That Baby (43 page)

“I didn't want to hurt your feelings.”

“She's your
wife
. She's pregnant with
your
baby. My grandchild. And she left.”

“Where did she go?”

“I don't know. I’ve been calling all around but no one has seen her. When she left here, she was crying and really upset.”

“What happened?”

“She blew up. I guess the nursery was the last straw. Phillip, you and your wife have to be a team against anything and anyone that might affect your marriage. I've been affecting your marriage, haven't I?”

I put my head down and nod. “A little.”

“So why didn't you say something?”

“I knew you being here was temporary. I figured things would be fine once you and Dad got your own place. And I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.”

“But in the process, you were hurting JJ’s. You know, one time when your father and I were first married, we got into a wicked fight. I packed my bag and went to my parents’ house.” She starts crying. “JJ doesn't have anywhere to go. She's all alone—except for you. Except for us. You have to be her rock, Phillip. You have to stand up for your marriage. I’m really worried about her.”

“I saw your bags. Are you leaving?”

“Yes, your father will be here shortly. I suggest you find your wife. JJ is pretty outspoken and generally lets people know how she feels. What I want to know is why she didn't say anything to me.”
 

I’m quiet.
 

“Phillip?” she says again, using that tone. “I asked you a question.”

“Because I told her I would,” I admit.
 

She puts her hand on my shoulder. “Even if you hurt my feelings, I’ll understand. But your wife won’t. Your wife will feel like you’re choosing your family over her, and it will erode her trust and faith in you. You should have been a man—the man of your dream house, the man I know you can be—and told me. You're going to be a father soon. You have to be a man, Phillip. From now on.”

“Yes ma'am,” I say.

Everything my mom says is right. I screwed up big time. How am I supposed to be a father when I can’t even be the head of my own house? I think about all the planning I’ve been doing. I’ve been pretending we’ll be fine, but I’ve seen the toll it’s taken on Danny and Lori’s marriage. I’m afraid we’ve moved too fast. From first date, to married, to pregnant in under six months. And I know I’m the one who was excited about her being pregnant so soon.
 

I just want everything with her.
 

Right now.
 

Always right now.
 

I’m a planner. A doer. A fixer. Jadyn is creative. A dreamer. All the things I love the most about her are the ways in which we’re different. And they are also the things that are starting to drive me crazy. We don’t even have a crib, for god’s sake, and the baby will be here in less than a month.
 

The doorbell rings as I’m rubbing my temples, hoping to dispel the headache I feel coming on.

“That’s probably your father,” my mom says, going to answer the door. “Oh, Phillip. It’s a truck with a delivery.”

I get off the barstool and watch as the deliverymen unload a crib. The crib from Jadyn’s sketches.
 

“Do you know where to put it?” Mom asks.

I grab the sketchbook. “I’ll be in the nursery. Send them up.”

When I get in the nursery, instead of seeing at all that isn’t done yet, I see all she’s accomplished. The room is a calming shade of the palest blue-grey. The changing table is filled with colored cloth bins holding diapers, onesies, and other baby essentials. A large grey and white patterned rug is spread over the hardwood floor. I look at the nursery animals my mother stuck onto the walls and my old ugly crib with its gaudy animal bedding and understand why Jadyn flipped out.
 

I quickly shove the crib across the hall and into the guest bedroom.

I hear my mom directing the movers my way. They bring in and then unwrap a gorgeous crib. It’s the kind of crib we could pass on to future generations. The wood is intricately carved and the headboard oversized. I instruct them to place it in the center of the room as per Jadyn’s plans.
 

Mom says, “I think you should put it on that wall over there. It would look—”

I don’t say a word, just raise an eyebrow at her, which shuts her up.

“We have a chair for you too,” the deliveryman says, and they quickly bring in the slipcovered rocking chair. Jadyn ordered numerous fabric swatches before she found the exact shade of dusty purple-grey velvet she envisioned. I remember thinking it really didn’t matter what color the chair was, but now that I see the room coming together, I notice every little detail. The white blackout curtains with grey pompoms running down the edges. The ceiling she added extra coving to so she could insert deep navy panels with little lights that look like stars. The pale pink, yellow, green, and blues of the baskets. The mobile hanging above the changing table that she made from pale strips of fabric and ribbons.

“How do we get these stickers off the wall, Mom?”
 

She’s looking around too. “They don’t really go, do they?”

“No, they don’t.”

“I used wallpaper paste,” she says. “I’m not sure we can get them off without damaging the paint.”

I grab my phone out of my pocket and Google it. I don’t say anything to her, just run and get JJ’s hairdryer.
 

I take it to the nursery, turn it on high, and say a prayer.
 

After pulling, cussing, and burning my hand, the stickers are gone.
 

“Let me get some water,” my mom says. She comes back with a sponge and wipes off the remaining adhesive.
 

We both stand back.
 

“You can’t even tell they were there,” I say with relief.
 

My mom hugs herself. “This is the most beautiful nursery I’ve ever seen. You need to call JJ.”

But I’m way ahead of her.
 

Jadyn

All that really matters.

I get done with my massage and am at my locker getting dressed.

The baby, who must have been sleeping during the massage, has decided to wake up and do some kind of workout. I’m getting kicks to the stomach and elbows to the ribs. I pat my belly, the stress I felt when I got here instantly reappearing.
 

I still have no idea what I’m going to do.
 

Or where I’m going to go.
 

But then I look down at my engagement ring and remember what Phillip told me a few days before our wedding.
This ring means one thing. That I love you. Promise me that no matter what, no matter if we fight, no matter how hopeless things may feel, that you will look at this ring and know that when you love someone, that’s all that really matters. That we’ll always figure it out
 
together.

I promised that I would.

I was a tad overdramatic when I stormed out on Phillip’s mom. Honestly, I wasn’t really that mad at her. And I’m a big girl. I should’ve talked to her about it myself instead of waiting for Phillip to say something. I just didn’t want to hurt her feelings. She’s made me feel like part of their family since my parents died. I’ll just be honest with her. Tell her that we love having her stay with us but it’s our house and there are a few rules. Make that one rule.
No decorating.

I’ll apologize, tell her the truth, and then tell her what Lori said, because that’s what upset me the most. That’s what set me off. The nursery was just the spark that lit the powder keg.

I still can’t believe Lori said that to me. Wished that on me.
 

How could a friend say something like that?

Which brings me back to the same answer I’ve been avoiding since she accused me of cheating.
 

A friend wouldn’t.

Besides apologizing to Mrs. Mac, I also need to have a serious conversation with Danny. If he wants to stay with Lori, that’s his business, but I can’t be friends with her unless she gives me a sincere apology. I’m done pretending things are okay. And I hope and pray it won’t affect our relationship with Danny.
 

My phone vibrates.
 

“It’s your dad,” I say to my stomach. “Close your ears. I may say a few bad words. Hello,” I say into the phone.

“Come home,” Phillip says.

“No thanks,” I reply even though I want to go home. I just want it to be
my
home when I get there.

“Are you okay? Mom said you were really upset when you left.”

“I’m fine, Phillip,” I lie.

“I just need to make sure you’re okay.”

“I just told you I’m okay, Phillip,” I say with a sigh. “Just like I told you that your mother doing stuff to our house was upsetting to me. Just like I told Danny I couldn’t be friends with Lori any more.”

“I’m sorry about my mom. I kept thinking it was temporary. That we just needed to get through it. Then we could do things our way as soon as she left. I didn’t want to upset her.”

“But it was okay to upset me? Why does everyone think it’s okay for me to be upset?”

“What happened with Lori?”

“I went over there before I came home. Danny wanted me to make up with her, but I wasn’t even through the door before she said something horrible.”

“What did she say?”

“That I would have a rough delivery because I had such an easy pregnancy.”

“What a bitch,” Phillip says. “You’re done being friends with her. I’ll talk to Danny about it.”

“I came home upset and when your mom showed me the nursery, I just blew.”

“I don’t blame you. Mom chewed me out,” he says softly.

“Why?”

“Because I didn’t stand up for you. She said that I suck at being a husband.”

“You’re not a bad husband, Phillip. You were in an awkward situation. I get that. I understand why you always took her side. I just didn’t like it.”

“But I shouldn’t have. And I shouldn’t have left the burden on you to tell her. It wasn’t fair of me. Just like Danny asking you to be friends with Lori again isn’t fair. My parents are leaving, just so you know. They will stay in hotels from now on.”

“I don’t want them to leave. I just don’t want her decorating.”

“Please come home.”

“While we’re at it. Let’s talk about you, Phillip.”

“Me? What’d I do?”

“I haven’t wanted to say anything, but since I’m getting it all off my chest, I might as well. Your worst-case scenarios, the college funds, the baby proofing, the planning. You’re so far into the future, it’s crazy. Are you doing all that out of love or fear?”

“Seeing Lori and Danny’s relationship deteriorate so quickly has me nervous.”

“We’re not going to be like them, Phillip. So what if we don’t change the baby’s diaper perfectly or if we don’t have money saved for college yet? The baby won’t know the difference. We’ll learn and grow with it. Remember what you told me about my engagement ring? How love is all that matters. I wasn’t lying when I said you were going to be an amazing father. You’re fun, and smart, and you have strong arms. Those are the things I remember most about my dad—that and I always knew he loved me. And if something ever happens to me, I know that you’ll raise our kids to be strong, confident, and caring.”

“Don’t even say that. Nothing is going to happen to you.”

“You’ve read all the worst-case scenarios, Phillip, and I lived my own worst-case scenario when my parents died. Things can and do happen. It’s important for me to know if something ever does happen that you’ll always remember love is the most important thing. Just love.”

“I’ve always known that,” he says. “I guess I just lost sight of it. But I learned it again today. From you.”

“How so?”

“The crib and the rocking chair came. The nursery looks beautiful and calming just like you wanted it to. But it’s more than that. The room feels like you’re being wrapped in a hug because you chose every single little detail for it out of love. So I get it. Love is all that matters. And I love you desperately.”

“I love you too, Phillip. Does it really look good? Did you put everything where it’s supposed to go?”

“It looks perfect. And my mom and I were able to get the stickers off the wall without ruining the paint.”

“Ohmigawd! Really? I’m dying to see it. I’m leaving the spa now. I’ll be right home.”

“I can’t wait, Princess. I love you.”

“Any chance you can get rid of the chickens, the table, and the bad artwork too?”

“Already done,” he chuckles as we end the call.

I rush to my car and head for home.
 

I can’t wait to see the nursery.

I’ve obsessed over every single detail that went into the room all the way down to selecting over a hundred coordinating fabrics and ribbons for the mobile.