The Appeal of Evil (The Road to Salvation) (21 page)

Katie had never seen Wes so angry before. All the self-loathing and sorrow drained from him completely. There was nothing she could say in her defense.

“I’ve tried to save you, Katie. Maybe I went about it in the wrong way, maybe I should have told you what was going on, but I didn’t. I’m trying to fix that now.”

“Trying to fix that now? How are you trying to fix it? At your house after I picked you up from the hospital, you told me you couldn’t trust me with information about your mom and sister because I might tell a demon about them. How can you love me if you can’t trust me? And why would you save me if I’m such an awful person?” Her voice cracked and she sucked in a ragged breath.

He waved his hand through the air, as if to push away the words Katie had just spoken.. “If you don’t want my help, I’m not going to force it on you. Ultimately, you’re the only one who can save yourself. I’m not going to make you do anything you don’t want to do.”

Katie’s limbs tingled with irritation. Her throat felt tight, her hands balled into fists at her sides. She fought back every urge to punch him right in the face. “Typical, Wes. As soon as things get hard, you leave. I know you can’t change the past, but you’re not doing much to change the present either. Don’t yell at me to stay away from Josh because YOU don’t like him. Show me what you know. Let me experience what you go through. Maybe then I’d understand. Don’t just abandon me.” Katie huffed. “Oh, wait. That’s what you’re good at. Why would you change now?” Her body shook and she folded her arms across her chest to keep it under control. “Maybe your family really didn’t go into hiding to be safe. Maybe they went there to get away from you.”

Katie felt bad about saying those last words. They might have pushed things too far, and the look that crossed Wes’s face emphasized that. It was a combination of sadness and pure hate. But the words were already out there. She couldn’t take them back. Besides, part of her wanted Wes to feel just as bad as she did. She wanted him to know how much hurt, sorrow, and loathing flowed through her at the moment. She knew those words would cut deep.

Without saying a word, Wes opened a portal. Katie didn’t care where it went. All she wanted was to get away from him. She turned her back on him and stepped through the light. When she blinked, she found herself in her bedroom. Glancing over her shoulder, she expected to see Wes step in behind her. Thankfully, he didn’t. The portal vanished. With a deep breath, she collapsed onto her bed. Anger coursed through her veins, along with regret. She’d known Wes for a long time. Did their friendship really just end because of another guy? Well, not just a guy, but a demon. She hated to admit it, but there was an emptiness in her chest, close to the area she had seen Josh place his hand on Paul to extract his soul.

Even though she had resolved to cut Wes out of her life, she didn’t think this was how it would end. It made her sad, but there was also a feeling a relief associated with it. That scared her more than anything. She really needed to talk to someone. She needed guidance. But who?

Her phone buzzed and she pulled it out of her pocket. There were thirteen messages on it, all from Deb. Katie sighed. She had a lot of explaining to do, but how much of the truth could she actually reveal?

I’M FINE.
Will talk to you later. Promise.

Katie wanted Deb to know she wasn’t totally blowing her off, but she wasn’t quite ready to talk to her yet. She needed to get her thoughts together; she needed to be alone. There was one place Katie could go where she was sure no one would bother her. She rose from the bed and headed downstairs.

“Katie?” her mom called. “Is that you? I didn’t hear you come in.”

Katie didn’t respond. She grabbed the keys to her mom’s car and headed out the door.

She stared at the headstone, reading her dad’s name and birth and death dates over and over in her mind. Thirty years was too young. There was a time when she thought that was old, decrepit, but now she knew it wasn’t. He never had time to realize his dreams, see his daughter grow up. There were so many things he could have done, accomplished.

Katie sat in the grass and faced the marble slab. When was the last time she had been there? It had been years, she knew that. A lot of it was because of anger, resentment, hate that he left her so early. She convinced herself that it was because she was busy, but she knew better. As she sat there, she wondered if things would have turned out differently if he were still there. Would she have pined after Wes for so long if her dad was there to give her advice? Would she have gotten sucked in by a smooth-talking and attractive demon? She didn’t know. But she also knew worrying about and having the scenarios go through her mind weren’t going to change anything. Her dad was gone, and he had been for eleven years. She couldn’t change that; she could only deal. Maybe there were things she could have done differently, but what was the point in worrying about them? They couldn’t be changed.

The real reason for coming to the cemetery was because she could be alone. It was quiet, peaceful and hardly anyone knew where her father’s grave was. It was the perfect place to collect her thoughts and not be bothered. The location of his grave was perfect, too –under an ash tree, so she was shaded from the sun, and away from the main gate. She lay down in the grass and stared at the leaves. If someone passed by, they wouldn’t be able to find her among the headstones. She was truly able to be alone with her thoughts.

Katie thought about her dad and sin and salvation. Where had he gone when he died? She wanted to believe it was Heaven, but as she lay there, she realized she really didn’t know her dad. She was six when he died, hardly any time to get to know him. Mom rarely talked about him, only making comments here and there about how he would have liked something or it was a shame he wasn’t there to see them. Her parents had met in college at a party. Mom didn’t give too many details, such as if they were drinking or doing other bad things. Dad had asked her to the movies, and at first she wanted to decline, say she had studying to do, but she didn’t. She went with him. They dated for two years before getting married, but Mom was vague on the details, believing Katie was too young and would find the love aspect gross. After a while, Katie quit asking. Wes was in the picture and Katie was sure she could figure out on her own what it meant to be boyfriend and girlfriend. Instead, Katie was misinformed about how relationships worked. Wes was constantly abandoning her, and her father was gone, so Katie was convinced that was how loved worked. The guys left when they were needed most.

That was normal. All those shows on TV were wrong. No one got a happy ending in real life. It took Katie a long time, practically until her senior year in high school, to realize relationships weren’t full of heartache. Once she’d made the decision to look for that happy ending, she tangled herself in more despair and treachery. The only hope she could cling to was that she could force a happy ending. Josh wasn’t Prince Charming—well, he looked like Prince Charming, but didn’t have the right background—but he wasn’t Captain Abandonment, either. He at least gave her something to work with.

Katie still wasn’t sure how a real relationship worked, but she didn’t blame her father for that. She couldn’t. He had been killed by a drunk driver. She blamed the other driver. It was his fault she had a screwed up outlook on love. If he hadn’t taken everything away from her…but that was a waste of energy too. Even if she had the chance to yell and scream at the guy, what difference would it make? Her dad wasn’t going to magically rise from the ground and they would be a happy family. No, what was done was done. Nothing could change it.

Still, she was curious to know what kind of person her father was. She assumed he was nice and kind, only because the fleeting comments her mom gave made him seem that way. But Josh also seemed nice and kind, too, and yet something dark and evil lurked just below the surface. The same thing could be said about her. She tried to live right and treat people with respect, but did it always turn out that way? There was a dark spot in her soul, the potential for evil. Who did she inherit that from? It was easy to say her dad because he wasn’t there. Her mom tried, she really did, but she wasn’t perfect and Katie didn’t always make things easy. Maybe her dad would have turned out to do awful things, but his life had been cut short and he never had the chance. Maybe that was why he died so young. Perhaps his crimes would have been so heinous they would have changed the course of history. The thought didn’t exactly cheer Katie, but it helped her make sense of the situation.

Katie also had to consider that the whole thing was a lie. Not the demons or Hell–those she had seen for herself–but the things Wes and Josh had told her. How could she possibly believe anything that came out of their mouths? Wes had been lying to her since kindergarten, maybe before. Josh was a demon. Supposedly everything he said was a lie. Katie hadn’t seen him act like that, but she had to be on her guard. After all, Wes and Josh were locked in a battle with one another and using Katie as the bait. They were going to say whatever they needed to say to get what they wanted. And Katie had to stop falling for it.

Yet, part of her found it hard to believe Josh didn’t have some feelings for her. He’d had a chance to kill her—multiple times—and didn’t. He took her to Hell and, according to Wes, he could have taken her soul, but he didn’t. Katie was willing to give Josh the benefit of the doubt because in the short time she’d known him, he’d never given her a reason to doubt. He laid everything out in front of her—no matter how ugly or undesirable—so she could make her own decisions. At least he was willing to share his life with her. That meant something, no matter how dark and twisted it was. He trusted her and let her in. He took a chance doing that. If Katie had been repulsed by him, she could have found a priest or another Praesul to banish him. He didn’t know what would happen, but he was willing to put himself at risk…for her. What other guy in Katie’s life was willing to put himself in danger for her?

“I knew I would find you here.”

The voice startled Katie and she bolted upright. Deb stood next to the headstone directly in front of Katie, her hand on her hip, a genuine look of concern on her face. Katie wasn’t sure if she was relieved or irritated to see Deb, but she was thankful it wasn’t Josh or Wes.

“I went by your house after you sent the text.” Deb explained. “Your mom said you took the car and left.” Deb stepped forward and sat next to Katie in the grass. “She’s really concerned about you. She’d been crying. Her eyes were all puffy and her face was streaked.” Deb stared at her for a minute. “She wanted to come with me, but I talked her out of it.”

Katie nodded and picked at the grass in front of her.

“You know, I was lucky I found you here. I kept trying to think of all the places you would go. I was totally wracking my brain. Then I thought you probably needed to go somewhere you could be alone.” She glanced around the cemetery. “It doesn’t get much lonelier than this.”

Katie squinted at the horizon. Deb could be so intuitive when she wanted to be. Katie also knew that Deb wasn’t going to leave until Katie told her what was going on. Deb was persistent like that. Normally, Katie enjoyed that about Deb; it made her easy to talk to. But those conversations usually centered around what a jerk Wes was, and then the rest of the school knew what a jerk he was, but three-fourths of them didn’t realize he went to their high school. Could she tell Deb the truth? Would Deb believe her or think she had totally lost her mind? Would the rest of the school be talking about it on Monday and think she was an escaped mental patient? At that point, did Katie really care or did she just need to get the story off her chest?

Deb took a deep breath, her forehead wrinkled with seriousness. “Katie, look, I know you’ve been going through a lot lately. Exactly what is still a mystery. But I want you to know I’m here for you.” She reached out and grabbed Katie’s hand. “You can tell me anything. You know that, right?”

Katie grabbed Deb’s hand and laid back in the grass. She was thankful her friend was there. Deb made her feel safe. Despite her quirks, she was the one person who had always been there for Katie.

“What did they say about me at the reservoir?”

“Oh, my God, Katie! It was insane!” Deb laid down next to her. “After we went down to the docks, we got on the boat and Stan’s cousin went to start the engine. The thing wouldn’t start. He forgot to put gas in it. Can you believe it? Who takes a boat to the lake without any gas? Then, he tried to tell all of us that if we wanted to ski, it would cost twenty bucks. Forget that! The boat was a mess. Beer cans littered the ground, fish hooks were everywhere. Seriously, I almost stepped on a rusty one. I wasn’t expecting a luxury liner, but this was more like a log with an engine on it. I wasn’t going to waste my money on that. I went back to the beach and noticed the crowd. Not wanting to be out of the loop,” she squeezed Katie’s hand, “I immediately ran to find out what happened. That’s when I heard about the fight between Wes and Josh.”

Katie listened patiently. Deb was never one to make a long story short. Every detail was important, especially the details that involved her.

“I had just missed it. Josh was in the middle of the crowd, bleeding. Oh, he looked awful. His right eye was starting to swell shut, his lip was swollen, blood was crusted around his nostrils, and he kept spitting blood on the ground. I thought I was going to puke. It scared the crap out of me. I asked him if he was all right, and he smiled at me and said, ‘Of course.’ Like it was totally normal for him to be in a fight. Then I asked where you were and he said he didn’t know. He was really worried though. Then Mandy Parsons told me she saw you run off for the bathrooms. Josh and I went to find you, but you were gone. Josh was pissed. He was sure Wes had taken you somewhere. He ran off to find you. I decided to go to the car and head home, thinking Wes brought you back to town.” She turned her head to look at Katie. “Where did you go?”