The 21 Biggest Sex Lies (3 page)

This is the old lie that you need to sleep with the person you love before you commit to a long term relationship.

This lie was born in the days when pre-marital sex was frowned upon, so people created this lie to justify having pre-marital sex.

What it really comes down to is the notion that if you are incompatible in bed, the relationship does not stand a chance of working out. And of you truly believe this, and want to have sex,
then I suppose you will.

But don’t be afraid to make a commitment while the sexual side of your relationship remains a mystery.

This isn’t so much a lie as it is a tool we use to justify playing around, and I suppose if you practice safe sex and use protection, it is all well and good.

The key point here is you. If you truly want to have sex with somebody you just met, and you want to have sex without any emotional commitment, then that decision is up to you.

But call me old fashioned…

…Every woman I have ever met has associated sex with a relationship. And by definition, a relationship denotes commitment.

I am so confused.

The bottom line is don’t confuse sex with commitment, and be assertive—that is, make up your own mind and don’t be intimidated by peer pressure.

Free expression of what?

During the 1960s hippie movement women burned their bras and joined in group sex activities to protest suffocating norms and rules that defined what a woman could and could not do.

I don’t blame women for rebelling.

But I could never understand how a woman equated giving herself to a group of guys and even strangers to freedom.

To me, freedom and free expression is living life on your terms, and deciding who gets in your bed and who doesn’t.

Don’t confuse anger and the desire to toss tradition aside as freedom, and never feel like you have to give yourself away in order to be accepted.

Sexual exploitation is not freedom,
it’s slavery.

Statistics are a liar’s favorite tool. And when it comes to sex, the statistical lies are especially virulent.

For example, a headline on a magazine cover may state, “72 percent of teen girls have sex on prom night.”

When you see that you begin to think, wow, I must be a prude. I didn’t have sex on my prom night. Or even worse, when a 16 year old girl sees a headline like that she begins to
think, I guess I need to have sex to be part of the crowd.

But truthfully, statistical claims of this nature are almost always bogus. They are pure horse
pucky. When you read beyond the headline and get into the details of the survey, you often find the facts paint an entirely different picture.

For example, you may discover that 72 percent of teen girls “thought” about having sex on their prom night. Or, perhaps 72 percent of teen girls discussed the idea of sex on their prom night with their friends.

You don’t need a survey, or the results of some warped research project to define who you are, or what you should be doing…

…and this goes for the guys also who walk around feeling inadequate because some survey told them they were short.

We live in a media driven society, and feast on the ill-gotten products of paparazzi. We all have a favorite
celebrity, and often associate drop dead gorgeous looks with hot sex.

But good looks do not guarantee good sex. In fact, I have a friend who is married to a less than attractive woman. He adores her, and claims she is the best lover (no details provided) he ever had.

I also have buddies who tell stories about sexual encounters with beautiful women any sane man would assume would be great between the sheets.

Now I know, guys tell outrageous lies about sex and women, but the preponderance of the evidence suggests looking hot in a bikini does not automatically mean she’s great in bed.

The point is, we allow ourselves to be convinced that unless a person looks like she just walked off a fashion magazine cover, she is not worth having.

Don’t confuse looks with sex. When the lights are out it’s all in the hip movement.

Okay, foreplay is a complicated subject, and I have to admit, according to my wife I don’t know anything about this subject.

But I do know one thing, despite the lies guys tell themselves and share with their buddies, taking a lady out to dinner, or walking her home from the library, is not foreplay.

The problem with foreplay is that it takes patience, and most guys lack patience. We’re the ones who want to jump to the front of the roller coaster line, and move as quickly as possible to the next ride.

Meanwhile, our partner wants to relax and enjoy the journey.

And of course, these differences plant the seeds of conflict in any relationship.

I’m afraid there is no known cure for a man’s reluctance to engage in foreplay. It takes us about 2.3 seconds to get ready, and about 23 seconds to finish. It’s just the way we’re built.

My first exposure to this lie hit home when I was watching the movie “American Graffiti” as a kid.
Fonze was a tough guy with a fast car. He rode a motorcycle and rolled his cigarettes in his t-shirt sleeve.

And all the girls loved the
Fonze.

Years later I watched as the tough guys walked out of the bars with the cute girls
, and the guys with tattoos and police records were admired.

Perhaps I was hanging with the wrong crowd, but from my perspective, the bad boys had something to offer that I lacked.

I realize now that sexual attraction is a natural human reaction to the bad boy’s self-confidence and overall persona.

But when it comes to finding a man who will be there for you, the last place you want to go looking is at the local prison visiting room. Or simply put, bad boys may look sexy when you’re drunk, but the sexiest man alive is the one who is there for you in the morning.