The Barbarian's Mistress (32 page)

‘I don’t believe that. There wasn’t a moment when I felt you were losing control. I think you’re the most controlled man I’ve ever known.’

‘Learned it the hard way. Even in battle, it pays to keep control. There are said to be warriors from the north that work themselves into a fevered state before they fight, and then they go mad with rage, fighting like ten men, killing everything in their path. That kind of madness I’ve felt, but not for long. You make mistakes. Instinct is one thing, the brain something else. I prefer to use my head.’

‘If you want to kiss me again, that would be all right.’

For a moment he was silent, and the air charged around them. ‘You can say stop anytime…’

‘I know. That’s why I suggested it.’

The moon had just risen high enough to send its weak light into their small room. The window was open, for all the chill in the air, and the sound of the wagons moving along the lanes was a dull rumble in the darkness. There were voices from downstairs, and in the rooms next door, but it felt as if they were in their own little space, miles from anywhere, or anyone.

‘You don’t owe me this, Ninia.’ Braxus turned on his side so he could look at her. His features were dark and cavernous in the shadowed moonlight. Only his voice told her what he was feeling. It was cautiously hopeful.

‘I do. But that’s not why I’m offering.’

He didn’t say more. She felt a momentary fear as he moved in on her like a predatory beast, quick and confident. But when his lips touched hers, it was with gentle warmth. He asked nothing of her. And that was enough to remove the last of her concerns.

Ninia kissed him with all her heart. Holding nothing back. And his response was immediate and thrilling. Instead of gentleness, there was desire and uncontrolled passion. Just as the tinder had lit so quickly the night before, so it happened again, igniting something Ninia was coming to know well. That ache was instantly back between her legs, and her breasts felt tender and swollen. Her breath caught in her chest, and she was dizzy with want.

With one shaky hand she reached out and ran her fingers through his overlong straight hair. It felt soft and clean, like fine silk. Her touch seemed to drive him on, harder. Fiercer. And she felt no fear.

When he lifted the end of her gown up, she let him. She could have no more denied him, in this moment, as she could have stopped breathing. There was something dynamic and powerful arcing between them that would not be stopped. When his fingers found her core she felt relief, as if having him touch her there was like coming home. When his fingers slipped into her, she opened her legs wider, her body knowing what was required. What she needed.

‘I need these off,’ Braxus said, his voice gruff with need. She didn’t have to be asked twice. She sat up and dragged her gown over her head and threw it aside. Then Braxus was dragging the loin cloth and shift off her too.

For a moment, when she lay naked before him, she felt fear. The look in his eyes was so fierce and possessive, she felt like he was about to devour her whole. She wanted to cover herself, but when she tried, Braxus grabbed her hands and held them at her sides.

‘Don’t… please. Let me look at you. By the gods, you are so beautiful…’ The harsh awe in his voice made her limbs melt.

‘You, now…’ she said when she finally found her voice.

With quick efficiency he removed his clothes and was back at her side.
What am I doing? This won’t stop now until…

‘You can say stop anytime,’ he reassured her. Braxus seemed to read her mind.

For a moment she let her eyes take him in. His body was lean and muscular, every line hard with masculine beauty. His face, unscarred, would have made him too perfect, too beautiful, with that full bottom lip ripe as a plum, and that nose as straight and fierce as a bird of prey’s. Then there were his eyebrows, dark and arrow straight, above deep set eyes she couldn’t see in the shadowy confines of their room. But the scar had a harsh beauty of its own. It sliced his face in a curve that was almost graceful. Such a mark of pain, such a mark of desperation… and yet it made him look strong and hard and invincible. It made him all the more attractive to her.

Her thoughts were brought to a crashing end as he swooped in to kiss her again, drawing her body in close, so every naked inch of her was against his bare flesh. It felt so good, she moved against him, enjoying the slick friction generated. When he moaned, the cords in his neck standing out as he arched his head back, she knew he was as moved by their closeness as she.

I want this! I want all of it.

Shocked by the fierceness of her desire, she swallowed hard. Tensing. When he looked a question at her, she grabbed his hair in her tight fist and dragged his head down so she could kiss his lips. Beyond caring, she thrust her tongue into his mouth, searching for his tongue. It greeted her and danced, until the force of his desire drove her back, so he could invade her mouth. She was losing any sense of what was hers and what was his. They were like one, moving, undulating being.

His hand clamped over her core again, pressing fingers into her, deep, hard. She arched into them, wanting more. His palm ground against her so she moaned and whimpered, shifting so he could press harder.

Then his hand was gone and his body was over hers, pressing into the curve of his wide pelvis. It felt so right, it was shocking.

‘You sure?’ he said huskily, holding back with what seemed impossible control. Every muscle was hard, like burning stone. She nodded, afraid her voice wouldn’t work. Then she rose up and kissed him again.

And he used his hand to guide his length into her body. For a moment, it seemed he wouldn’t fit. She was tight but not dry. With infinite patience, Braxus withdrew and then pushed in a little more. With each short thrust he seemed to move further and further into her. Then there was a sharp pain and she cried out.

He froze, suspended above her as the reality of what he’d just done reached him.

‘A virgin?...But how…’ And then she saw the realisation cross his face. His expression hardened until it was terrifying. Her body stiffened with fear. Did he think she lied to him? Or worse, was he disgusted that she’d been taken in the way he had.

‘The fucking bastard… he hurt you
that way
?’ His voice was so rough it was little more than a guttural croak.

‘Do…don’t bring him here. Please. I don’t want to think about that… Not now.’

And she saw him force his face to relax. He leaned in and kissed her, so tenderly, it made her want to weep. Then she felt his arousal harden inside her again, and he began to gently thrust into her, each movement a claim.

I love him! How can I love him? I’ve only known him a week. He was my enemy. He’s a killer for hire.
But every rational justification was wasted as her body began to relax and respond. It didn’t matter how long she’d known him. It didn’t matter what he was. She loved him.

Something was stirring deep inside her, and she moved to reach for it. His fingers came between their bodies and touched her. Suddenly, white hot fire flamed out from that place and washed through her. She arched her back and cried out as he rode her harder and faster, his fingers still doing something to her she didn’t understand. But the explosion happened again. And this time there was an answering one, deep inside. As the tears poured from her eyes she felt him shudder and groan above her, as if in agony, as something hot poured into her, sending her over the edge yet again.

When she came back to herself, she felt him heavy on her. She turned her face and kissed his scarred cheek. It was damp with sweat. He shifted, taking his weight off her as he withdrew. Then he lay at her side, his head on her shoulder.

‘I didn’t think you’d want to… not with me… You didn’t have to.’

He was troubled, guilty. It made her feel strong. Strong enough to tell him how she felt. To share in the way they were starting to share, the deeply personal feelings and thoughts.

‘I think I love you. I never thought I’d feel this way about a man. I… I’d started to think I might be one of those women who prefer their own kind. I… love Anni so much. I thought that meant… But how I feel with you is different.’

He lifted his head from her shoulder and looked at her, his face a mask of bemusement. ‘You can’t love me. You know what I am. What I’ve done. What you’re feeling is lust. It’s easy to confuse.’

‘Don’t you want me to love you?’ She couldn’t believe that having him deny her feelings could hurt so much. It felt like he’d jabbed a dagger in her heart and twisted it. She hadn’t expected him to react this way.

‘It’s not about what I want. It’s about what makes sense. I’m a bad man, Ninia. Just because I’m your protector and helping you now, doesn’t wipe out everything else. If we hadn’t washed up on that beach together, if I hadn’t been so sick and you helped me, so I felt obligated to you… I’d have hunted down your Anni and dragged her back to Rome. I wouldn’t have cared about her fate. And I would have killed anyone who tried to stand in my way. That’s what I am. You can’t love that. I’m beyond love… Desire me, Ninia, but don’t think you can love me, because you can’t.’

He pulled away from her and lay on his back, arm over his eyes.

‘You don’t have to love me back. I didn’t tell you that so you felt you had to love me back.’

His voice was tired, when he finally answered her. ‘I had the ability to love fucked out of me when I was ten. I can’t love anybody. I’m sorry if you thought this was something other than lust… I desire you. You’re beautiful, and brave and kind. But you could be an ugly whore with a foul temper and I could desire you. That’s what men are.’

‘You… you said last night when I told you to go out and find someone else to lay with. You said you didn’t want anyone else… you said…’

‘I was drunk! I’d fought and won for you. I owed you. I didn’t want anyone else, but that didn’t mean I felt anything more than lust for you. That’s all I’m capable of, little one. All I’ve got in me. I haven’t loved anyone for so long, I don’t even know what it feels like anymore.’

She felt used and dirty, and if she could have left right then, she would have. But she had nowhere to go. The man beside her was her only way to find and save Anni. She was chained to him. Disgusted with herself for her weakness, she turned on her side, back to him, and curled up in a tight little ball.

Moments later, when the rough blanket was pulled over her, she didn’t react. The cold tears of self-loathing trickled from her eyes, even as she screwed them up tight to hold them in. But they would not be controlled. And soon, all she could do was hold herself still, as the pain wracked her body, and she gasped for air.

Fool, ignorant, naïve fool. No different from Anni, falling for a man who could only hurt me. I should have known better. I did know better. But I ignored my sense and let my heart rule me. Fool!

Chapter Twenty Two

20 September 79CE, Confluentes MAGNA GERMANIA

Gaius had been on the road for a little over a day, heading north west on horseback through Magna Germania. His superior had been compassionate about Gaius’ missing sister. He understood the need to protect their women. He’d even offered to send Publius with him, as he was heading out in a few days anyway.

But Gaius had politely declined the offer, saying that his brother had other duties. And because Publius’ reputation was well known, the Legate didn’t press the issue. Instead, he’d said, ‘It is strange how a man can produce such opposite offspring. You are a good man, Gaius, your father should be very proud of you.’ It was the best compliment he’d ever received, and it went a long way to balance out his feelings of inadequacy over not being stationed somewhere more influential.

Now, as he kicked his horse into a gallop, he felt free for the first time in many years. There were no accounts to be sorted, no orders to be compiled. He was on the adventure of his life, to save his sister’s honour and maybe her life. Was there any glory greater than that?

In a few weeks he would be in Londinium. He might even arrive before his sister, if their journey had been problematic. It was the end of the season, after all, and the weather could turn dangerous. A lone soldier, with the resources of the Empire’s military might behind him, could travel faster than anyone.

Moguntiacum MAGNA GERMANIA

‘I demand to see my brother!’ Publius yelled, spittle flying out of his mouth to splatter on the face of his fellow tribune. The man didn’t hide his disgust as he wiped his face with the edge of his cloak.

‘That’s not possible. Take it up with the Legate.’ Marcus’ voice was icy cold with distain.

‘You can’t keep me from seeing him.’ Publius, beyond rational thought now, pushed past the other man, a good head taller, and barged into his brother’s office.

For a moment, staring at the empty room, he could do nothing but gawp. Gaius was always in his office. The man was glued to his paperwork. No wonder he couldn’t get himself a prime posting when all he was good for was the bureaucracy of military life. But he wasn’t here. Where could he be at this time of day? It was just past noon. Could he be having a meal with the Legate? It wasn’t unknown. Maybe the idiot underling had it right. Maybe he needed to see the Legate.

But his fear outweighed his fury at the thought. The Legate was frightening in his austerity and pride. He was a man who would have fitted in well with the Republic and its stoic philosophies. But he didn’t fit with modern Rome. No wonder he was stuck doing building works in this backwater, when there was real action elsewhere. Like in Britannia.

He left for Isca Augusta in the morning. On his way, he planned to stop in at their estate, just outside Londinium. Where was it? On the river Darenth, just up from the ford, if memory served him. It should be easy enough to find, and wouldn’t take him too far out of his way. He could use his military clout to have Vali removed, and then arrange for his dear sister’s return to Rome on the first available ship. So it would be a dangerous time of year to undertake such a journey by sea. Did it matter? Yes, if he wanted Titus happy. Maybe he’d have to send her by land. But one way or the other, he’d give his mother what she wanted. And then he’d wait to receive her gratitude, and that of the emperor’s.

And his brother? Who cared where his brother was. All Publius had wanted was to needle him about his ‘secret’, to see what he’d decided to offer as advice to their father. It didn’t matter anyway. Their father was finished. Any prominence he’d held was gone with Vespasian. With his mother’s influence and her dowry withdrawn, he was nothing more than a shell. Gaius would inherit less than nothing. While he… well he would have the life-long gratitude and admiration of a god.

5 October 79CE
, Lugdunum Cananefatium  GERMANIA INFERIOR

The sleet continued to beat down on the tribune as he walked his horse into the barracks at the edge of the township. He was so cold his fingers and toes were numb, and he doubted he’d ever be warm again.

As he checked in at the main administrative office, he warmed his hands by the open fire. He’d removed his saturated cloak as soon as he’d entered the building and attempted to squeeze out some of the water. A young tribune, seeing his situation had sent a slave to deal with his horse and his possessions while he waited for the Legate. Presenting his documents was a matter of courtesy, and assured him of a bed for the night and a place on the first naval vessel heading across to Britannia.  It was his cheapest and most efficient route, if
somewhat more time consuming and wrought with diplomacy than he felt up to.

The trip, which
had started out with such enthusiasm and high spirits, had become a battle for survival. Not long after Confluentes the weather had turned nasty. Snow on the mountains meant that the winds from that direction were icy, freezing the rain that had poured down on the lowlands, one interminable day after the next. Travel time was doubled as even the roman roads became flooded or eroded by the deluge. Somewhere just after Ara Agrippenensium his horse had injured its foreleg, and he’d been forced to walk it gently to the next checkpoint. It wasn’t broken, thank the gods, and he was provided with a fresh mount at the fort, but it had slowed him down by almost another day.

So all in all, a journey that should have taken him less than eight days had ended up taking twice that long. And it was sixteen of the worst days of his life. So much for a heroic adventure! Maybe he wasn’t suited to glory and honour. Maybe a warm office was all he was good for.

With this unhappy thought he awaited the Legate.

It was more than an hour later that he was shown into the office of M. Corellianus Dravidius. The man glanced at the travel documents without a word, then eyed the young tribune before him.

‘I knew your father. Good man. How is he?’

‘As well as can be expected with the crises that have befallen him. My sister has been stolen away, presumed headed for Britannia. I’m going to find her.’

‘By an unsuitable suitor?’

‘Not exactly, sir. If you don’t mind, I would prefer not to discuss the matter. Family business.’

‘Of course, of course, I know exactly what you mean. But I’m afraid your rescue will need to be postponed. Word has it that storms are blowing up in Oceanus Germanicus, a common occurrence at this time of year, so I’m told. But it means there will be no vessels setting out from this port for the next few days. Maybe longer. You are welcome to remain here at the fort, and I’m sure the tribunes will find you comfortable quarters in one of their houses. We’re not without our comforts here, I can assure you.’

Gaius felt his heart sink. More waiting. Not that it was necessarily a bad thing. It may well be he’d be forced to wait at the other end anyway. At least he’d be allowed to rest warmly and comfortably here.

‘Thankyou sir. I appreciate your hospitality.’

Ara Agrippenensium
MAGNA GERMANIA

Publius stood under the shelter of the portico and watched the sleet pouring down. The detail he was forced to travel with had been held up by one thing after another. Now, with the bad weather that had set in, there was no telling when they’d be setting out again.

If he wasn’t a patient man he’d have asked permission to go on ahead. But that was a dangerous route in weather like this. And what were a few more days, in the scheme of things. His sister might not even have reached Britannia yet. His father had been particularly vague about such things. And there were rumours that a huge sandstorm had hit Gaulia a few weeks ago. If Annia Minor had been in that, she might not have survived. And if she had, her ship might have been blown off course. She could still be struggling to make her destination as he was.

So he would wait the weather out in the warmth of the fort. They’d already promised him that the local girls were very accommodating. Of course, what most soldiers meant as accommodating was not what he enjoyed. That had got him in some hot water at his first two posts. By the time he got to his brother’s fort, he’d decided he’d have to curtail his pleasures until he returned to civilisation. The military was difficult. Not nearly as violent and bloody as he’d hoped. But then, maybe things would look up in Britannia. He’d heard that Agricola was pushing north now that the west was back under control.

More cold weather. But who knew what pleasures awaited him as the conqueror of the
British natives. There may need to be examples made of the locals that involved torture. Not everyone liked to take part in such activities. He’d be happy to step in.

Bloody work, but someone had to do it.

Aginnum GAULIA

Menolus rubbed his face in frustration. Travelling by river was the fastest method of transport in this area, but it still felt infuriatingly slow. At least the weather remained fair here in the south. Reports had bad weather hitting the north, making travel there next to impossible.

It had taken him days to locate his quarry when he reached Nabor
, and if the Norseman hadn’t been so distinctive, it would probably have been impossible. What he’d also discovered was that he wasn’t the only one asking after his prey.

A man with a scar had passed this way not more than a few days ahead of him. Could it be anyone but Braxus? But the man was travelling in style with a woman, so they said, and that didn’t fit. Braxus wouldn’t have let himself be slowed down by a female. They were everywhere. If he had a need of one, there would be no shortage, even for a man with an ugly scar and an even uglier temperament.

Not that he’d ever heard Braxus took out his anger on prostitutes. And he would have heard, if that was the case. In fact, Braxus was quite popular with the whores around Rome. Maybe he had more between his legs than the average man. Who knew?

But his decision to continue this assignment had proved a good one. With any luck he’d catch Braxus up at the next stage, and they could travel on
, and complete the mission together.

He couldn’t remember feeling this happy about anything in many years. Braxus, the lucky bastard, had survived being washed overboard in that storm, and been able to get back on mission almost immediately. The gods
were watching out for him, that was for sure.

Burdigala GAULIA

The weather had been growing increasingly cold as Braxus and Ninia made their way across Gaulia following Vali and Anni’s trail. Now the river part of their journey was over, and they had been quick to discover that the two had booked passage on a merchant ship heading for Londinium in Britannia. That had made perfect sense to Ninia, finally. She remembered that Anni’s father had an estate there. It would be a perfect place to hide out, far from her mother’s clutches.

As she and Braxus settled in to their noisy portside inn, she contemplated yet another uncomfortable night. No matter how luxurious their accommodation, sleeping next to Braxus each night was torture. By some unspoken agreement they hadn’t made love again after that first time. And yet, now that Ninia’s body had discovered the joys of mating, it wanted more.

From Braxus’ restlessness, and his night wanderings, she gathered he felt the same. But she hadn’t felt confident to initiate another encounter, and he’d obviously assumed she was still upset with him.

The fact was she was still upset with him. Rejection of love was particularly painful. But she understood why he was the way he was. And he had never made her promises other than to protect her, and go no further than she wanted. It was her own fault that she’d wanted it all.

As the days had passed and she’d got to know him better, she became more and more convinced that what she felt for him was not just lust, as he said. What she felt was very like her feelings for Anni, except different, more physical. Where she’d always wanted to hold Anni and kiss her cheek, she’d never felt this burning need for release that she felt whenever she was alone with Braxus. She wanted to run her hands over his body, feel his mouth on hers. Wanted the emptiness inside her filled. It was like her body burned low when they were around others and then exploded into flame as soon as they were alone. And the ache between her legs was pure agony some nights.

It was past time that she did something about it. Whether he could love her or not didn’t matter. He wanted her; and liked her, she was sure of that. She’d be satisfied with that. It was better than nothing. Once they found Anni he would probably leave her anyway. Better that she didn’t hold out false hopes for more. But she could have all the nights they had left together, if he still wanted her.

After coming back from the baths, she removed her clothes and huddled under the bedding to get warm. When Braxus came back after his turn at the baths he’d find her naked in his bed. If that didn’t give him the message he needed to get, then nothing would.

But the hours passed, and he didn’t come back. Finally, terrified that something had happened to him, or worse, he’d found someone else to be with, she blew out the lamp and tried to sleep.