The Barbarian's Mistress (33 page)

This was the worst torture he’d ever experienced. Give him physical abuse any day. But this emotional/sexual torture was killing him. Several nights he’d had to leave his bed and wander the night to stop himself taking her. Raping her; let’s call it what it would have been. Each of those nights, he’d found his way to the local brothel and stood indecisive at the door for hours. Finally, he’d turn away, and go back to his room, too tired to do anything but sleep.

But tonight it was worse. Maybe it was because they were about to start their finally leg of the journey. In a few more days
, he’d have her back with her Anni, and he could go on with his life. That’s what he wanted now. All he wanted. Being with Ninia was too hard. She expected something of him that he didn’t have to offer. She expected him to be a better man than he was.

And tonight he was going to prove he was exactly what he knew himself to be. A bastard. He’d go back to their room smelling of another woman, just so that she knew how little he needed her. How little she mattered to him. She would cry. And hearing her cry would tear his guts to pieces. But then she’d know for sure that he was no good for her. No good for anyone.

He strode up to the door of one of the better brothels in this port town. As soon as he opened the door he was overwhelmed by the smell of sex; musky and insidious. A scantily dressed girl came to him, pointing to the murals on the walls, each illustrating a different sexual position. In a place where many languages were spoken, pictures were the universal method of communication. Just the sight of them had him hard.

What did he want? He’d tried every one of these positions many times. All of them worked. But his mind kept veering back to Ninia, lying beneath him. Losing her virginity to him. Exploding around him so powerfully, she’d sucked his cock dry in seconds. How could any of these whores compete with that?

But this wasn’t about competition; it was about driving her out of his head for good. Making her see him for what he was. Every day they were together, he saw the expression on her face becoming more fixed. Saw how she adored him; laughing at his jokes, enjoying his stories, and commiserating on his tragedies. It felt better than he’d ever expected, sharing his innermost self with a woman. It was addictive. Just like knowing what went on beneath her surface was addictive.

And everything he found out about her made him want her more. The only way he was going to survive the next week or so was by driving that expression off her face. Making her hate him. And the surest way to do that was to slack his thirst with one of these perfumed whores.

For once he wouldn’t worry about satisfying them. They would be paid well enough. He’d just take one, maybe more than one, and get off as fast as he could. This wasn’t about enjoyment…

‘You choose, yes?’ the dark girl at his side said in poor latin. He’d been picking up more Gaulish as they travelled, but didn’t feel like practicing with her here. Let her struggle. It was part of her price.

He pointed at the first picture, without really caring which position it was. She named a price, batting her lashes at him in what she probably saw as a coquettish gesture of innocent excitement. There was no innocence in her, nor any excitement. This was an act she put on for every customer. That was all he was to her. She didn’t admire him, or care about him. She wouldn’t sit in the ocean all night cooling his killing fever. She wouldn’t stay by his side while he needed her, rather than searching for rescue for herself.

Swearing foully, he turned on his heel and stormed out. His little Ninia was the only one who cared enough to do all that for him. And how was he planning to repay her? By rubbing her nose in it. Making her cry. Intentionally trying to hurt her. All because he was struggling with their closeness. All because it would be easier for him if she hated him.

Damn it, he couldn’t do that to her. He wouldn’t hurt her any more than he already had. If he had to lie with painful blue balls through more sleepless nights he would. If it made leaving her all the harder when the time came, then he would. But damn it, he wouldn’t hurt her. She’d been hurt badly enough by his kind.

His mind flashed to the moment he’d realised that that animal hadn’t taken the thirteen year old girl the normal way; he’d sodomised her. What kind of damage had he caused? He remembered how excruciating it was to be taken that way. That slime had chosen that path to hurt her and degrade her as much as possible. That kind of animal had to be put down. Once he left her, wherever she and Anni planned to go, he’d find this Publius Annius Bibulus and he’d kill him; slowly and painfully. Only then would he be free to go his own way. Only then would his obligation to her be complete.

Braxus stormed up the stairs to the third floor of their inn and ploughed into the room. Only then did he realise that he might scare her. He came to a standstill in the darkness. He heard her little cry of fear.

‘Just me,’ he said, trying to sound reassuring. But his blood was up. Anger over the bastard was all that was in his mind. He could see him hurting her. He knew what it felt like. No one deserved to be hurt and degraded that way. No one but an animal like him.

Still not thinking clearly he began peeling his clothes off. Then he climbed into bed, naked. Damn it if it made it harder to sleep. The feel of clothes on his body tonight was salt in his wounds. If he had to, he’d get himself off, just so he could sleep. He’d thought about it before, just like he’d thought about the prostitutes, but something had always stopped him. Stupid, masochistic idiot!

Braxus turned over, so his back was to her. His flanks touched warm, naked skin. He was suddenly frozen, every muscle galvanised, as he tried to decipher the physical message he’d received. Skin, her skin. No covering. Why would she be naked? She had only ever been naked with him once, and that was the night he’d taken her virginity. She was naked now!

Very slowly he turned over, so he could see what little was possible in the moonlight. She was facing away from him, curled up in the little ball she assumed when she was hurting. He slid his hand out and rested it on her naked hip. His arousal throbbed, and he barely controlled the groan that tried to force its way out through clenched teeth. From how stiff her muscles seemed, it was clear she wasn’t asleep. But why was she naked?

‘Nin?’

‘Hmm?’

‘You’re naked.’

‘I know.’

‘Why are you naked?’

‘Why do you think?’ She sounded like an angry, scared little girl.

‘I would normally think you wanted me…’

‘You know I do.’

He was poleaxed. He thought she never wanted him to touch her again after what he’d said to her that night. Oh, they got on when they travelled, and he knew she still adored him. But that didn’t mean she wanted him, even when she knew he didn’t love her, when he couldn’t give her what she really wanted and deserved.

‘Nothing’s changed,’ he grated out between clenched teeth, his arousal screaming at him just to take was she was offering. It didn’t matter why she was offering. Just take!

‘I know. But this lust, as you call it, is killing me, and I think you feel the same.’

‘Gods, yes!’

‘Then that’s all that matters. If you don’t love me, it doesn’t matter. I’m only going to have you for a few more days anyway. I don’t want to waste it…’ Her voice wobbled into silence.

He realised his hand was still on her hip. Somehow he hadn’t been able to take it away. Very slowly he moved it up her side until he reached her shoulder. Then gently, he pulled her over onto her back.

Who made the first move he couldn’t be sure. But suddenly they were all over each other. Kissing, touch, tasting, getting reacquainted with each other’s bodies in desperate haste. Gods, he couldn’t take it slowly with her this time. He couldn’t wait for her to be ready for him…

Gods, yes he could. He’d do something that would give him so much pleasure, and yet have her weeping for him. He kissed his way down her body until he reached the juncture of her legs. Then he invaded her with his mouth and tongue, so fast and thoroughly that she bucked right off the bed. Desperately, she tried to pull his head away, but he came up long enough to coax her to be still. Then he went back to devouring her. The scent of her made the brothel sickening. This sweet, clean scent of innocent arousal was more powerful than anything else. He loved the taste of her, the feel of her on his tongue. The sound of her mewling cries, and the way her breath caught when he gave her pleasure.

It had taken no more than a minute for her to settle to what he wa
s doing, and only a minute more to be in the throes of her first orgasm. Holding her in place, he continued to suckle her as he pushed two fingers inside her, touching the place just inside that he knew could drive some women crazy. It had the same effect on Ninia. She moaned, as she panted and writhed beneath his mouth. When she came again, it was more than he could stand.

Braxus reared back and replace his mouth with his cock, and drove into her heat in one swift movement. Easy. So easy. She had been ready for him. Wanted him. He’d never felt so overwhelmed by any sensation before. Being inside her, knowing she wanted him as much as he wanted her; knowing she was riding the waves of pleasure that he was giving her; feeling her muscles tighten around him like a hand, as he began the dance, the thrusting, panting dance that would give him what he needed. Give him bliss.

He came so suddenly it shocked him. His control gone, he went into free fall, blasting into her body like there was nothing else in the world but her. Nothing else but this moment.

When he finally came to rest, so exhausted, so blissfully replete, all he could do was rest in the curve of her hips, the perfect fit of her hips, and cry.

By the gods, what was this? He didn’t cry. He hadn’t cried since he was ten years old. But he couldn’t think, had no control. The only response to this overwhelming state was to cry. Quietly, so she didn’t notice.

‘Brax?’ she said, her voice filled with concern. Not quiet enough.

The knowledge that she was witness to his unmanning made him cry even harder; deep wracking sobs that had her arms closing around him, stroking his back, crooning to him like a mother. He cried even harder. He didn’t want to think about his mother. He didn’t want to remember how much he’d loved her. How much she loved him. Remembering only made him sad. Only made living all the harder.

But now he couldn’t not remember. Oh how he missed her, even now. This small woman took him back to that time, to that feeling of being loved and accepted unconditionally. She gave him what he’d long thought he’d never have again, and had built walls around himself so that he didn’t miss it.

In one foul swoop, this little woman had torn down his walls and let his grief out, mixed in with overwhelming pleasure, and it was too much.

She didn’t try to say anything. She didn’t ask him to tell her what was wrong. All she did was hold him and croon to him, stroking him until every tear was shed, and he was left feeling empty and strangely content.

‘I guess saying I was sorry wouldn’t quite cover it, huh?’ he said, trying for humour and failing. But she laughed a little for him, so it wasn’t so obvious how badly he’d failed.

‘Sorry for giving me the most powerful experience in my life? I guess you should be. How will anything ever stand up against this?’ Her voice was low and breathy, and so very, very sexy.

‘Me blubbering all over you. Very powerful. Big, bad gladiator bawling like a baby.’

‘I know what it’s like … to cry like that when you feel so intensely. That I could make you feel like that, after all the women you’ve had… makes me feel special. Not to mention the pleasure you gave me. I will never have it so good again…’

He laughed then, though the tears were still in his eyes. ‘Never say never, little one. We’ve still got time to beat our best.’ Then he laid his head on her shoulder. ‘But not right now. I’m so tired… I…’

‘Sleep, my darling. Sleep…’

Chapter Twenty Three

6 October 79CE
, Burdigala GAULIA

Ninia came awake to darkness and the sensation of warm, hard flesh pressed against her back. She relaxed. Memories of the night before flooded her. Braxus had given her so much. Not just the amazing sexual experience, but what she valued even more; his vulnerability. He’d cried. For a man like him, tears like he cried last night were rare and precious. And something in what they’d done had brought them on.

She snuggled into him, wishing that they could stay this way the whole day. She was so tired of travelling. And she knew he was too. What would one day matter to Anni? She could take one day just for her, so she could fully appreciate the man beside her. Because their time was short. No matter what had happened between them last night, she knew he wouldn’t stay with her past the completion of their mission. This was an obligation he felt he owed her, no more.

So what if she did take this day. Didn’t she deserve some happiness? Didn’t Braxus?

But images of Anni being bent to the brutal Vali’s will invaded her mind. He was hurting her, every night he had her, he was hurting her. That Anni didn’t try to leave him made sense to her now. Being with Braxus during the torturous last weeks had shown her how easy it was to choose what you had, rather than take a risk on finding another way.

If she could have found an alternative to staying with Braxus, she would have. It had been that painful. But she was a woman on her own, penniless, and with no skills that would help her to find her mistress. She had to stay with Braxus.

And so Anni would have felt like that too. Her only alternative was to go back to her mother and Titus. She could have walked into any patrician’s home and declared herself. It would have been that easy to get away from him. But she’d stayed, for all intents and purposes, as his wife. That meant that at least he was still a better alternative than what she perceived Titus would be. The best of two bad alternatives.

Ninia was even more determined now, to giving her mistress another alternative. She didn’t quite know what. Maybe Braxus could fight again and earn them enough to buy a place of their own. He’d do that for her before he left. He’d already fought twice to get them as far as he had. The second time had been in a small town in Gaulia, when they came across another travelling gladiator troop. Their finances had been depleted, and so they’d done as they had in Sardinia. What they got wasn’t as much as for the first contest, because the town was small and poor. But Braxus had been healthier and stronger than for his first contest, and he’d won with little damage to himself.

He could do that for them again. She knew he would. So why not give him another day as payment for what he’d done and what he would continue to do for her? Being with him was unlike anything she’d ever known. Who would have thought that her body could respond as it did, or could feel what it did. It was now spoiled for any other man; that was the truth. So what was one more day?

An image of Anni standing, watching as Publius ripped Ninia’s clothes from her back, flashed into her mind. She’d been tall, even then, her Anni; but still boyish in shape. Her face had still had the soft lines of childhood. Such a child she’d been, in so many ways. But her brother had stolen her childhood from her.

As she stood there, twisting her hands, her shoulders hunched and shaking, suffering as Ninia had suffered; suffering more than Ninia had suffered, in some ways. Unable to stop what was happening, unable to save her friend; her sister in all but blood. Helpless and defiled, she’d stood vigil, holding out only because she knew the alternative would be far worse for both of them, if she didn’t.

And now Anni was in just that situation again. No, there would be no day for selfish delights. Anni needed her. One more day of helplessness and degradation might be one too many. She had to get to her mistress’ side.

Inching away from Braxus’ warm body, she tried to crawl down the bed and out, so that she didn’t disturb him. A calloused hand clamped to her thigh, not painfully, but with force.

‘Not yet… stay with me, and let me pleasure you again.‘ His rough timbered voice was almost as seductive as his words. But Anni’s tortured face came between her and the memories of last night.

‘Can’t. Have to make that ship. You know what the mate said; storms are coming. This might be the last ship that gets out before they hit. Come on, Brax, we have to go…’ Did her voice hold a note of regret? Yes. But determination
, too.

‘You’re a hard task master, little one,’ he grumbled as he threw himself out of bed.

Londinium BRITANNIA

It was a cold, early afternoon when their vessel finally reached the docks of Londinium. Lara had never been so happy to see a town as much as she was to see this one, even if it was not much bigger than the tiny port villages or fortifications she’d seen for the last few days.

‘You look happy,’ Vali commented, as he drew her back against him, and dropped his head to nuzzle her neck.
Lara smiled and turned her head so he could kiss her cheek instead. More than this they couldn’t allow themselves. The sailors on this vessel had been disrespectful and lascivious. It would have taken very little to spark a fight, which would not have served them, even though Vali would have won.

‘I am. I’m just so glad to have finally got here. But it’s smaller than I expected.’

‘The town was burned down a few years back during an uprising, so it’s been rebuilt along Roman lines. I guess they still have a way to go before they can compete with Carthago.’

Lara giggled. As if this little town would ever compete with the fast growing Carthago. Vali could be so funny sometimes.

As soon as the gangplank was put in place, Vali and Lara disembarked, taking with them all their goods and chattels. They had accumulated a lot on their journey, especially the warm clothes they were forced to buy as the weather turned increasingly colder.

‘There’s about three or four hours of daylight left. Do you want to set out for the estate now, or find a place for the night and go fresh in the morning?’

‘Let’s go. If we hire horses we should be able to cover the distance in time, shouldn’t we?’

‘Horses? You want to ride again? You swore after that stint in Gaulia that you’d never get on another horse again.’ Vali quirked an eyebrow at her, to show he was teasing.

‘Needs must. And I’ll be more confident this time. I was terrified that brute would take off on me, so I clung on like a limpet.’

‘Brute? Sweetling, that sway-back old thing didn’t have it in him to bolt. He was hard pressed to amble.’

Lara pouted, exaggerating the expression to show she was playing. This was part of the pleasure of their relationship, this to and froing, the gentle teasing and jokes. It was still so new to her, and yet it was as comfortable and familiar, as if they’d been this way their whole lives.

‘So we find a stable, get horses, and ask for directions to the River Denth?’

‘Yes, and maybe pick up food for the journey. That bread we brought from Venta wasn’t very filling, especially without oil. All we have left are a few apples. The way you eat, they’ll be gone within the hour.’

It was his turn to scowl at her teasing. His appetite, in more ways than one, was the source of much of her ammunition in their game.

‘Always hungry for you, you mean? Sure I couldn’t talk you into settling in somewhere private for the night? I’ve missed you…’

The last three days they’d worked their way along the southern coast of Britannia. It had meant nights in little townships with poor facilities, and most definitely, no privacy. Vali wasn’t the only one missing their alone time.

‘You don’t expect to find a room to ourselves here do you? We’ve a better chance at the estate. Come on, it’ll be worth the effort, I’m sure.’

By dusk, they reached the Bibulus villa rustica, just beyond the ford on the River Denth. It had been easy to find, as it was one of the largest estates in the area. Not that the villa gave that impression. It
was nothing like the villas of Rome. This was more like the long houses Vali had described from his home; a rectangular, wood dwelling, with no windows and a thatched roof.

They drew the horses up at the door that was positioned half way along the length of the building, and Vali helped Lara dismount. She wou
ldn’t admit to being sore, but she knew she’d be having trouble walking for the next few days, at least. It felt like her inner thighs were rubbed raw.

‘Looks like your father was right. Mismanaged from laziness, I’d say. Look at that midden heap! It needs to be further from the house and in a hole, not piled up there, for every scavenger to feed off.’

‘Yes, but the spirits here are welcoming. I heard them whispering as we rode past the woods.’ Lara looked about her with interest.

‘You haven’t talked of numena since our first days,’ Vali said with a bemused little smile.

She returned his smile, embarrassed somehow to still be that dreamy, young girl she had been back then. ‘I haven’t really felt them since then. Too much else going on, I think. Or they only talk to me in places where I belong.’

‘You belonged in the Pontine Marshes?’ He almost laughed at her, but controlled himself.

‘It was still Latium, my province of birth. Don’t laugh at me, Vali. I know I sound like an imaginative child, but…’

‘Sweetling, I was laughing at the idea of the marshes being your home. Your connection to the spirit world is not a laughing matter. We’ve had to have had help to get this far safely. Maybe it was the numena that kept our ship safe during that storm, not Neptune.’

The great oak door swung open suddenly, and a short, skinny man in his middle years strode toward them. His hair was scarce, but what there was of it was grey. His nose was red and bulbous, and his chin disappeared into his neck. Dark circled eyes glared at them in warning.

‘You’ve come to the wrong place. We take no travellers here,’ the man announced with authority.

‘That’s good to know, as we aren’t travellers. This is the estate of G. Annius Bibulus?’ Vali asked with chilly politeness.

‘Yes. But he doesn’t abide here. Lives in Rome. A senator, so I’m told.’

‘And you would be the estate manager?’

‘I would. Vectitos Biraci is my name.’

‘Well Biraci, I’m the newly appointed estate manager, Gaius Annius Vali. My wife Lara.’ Vali indicated Lara with a gesture of his hand, without looking at her. This was not to demean her, but to simply assign her a position. With her hair no longer fair, her only disguise was now her name and relationship to Vali. If he indicated she was anything more than a liberti wife, word would spread.

‘What? What nonsense is this? I’ve received no such notification. Be on your way, man, before I set the dogs on you!’ The manager had puffed up like a blowfish, his cheeks a garish red. Behind him, a skinny woman in her late twenties appeared, filthy and dressed in rags. By the way she carried herself, Lara knew she was either a slave or an abused wife.

‘You have a choice, Biraci, accept your demotion and work for me, or leave immediately. Your poor management, laziness and possible thievery have been identified by my patron. Did you think it would go unnoticed forever, just because you’re so far from civilization?’

‘Poor management? I resent the suggestion. This is a poor estate. I do my best with what I have. No man could do better!’ The man had begun to shuffle backwards, running into the woman behind him, and forcing her to scuttle back too. It was clear he was trying to get inside, so he could shut the door, but Vali was not about to let that happen.

It took him two steps, and a firm shoulder wedged into the big door, for Biraci’s escape to be foiled. Vali barged over the top of the man and entered the dark dwelling. A hearth fire was blazing warmly. Over it was a spitted pig that smelled wonderful. It was the only thing that smelled wonderful in the dank, musty space.

‘I have the documentation. Do you wish to see it?’ Vali went on, standing over the man now, using his mountainous height to intimidate.

‘Forgery. It will be a forgery. I won’t tell you again. Get off my property before I…’

‘You what? Set the dogs on me? I doubt the shepherds will allow such a thing. And this was never your property, though you have treated it as such. You’ve had your chance. You’ve shown yourself unwilling to step down, so you’v
e got an hour to be gone. Take only what’s legitimately yours with you.’

‘You won’t get away with this…’ the man bleated, as he backed up almost to the hearth fire in the middle of the room.

‘Yes I will. I have the legal right to assume management of this estate. I have Rome behind me. Get your belongings, and be gone. Woman?’ Vali looked at the skinny female who hovered at a distance.

She took a tentative step forward, trembling with terror.

‘Are you slave to this estate?’

She nodded as she cast her head down, covering her face with her filthy hair.

‘How many others are there?’

‘Ten sir, not counting the children.’

‘None but this man, are liberti?’

‘No sir.’