The Atonement (21 page)

“And I guess it would follow that the
promiscuous lifestyle is not only harmful to ourselves, but to
others, too,” said Tim quietly.

“True. ‘Cause we have to admit, when you’re
out there trying to game women to get in their pants you’re doing
it out of pure selfish desire and ego. Many of us try to play it
off by saying that if the girl is down there’s nothing wrong with
it. But we should know that if a girl is willing to put herself out
there like that then all we’re doing is taking advantage of someone
who obviously doesn’t feel good about themselves and leaving them
worse off than when they started. It’s like seeing a man who’s been
beaten half to death and you come up and take a turn at hitting him
just because you can. A real man, especially a man of God doesn’t
do that.”

Tim couldn’t argue with what Daniel was
saying. Thinking about his past from this new perspective made him
feel like the man-whore his sister often called him. It even made
him hurt inside to think of what he had done to himself, and the
other women he had been with. No wonder Allyson had very little
respect for him. He definitely agonized about how his past might
affect his relationship with that special woman he wanted to be
with. Now he felt so unworthy of her, especially since he knew she
was saving herself for her husband. Tim used to think he had so
much to offer any woman, now he doubted if he had anything to offer
at all. He knew that the woman he had feelings for expected a lot
more than financial security and a hot night in the sack. But above
all that, he was living for God and he knew that the old Tim wasn’t
the man He wanted Tim to be. Tim didn’t want to be that guy anymore
either. It made him think of his mistake with Mya again. He didn’t
want that to happen again. He wanted his life to honor God, every
part of it.

“So let’s say you’ve been living that
lifestyle and you want to come out of that. You try to stop, but
you find yourself doing things you don’t want to do.”

“That’s our flesh, and as
long as we are in these bodies, the Devil will try to use that to
interfere with our walk with Christ, but we can’t surrender to it.
Instead, you have to surrender to God. In the Romans it tells us,
‘Know ye not, that to whom ye yield yourselves servants to obey,
his servants ye are to whom ye obey; whether of sin unto death, or
of obedience unto righteousness’
¹¹
. You have to be obedient and
you have to surrender everything to His will. Like brother Darryl
said, you can’t live by what you want anymore. It has to be what He
wants.”

“But how do you surrender?”

“You believe what God says and you do what he
says from your heart because you love Him. You allow his Spirit to
guide you instead of relying on your own will and desires. You
don’t question Him because you know that you can trust that He
always has your best interests at heart.”

“But what if you get into a situation with a
woman that – from circumstances beyond your control – goes a little
too far?”

“There are circumstances that are within our
control that God will warn us about so that we don’t have to get
into the temptation or so that we can escape it. One thing that I
don’t do, as a man of God, is allow myself to get in compromising
positions with the opposite sex. That means no dinner at my place
alone, no romantic weekend get aways with just the two of us, no
intimate touching, none of that stuff. I also will not date girls
who dress too provocatively.”

“For real, bro?” asked Brother Jerry.

“For real. When I court a woman, I take her
out to a public place, we have a good time then I take her home and
then I head back to my crib.”

“Doesn’t that take all of the spice out of
the relationship?” said Brother Jerry.

“Not at all. But it does take out the
superficial stuff that gets in the way of getting to know the lady
you are courting. Like I said, a relationship is more than the way
she kisses, or the moves she puts on you, or how she looks in her
little black dress. It’s about getting to know her as a person and
finding out whether or not she would make a compatible spouse.”

“I must say, brother Dan, you’ve given me a
lot to think about,” said Tim.

“That was the plan, brother. Looks like we’re
out of time for today. We’re actually going to continue on this
topic, next week. I want each of you to find some scriptures that
show how Godly men respond to temptation in this area. Then I write
down things you think you can do to prevent falling prey to this
particular sin.”

Tim and the others thanked Daniel for his
time before they began to leave the little recreation room the
class was housed in. Chris left with Daniel who was giving him a
ride home. Davis, and Tim were getting ready to leave when they
noticed that Allen was still sitting at one of the desks. He was
fast asleep.

“Looks like we got another sleeper,” said
Tim.

“Hey, Al! Wake up!” said Davis.

“Hunh – what?” said Allen jerking out of his
sleep.

“Bible study is over. Time to go home for
dinner,” said Davis.

“Oh, man. Give me a second, alright,” said
Allen stretching himself.

“Take your time, buddy,” said Tim.

Tim took another look at his friend. His eyes
were bloodshot and he looked as if he had aged ten years
overnight.

“Al, are you ok?” asked Tim. It was weird
seeing Allen like this. He was used to the strong vibrant Allen
whose energy infected everyone else. It was jarring to see him so
lifeless and worn.

“I’m good. Just a little tired.”

“Law school that rough?”

“I’m managing.”

“How much sleep did you get last night?
Twenty minutes?” asked Davis.

“I got a couple of hours.”

“What’s a couple hours?” asked Tim.

“I crashed at 5:30, 6:00, something like
that.”

“And you had to get up for church at 8:00!
That’s like 2 hours!” said Tim.

“Like you’ve never done it,” said Allen.

“Once, twice a month maybe, not on a
consistent basis,” said Tim.

“You need to cut back on something before you
make yourself sick, Al,” said Davis.

“I agree with Davis. You can’t keep going
like this,” said Tim.

“C’mon, you don’t have to be overly
concerned. Once I get a hot meal in my stomach I’ll be good to go,”
said Allen.

“Where? To the morgue?” said Tim.

“Oh, stop it. I think I remember a time not
so long ago when a certain somebody was working real hard…”

“And not only did I take a vacation, but I
also went to the doctor, just as you recommended. Remember?”

“I remember you took your own sweet time
about it, too. Anyway, I don’t think my situation is as
urgent.”

“Yet.”

“It won’t be. Now that Jim’s home I’ll have
more time because I won’t have to go by the hospital anymore, so
that’s going to give me an extra couple of hours right there.”

“I hope so.”

“Besides if I were you, I’d be more worried
about what your sister was doing here today.”

“I know exactly what my sister was doing here
– spying.”

“She’s spying right now, but you better hope
it doesn’t lead to anything else. Your mom is scary, man – almost
like a soap villain. You better hope this isn’t part of some
elaborate plan they have to kidnap you and keep you locked in a
secret room where they try to brainwash you into believing you’re
someone else.”

“Please. My mom’s bark is much worse than her
bite.”

“Oh, after what I experienced in Baltimore, I
think her bark is bad enough on its own.”

“That reminds me, I think I should tell you
that I invited Allyson to Sunday dinner. I hope you and your
parents won’t mind?”

“Are you for real? My parents won’t mind, but
I do. I can’t imagine why you would want to do this to us?”

“Relax, I’ll handle her. I’ll have her sit
next to me, and do damage control.”

“You better, bro. My mom, Davis and Pastor
are saints, and Miko, Jim, and I know how to hold our tongues, but
your sister’s mouth in the same room with my dad, Callie, Riley and
Mother Rose? That’s like a throwing a lit match in a dry
forest.”

“Sorry, Al, but I won’t be there. I promised
my mom that I would come down and have dinner with her. Then I got
some other stuff I gotta take care of,” said Davis.

“Sad to hear that man. We could have used the
extra leveled head in the room. But I can’t ask you to take time
away from your mom,” said Allen.

“Don’t sweat it, Al. I been around girls like
her. She probably won’t start nothin’ ‘cause she won’t be in her
own territory. Know what I mean?” reasoned Davis.

“Exactly what I was thinking. She knows she’s
outnumbered, so she might behave herself, and if not, I’ll
apologize to everyone for her and take her home,” said Tim.

“Alright, then. Let’s go,” said Allen.

“Sorry to put you out like this,” said
Tim.

“It’s okay, man. It’s like
the Word says, ‘All things work together…” said
Allen.
¹²

Tim was sure it would.

Twenty-One

The dining room table was crowded with people
and even though it was late October, it was stuffy and hot, so much
so that Allyson shed her suit jacket and placed it on the back of
her chair. The fare was very pedestrian: pot roast with roasted red
potatoes and gravy, collard greens and banana pudding for dessert.
None of it looked appetizing, as the meal seemed very calorie
heavy, however it did smell good. Even so, Allyson found herself
pushing the food around on her plate. There was no way she was
going to eat collard greens – ever. The crazy older lady, who
turned out to be Allen’s mother, seemed to be a pretty decent
hostess though. She was nice and she didn’t mind catering to
Allyson’s special diet needs, like going to the store to get her
the seltzer water and wheat crackers she wanted. In addition, the
people weren’t as loud as they seemed to be in church, which made
Allyson feel less apprehensive. Everyone was talking and laughing,
enjoying themselves and each other. Nothing like the dinners she’d
experienced with her own family - the formal, rigid affairs, full
of affectation yet lacking genuine affection. “Keep your guard up,”
she reminded herself, “That’s how these cults get you. They make
you feel like you’re family.” Allyson noted there were a lot of
strange members in this family.

All of Allen’s family was here, including a
cousin who looked like a throwback from the ‘70’s with her huge
afro and some chick that Allen had for a girlfriend. There was the
disabled broke guy whose name she forgot, the midget girl, her
tacky, uptight mother and her guru dad. Allyson couldn’t believe
the guru would condescend to have dinner with them. Most religious
leaders that she’d ever read or heard about kept themselves aloof
from their flock. Then again, maybe Allen’s parents had some type
of high rank in their church’s hierarchy or something like that.
Allyson was content to listen attentively to their conversations to
see what she could glean about what went on amongst them. She
learned that the disabled guy had just come home from the hospital,
and was living with Allen and his parents so they could take care
of him. Allyson however, found Allen to be the most distracting.
She had always thought he was hot. She was tempted to make a move
on him despite the fact that he was poor. Allyson could have cared
less that he had a girlfriend. “It’s not like I wouldn’t give him
back when I was done with him,” she thought. But she didn’t want to
jeopardize losing Jason who was her ace right now. In any event,
Allyson could see that Tim still had some kind of attraction to
midget because every time she opened her mouth Tim looked her way.
It made her wonder if they had ever slept together. Allyson went
along making mental observations and notes in this fashion during
their conversation at the table.

“Where’s Davis?” asked Tamiko.

“He said he was having dinner with his mother
and then he had some things to do” said Allen.

“Oh.”

“Don’t worry, Miko. He’ll probably be back
with us next week.”

“I’m not worried about it.”

“As well you shouldn’t. People should eat
with their own families,” said Mother Rose, “I would worry about
someone who never ate dinner with his own family”

“Jim, I saw you in the congregation. Are you
visiting or back for good?” asked Pastor Bynum.

“For good, Pastor,” answered Jim.

“Sure am glad to hear that. Makes my heart
feel good to see all these young people coming to the Lord.”

“Amen, Pastor. I noticed the congregation’s
getting bigger. Mother Hardy said when she came late she and hers
couldn’t barely find three seats together,” said Lena.

“Yes. Deacon Ford said we have about 50 new
members, but they’re mostly young people as the pastor said.
Twenty-something,” said Mother Rose.

“You say that like you sound disappointed
Mother Rose,” said Pastor Bynum.

“Oh, I know that we should be glad for any
lost soul that finds the Lord, but I find the younger converts are
not as dependable. They’re a member one day and then gone the next.
Especially after the doctrinal classes when they realize that
membership within the body of Greater Apostolic Church of Christ
means you must have a walk that’s worthy of our calling. The Lord
is not going to bless mess and neither will we,” she responded.

“I wouldn’t worry myself none about the ones
that don’t wanna do right, Rose. Like you said, they don’t last.
But we should pray for them just the same,” said Vernon.

“Some of them leave. Then
there are others that sit up in the church and cause confusion with
their gospel rap, and all the dating around nonsense, which is
nothing more than fornication. They don’t even want to adhere to
proper standards of dress. It’s always these younger women coming
to church in sundresses, skimpy skirts, and don’t get me started on
the ones wearing pants. It is written: the woman shall not wear
that which pertaineth unto a man” said Mother Bynum looking right
in Riley’s direction.
¹