Thankful (23 page)

She chuckled. “I'm a nervous nelly.”

“Yes, you are. But I'd be surprised if you weren't,” he said in his gentle way. “This is hard.”

Just as Judith nodded, the guard who she'd come to understand was the woman in charge, called their names and motioned for them to come forward. “This is it,” she murmured, wishing she hadn't been so stubborn and let Bernie come with them.

“You will be sitting on one side of a plastic partition and the inmate will be sitting on the other side. You'll be using telephones to talk. Understand?”

“
Jah
,” Ben replied.

“Then you all may walk to cubicle eight.”

Judith looked around the room. There were ten cubicles taking up most of the room. In the center was a thick clear, plastic partition. Bold black numbers were pasted at the top of each, and old and dingy-looking black telephone receivers rested on either side on some kind of table that was attached to the partition's walls. There were also more orange chairs for people to sit in.

Currently, five of the cubicles were filled. Each person had a receiver held up to his or her ear and was talking eagerly to a woman in an orange uniform on the other side.

Judith had been afraid their appearance would cause a lot of commotion. Sometimes folks could be so rude and obtrusive around an Amish person, staring and asking nosy questions.

But here it was obvious that the only thing that interested anyone were the people they were talking to. They could have been invisible.

At last they got to cubicle eight, and Judith got her first look at Kendra, who was already sitting on the other side.

Kendra was solemn-looking and slim. Far slimmer than Judith had imagined. After all, she'd only given birth to James a few weeks earlier.

She also looked tired and wary, and was staring at Judith and Ben with a curious expression. Not because they were Amish, Judith realized. No, it was because they were taking care of James.

Judith knew the instant Kendra caught sight of James's face. Her whole demeanor transformed. A sweet smile played across her lips and her eyes lit up.

And even through the plastic barrier, Judith could feel Kendra's spirits lift.

Judith smiled politely as Ben helped her to her seat and then took his own beside her. They'd already agreed that she would be the one who talked on the phone. Bernie had suggested that Kendra might feel more comfortable talking with another woman instead of a strange man.

After sending out a silent prayer for guidance, Judith picked up the phone. “Hello, Kendra?” When the woman nodded, she continued. “Hi. My name is Judith. This here is my husband, Ben. We've brought James to see you for a visit.”

“Hi.” Her eyes darted to Ben and Judith before going right back to James. “How's he doing?”

Beside her, Ben rearranged the baby in his arms so Kendra could see him as well as possible. “He is doing real
gut
. He's a wonderful
boppli
, Kendra. A
wonderful-gut
little boy.”

“He looks real good.”

Kendra's voice was deep and scratchy. Judith thought she sounded a little wistful, too.

“I've really enjoyed getting to know him.” Imagining that Kendra would probably like to hear as much about James as possible, Judith said, “He's a happy guy. Unless he needs his diaper changed! Then he fusses like nobody's business.”

As Judith hoped, Kendra laughed. “But other than that, he's a joy. Always, he's been a joy for us to watch over.”

Kendra's eyes lit up, making her appear younger. Softer. “Really?”

“Oh,
jah.
He's a real good eater, too. And he sleeps
wonderful-gut
, too.”

Kendra smiled. “That's real good to hear. It's, ah, real nice of you to come up here to show him to me. And to tell me about him.”

Judith smiled. After telling Kendra a few more stories, she knew it was time to get to the point of their visit. She knew she needed to tread carefully, however. She didn't want to cut Kendra's moment of happiness short. But when James fell sound asleep, and Kendra kept the phone to her ear and continued to stare at them in an expectant way, Judith knew that she couldn't put things off any longer. “Kendra, I am glad to know you. I'm glad for the chance to tell you about James, too. But there's another reason I . . . I mean, me and Ben wanted to see you. We need to talk to you about something.”

She leaned forward. “What is it? Is something wrong with James?”

“Oh,
nee
. I mean, no. Nothing like that. It's rather about your sisters. Bernie—that's our social worker—I think you've met her?” After Kendra nodded slowly, Judith said, “It turns out that your sisters told Bernie that they're not real happy about us taking care of James.”

“Why?”

Judith looked at her husband. When Ben shrugged, saying without words that she was doing fine, she continued. “It sounded like they wanted relatives to watch over him.” When Kendra still looked a little muddled, she added, “Or maybe they'd rather have folks who, um, look more like James. What I mean to say is, um, we're Amish.”

Through the Plexiglas window, Kendra stared at them, looking momentarily stunned. Then, to Judith's surprise, she started to chuckle. “I'm sorry,” she said, waving a hand in the air, “but that struck me as funny. I promise, I knew exactly where James was going. When I was a little girl, my school took us on a field trip to an Amish farm.” Her voice turned wistful. “It was so peaceful there. In the country. You could see for miles, and everything was so green. There was lots of room for a child to run and play. Is that what it's like where you live?”

“Yes.” Judith had never thought about looking at her hometown through another person's eyes, but Kendra's description seemed fitting. Sugarcreek was a peaceful place. “It's a mighty nice place for
kinner
. To be sure.”

“That's what I thought. I also remember the people we met. They were quiet and polite. Everything around them seemed so calm. Happy. But the most important thing I remembered was everyone's faith. One Amish lady said she lived by her faith every hour of every day. When I heard that, I knew I wanted to go back one day.”

Excited that they had something in common, Judith leaned forward. “Did you go back again? What town was it? Was it Sugarcreek?”

Looking regretful, Kendra shook her head. “Nah. I grew up. And for a time, I forgot all about living peacefully. Actually, I started thinking that no one really lived like that. That I must have made it up. Things happened. I hung out with the wrong crowd and then I really made a mistake with the wrong man.” Her voice lowered. “One thing led to another.” She rolled her eyes. “And then another. And now I'm here. I was sentenced to eight to ten years. There's a chance I might get out earlier, but even so, that won't even be a possibility for a couple of years.”

“I'm sorry.”

Kendra's brow rose. Then, miraculously, a small, sad smile lit her features as she stared at James. “Me, too. Seeing my baby so close. It's hard, you know?”

Feeling on the verge of tears, Judith nodded.

“What do you need me to do for you to keep my boy?”

“Bernie said you'll have to sign some more papers. These would state that you want James to stay where he is. Would you be willing to do that?”

Hardly taking her eyes off James, Kendra nodded slowly. “Yeah. I'll do that.”

“Five minutes,” the guard intoned.

It was time. Judith leaned forward, anxious to put as little space between herself and Kendra as possible.

She didn't care about why Kendra was in jail or that they were so different from each other. No, all she really cared about was comforting the woman who looked so sad and lost that Judith could almost feel her pain.

And right at that moment she finally understood what she was sure her family and Bernie and especially the Lord had been trying to tell her. That everything wasn't all about her. That it was time to cast aside her selfish wants and start concentrating on other people.

For months now she'd only been thinking about her pain, about how she couldn't have a baby of her own. She'd been so focused on herself she'd forgotten that she was only one of many people who carried burdens in their hearts.

It had taken a visit to a prison and a small, slight woman to remind her what it really meant to love unselfishly.

With that in mind, Judith looked James's mother in the eye and poured out her heart. “Kendra, we came here to tell you how much we already love James. I know I'm not his
mamm
, you are. But I am anxious to continue to keep him for you, if you'll allow it. I'm not perfect, but I promise you I'll do the best I can for your baby.”

“I know you will,” she whispered softly. Taking a breath, she darted a wary glance at the female guard looming over them. “Listen, we're running out of time. But I want to thank you for bringing him here. I've been worried sick about my baby. You've eased my mind.”

“Bernie told us that we can come once a month. We'll come back in a month.”

“And I'll be waiting.”

Judith didn't want to push, but she was so desperate, she threw all caution to the wind. “So, Bernie can give you the paperwork?”

She nodded. “Tell her that I'll sign whatever she needs me to. James is in good hands.”

“Time to go,” the guard said.

Kendra stood up. “Thanks for this. You coming here helped a lot,” she said simply before following the guard out of the room.

Her hand shaking, Judith set the receiver down. “This visit wasn't what I expected,” she whispered as Ben helped her to her feet.

“For me, neither.”

After passing through the same security stations that they had when they entered the penitentiary, they walked outside into the cold air.

The change in temperature woke James up. His chocolate-brown eyes popped open and he squirmed in Ben's arms. After a moment, he let out a little cry.

“It looks like he's ready to go home.” Ben laughed. “And I'm more than ready to pass him back to you.”

Judith took James gratefully, not caring that he was fussing and obviously ready to have his diaper changed and to get out of the bright sun.

For her, the sunlight and cold breeze felt rejuvenating. Things were going to be okay. She and Ben were going to be able to continue to watch over James. And now that they'd visited Kendra once, Judith knew she'd be willing to return every month so that Kendra could get to see her baby.

Just as Ben had predicted, Got had taken care of everything. She breathed in deeply, giving thanks for the moment. For the day.

For everything.

I
t was amazing how much easier it was to go to work when she didn't feel the whole burden of responsibility weighing her down, Jana reflected as she opened another box of gift items.

Pippa now seemed to have everything under control in the dining room. So much so that Jana had cut back her hours sharply. Today she was only planning to stay at the restaurant long enough to restock and organize the gift area.

When she'd put it in, she'd hoped it would bring in a little extra income, but mainly that it would serve to occupy her customers while they waited for a table.

It had really taken off and had in fact become one of the reasons tourists ate at the restaurant. Before Pippa had come in, it had started to feel like a pain in her neck. It was a lot of work, constantly rearranging and straightening the shelves. Restocking and ordering merchandise.

But now she was thankful to have such a mindless task. Otherwise all she would be doing would be gazing out the window and pacing nervously as she waited for her kids to show up.

She still couldn't believe that they'd wanted to come to the restaurant first thing.

She'd wanted to fix a light luncheon at home to celebrate their arrival. But each had been fairly vague about when they would arrive. And wonder of wonders—now that they knew the restaurant wasn't going to be a big part of her life anymore?

They wanted to meet there.

So, she was making herself stay busy while she watched the door and tried to contain her excitement. And tried not to worry about how they were going to like Ross.

Or how Ross was going to like them.

Or how she was going to manage to seem calm, cool, and collected when everyone was in the same room together.

Leaning down, she got out a rag and carefully wiped down a shelf before replacing two boxes of candles on it.

Then she heard the door open.

With a start, she turned around and saw both her eldest and her youngest standing there together, looking wonderful and perfect. “Jay! Nick! You came!”

Their laughter rang as she scrambled to her feet and ran around the counter. One after the other, they launched themself into her arms. And although Nick was a good six inches taller and Jay at least two, she knew nothing had ever felt so wonderful or as familiar. “I'm so happy to see you both!”

Jay smiled. “Mom, look at you! You look great!”

She gave a little bow. “That's sweet of you to say.”

“No, I mean it. Mom, you look . . . happy.”

Nick hugged her again and kissed the top of her head. “You really do, Mom.”

Not wanting to think about how she'd probably spent far too many years looking unhappy, Jana grinned. “I am happy. I can't help but notice that you both seem surprised, though.”

Jay shot a telling look her brother's way. “Well, the way Nick was talking, I thought you might have dyed your hair pink and were running around in spandex.”

“Oh?”

Nick rolled his eyes. “Obviously, Jay is exaggerating.”

Brushing a hand down her brown corduroys and red sweater, Jana said, “As you can see, I'm still wearing my same old outfits. I haven't ventured into the spandex department yet. Now, come on in! Come meet Pippa! And see the girls in the back.” She looked around, frowning when she didn't see any suitcases or backpacks. “Where are your things? And where are the others?”