The Beginning of Connie and Isaac: Blue Butterfly Series (The Blue Butterfly Book 3) (26 page)

“Elle,” Annie whispered as if trying out the sound of Bullet’s real name.

“I’m your Auntie Shad…Connie’s best friend.” I couldn’t help but smile when I spotted Panther’s hand in my friend’s, even as she bent down to talk to Annie. “And I hope me and you are going to be the best of friends too.”

Annie nodded and smiled as she timidly looked at all the Phantoms who came to say hello one by one. She was overwhelmed and maybe a little confused by such a large family. But as I looked at my friends, and the love and support they were already giving my niece, I knew deep in my heart that she would never be short of an auntie or uncle, and that they would protect her with their lives. What four-year-old could say that?

Once, a long time ago, I’d hated this life. I’d wanted to end it, I’d wanted to join Mae and leave this shit behind. But now I couldn’t ever imagine life without my family.

Surprisingly, Becca sidled up to me and smiled bashfully. “Good to have you back, Shadow.”

I frowned at her, trying to peer into her soul to find what cruel joke she had up her sleeve but she blushed and lowered her eyes to the floor like a chastised six-year-old. “I know me and you haven’t exactly ever hit it off,” she admitted quietly. “But,” she licked her lips nervously and smiled with so much tenderness at Annie that I had to blink to stop my eyes from widening in shock. “But I would really like to be a part of your niece’s life. We all know this life takes away our chances of having children, and that’s a shame. But Annie here, maybe she can be the little person we all want, and need, in our lives.”

Weighing up her words, I looked around the room, and my heart clenched in pain when I took in all the smiling and clucking women. They all regarded Annie as some sort of God, their praises and attention to her making me sigh with sadness.

“You know what, Becca?” I spoke loudly. “The Phantoms are a family. Why the hell can’t you have a kid if you want one?”

A couple of women stared at me as if I’d ordered them to strip naked and do the hokey-cokey. “Are you serious, Shadow?” Princess, a fairly new assassin who got her tag because of her love of diamonds, asked.

Isaac stepped up beside me after leaving Bullet to scoop Annie into her arms and introduce her to all her new family. Taking my hand in his, he addressed the others. “I have a few things to clear up. For one, no one has ever come to me asking to extend our family. I’m not sure why you all think this is beyond the rules. As Connie said, we are a family. We take care of each other and that includes each other’s children. Two,” he continued as everyone turned to respectfully listen to their master, “Shadow is now to be addressed by her name. Her proper name.” I couldn’t help but smile at the warm feeling inside as Isaac squeezed my hand. “And three.” He paused and looked to Devlin, who frowned and looked rather nervous. Isaac took a big breath and looked back to the crowd. “Connie and I are retiring.”

A range of gasps rang out and every single wide eye stared at Isaac in shock as a few hushed whispers reverberated around the room.

“Devlin will be your new master.”

Devlin’s eyes grew so wide I swore they were going to pop out and drop at his feet. “Are you shitting me?”

Isaac shook his head. “You have shown me more loyalty than any fucker ever has. Although I’ll still be overseeing things from wherever Connie, Annie and I end up, things will very much be left in your rule. I trust you. You’ve served the Phantoms and me well and I love you for your astounding support.”

Devlin smirked but his expression showed every bit of his growing astonishment. “You love me? Wow, I must say I’m honoured.”

“Fuck off!” Isaac grumbled, but grinned and pulled Devlin into a hug when he came over and slapped Isaac respectfully on the back.

“Connie,” Annie whispered as she nervously came to me and tugged on my hand.

Smiling down at her, I crouched and tucked a loose strand of her hair behind her ear. “What’s wrong, sweetie?”

She leaned into my ear, her cheeks tinted pink with shyness around the others. “Where’s my daddy?”

Grief twisted my gut and for a long moment I stared at her in frozen numbness. Tears filled my eyes as I looked at her wide pleading eyes. My mouth dried and it fell open and closed many times before Isaac came to rescue me.

Scooping Annie up into his arms, he smiled at her. “Connie and I need to show you your new room. I think you’re going to love it, munchkin.”

Isaac looked over at me, his expression full of pity yet his love giving me so much strength. “You ready to do this?”

For over ten years I had been tortured and had tortured. I had killed and been killed many times over. I had put bullets into many people, I had even received a few myself. I had fought with my bare hands, I’d been whipped to within an inch of my life. Yet, right then, I knew the job I now had to face was going to be the most painful thing I had ever undertaken.

Blowing out a breath to calm my anguish, I nodded then silently followed Isaac through the mansion to the north wing. I’d been gone for eighteen months but my things, my home comforts all welcomed me back as though I had never left. My own belongings eased the rage in my heart and gave me the strength to face what I had to do.

Annie climbed into my lap when Isaac sat beside me on the sofa. Her eager expression tormented my soul and when a sob finally broke from me, Isaac smiled sadly.

I watched in stunned silence when he pulled a dice from his pocket and handed it to Annie. She peered at it curiously as she turned it around in her fingers and my despair grew when I realised Isaac had kept the thing that had both granted me death and saved my life.

“You see this?” he whispered as he took Annie’s tiny hand in his own. “This belonged to your very brave daddy.”

“It’s okay,” I cut in. “I can do this.”

“Are you sure?” he whispered softly as he wiped away one of my tears with his thumb.

Nodding, I turned to Annie. Taking the dice from her hand, I softly rolled it between my fingers. “Your daddy saved my life, Annie.”

“He did?” Annie beamed at me. She had the most amazing smile and for a moment I could only stare at the mirror image of my beautiful sister. How fucking cruel was life? How bitter and sick was the person who decided who lived and died? I made a promise that day, that if anyone ever hurt this little girl again, I would annihilate them until all that was left was the dust from their despicable souls.

I nodded, smiling at her through the tears threatening to strangle me. “Do you know how much your daddy loved your mummy, Annie?”

“Lots and lots and lots,” she answered eagerly.

“He did,” I confirmed with a nod. “And your daddy missed your mummy so, so much, his heart hurt without her.”

Blowing out a breath I squeezed her hand so tight I was worried I was hurting her. “Well, the angels came and asked him if he wanted to be with her.”

Her eyes filled with huge drops of grief. She understood what I was trying to tell her. A long, piercing whine burst from her lips and she buried her face into my chest as her little fat fingers clawed at my clothes. The look of utter desolation on Isaac’s face will forever be etched into my heart when he heard the wretched sound that broke from Annie that day. It will forever fuel my nightmares, and for the first time ever, I watched as a tear slid down Isaac’s face and dropped from his chin onto his strong chest.

“But he loves me too,” Annie sobbed.

Oh dear God.

“He loved you so very much, Annie, don’t you ever think he didn’t. He also loved me too.” Isaac tipped his head to the side and regarded me softly. “And he knew how much I longed for a little girl to love. He gave us both a gift when he went to live with your mummy. Everything is so hard right now, but when you’re much bigger and your heart doesn’t hurt as much as it does now, then things will be easier to understand. But I can promise you that Isaac and I love you with every single piece of our hearts. Your mummy and daddy will always be with you, sweetie, always. Their souls will both comfort and protect you every day.”

“Is he happy now?” she whispered.

“He was happy, Annie…”

She shook her head but smiled. “Whenever we went to visit Mummy’s grave he would be so sad that it made my tummy hurt. He had a photo of her in his drawer beside his bed…”

I smiled through the pain threatening to rip my heart from my chest. “He’s happy, baby. And he wants you to be happy. And I promise you that you will be. I promise Annie,” I swore as I wrapped a strand of her hair around my finger and tugged it gently.

She nodded, snuggling into me again. I looked up at Isaac who was staring at me curiously. His expression was soft, his head cocked to one side as he regarded us like some priceless artefact. Reaching out slowly, he took a piece of my hair and a lock of Annie’s matching ebony strands and wrapped them both around his little finger. “My girls,” he whispered. “My family.”

Turning in my hold, Annie smiled at him. “I like you,” she said shyly.

I couldn’t help but chuckle when the grin that covered Isaac’s usual stern face broke all records and his happiness with her statement made my own smile hurt my cheeks.

I knew he longed for a child of his own. The loss of our daughter had hardened Isaac in so many ways, and it was in that single moment that a four-year-old girl managed to smash through the ice that had formed around his heart and annihilate all the hatred he had held for so long.

Annie was the start of living for Isaac and me. She allowed us to breathe and, for the first time ever, to take life and enjoy it. In the years to come, Annie always said that Isaac and I were her saviours, but she was so very wrong. Because she saved us, in so many ways. She was the first proper beat of our hearts, and she was the obliteration to the hatred we both held.

She was our decimation, our salvation and our beginning.

July 2015. Aged 30.

THE SUN BEAT
down on my bare chest. Sweat poured from my brow. My muscles had never ached so much. And I had never laughed as damn hard as I was right then.

Both of my girls squealed in delight when I tore after them, the sand whipping up behind me as I ran. They each wore red bathing suits, and they were the prettiest girls on the whole beach.

Annie looked over her shoulder, trying to see how far behind I was. When she spotted me hot on her tail, she screamed and forced her little legs to move faster.

“You’ll never escape!” I roared.

“You big mean Toad King!” Annie grumbled when I scooped her up, slung her over my shoulder and raced after Connie who had managed to gain some distance.

“The Toad King is gonna gobble you up, little girl!”

She beat playfully at my back, her tiny fists pounding at my flesh. I was secretly proud of how hard she could already punch. My girl was going to annihilate any fucking boy that came near her. Her little legs kicked, her heel catching me in the eye and blinding me for a brief moment. “Shit,” I cried out as I dropped her and pressed the heel of my hand into my throbbing eyeball.

She stared up at me, a delighted grin on her face, before she took the opportunity to escape and belted after Connie. “Traitor!” I shouted after her when Connie laughed loudly upon witnessing her niece’s no holds barred fighting skills.