The Bachelor’s Surrender (19 page)

But Rafe had lived the past year in guilt, and changing that opinion of himself wasn’t going to magically happen. He scrubbed a hand down his face, made a sound between frustration and anger, and abruptly turned and left the porch, carrying the heavy weight of blame on his broad shoulders.

Lauren folded a pair of jeans and put them into the open suitcase on the bed she’d slept in for the past week. Another hour, and she and Chad would be gone, on their way to the airport and back to California.

At least Chad would be returning, Lauren thought with some optimism, truly happy that his Bright Beginnings wish would evolve into a dream come true. Chad deserved to be part of a loving family, and Lauren couldn’t ask for more adoring parents than Kristin and James.

Hiding a yawn behind the back of her hand, Lauren continued packing, her mind on the final task ahead of her, before she and Chad left Cedar Creek. A mission that would foretell her future.

She’d spent a restless night tossing and turning, trying to figure out what she was going to do about her feelings for one certain grouchy, grumpy bull riding champion. She’d never expected to fall in love on her week-long vacation in Wyoming, yet there was no denying that she’d gone and done just that. Her mother would no doubt be appalled to learn her only daughter had given her heart to a cowboy who raised Quarter Horses, instead of one of the doctors or lawyers she’d set Lauren up with, but Lauren didn’t care about social status, not when all those men had left her cold and treated Bright Beginnings as a hobby to be tolerated.

She had Rafe’s respect. Now, she wanted his love.

Rafe had told her the two of them didn’t belong together, that her life in California and her dedication to Bright Beginnings didn’t mix with his simple lifestyle. But during this past week she’d discovered that there was something greater and far more important here in Cedar Creek, and she couldn’t ignore the undeniable pull on her heart. She’d found the love she’d been searching for, the fairy tale . . . and it all began and ended with Rafe.

Closing her suitcase, she zipped it up, silently admitting that Rafe wasn’t an easy man to love, but despite his gruffness, and beyond his aloof attitude, she knew he had feelings for her, too. The night they’d made love showed her another side to the man, giving her a glimpse of tenderness, laughter, and exciting male possession.

She yearned for that man, and more.

Leaving the guest bedroom, she checked on Chad, who was in the kitchen eating pancakes with Kristin and James. They’d arrived early that morning to spend time with the boy, and as difficult as she knew it was for Kristin and James to see Chad leave, they were at least comforted in the knowledge that there would be a reunion, and soon.

There was only one thing left for Lauren to do—risk her heart, and hope her love made the difference with Rafe.

“You’ve been down here all morning. Were you even going to say good-bye?”

The sound of Lauren’s soft, sweet voice washed over Rafe, and he turned from where he’d been standing at the end of the stable corridor, staring out at the horses grazing in the pasture. His morning chores had long since been done, and he’d spent the last hour debating whether or not to return to the main house to be with Chad and Lauren before they headed off to the airport. Knowing Kristin and James were spending every spare moment available with Chad, Rafe had thought it best to make himself scarce.

It had been a convenient excuse, but the truth of the matter was tangled up in his feelings for this woman in front of him, and he’d yet to sort his emotions into a semblance of coherence. He tried not to be affected by the glimmer of tenderness in her gaze, but he was merely a mortal man, and couldn’t help but ache for what could never be his—this incredible, unselfish woman.

Clearing his throat, he asked, “Is it time for you and Chad to leave?”

“Soon.” She slowly moved closer, the skirt of her summer dress swirling around her long, slender legs. “I wanted to thank you for granting Chad’s wish, and for being his hero. Your generosity has changed his life, for the better.”

He didn’t want Lauren’s gratitude . . . he wanted, hell, he didn’t know what he wanted anymore. He felt confused and irritable, and longed for things he had no business wanting in his isolated life. The thought mocked him, because he knew after experiencing Lauren’s smiles and laughter, living in the solitary world he’d created for himself would no longer appeal to him.

Yet he was convinced she didn’t belong here, not in Cedar Creek, and not with him. Not when she had so much to offer the foster children she worked with. Not when her wealthy parents expected a more “suitable” match for their only daughter.

She drew a deep breath, her gaze holding his steadily. “Before I leave, there’s something I need to tell you.”

He kept his expression carefully shuttered, and thrust his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. “And what’s that?”

A smile trembled on her lips, and a wealth of emotion brimmed in her eyes. “I love you,” she said simply.

Rafe reeled from her declaration, her words momentarily rendering him speechless. Shock eventually gave way to denial, and he scowled at her in an attempt to put everything back into perspective. “You can’t love me.”

“Why not?” Her tone held a trace of humor, though there was nothing amusing about the situation. Closing the distance between them, she pressed a hand to his chest, right over his frantically beating heart. “Because you think you’re unlovable?”

He grasped her wrist, but couldn’t bear to pull her hand away. Her touch warmed him, way deep down inside where he was so cold and miserable. “Lauren . . .” her name escaped him on a gruff warning.

She ignored it, stepping closer, surrounding him in her light, feminine scent. “You only have to ask me to stay here with you, and I would.”

He groaned, the sound rife with despair. Hadn’t she learned anything about him yesterday with Chad? He wasn’t the hero she believed him to be, and he certainly couldn’t be the kind of man who’d make her happy. He was too rough around the edges, too cynical and bitter.

He shook his head, rejecting her words. “That’s impossible, and we both know it.”

She tilted her head, a smile touching the corners of her mouth. “Why is it so impossible?”

“Because you have Bright Beginnings, and I would only hold you back,” he said, stating a primary concern. “I’d never ask you to give up your work.”

“Who says I have to? The wonderful thing about Bright Beginnings is that I can run the foundation from anywhere.” Her hand fell away, and she released a soft sigh of breath. “I’ve thought about this all night long, Rafe, and I’m willing to work with foster agencies in the neighboring cities so I can be with you.”

So I can be with you.
He swallowed hard, overwhelmed that she was willing to sacrifice so much for him, and at the same time offer him her complete faith and trust. Yet he couldn’t ignore the doubts swamping him, and because he knew she deserved far better than the man he was, he put his blackest reputation straight on the line to save her from future heartache.

“You think you’re in love with me, but I’m not looking for a wife, and I have no plans to ever have a family of my own. I think I’ve proved with my actions yesterday with Chad that I’ve inherited my father’s harsher, more aggressive tendencies.”

“The only thing you’re guilty of is believing you could ever hurt a child, or another person,” Lauren refuted. “What happened with Keith was an unfortunate accident. Same with Chad. You’re nothing like your father, Rafe.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not willing to risk a child’s emotional welfare to find out.” Jamming his hands on his hips, he summoned the will to say the words that would banish this woman from his life, but not from his heart. “I don’t want you here, Lauren,” he said bluntly, the lie ripping through him like a sharp knife.

Moisture welled in her blue eyes, and then that stubborn chin of hers lifted. “What we shared the other night, it meant nothing to you?”

He couldn’t bring himself to say the word
no
, so he shook his head and forced out, “I’m sorry.”
For hurting you, and loving you when I have no right to.

“Damn you, Rafe,” she said, her voice filled with frustration. Then determination sparked in her gaze, and she advanced on him. Before he could guess what she intended, she’d wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled his mouth down to hers.

His entire body stiffened, and his hands shot out and grabbed her hips in an attempt to stop her sensual assault. She clung to him, her warm, sweet lips sliding over his, parting them for a deeper kiss. Unable to resist her, he gave himself over to their final embrace, greedily taking what she offered, needing this one last kiss to carry him through a lifetime without her.

Too soon, she pulled back, and he let her go.

“I don’t believe you, Rafe,” she whispered, staring up at him, hope etching her features. “But I’ll leave, if that’s what you really want.”

“It is,” he managed, steeling himself from the hurt glimmering in her eyes. He hated himself for inflicting such misery on this woman he’d fallen in love with, but would never take as his own. He had nothing substantial to offer her.

“I’m no hero, Lauren,” he said gruffly, curling his hands into fists at his sides to keep from touching her one last time. “I told you that from the beginning, and that fact still remains. Go home to California, where you belong.”

S
itting across from her mother at the outdoor cafe where they were having lunch, Lauren half-listened to Maureen as she talked about a recent party she’d attended, and how Lauren had missed a wonderful opportunity to meet a few eligible men. Unfortunately, Lauren wasn’t interested—she’d left her heart in Wyoming, given to an obstinate man who refused to accept her love and unconditional faith in him.

She’d foolishly harbored the hope that Rafe would come to his senses and realize he loved her too, yet for the past month the only people in Wyoming she’d had any contact with were Kristin and James regarding Chad’s case, which was progressing without any problems. Lauren kept the conversation focused on business, refusing to involve Kristin in her feelings for Rafe.

She was scheduled to return to Cedar Creek in another week, to take Chad back to his new family—a brief, formal trip that would be as wonderful for Chad as it would be painful for her. She only planned to be there for the weekend to help Chad settle in, yet she fully expected to see Rafe during the reunion. No doubt he’d be formal and polite—their awkward encounter was something she wasn’t looking forward to enduring.

“You haven’t been the same since you returned from your trip to Wyoming,” Maureen Richmond commented, pulling Lauren from her thoughts. “Are you feeling okay?”

Stabbing her fork into her chicken Caesar salad, Lauren summoned a smile. “I’m fine, just busy at work.” Which had been her own choice. The more absorbed she kept herself with her foster cases, the less time she had to think about Rafe. Unfortunately, there was no escaping thoughts of him when she crawled into bed and remembered the warmth and gentleness of his touch. No, those were memories that would haunt her for years to come.