The Adventurous Couple's Guide to Sex Toys (3 page)

The Aneros (from
malegspot.com
) is a beautiful white anal plug made specifically for prostate massage. Unlike most plugs for guys, the Aneros was painstakingly researched to come up with the very best design for easy insertion and hands-free prostate massage. The thinking behind its anatomically correct design is that contraction of the sphincter muscles provides the rhythm for orgasmic release, and its creators claim that men can reach multiple orgasms when using their toy correctly. The Aneros ships in a variety of sizes. Whether or not claims of male multiples are true, the Aneros has a loyal following and is a darling of the sex toy boutique scene.

There's no doubt: What a toy is made of makes all the difference in the world. Most commercially available sex toys are fashioned out of hard plastic, jelly rubber, silicone, vinyl, or softskin (aka Cyberskin or Futurotic). But you'll need to know the two basic differences when choosing a toy: porous versus nonporous materials.

Nonporous toys are made of materials (like silicone, hard plastic, glass, metal, or stone) that are easy to clean and don't
retain bacteria in the tiny pockets or pores in the surface. This means that when you clean one of these toys, they're completely clean and don't have the potential to carry STDs or bacteria that can infect (or reinfect) the user. Plastic, glass and Pyrex, metal, and stone sex toys can have their surfaces rendered sterile by washing with unscented antibacterial soap (like Hibiclens) or a solution of 1:10 bleach and water (1:10 rubbing alcohol and water is a fine alternative).

Many consider silicone the perfect sex toy material. Of course, the popularity of silicone toys caused the ethics-free segments of the sex toy industry to start incorrectly labeling jelly rubber toys as silicone (or sili-gel) to hike sales—again, buyer beware. Private companies make silicone toys from medical-grade silicone, so you should never be able to see through a silicone toy; real silicone is
always
opaque. The surface is 100 percent pore-free and silky-smooth, ranging from very firm to floppy-soft, and silicone warms quickly to body temperature and retains its heat for a long time. Silicone toys can be boiled for up to 5 minutes or run in the top rack of the dishwasher for complete sterilization, which is especially awesome for anal toys. Some silicone toys react badly to silicone lubricants, so it's best to use water-based lubes with your silicone toys.

Most sex toys are made of a material usually referred to as jelly rubber, though you'll also see variations like jel-lee, latex jelly, or derivatives like glow-in-the-dark and “realistic” materials such as softskin, Cyberskin, or Futurotic. Jelly rubber toys are very colorful, clear (though not always), shiny, and visually appealing. They're fashioned out of the ultimate “mystery material,” mass-produced mostly in Chinese chemical factories with so many mixtures and versions of the material that it's difficult
to pin down a set of manufacturer's ingredients. What
is
known, however, is that these materials contain latex, give off a highly chemical smell, leach oils and can leave spots on fabrics and wood, and have a surface that breaks down over time. Softskin, Cyberskin, and Futurotic toys are especially strange; while they feel amazingly real, they react bizarrely with other jelly rubber toys and actually melt into wet puddles of chemical goo on contact—needless to say, don't store these two materials side-by-side. Softskin is the most porous toy of all, able to absorb color from lipstick and even text from newsprint.

No one knows for sure how safe these toys are for internal use; remember, we're talking about the novelty industry, so we can surmise that it'll be about 800 years before clinical tests are done on the long-term effects of jelly rubber chemicals on the cervix and lower colon. Some people have no problems with jelly rubber toys at all and have used them for years uneventfully (except for the orgasm part, which is certainly an event worth talking about). Others have had serious reactions to the latex, or to other unknown chemicals, ranging from anaphylactic shock from latex allergy to recurring infections. On the Web you'll find a plethora of writings about the possible harmful and carcinogenic nature of these toys.

Which is why many sex toy boutiques (as well as this book) recommend that you use a condom on
every
jelly rubber or softskin toy that enters your body. If you have no reaction to jelly rubber, and most people don't, remember to keep the toy scrupulously clean. Wash such toys with unscented antibacterial soap (like Hibiclens) or a solution of 1:10 bleach and water (alcohol and water also works fine). Waterproof toys are wonderful in this regard, as they can be completely submerged during cleaning.
Consider porous toys disposable, and once a toy has been used for anal play, make it an anal-only toy. Keep an eye on the surface; once it becomes dull, it's starting to break down and you can never be sure you're getting it clean; so be safe, toss it out, and get a new one. And hey—doesn't everyone want an excuse to go sex toy shopping?

W
ant to give your special someone a sex toy? Nothing says “sexy” like giving a sex toy to a lover or potential lover. Imagine the blushing look of wicked delight on her face when she unwraps a box containing a very special sex toy—a simple gesture that conveys how sexy you think she is, and hints at all the things you'd like to do with her. Better yet, think about how giving your guy a butt plug reveals that much more about the naughty thoughts you're having, and how you'd like nothing less than to turn those thoughts into erotic reality. Getting and giving sex toy presents is a huge turn-on. It's the biggest signifier that hot sex is right around the corner—and all that one of you has to do is unwrap that package. Unwrapping each other's “packages” will follow, in short order, I promise you.

Buying someone an intimate gift isn't like grabbing a last-minute bouquet of flowers from the corner store on Valentine's Day. In addition to the overwhelming amount of choices, health considerations, and infinite fantasy possibilities that you can
unlock with sex toys for two, you also have many titillating decisions to make when it comes to choosing or assembling the perfect sex toy present.

And believe me, working in sex toy retailing for nearly eight years had me counseling literally hundreds of such “impulse buy” shoppers. These shoppers had a lot more to consider than just what color to choose and what was the most popular vibrator style that season. Their reactions have helped me compile some possibilities for you to consider before clicking your mouse on the “buy” button or swoop into the local sex toy retailer for a naughty-but-nice present. Above all, don't forget to make a shopping checklist before you buy.

Is your lover new to sex toys? Want to surprise him or her with a little something sexy for a special occasion? This is such a fun situation to find yourself in: A whole world of sex toys and choices awaits, and your lover gets to try out a toy for the very first time, sharing the experience with you. Nothing could be hotter, sexier, or more intimate.

Will your gift be a surprise? While slow seductions and planned fantasies are among life's exquisite pleasures, giving your sweetie something you know they're not expecting—but want—makes for an unforgettable sexual tryst. Yet if it's too unexpected, you might be met with shock, or worse. Make sure he or she has some idea that something hot's coming. Presenting someone with a sex toy when they're having a bad day, feel exhausted, or wish they'd showered before seeing you might make them feel awkward, or pressured. Plan ahead for a successful “reveal,” and make
sure you've had some indication that they'd like to get frisky with you—
and
with the novelty of a sex toy.

If you don't talk with each other about sex or haven't even broached the topic, a sex toy might not be the right way to get the conversation started. In fact, if the idea of sex toys is totally new to your lover and you give them a bright pink buzzing bunny, it might startle them so much that it closes a door in your relationship for some time to come. Make sure you know they're even remotely interested in sexual play or experimentation beforehand, by chatting about it. You don't need to give away your surprise or plans for seduction, but do lightly check in with him or her about trying something new in bed, just the two of you—this way, you can fish around for anything that might be potentially “off the list” so that you don't wind up being a “bad Santa.”

If you want to surprise your honey with a sex toy present that takes you out of your sexual routines (or a rut), you're going to have to be the one to start talking about it. This will be easy if you talk about sex and experimentation regularly in your relationship, though a bit daunting if you never talk about sex but just do it. Telling him or her that you want to try something new sexually can feel stressful—and if it's motivated by a secret fantasy, this is an understatement. In fact, even
thinking
about talking about sex is stressful sometimes! If you've never brought up the subject of sex with your partner, don't worry. If you have what you consider a routine style of sex, telling your partner that you want something to change is scary, and starting a conversation about your desires to sexually experiment can make you feel vulnerable. This is as true with familiar sexual fantasies that predate your relationship as it is with new fantasies you discover as time goes by. Opening yourself up and asking for something you want sexually takes courage—but it also gives you an opportunity to learn more about what your lover likes and dislikes.

If you're the one bringing it up, reverse roles for a minute: If you don't normally talk about sex in your relationship and then suddenly one of you wants to, it might be upsetting—at first. Your lover may wonder if you've been withholding sexual secrets all along. But it's very likely that your opening up to them will give your lover the opportunity to tell you what's on their mind about sex, too.

Okay, enough talk about talking. You're both ready to take the plunge into sex toy play, and you're not worried about how your daring device will be received—but you do want to make sure that it's the right toy. Be sure to read through chapter 1, Basic Models, and Care and Feeding of Your Toys, before you proceed so that you can make your selections armed with the knowledge of a smart consumer.

The key to picking out the right first-time sex toy is making sure you select one with enough options to ensure that your lover can try a variety of ways to get off. When buying a vibrator, your first impulse might be to grab a Pocket Rocket or mini-massager because they're small, nonthreatening, and discreet—“they don't look like vibrators,” you say to yourself. This might be a good choice if you know she's a little freaked out by the sometimes in-your-face way sex toys appear. But the drawback to a small one-speed vibe like this is that it has few options for the user—it's for clitoral stimulation only, so if she wanted to try vibration and penetration she'd have to get another vibrator, and because it has only one speed, that may not be
her
speed, if you get my drift. For first-time vibes, pick a basic model that's suitable for both clitoral stimulation and penetration, and that has variable speeds that can be changed as she feels the need to reach orgasm. Try a slimline or a dual-action vibrator, both excellent first-time choices.

As introduced in chapter 1, vibrators come in two very general styles: innies and outies. Some vibes are made for external
stimulation (clit, nipple, penis head) while others are made for penetration—and some combine both. Vibrators can also be defined in two other distinct categories for use: multiple (variable) speed vibes, with vibrational intensity that can be adjusted as the user prefers, and vibrators with speeds that can't be changed—one-speed vibrators. Another duality in the vibrator world is the power source: batteries or electric power. Electric plug-in massagers are the most common (though rechargeable and even solar-powered models are on the market). Battery vibes are common, have no cord, and come in all styles, but never deliver a vibration as strong as one powered by juice from a wall outlet—which may or may not be important or useful to you. Further, vibrators can be innocuous and not look like a vibrator at all, or can be as fantastically realistic or cliché as you like. It all depends on what you want the vibrator to do, and how you want it to look, because even if you find the perfect size, shape, and controls, if it's ugly, it's just going to sit in a drawer making no one happy.