That's a Promise (20 page)

I was jostled awake, by the feeling of weightlessness. I felt hot lips on my neck, and heard a familiar masculine rumbling in my ears.

“I love you so much, Josie. I’m so sorry,” he whispered. He didn’t know that I had woken up, so I let him talk to me without fear of knowing that I could hear him. I heard a door creak open, and I was placed onto a comfortable mattress. Blake covered me with a blanket, and I felt him kneel in front of me.

“I can’t lose you, Josie,” he started whispering again. “I just hope one day you’ll forgive me.” I felt a kiss on my head, cheeks, nose, and finally my mouth. He lingered there for a few moments, before getting up and walking out the door. I heard the door close and I was alone again. I drifted back to sleep a few seconds later.

Chapter 17

Tuesday Present

Tuesday morning I wake up, and for the first time in a long time I feel relaxed and content.

 I notice that Blake must have moved us to my bedroom, because I am wrapped around him in my bed. He is sleeping peacefully, so I decide not to move, not wanting to wake him.

Yesterday I decided I would give him the week to show me that he loved me and that things could work between us. He wants to make me fall back in love with him, but he doesn’t know, of course, that I have always known I am in love with him.

My biggest wish is that we are successful in overcoming every betrayal and problem in our relationship.  I want to feel loved by him one last time just in case he decides he cannot take me back after what I did. It’s a precarious game, but it’s worth a try.

I see his eyelids flutter, making me smile. I used to love to watch him sleep, and that clearly hasn’t changed in a year. I feel his arm tighten around my body, and he brings me to him as a moan escapes his throat. I’m still naked, and he is in his basketball shorts and no shirt. His body heat against mine is electrifying. His eyes open all the way, and he kisses my nose, making me smile lightly at the affection.

“Good morning, love,” he says groggily. “And might I say, it is most definitely a good day because the woman of my dreams is wrapped around me,” he says with a smirk. I smile, loving his confidence, as he kisses the side of my mouth.

“Mmm, good morning to you,” I say quietly.  Being in this bed with him is almost surreal. He looks at me like I am the reason the world turns. No one has ever made me feel the way he does in one look or kiss.

“You are so beautiful, Jo,” he says as he runs his hands through my tangled bed hair. I shake my head and let out a little huff. “You are. You have no idea just how beautiful you are. Every picture I look at doesn’t do you justice. Not when you look like you do right now.” He continues to run his hand through my hair, and the other one cups my cheek. I lean into his touch, loving the thrill it gives me to be loved again.

“If I had known that that day would have been the last day I saw you, the last time I held you, I would have kept you in bed all day and never have left that morning,” he whispers to me. He leans in and starts placing kisses all over my face. “I would have shown you exactly how much I love you.  I never wanted to lose you, Jo. Please believe that.”

I know he wants to talk about everything that happened, but I am just not ready yet. If we talk about it, then it means I will have to confess too, and I can’t do that yet. I want to keep ourselves in this bubble before it has to burst again.

“I’m not ready yet, Blake. I can’t talk about it yet. We will, but for the next few days, let me just have you without all of the problems that are keeping us apart,” I plead.

He nods his head in understanding, and continues placing kisses all over me. He climbs on top of me to get better access. I laugh as his stubble tickles my face, and he starts to laugh with me. He rubs his face all over me until I am consumed with uncontrollable laughter. He starts tickling my sides while I am laughing, and I swear I can’t breathe. I hit and kick him, but he’s a hell of a lot stronger than me, so it doesn’t do any damage to him.

“Blake!” I yell. “I’ll give you anything, just stop tickling me!” He laughs at me and puts his finger to his mouth as if lost in thought.

“Hmmm, anything?” He asks with a mischievous grin. I nod at his question. “Okay, then I would love for you to go make me an omelet like you used to make.” I raise my eyebrows at his request, and start to laugh.

“What?” he asks innocently, and then pats his stomach. “A man has to eat, and you make the best omelets.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just assumed you would pick something else,” I say and shove his shoulder so I can get up. He stays right where he is.

“I can, if that’s what you want, Josie,” he says, a little naughtily. His eyes turn heated, and I bite my lip to keep him from knowing how easily he can make my breathing unstable. He pulls my lip out from under the assault of my teeth. “Mmm… baby, don’t bite your pretty lip.”

He leans down and licks the length of my bottom lip very gently, before pulling it into his mouth. I try to close my legs because the pressure is so intense and I need some friction, but Blake moves his body in between my legs so I can’t move them. I groan against his mouth, feel him smile. He moves his hand in between my legs and cups me, making me gasp.

“This what you need, love?” he asks me roughly. I nod my head. I know he sees me, but he pulls back and shakes his head. “No, no, no, pretty girl. I need to hear you say it.”

I shake my head at him. I can make him come to me. I will not give him the satisfaction. He smirks at my determination, and raises himself off of me.

“Alright, Jo. But I will make it impossible for you to resist. That’s a fucking promise,” he says with a laugh. “Now go make me my omelet, wench!” he says, winking at me. I can’t help but feel like we have slipped right back to where we were.

I pull on some clothes that I brought, and head downstairs to start breakfast for everyone. I want to see if I can get Dad to come downstairs today. I’m going back to my apartment tonight, so I want to make sure he will be okay before I leave. I hear Blake come up behind me, and smell his favorite cologne. He wraps an arm around my stomach, and I raise an arm to wrap around his neck, tugging on the little extra hair as he kisses my neck.

“I like this little bit of extra hair,” I say to him as I tug it again. He moves his hand and tugs a strand of mine.

“Keep that up, love, and I’ll have you begging for me within the next five minutes,” he says and then swats my butt.

“I will never beg for you Blake Porter, I have too much pride,” I say over my shoulder with a smirk. I finish making three omelets, and place them on the table. I am about to go upstairs to get Dad, when Blake grabs my hand and pulls me into his lap.

“You are the most gorgeous girl in the world. Do you know that? You have the most beautiful soul. Thank you so much for doing this for me,” he said emphatically. I feel a wave of sadness that he thinks I am such a good person. I know he will be disappointed. Instead of confronting the issue head-on though, I just nudge him and get off.

“It’s just an omelet, Blake. Geesh, you would think I bought you an island,” I retort with a chuckle. He gives me a small smile, but it’s clear he was hoping I would have said something different. I just can’t.

I run upstairs to find my Dad staring into space. I am hit again by our loss. I’ve had distractions these last couple of days, but he hasn’t had any.

“Alright, Dad,” I say to him, opening the curtains. “It’s time to get out of bed. Go take a shower and meet me downstairs. We have a lot to do today.” He stays where he is.

“I’m not ready, Josie,” he says, his voice thick with emotion.

“None of us are ready to move on,” I say, sitting on the edge of the bed and grabbing his hand. “But we have to start living again at some point. Daddy would not be okay with this and you know it. I’m not asking you to move on. I’m not asking that you act like you didn’t just suffer the biggest loss of your life, but I
am
asking that you get out of this goddamn bed and spend some time with your daughter before she has to leave tonight! If you don’t, then I am going to pour a bucket of water on you. Don’t think I won’t!”

“Ugh…,” he grunts, but the hint of a smile means I got through to him a little. He leans in to give me a one armed hug, and I recoil.

“Ew, take a shower first,
please!
You stink, and we have company,” I say rushing to the door, so I don’t have to hear him ask who the company is. I run back downstairs, and I stand at the bottom of the stairs to make sure that he gets up. Once I hear shuffling and the water running, I give myself a pat on the back and head back to the kitchen.

“He’s in the shower,” I say with a triumphant smile. He smiles back at me, and I notice that he waited to eat until we all were there. That small gesture means more to me than he will ever know.

“You were always good with pep talks. Remember when you gave Dom that pep talk after his girlfriend broke up with him?” he laughs. I start laughing with him.

“He needed to get over it!” I defend myself.

“I think he did after you slapped him and told him to wake up and look around,” he said.

“Yeah well, it was practically a strip club, there was no reason for him to be moping about a girl who was a crazy bitch,” I say. I really did slap him that night. Everyone was shocked, but there was a room full of girls checking him out, and he was still hung up on a girl who had cheated on him months prior.

Dad walks into the room while we are still laughing, and kisses the top of my head, barely sparing Blake a glance. He was really disappointed when Blake broke my heart, so I’m not sure how he will react to Blake being around this week.

“What are you doing here, son?” he asks in his deep voice. He is a pretty intimidating man, but Blake has always held his own around my dad. 

“Just trying to make things right, sir,” Blake says with so much conviction in his voice and eyes, that I know Daddy would be proud. My dad grumbles, and digs into his food. I grab Blake’s hand under the table, and we hold hands while we eat. I remember that first week we stayed together in this house, and how this was the place where we finally admitted our feelings for each other. Maybe that’s why it feels so good to be here with him, why it feels so easy go back to the way things were.

I tell Dad to sit in the living room while I do the dishes, and before Blake goes out to join him, he pulls me in for a hug.

“Do you mind hanging out with my dad and me today?” I ask him.

“There’s nothing I would love more. I just wanted you to know that I love you. Just in case your dad tries to kill me later on in the day,” he says with a smile and kisses the tip of my nose. It sends a chill all the way to my toes. I smile up at him, and go back to work on the dishes.

I make a plan while I clean the dishes to make multiple dinners for Dad to eat for the week. I make a mental list of the recipes that I will make, and get started on finding the ingredients.

As I move around the kitchen, I can’t help my mind from wandering to what tonight might be like. I will be going back to my apartment and getting ready for my third graders, but I will be doing so much more than that. I’ll be inviting Blake back to my apartment, a place where we learned how to be together without any interruptions from the outside world. It’s the place where we grew from a college couple, to a more mature couple.

I know in my heart, that if I decide to let him walk through that door, everything that I have worked towards will be ruined, and it scares me. All the things I tried to do to forget him will be washed away. I don’t want to have to start all over when this sham attempt of a reconciliation fails. But if I don’t let him walk through my door, then I’ll never know what could have happened. I would rather risk another year of recuperation, than to never have the chance to make things work, regretting it the rest of my life.

When I have the ingredients prepared, I walk into the living room to let them know what I am up to. I find them watching a Fast & Furious movie on TV. I always loved that Blake and my dads were able to bond easily, seemingly enjoying each other’s company. I stop before they see me, and eavesdrop on their conversation.

“So what are you going to do to fix this mess?” Dad asks Blake.

“I just want to show her how in love I am with her. I want to remind her how good we are together. Most of all, I want her to know how sorry I am that I lied to her,” Blake says quietly. I catch a glimpse of him tugging on his hair, a trait I know to mean he is upset. Upset that he hurt me.

“And why did you lie to her in the first place?” I can see the turmoil in Blake’s eyes as he looks at my dad. They both are broad men, and noticeably strong. They both display a controlling demeanor. They both wear sad expressions.

“I didn’t want her to have to suffer anymore. I just wanted to provide her with a life of happiness, so she could forget everything. I didn’t want her to view me differently, because I loved her more than she could ever understand. But most of all, I was a fucking coward. I was selfish, and I wanted to keep her no matter how much it could hurt her,” Blake admits.

The anguish in Blake’s face makes my chest ache and my throat tighten. It
was
selfish of him, but he is right when he says that I would be hurt more by the truth than without it. That’s why I always wondered why Daddy was so adamant about telling the truth. If it hurts the person you love, then is it really worth telling them? He always seemed to think it was, but I’ve struggled with that advice, knowing how it feels to be on the receiving end of that honesty.

“Boy, you broke her heart doing that, but Will always told me that he understood what you were trying to do. He said if you ever came back, that I needed to give you another chance to prove yourself to Josie. Between Seth leaving her and your lies, she’s barely been living this past year. So, if you mean what you’re saying, then I hope you bring her happiness back.”

This was the most I’ve heard my dad say in almost two weeks, and I am even more surprised that he is encouraging Blake. Daddy did always seem to have a soft spot for Blake, so I believe Dad when he says that Daddy tried to get him to give Blake another chance. He was always telling me the same thing too. He also was trying to get me to tell him my secret.