The Balance of Silence (5 page)

“You know him?”

She looked puzzled. “Of course, he’s one of ours. That’s why you brought him here, right?” Stepping forward, she reached for Ducks’ hands. “Are you okay?”

Ducks jerked back, arms held tightly against his side, and Riv winced. “He’s had kind of a rough time. Can we sit down and talk? There’s a lot to explain here.” This was too lucky. What were the chances he’d find someone who knew Ducks at the first place he sought out help? Whatever mixture of good fortune and karma that had kept him alive so far still seemed to be favoring the blond man.

Eyes narrowed thoughtfully, she gave Ducks a closer look, expression searching. “Let’s go in the back. I’ve got an office and an exam room. Looks like we’ll need both.”

The front room, probably a waiting area in better times, was stripped completely bare, and Riv wondered how this woman had missed the mass exodus. Seemingly catching his unspoken thought, she half-turned. “I’m staying on. Broke the MedAid golden rule actually.” Shrugging sheepishly, she grinned.

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The Balance of Silence

“Got involved with somebody, fell in love, and well, here I am. They told me I could keep the building.

Unfortunately, they took just about everything useful.”

Three plastiform chairs and an empty desk were the only things in the office. Ducks hung back, but Riv took the opportunity to drop into one of the chairs with a sigh. A few seconds to catch his breath before the ten thousand questions in his head came spilling out.

“Okay, introductions first? I’m Ella Willmette-North, formerly of MedAid. Now possessing the knowledge of a doctor, and the degree, just not the requisite tools. Makes me somewhat less effective.”

“Trust me, Dr. Ella, you’re just what I need right now.” He shook his head wonderingly. “I still can’t believe the all-out luck of finding you. I’m Riv, currently with ReliefCorp, engineer on leave from the
Melisande
. And you apparently know Ducks.”

“Ducks?” Her voice puzzled, Ella looked at Riv and then at Ducks. “Pryce?”

“I’ll have to trust you on that one. He hasn’t told me.”

Leaning forward, she propped her chin in her palm. “Okay, you’ve definitely got my attention. Should I be…?” She seemed to be weighing her words. “Something’s obviously happened, something’s not right.

But should I just be talking to you? How, uh, just how not-right are things?”

Riv smiled bleakly. “Pretty damn not-right. He hasn’t spoken since I found him. And granted, my medical knowledge doesn’t extend much beyond basic vaccinations and distributing antibiotics, but Ducks has had some—hell, the only description I have is catatonic—states. And I do know enough to know that that’s a bad sign.” Patting the chair next to him, he looked towards the other man. “Have a seat, Ducks, it’s okay. You know Dr. Ella, she’s an old friend.”

They were both silent while Ducks warily walked around the outskirts of the room and sat down, and Riv sighed. “He’s got self-help skills, he can take care of himself for the most part, and he’s pretty compliant. We’ve had periods where he’s very present, even engaging me in communication, but he’s definitely not all here.” All of which was true, but it didn’t make him any more comfortable saying it in front of him. It didn’t seem right, or fair, or something.

“Where did you find—?”

“Who is he?”

The questions crossed midair, and they both stopped. Riv shrugged. “You first.” He’d made it this far without knowing who Ducks really was. He could wait a few more minutes.

“Where did you find him? Where were you? What was he doing? The reports we got…the reports we got said he’d been killed.”

“Unless dead men play the piano…” The humor was lost on Ella. Hell, actually it wasn’t very funny at all, really. “I found him playing piano in a bar. Hayuk’s. Not that that helps any. Not even a town there, just some coordinates on a map.”

“Playing piano?” She sounded understandably puzzled.

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“Yeah. Apparently he wandered into town a few weeks before I got there. No ID, couldn’t talk. But he could play piano, and that was enough for them. Brought business into the bar, or so I was told.”

Ella leaned forward, face creased in a frown. “They didn’t get him any medical help? If he wasn’t talking, they had to know something was wrong.”

“He brought business into the bar,” Riv repeated wryly. “I’m pretty sure, based on the location, that they must have been in pretty well with the uprising.”

“And this would be why all the aid groups are pulling out.”

Nothing to say to that; it was true. Equally true that he’d never been anywhere quite like this before.

Bad times hardened people, but still. “Couple of townies were screwing with my hopper. Ducks warned me, and at that point I figured he’d be safer with me. Made our way here, hoping I could find somebody who knew him, and if not that, at least get some med help. I never imagined we’d be lucky enough to find you.”

There weren’t words for just how lucky, but Ella’s grim smile spoke volumes. “I’ll have to tell my husband he’s played unwitting guardian angel today by keeping me here. He’ll be tickled.”

Ducks shifted in his chair, and they both turned abruptly to watch him. When he shrank back at the twinned stares, Ella sighed. “How bad was he hurt physically when you found him?”

“They told me he walked in under his own power, but given their high level of concern, I don’t know how much that means. Somebody fucked with him pretty good. There’s burns on his chest—repeated applications of something, I’d say. Healed now, but there’s a lot of scarring.” Riv paused, running a hand through his hair. “He managed to get across to me that they were dunking him too, holding his head under until he was near drowning. Whatever he got into, they wanted something from him enough to torture him for it. And I’m guessing you can tell me why. Want to share the other half of the story?”

“What I know of it, yeah. Pryce, Pryce Markham actually, went through training with me. Right here, before they set us loose. Pryce went outland, I stayed here. We were incredibly short-handed, so it was just him, off to set up a clinic, get some information on what was actually going on casualty-wise out there.”

“Is he a doctor?” Startled, Riv glanced up.

“No, no, triage-cert only. It’s almost impossible to get doctors here. Except for idiots like me. And then they can’t get rid of us.” Her voice held a trace of bitterness. “Not that they haven’t tried quite enthusiastically. I’m guessing that’s what happened to Pryce. There were refugees out of his territory, they had some pretty horrible stories. They had…they had seen Pryce tortured. They told us he was dead.”

Riv looked away while Ella took a deep breath, visibly composing herself. He was pretty damn sure he didn’t want to hear any details, not if the retelling was affecting her this much. “That would explain the marks I’ve seen,” he said gruffly.

“Do you think he’ll let me check him out? I’d like to make sure things are healing up the way they should be.”

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The Balance of Silence

“I honestly don’t know. Like I said before, he’s usually compliant, but I don’t know how he’ll react to you being so close.” The quirked smile was rueful. “We’ve been living practically on top of each other for a week now, and he still shies away from me touching him.” Being pulled from a night terror hardly constituted voluntary contact, and he doubted Ducks had even been aware he was clutching Riv’s hand as he jerked awake that night.

Ella nodded and stood up, coming slowly around the desk to stop in front of Ducks. “They packed up all the scanners when they pulled out, so there’s not a lot I can do.”

Riv thought for a second, then shrugged diffidently. “You could try talking to him, see if you get more of a response than me.” Far be it from him to suggest to someone else, and a doctor especially, how to do her job, but it just didn’t feel right talking about Ducks like he wasn’t even in the room.

“Sorry.” She looked immediately apologetic. “I’m still a little off-kilter.” She knelt, deliberately keeping herself just below head level, and Riv silently applauded her care at keeping a non-threatening stance. “Pryce? I need you to look at me.”

The only response to the soft voice was a tensing of thin shoulders, and Riv felt his own tighten in response. At least she was keeping her hands to herself, safely in view.

“Pryce, look at me please. I’m not going to hurt you.”

Blue eyes slid sideways, everywhere but meeting her face, and the chair actually moved backwards an inch or so as he hunched lower in it.

“Hey, Ducks, it’s okay.” He moved into view, cautiously catching the panicked gaze and then holding it. And while the tension didn’t completely disappear, it did ease slightly.

“Ducks?” Ella spared a glance over her shoulder.

Riv didn’t bother holding back the embarrassed grin. “The hair.” It had made complete sense at the time. Besides, there was nothing wrong with it sounding like an endearment.

The spiky blond tufts earned a smile, and she nodded. “I can see that.” She turned back. “Ducks?”

While he still refused to meet her eyes, there was the unmistakable sense that he was listening this time, and Ella frowned in concentration. “Ducks, do you know who I am?”

The silence stretched out for several long seconds, and Riv found himself actually leaning forward.

The short, terse nod probably startled them both equally, and Ella’s explosive sigh was the first thing to break the silence.

“That’s great, I’m so glad to hear that. I was afraid I hadn’t made that much of an impression on you.”

Riv could sense the effort it was taking for her to keep her voice light and conversational, and he gave Ella a small grin. Hell, he was excited over the response, not having really expected one.

“Okay, I need you to strip down to your skivvies, see how you’re doing.” She stepped back a respectful distance, but the firm tone made it sound like a request she believed would be followed. And that would be the test. If Ducks was having one of his more lucid periods, she might actually get acquiescence.

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For all the distance she’d stepped back, Ducks doubled it, backing up almost to the wall before slowly and obviously reluctantly pulling the borrowed shirt over his head. He stood still, material clutched in a white-knuckled grip. It did little to shield him though, and nothing to hide the mass of healing scar tissue, pink and raw-looking, that stretched across his chest.

“Holy fuck.” She hissed, eyes wide and horrified. Ella stretched out her hand and then dropped it instantly when Ducks made a small sound of distress, flinching away.

“Believe it or not, but it actually looks better than it did.” Riv wasn’t sure why he felt the need to apologize. He hadn’t hurt him, and he hadn’t been able to do much to help, but as the sane one in the pair, he still felt accountable. And it did look a hundred percent better. The burned areas had finally lost the dark puckered edges that had fairly screamed infection. With half his aid stations abandoned, he’d at least had plenty of drugs left to treat Ducks with.

Composedly professional now, Ella smiled. “Just set it on the chair.” She waited for Ducks to set the shirt down, tightened lips the only outward sign of upset. “Great. Okay, pants too.”

Pants were actually quicker to follow, dropped and stepped out of, anxiety still in every line of Ducks’

body. Riv paced the back of the room, nervously watching the interaction, afraid to get involved but equally afraid to leave. In a normal situation, he’d have no business sitting in on this, but he’d been watching out for Ducks, been responsible for him, and no matter how trustworthy or professional Ella was, he really didn’t want to desert the other man.

“Gods, this is so inaccurate…” She was obviously talking to herself now, and Riv stayed silent, watching. “Even if there were broken bones, they’ll be healed enough now that simple movement won’t hurt. No obvious lumps though, that’s a good sign, so probably no compound fractures at least, arms or legs.”

“General mobility never seemed to be a problem,” Riv offered cautiously. “I tried to watch for that. I was more worried about infection, but even that healed up pretty well.”

Ella dropped back to perch on the edge of the desk, rubbing a hand across her eyes. “And let’s face it, that’s obviously not the main concern now. For the most part, he’s okay physically. He’s alive, and from what I’ve heard, that’s a fucking miracle. We can fix the little stuff. I just need to know what’s going on mentally.”

“Yeah, I figured as much.” That was the crux of the issue. He spared a glance at the blond man, still standing passively, head down. “He’s not a child and I feel wrong every time I treat him like one.” Riv stopped, searching for words. “And I hate talking about him like he isn’t even here, but I don’t know how much he
is
. And not knowing him before…well, before whatever happened, I don’t even know how much of a difference we’re talking here.”

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“Don’t worry.” Ella’s voice was dry. “I have the basis for comparison. And given MedAid’s fairly strict requirements as well as my own experience, I feel comfortable stating that we’re looking at a substantial difference. I just need to know why.”

The smack on the desk caused Riv and Ducks both to jump, and Ella shrugged apologetically. “Sorry.

I’m just so damn frustrated. Are we looking at a head injury, brain damage of some kind? Are we looking at a traumatic reaction? Not that there’s a lot of options left here treatment-wise, but we’re talking the difference between surgery and anti-psychotic drugs. And that’s a pretty big difference.”

She ducked her head to scowl fiercely at the floor, and Riv hid a grin. Not that it was funny, none of it was funny in the least. But she just seemed so…so offended somehow. How dare there be a medical issue she couldn’t immediately diagnose, treat and prescribe for? It reminded him of Del at her finest, and he wondered for a second if it was purely a healer thing.