The Bare Bum Gang and the Valley of Doom (10 page)

If you have a really cool den then there is a good
chance it will come under attack from your enemies.
If they get close enough, they will do terrible things
to your den, such as utterly destroy it, wee in it, take
your sweet stash, put rude graffiti in it, etc., etc. It
is therefore very important to properly defend your
den. I have already explained how to make brilliant
traps, such as the Smarties-tube Fart Bomb trap.
Here are some of the other things you could do. If
you do all of them, then I guarantee no enemies will
ever succeed in conquering you or your den. Plus,
if the earth is ever invaded by gaseous aliens from
Uranus, you will be safe inside your den, even if the
rest of the planet is reduced to smouldering rubble.

1. Dig a moat. This should be at least three
metres deep and should go all around your den. If you
can, you should fill the moat with crocodiles, alligators,
poisonous snakes, sharks, Loch Ness monsters etc.
etc., which will eat, poison or scare your enemies
before they have the chance to destroy you. In the
Olden Days, all the toilets in a castle would empty
into the moat, which would also put off people from
swimming across. You probably shouldn't copy this,
as someone might see you doing a wee in the moat
and tell your mum or the teacher.

2. Get some old chicken bones and arrange
them to look like a human skellington just outside
your den. That will make your enemies think that
you have a special beam that can skellify them if
they attack.

3. Make an early warning system to stop your
enemies sneaking up on you. Get some tin cans. Punch
a hole in the bottom of each one (get a grown-up
to do this if you are a wuss, or ask someone in the
army who will blast lots of holes in your cans with
a machine gun), then tie them together with fishing
line (or your dad's shoe laces) and hide them near
your den. Your enemies will get tangled up in the
cans, making a terrible racket. You will then be able
to counter-attack. Or run away.

4. Have a really rubbish den that no-body would
want to invade or destroy. You could put little pink
curtains up in it and have a dolly tea service laid
out.

5. Build a dummy den a little way off from your
real den. Your enemies will then destroy the pretend
den and run off, whooping like baboons. You can then
laugh at them for being silly fools, idiots, nincompoops,
baboons, etc., etc.

6.. Run away. Sometimes, if you are
heavily outnumbered, or if your enemies
are big and hairy, running away is a
perfectly good plan and not even a bit cowardly.

7. Get a vicious guard dog, such as the one in
another brilliant Bare Bum Gang story: The Bare
Bum Gang Battle the Dogsnatchers. He is called
Rude Word because his name is a rude word I'm not
allowed to say.

8. Cover your den in a cloak of invisibility.

Admittedly, this only works in books with wizards in
them, but if you are in one of those books, then it
is a good plan.

9. Find a mad scientist who will help you to
develop a special ray that skellifies your enemies
(see number 2 above).

10. I can't think of any more tips, which is very
annoying as ten is a nice round number, and I was
told I could have a pound for every one I thought
up. Can you help me out?

It all started when
Jennifer Eccles said
she wanted to be in
our gang. Until
then we were just
called the Gang . . .

Meet Ludo, Noah, Jamie and Phillip –
THE BARE BUM GANG!

The gang's new name is bad enough,
but things are about to get much worse.
Their number one enemies have challenged
them to a football match, and the prize at
stake is the gang den. And guess what –
THEY'RE ALL COMPLETELY RUBBISH
AT FOOTBALL!

How can they save the den? How can
they get back their pride?

Find out in the first
Bare Bum Gang adventure!

978-1-862-30386-7

Ludo, Noah, Jamie,
Phillip and Jennifer
are
THE BARE BUM
GANG!
They have
an embarrassing name
but a cool
Gang Den, so things
could be worse.

The newest member of the gang is
Rude Word, the world's ugliest dog –
and he's causing trouble. He's throwing
up strange furry body parts . . . and
Mrs Cake's dog Trixie is missing! Ludo
and the gang have to turn detective and
get to the bottom of this gross mystery.
But when other pets disappear,
they realize the mystery is bigger
than they'd thought.

Can they get Rude Word
off the hook?

978-1-862-30387-4

COMING SOON!

Ludo and Noah help out an old
tramp who has been hassled by their
enemies, the Dockery gang. They
call him King Arthur as he dresses in
homemade armour. Is he crazy or is
the 'treasure' he asks Ludo to rescue
real? The gang have to sneak past
security guards and vicious dogs to
get to the abandoned Corbin tower.
Are they brave enough to take on this
quest to find the Holy Grail?

Discover the truth in the awesome
new Bare Bum Gang adventure.

978-1-862-30389-8

Teggs is no ordinary dinosaur – he's an
ASTROSAUR! Captain of the amazing
spaceship DSS Sauropod, he goes on dangerous
missions and fights evil – along with his faithful
crew, Gypsy, Arx and Iggy!

When a greedy gang of meat-eating raptors raid
the Sauropod and kidnap two top athletes, Teggs
and his crew race to the rescue. But there's more
to the raptors' plot than meets the eye.

Can Teggs solve their rascally riddle in time?

978-0-099-47294-0

Genius cow Professor McMoo and his trusty sidekicks,
Pat and Bo, are the star agents of the C.I.A. – short for
COWS IN ACTION!
They travel through time, fighting evil
bulls from the future and keeping history on the right
track. . .

When Professor McMoo invents a brilliant TIME
MACHINE, he and his friends are soon attacked by a
terrifying TER-MOO-NATOR – a deadly robo-cow who
wants to mess with the past and change the future!
And that's only the start of an incredible ADVENTURE
that takes McMoo, Pat and Bo from a cow paradise in
the future to the SCARY dungeons of King Henry VIII. . .

It's time for action. COWS IN ACTION!

978-1-862-30189-4

Young Teggs Stegosaur is a pupil at
ASTROSAURS ACADEMY – where dinosaurs
train to be ASTROSAURS. With his best friends
Blink and Dutch beside him, amazing adventures
and far-out fun are never far away!

Arriving at the academy, the new astrocadets
face their first mission – to camp out
in a deserted space wilderness and bring back
something exciting for show-and-tell. But the
sneaky tricks of a rival team mean big trouble
for Teggs, Blink and Dutch – especially when
a T.rex ship crash-lands close by with a VERY
hungry crew. . .

978-1-862-30553-3