘We will,’ James sings, pulling her towards the stairs.

‘We’re not even doing anything,’ she insists as he pulls her away.

He rolls his eyes.

‘This is weird,’ she muses, clearly trying to pull herself together. ‘I should stay here. Let Rose talk some sense into me. I mean, I’m supposed to be a nun soon.’

James continues to drag her up the stairs, ignoring her.

It’s only when they’re at the top that I hear him say, ‘Trust me, the things you were saying to me earlier should not be coming out of a nun’s mouth.’

Ugh, gross. I wonder if Elsie’s a dirty bitch in the bedroom? The whole librarian in the day, freak in the bedroom kind of thing. Go Elsie!

The door knocks, someone banging urgently. For a second I’m scared to open it, in case it’s someone else trying to join the party banging around upstairs. I shake my head. Don’t be ridiculous, Rose.

But then hope springs into my heart. What if it’s Will to confess he can't leave without me? I pinch my cheeks in the pathetic attempt to look a bit more attractive and a little less like a blob fish.

I open the door and jolt when I see a man in his late fifties. It takes me a minute to focus on his face and realise its Will’s dad. What the hell is he doing here?

‘Oh…hi.’ I grimace, having no idea why the hell he’s here.

He doesn’t say anything. I shift my weight from one foot to another, nerves travelling up my legs and into my stomach. Why isn’t he speaking?

‘Hi, Rose, is it?’ he asks, seeming shy and unsure.

I don’t know what I’m more stunned about. The fact that he’s here, or the fact that he’s speaking. I’ve never heard him speak before. Ever. I almost thought he was a mute.

‘Yeah, that’s me.’

The vixen that’s had sex with both your sons,
I want to add.

Oh God. A horrific thought crosses my mind. What if he’s here thinking I’ll sleep with him? What if he’s heard I’m easy and just thinks he can knock at my door and I’ll spread my legs? Am I the village bike? I look at his beer belly and shudder. Could he
really
think that?

‘Look, I know I have no right to be here, and you probably don’t want to hear this, but you need to tell Will how you feel,’ he announces calmly.

I gawk at him, my mouth hanging onto the floor. What the hell does he know?

‘What? How I feel?’ I laugh, to show how ludicrous the idea of feelings for him is. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’

This is
so
humiliating. I really wish I wasn’t wearing Elsie’s care bear pyjamas right now.

He gives me a knowing look. ‘I’m not stupid, Rose. It's obvious how much he loves you.’

His words floor me. He still loves me?

‘He’s different leaving this time. I know he doesn’t really want to go.’

He creases his face in grief. The poor man’s already lost his wife. Now I’ve driven his son away. I can understand why he’d cling onto any reason for him to stay, but I’m not it. Will’s made his feelings clear.

‘Well then why on earth would he be going?’ I challenge, placing my hand on my hip.

It makes no sense. Love makes you fight for someone. I only wish it were true.

He sighs, shoving his hands into his pockets. It reminds me of Will.

‘Because he’s very stubborn and because you clearly haven’t told him how
you
feel. Will’s had enough heartache in his life.’

A flush of sadness crosses his face at the mention of his wife’s death.

‘Just please promise me you’ll tell him? He’s leaving now. You have to go now if you want to catch him.’

Leaving now? I thought he wasn’t going until later. It’s only nine fifteen. Not that I’ve been checking the clock every two minutes.

I bite my lip, as I start to comprehend that he might actually still be hoping I beg him to stay. Could it be possible? He did ask me to give him a reason to stay, but I didn’t think it was fair of me to ask him to stay.

I mean, maybe his Dad has it all wrong and I’ll make an absolute fool of myself. I couldn’t bear for my heart to be broken further. It’s already in jagged pieces. But then I think of his face, smiling down at me in bed. His dimple. His broad chest. Him holding me. God I’ve turned into such a soppy bitch.

Sudden adrenaline goes coursing through my veins. Fuck it. I don’t care what I said or did before, I have to tell him. I can't let him go without knowing all of the choices he has.

‘Thanks…Will’s dad,’ I shout, as I slam the door after me and run towards the pub.

I don’t care that I’m in my slippers and pyjamas. I’m sure he won't mind. Well, he won't mind if he loves me. If he doesn’t I’ll just get rejected in my pyjamas. At least I can crawl straight into bed to cry.

I round the corner of the road to the pub, just in time to see Riley’s car pulling away with him in it. I race down the road, waving my arms frantically and yelling for them to stop. I just get exhaust fumes in my mouth and confused faces from everyone waving him off. I must look extra nutty right now.

What the fuck am I going to do? I need to tell him now. If he gets settled in Leeds first he might not ever want to come home. He might be together with Riley by then, if not already. She’ll get her whorey claws into him as soon as she can.

I spot Mr Allington getting into his car and rush over, noting my opportunity. I grab the keys from his hand, push him to the floor and get into the car.

‘What the on earth are you doing?’ he screeches, clutching his sides as if I’ve winded him. What a drama queen.

‘I’m sorry. It's an emergency!’ I don’t have time to explain. I slam the door and start the engine.

He tries to open the door, but I’ve already locked it. I suppose they aren’t used to car jacking’s here. But I mean, I’ll bring it back. He’s
totally
over reacting.

Lauren and Megan bang on the opposite window.

‘We’ll follow you,’ Lauren shouts.

I nearly burst into tears at realising they still want me as a friend and are willing to go out of their way to help me. I nod and smile back at them.

I put the car in gear and race after Will, heading for the main road that joins the two villages to the motorway. I have to over-take a few cars, but I’m finally behind Riley’s red Ford Fiesta.

I start flashing my head lights frantically, but all I get is her giving the finger in her rear mirror. She mustn’t know it's me. Or she knows it is me, but isn’t stopping. She knows she’s going to have Will all to herself. The little bitch.

I start honking the horn.

HONK. HOOOOOOOOOOOOONK!

She’s still not slowing down. I’m just getting some weird looks from other drivers. It doesn’t help that I’m in pyjamas. I must look crazy. Or at least crazier than normal. And I’m bloody freezing. I have no time to mess around with heating dials right now.

Right, that’s it. I’m clearly going to have to take drastic action. I go to overtake them and slow down when we’re side by side. I start hooting again. They start looking and I smile, relieved. Thank God! Will looks baffled. Riley looks violent.

I glance back at the road and realise a car is coming towards me in my lane. I’m in the wrong lane! SHIT!

Floor it! I put my foot down and manage to swerve in front of Riley, but I must clip it as my car spins round, throwing me to my right side, before stopping right in front of their approaching car. I see the fear in their horrified faces. I scrunch my eyes shut and cover my head with my hands, knowing they won't be able to brake in time. I’m going to die. Head on collision. Goodbye cruel world. This is going to hurt.

I hear a crunch of metal, as every muscle in my body tenses in anticipation. The air bag hits me in the face, but the pain I’m expecting doesn’t come. I don’t know if it's because I’m in shock or because I died instantly and I’m in heaven. I tentatively remove my hands and slowly unscrunch my eyes. I wrestle the air bag and look to the car in front of me. It's smashed into my car, but my legs aren’t crushed. I’m alive!

No one’s in the seats though. Fuck, I’ve killed them! They mustn’t have been wearing seatbelts and they’ve been thrown from the sun roof. Oh my God, I’m a murderer! What the hell have I done?

A bang on my door makes me jump out of my skin. I turn to see Will trying the door handle. He’s alive! Thank you baby Jesus!

I unlock the door and start to fight the air bag, letting myself out onto unsteady jelly legs. I throw myself at him. Luckily he catches me in his arms.

‘Will, you’re alive! Thank God! Or are you an angel? Am I dead?’ I’m crying now, hysterically sobbing, snot dripping from my nose. This was too close to death.

He hugs me back fiercely, wrapping his arms around my waist, as if he never wants to let go. Then he pulls back, leaving me feeling bereft. I need more.

‘What the fuck are you doing, Rose? You could have killed yourself!’ he berates loudly. He looks furious, his eyes mad.

I look back at the tangled cars and burst into heavier sobs. I see Lauren and Megan pull over and go to stop Riley from coming over here to confront me.

‘I could have killed
you
! I’m so sorry. Are you okay?’ I start checking him all over. Any excuse to touch his perfect biceps.

‘I’m fine,’ he says, shooing me away with a cute smile.

‘My car’s not!’ I turn round to see Riley screeching at me, her face almost purple from what looks like pure rage. Lauren and Megan are physically trying to hold her back. ‘What the fuck is your problem, you bloody idiot!!’

I now notice that the car behind her has gone into the back of her car. Whoops. I’ve caused quite a pile up. Luckily they seem fine too. Well, you know, apart from their car.

‘It's not her fault, Riley,’ Will protests, standing protectively in front of me. I cling onto his back. ‘Well…it is, but…oh, just shut up. We’ll sort it.’

I can't believe he told Riley to shut up. He turns back to me.

‘What are you doing here? Why were you trying to get our attention? And why on earth are you in Mr Allington’s car?’

I pull a face. ‘Um…it's kind of a long story.’

‘Right,’ he nods, seeming amused.

I grab hold of his biceps, almost fainting from the feel of his muscles under my hands. Must get a grip, Rose. Focus on the task at hand.

‘Don’t go,’ I whisper pathetically. It’s all I can think to say right now. I hadn’t factored in a car crash.

‘What?’ he asks, his face soft and vulnerable.

‘Don’t go,’ I repeat, louder this time. ‘Stay here. Stay with me. Stay with Mitsy.’ My vocabulary really isn’t impressing anyone here.

His face clouds with regret. ‘Rose, if this is about Mitsy… I’m sure you can make some kind of arrangement with the new owner to still see her.’

He thinks this is about a horse?

‘That’s not what this is about!
I
own Mitsy.
I’m
her owner.’

He scrunches his forehead in confusion. ‘No’, he says slowly, as if speaking to a child. ‘You’re not.’

He must think I’ve had some sort of nervous breakdown.

‘Yes, Will,’ I say just as slowly. ‘I am.’ I let go of his arms, so I can explain. ‘I got Mrs Fenham to put the offer in for me. I knew you wouldn’t want to sell her to me.’

‘Why would I have stopped you?’ He seems genuinely puzzled.

‘Because…you know…you hate me now.’ I line my foot against the ground, not feeling a smidgen of the confidence I felt while chasing him.

‘What?’ I look up to see a smirk starting on his face. ‘Rose, why on earth do you think I hate you?’

I sigh, another sob escaping. ‘Because you found out about James,
WHICH,
may I add, was way before I even knew I liked you. And then you found out I stole money from Elsie, because I’m a horrible fucking human being. So of course you hate me.’

He looks at me intently. ‘Rose, I thought you didn’t care. I assumed we’d talk about it when I’d cooled down, but then I heard from Mrs Fenham that you weren’t looking after Mitsy anymore. Then when Betty died you told me you hated me. What was I to think, but what your words and actions had told me?’

God, men are thickos. Can’t they read women? What’s so bloody difficult?

I look down at my wobbly legs. ‘Well I don’t hate you. I might even…’ I stop myself before I make a complete dick out of myself.

‘You might even…what?’ he asks, leaning forward in interest.

My eyes widen, caught in the headlights of his probing eyes.

‘Nothing.’ I look to the floor, nervous.

‘Look, Rose, last chance,’ he warns with a heavy, weary sigh. ‘If you have a reason for me to stay say it now. I’m not going to stick around for you to play games with me.’

‘I don’t know what I feel!’ I admit, throwing my hands in the air. ‘I just know that I hate you being anywhere near Riley when she wants you back. I know that the thought of you leaving and not seeing you again fills me with so much fear, I could vomit right here in the street. But I also know that if this is what you really want to do, then I’ll let you go. I know I stole Mr Allington’s car so I could stop you in Elsie’s care bear pyjamas. I know that I don’t want to be your Betty. That’s all I know.’

‘Huh?’ he asks bewildered.

‘Betty was your grandad’s great love. Only they lived their life with the regrets of their lost love. I don’t want to be like them. I want to be like Mavis and Bernie; so ridiculously in love that we have to shag each other’s brains out in a church confessional.’

‘Rose,’ he tries to interrupt, clearly baffled.

‘Anything beyond that…I guess I’m just a feeling moron or something.’ I shrug apologetically. What a bloody word vomit. I’ve definitely lost him now.

He takes my hands, a smirk on his face.

‘Well…I’m not a feeling moron and…I think you just told me you loved me.’ He seems to find me hilarious.

‘No, I don’t!’ I shout, hitting him on the chest.

‘You
so
do,’ he smiles, crinkling his beautiful eyes shyly. ‘You just described being in love.’

I cringe from the word. ‘Stop saying it! It sounds gay.’ Why couldn’t I be a normal girl and be able to talk all this crap?

‘Okay…shall we just say that you kinda like me?’ he asks, amused.

‘Yes,’ I nod, feeling far more confident with that assessment. ‘I kinda like you.’

He pulls me into his chest, wrapping his arms tightly around me. ‘Well lucky for you, I kinda like you too.’

He pulls back slightly and grabs my chin with his forefinger and thumb, tilting my head so I’m looking into his eyes. God, I could look into them forever. He’s far too beautiful for his own good.

‘You know this means you’re mine, right? Completely and utterly mine and nobody else’s?’ he says smugly, but I also sense it’s a bit of a question.

‘Yes,’ I breathe, willing him to kiss me. Our lips are so close I can feel his breath.

‘Good.’ He lowers his sweet lips to mine and pulls his hand round my neck, sending tingles down my spine. My heart swells with appreciation.
You did good,
it tells me.

‘Err, hello?!’

We both jump and turn to look at Riley. She looks ready to commit murder. He smiles apologetically. I smirk arrogantly, making sure not to leave his embrace. I’ve got him now, bitch.

‘Sorry, Riley, but I’m not going to Leeds,’ he says, looking affectionately down at me as if to explain.

‘But what about the job? Don’t tell me you’re turning it down?’ She practically has steam coming out of her ears. She can see her perfect plan coming apart at the seams.

‘I am,’ he nods, turning me around and pulling my back into his front so I can fully face her as he wraps his arms tightly around my waist.

‘You’re crazy! You’re turning down a real job and a real life just so you can stay and be with that slut?’ she spits.

‘Hey!’ he barks. ‘Don’t talk about her like that.’

God he’s so dreamy. Especially when he’s sticking up for me.

‘That’s enough,’ Lauren shouts.

‘Let me punch her,’ Megan begs. ‘Just one punch.’ Lauren rolls her eyes and restrains her.

‘Whatever. You have to get real, Will, and realise you need to grow up.’

‘I think he’s grown up mighty fine,’ I grin, tracing the muscles on his arms. ‘And if you cared about him half as much as you pretend you do, you’d be telling him to do what makes him happy. Not take a job he feels he should.’

‘Yeah, good luck with that,’ she scoffs back, getting into her badly battered car and attempting to drive off.

‘Come on,’ he says, pecking me on the cheek. ‘But this time I’m driving. I think we have some explaining to do to Mr Allington.’

I dig him in the ribs and happily follow him to the car. To start my life with him.

Best day ever.

THE END