Texts from Bennett (36 page)

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Authors: Mac Lethal

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Messages

im babysittin for my girls sister right now

a wierd car keep driven by

What color? Whose is it?

half mexican but we dont kno who tha daddy is..

my girls sistr is a hoe. she got crabs that have aids

No man, I meant the car.

it mite belong to this dude Chris

The car or the baby?

Messages

Can you text me Lee’s #?

ay.. yea when Im done haven sex ill find it

You text during sex?!?!!!

yep dis money dont stop jus cuz i wanna fuck a ho ! i hustle 24 hours a week

Your girl is a trooper.

i aint fucken My girl.

What if you get an STD?

Re-tard i showr rite after i cum b4 Stds can actavate

Messages

ay my nigga how du ur boys like da chronik ? fire HuH?

I forgot to text you about that. Yeah, they like it.

Everyone has asked me why you put chocolate mints on their bags of weed though.

cuzz i am a firm beleiver in exilint custommer service

Haha. So you put chocolate mints in the bags of weed you sell?

ya an bassball cards for big orders

Messages

Why do I always end up in the friend zone with girls?

well first off nigga you cant be compashionit !u such a Lame around bitchss.. u be talkin bout kowalla bears and bluebary muffins and shit

LoL,, hoes thnk ur a vary good lissener. U make dem hot choclat and talk abut Team edwrd

u cant be talkin bout snuggling on da beach durin a brisc sunset as seegalls fly in a hart shape

Messages

i stoll a porno from my freind CJ and it got all asian peopel in it.

Yeah? And? What’s wrong with Asian chicks?

nothin.but even da dudes is chinesse n shit.like there diks r all yello n tiny

i forced myself 2 jack off anyway cuz i didnt wanna be racest. but i feel like i raped myself cuz i didnt enjoy it dat much :(

i wuz raped by a asian porno

Messages

man why da bitches dat wnat me most always gatta be crazie and ugly..

like i can pull a fly hoe no problemo but da bitches dat hit on me all aggresave faces look like a germen sheppard asshole

Excuse me??

i jus had some bitch sweat me for my numba. bitch look like golam in lord of da ring. bitch was all like BENNett my preshas lol

Messages

man i brang dis bitch over to succ my dik but she wuz like Can we watch a movie so i said sure baby

she puts in marley and me

a gangsta like Bennett wuz crying like a bitch !!

i cudnt stop blowen my nose from crying when she wuz given me head. i blew it 2 hard and farted

What! What did she do??

da bitch gagged and left :(

Messages

i hate u my girlfriend mercedes bump dis drake cd all day. . . . dis guy wear puppy dog print boxers man.

I’m in tears.

i bet ur in tears cuz u listen 2 drake . . . . it says alot about u. i thikn u prolly take bugs outside instead of kill them..

i bet u cry tearz of joy when u see ponies frolocking by da meddows

u smell like a gay kitten

Messages

Nigga I hate my new cell fone

Why?

Bcuz i has dis fuccin auto correction bull shit on it

Yeah? So?

Well how da fucc it kno wat i wanna say

I wuz textin my girl earlier about gittin a puppy and i try to say “You should get an adoption instead̵

But my phone change it with out askin

So i ended up textin my girl “You should get an abortion shithead”

Messages

i took 3 big ass bong hits at my nigga Craig house den watch a show about black holez

a black hole is dis thing in space Dat can crush plannits and u can travel thru time in dem

do u think butt holes are da same.? if u travel thru a girls butt hole u can go to anotha dimenseion ?

Dats where they get da name Asstronat nigga.!

Sigh. Goodnight dude.

MAC’S ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

I’d like to thank my wife and baby’s mama, Christina, for providing me an amazing marriage, the premise to base a love story on, and a joyous lump of a son, Rocky. Thank you for helping me navigate through this crazy book-writing experience, and for your honest but always tender criticism.

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