The Bad Boy Firefighter's Secret Fling (Red Hot Reunions Book 3) (17 page)

Maddie snatched another cookie from the bag. “Why do I get the feeling that you’re on his side?”

“I’m on your side,” Dawn said. “But I think that means I’m also on his side. Apart from the occasional stress-induced freak out as you’ve learned to trust him, you’ve been happier the past three weeks than I’ve ever seen you.
Ever
. Even back when we were kids with nothing to worry about except whether or not we’d get our silver Girl Scout award.”

“That was stressful,” Maddie said. “I really wanted that award. It was going to be the completion of my Cadette Journey.”

Dawn smiled gently. “I know you did. But I think you want a future with Jamison more. And honestly Maddie, he’s done nothing to deserve being dumped, has he? Did he ever tell you flat out that the woman he was into before wasn’t married?”

“No.” Maddie hesitated, wondering why she still felt as if she’d been lied to. “But he should have told me the truth. I feel like he deliberately withheld the fact that Wendy was married because he knew it would upset me.”

“Maybe he did, but is that really a deal breaker?” Dawn asked, snagging her mug from the ground. “I think you should at least give him a chance to explain.”

“You’re awfully into talking things out lately,” Maddie grumbled.

Dawn laughed. “Guess I’ve had too much therapy.” She took a sip of tea, blue eyes twinkling over the rim of her mug. “Maybe you should just fly to San Francisco, track down Craig, and pound his face in. Maybe that’s all you need to move on without any of the been-cheated-on baggage.”

Maddie rolled her eyes, unable to resist the grin tugging at her lips. “Geez, can you imagine? Me and Craig throwing punches?”

Dawn giggled. “I can, actually. I think you could hold your own, especially if we got a little whiskey in you first.”

Maddie sighed. “No more whiskey for me. That’s what got me into this mess in the first place.” She grabbed another cookie. “Besides, I don’t want to pound Craig. If I’m honest, Serge is the one I’m still upset with. He’s the one who promised to love me and then lied to me and used me like a security blanket until he was strong enough to come out, all while my fertility wasted away and my dreams of a family were put in jeopardy.”

“You realize you just proved my argument from a second ago, right?” Dawn asked. “The one where I said Jamison wasn’t the one who deserved the backlash?”

Maddie narrowed her eyes. “You should have been a lawyer, not an art teacher.”

Dawn rolled her eyes dramatically. “But then I would have missed all the excitement of barely making enough money to get by and learning twenty different ways to make a three dollar pasta dinner. What fun would that have been?”

“You make a great three dollar pasta dinner.” Maddie smiled. “I’m so glad you’re going to be close from now on.”

“Me too,” Dawn said. “That way you can come talk some sense into me when I try to dump the amazing new guy I’ve met after we hit our first bump in the road.”

“Have you met someone? Already?” Maddie asked, excited for Dawn, though she wasn’t the biggest fan of relationships in general at the moment.

Dawn snorted. “Are you kidding me? I haven’t had the chance to do anything but organize my materials for class, run the kids to and from school, unpack a few boxes, and try to figure out how to buy groceries and entertain the children until my first paycheck.”

“Do you need a loan?” Maddie asked, feeling awful that she hadn’t asked earlier. Moves were expensive and Dawn hadn’t had any time to save up for hers. “It’s no problem if you do. I’ve saved a ton of money living above the bakery.”

Dawn shook her head. “Thanks, but we’re fine. I’m going to put off getting cable for a month or two, nothing serious. It will be good for the kids. They can catch up on their reading, and I’m going to get my old bike fixed so I can ride with them in the park around the corner. We’ll probably enjoy it so much they’ll never want to watch cartoons again.”

Maddie smiled. “So Marshall’s over his SpongeBob addiction?”

“I wish.” Dawn glanced heavenward. “Isn’t that damned sponge ever going to go away? I swear, that crap started when
I
was in high school. I remember Dave watching it and giggling his head off when we used to smoke pot in the basement at his parents’ house.” She shook her head. “Should have told me something about him right there.”

“I didn’t know you smoked pot,” Maddie said, mildly scandalized, though Dawn had always been the wildest of their group of friends. “You never told me that.”

“Only a few times in high school,” Dawn said with a shrug. “I figured out pretty quickly that it wasn’t for me, so I didn’t feel I needed to share. Sometimes it’s nice to make mistakes in private. If you have the luxury.”

Maddie took another bite of her cookie, thinking about private mistakes. If Jamison’s boss hadn’t found out about the affair, then Jamison would have been allowed to make his mistake in private, too. Maddie never would have known that Wendy had been a married woman, and she and Jamison would have moved forward with their plans and been as happy as pigs in poo.

Deep down—heck, not so very deep down—Maddie knew Dawn was right. It would be stupid to let what, in some ways, came down to bad luck ruin her and Jamison’s relationship.

Jamison made her happier than she’d ever been. For the first time in her life she felt like someone loved every part of her—from the responsible Maddie who was never late to work, to the silly Maddie who giggled hysterically when she was embarrassed, to the wild Maddie who liked to drink a little too much every now and then, go skinny dipping in the ocean, and make love until two in the morning.

Jamison got her, and though their dating histories varied widely, they were actually a lot alike. Jamison had her same mixture of responsibility and longing for adventure, even her same goofy sense of humor.

They were more than simply compatible, they seemed flat out meant to be.

“But how can we be meant to be?” Maddie asked aloud, brows knitting as another wave of doubt swept through her. “For over twenty years there were no sparks, no sizzle, no hint that Jamison and I would ever be anything but friends. I mean, last December I watched him strip down at a Hunk-for-a-Month auction and all it did was make me giggle like an idiot.”

Dawn frowned. “And this is making you stress because…?”

“What if it goes away?” Maddie asked. “What if one morning we wake up and don’t feel the magic anymore?”

Dawn sighed. “What if you get cancer tomorrow? Or Jamison gets killed fighting a fire?” she asked, making Maddie flinch and her heart skip a beat, the thought of Jamison dying in a fire too terrible to hold in her head for more than a second.

“If you keep looking for things to be afraid of, you’re going to find them, Maddie,” Dawn continued in the sternest voice Maddie had ever heard come out of her old friend. “And if you keep believing you’re not lovable, you will find a way to push every man who wants to love you away, sooner or later.”

Pain shot through Maddie’s chest and her eyes began to sting all over again, but she didn’t say a word. As much as she might like to deny it, Dawn’s words struck a chord. A sour chord that had become an all-too-familiar sound since the break-up of her marriage.

Maddie had always known she had something worthwhile to share with the world—talents and kindness and an enthusiasm for life that was contagious. But years of sensing that her husband didn’t find her as desirable as she did him had taken its toll. Even before Serge left she hadn’t been feeling as lovable as she once had, and learning Serge was gay hadn’t been the relief Naomi and a lot of other people seemed to think it should be.

In fact, the knowledge that she’d been so fooled for so many years had shaken her confidence even more, and made her doubt far more than whether she was lovable or not. She doubted her ability to make good decisions when it came to romantic relationships, and that doubt made it so hard to trust in anything, even her own heart.

“I know it’s hard.” Dawn took her hand. “Believe, me, I know. When Dave left, it took a long time for my self-confidence to recover. And I still have a hard time opening up with men. I mean, I’ve dated what? Three guys in the past four years? And I haven’t introduced a single one to Marshall and Emmie.”

Dawn gave Maddie’s hand a gentle shake that felt like a wake-up call. “But if I ever find someone who looks at me like Jamison looks at you, I am going to dig in and hang on tight, no matter how scared I might be.” She paused, waiting until Maddie met her eyes. “You are lovable, Maddie. You are beautiful and kind and funny, and as long as you believe that you can survive any of those ‘what ifs’ you’re so worried about.”

Maddie nodded, waiting until she was sure she’d fought back the tears pressing at the backs of her eyes before she said, “I was wrong. You shouldn’t have been a lawyer, you should have been a therapist.”

Dawn smiled. “Nah. I only talk feelings with people I really love. The rest of those losers can keep their money.”

“I love you, too,” Maddie said, with a tired smile. “And you’ve given me a lot of good things to think about.”

“That’s what I’m here for.” Dawn stretched her arms over her head, and propped her sock feet on top of a stack of nearby boxes. “So what do you think? More tea? Or should we move on to beer?”

Maddie shook her head, suddenly realizing how very exhausted she was. “Actually, I think I might hit the sack. I’m beat.”

“Feelings are exhausting,” Dawn agreed, grabbing Maddie’s mug and heading for the kitchen. “Let me get you set up with a spare toothbrush and P.J.s and you can get some rest. The kids and I have school in the morning, anyway, so I shouldn’t stay up too late.”

Dawn helped Maddie get settled, and hugged her goodnight, leaving Maddie to flick off the kitchen light and crawl into the futon alone.

She expected to be out the moment her head hit the pillow, but found herself lying awake for a long time, staring at the ceiling, hoping Jamison was okay, worrying how today’s drama would affect his future with his brother and the rest of the department. She wished she could wave a magic wand and make everything as simple as it had seemed that night on the beach, when she hadn’t had a care in the world but enjoying a night of passion and adventure with a man who made her blood rush and her heart beat faster.

But real life wasn’t anything like a whiskey-drunk, and even whiskey wore off eventually. There always came a time when you had to sober up, deal with consequences, and decide how to move forward.

Maddie had never felt more sober in her life, but she couldn’t say she knew how to move forward from here. All she knew was that when she curled on her side and closed her eyes, she missed the warmth of Jamison’s body, the feel of his arms wrapped around her, and the sound of his voice whispering good night so much it made her feel like a part of her had gone missing.

CHAPTER TWENTY

Jamison

This is going to work; it has to work
.

Jamison repeated the silent litany over and over again as he waited in the tiny beige Chevy Spark outside Joe’s on the Lake, watching the sun sink lower behind the trees, trying not to think about all the people he cared about celebrating inside the restaurant without him.

He was going to make things right with Jake, but first he had to make things right with Maddie.

He hoped he could make that happen. At least
she
had given him some sign that she cared whether he lived or died.

Jamison glanced down at his phone, pulling up the text he’d received earlier in the day one more time.
I’m thinking about you, and hoping you’re okay. I’m sorry I can’t be there for you right now. I just need some time to sort things out. Maddie.

The message had come from her friend, Dawn’s, phone, so Jamison hadn’t felt comfortable responding with more than—
thank you, love you…happy birthday
—but the text was still encouraging. It wasn’t a promise they were going to pick up where they’d left off, or a vow of undying love, but it was a start, and Jamison could work with that.

As soon as Maddie emerged from the restaurant, he’d call her and ask her to step over to the Spark parked at the back of the lot. He’d borrowed Lucy’s car in hopes that it would help him avoid being spotted by Jake or their father—who wasn’t thrilled with Jamison causing a scene at the firehouse, though he wasn’t nearly as angry or disappointed as Jake. Once Maddie found the car, Jamison planned to convince her to take a drive and head out to his aunt’s property, where they’d had their kinky night in the tent, for a talk.

He had a boxed cake from Icing in the backseat and the engagement ring tucked into his jean’s pocket. He figured if things went well, they could celebrate her birthday with the cake. If things went
really
well, he could follow the cake up with a proposal and make sure she knew how serious he was about building a future together.

And if she tells you it’s over, you can drop her off and go home and eat the entire cake all by yourself, knowing everyone who cared about you has flushed you down the toilet.

Jamison ignored the thought. Maddie wasn’t going to flush him down the toilet. He wouldn’t let her. He would convince her that what had happened with Wendy had happened when he was a different person, the person he’d been before he fell in love with Maddie, a woman who made him want to be a better man.