The Beginning of Us (10 page)

I started slow, kissing her cheek, her neck. The tension built up soon and I increased my speed. Teegan's body moved with mine, matching every thrust.

“Don't look away please,” Teegan begged and I locked eyes with her as I climaxed hard. She went right after me, her eyes closing, her body shuddering.

I was still inside her, breathing hard as she finished and she opened her eyes. “Wow.” She beamed at me and I kissed her forehead before climbing off her. She lay still, sweat glistening off her sexy body. Her chest heaved up and down and she stared at the ceiling.

“Shit, Teegan. That was... Amazing,” I said, getting into bed with her after disposing of the condom I was wearing.

We climbed under the covers, her naked body cuddled around mine. I asked if she felt okay, and she said she never felt better. We listened to music, watched TV and finally drifted off to sleep.

Being with her finally was better than any dream I could ever have.

Chapter Twelve

Teegan – May 2014

Every day I awoke stuck as a teenager was both a blessing and a curse.

It was a blessing because I was with Jax. We had such a good thing going. We had sex all the time, we hung out every spare minute; we were in the obsessive phase where we just couldn't get enough of each other. I was
happy
. I felt loved. Teenage Jax reminded me of college Jax, and how carefree our relationship had been. How amazing we were together before the adult bullshit dragged us both down. A curse, because I wondered where my baby girl was. Where adult Jaxon was. The two questions played on repeat in my brain, just like in the beginning. It was slowly driving me insane.

 In my other universe did I just fall off the damn map? Perhaps this is what happened to all those missing people. They got sucked into another world; past, future, whatever. And they didn’t know how to get back. Or maybe I was dead and this is what happens; you go back in time and relive your life for the remainder of eternity.

On this particular day I awoke with tears falling freely down my face onto an already soaked pillow. My heart hurt as an aftereffect of another bizarre dream.

In this one, Josie was chasing me down an empty street. Her face was distorted, lips and eyes swollen.

“Mama! Mama!” she had called, “Please, Mama, come back!” But I kept running away. It seemed like it went on for hours. Every time I turned to go to her, I was pushed away as if by a giant hand.

My phone showed the day – May 15th, Josie’s' 6th birthday. My baby turned six and I wasn’t there. My heart was ripped in two.

I turned the alarm off and buried my head into the pillow. I’d been stuck in this paradox for two months already. When was it going to end?

***

“Teegan, come on girl. I hate that alarm,” Mom called out. The urge to share with her overwhelmed me. This secret had stayed hidden from everyone but Raegan, but the urge to tell my parents and Jaxon was overpowering. I had to soon, before I went crazy for good.

I got out of bed and dressed quickly. Before I was finished with breakfast, Jax was at the door.

“Hey, beautiful you need a few more minutes?” he asked after mom let him in.

All I could muster was a slight nod, and returned to my cereal. Josie's face was the only thing I could think about.

“Teegan, what's wrong?” he demanded

Numbly, I shook my head. I was terrified that if I said anything, even one word, I would lose it. Instead, I just looked at him. His arctic blue eyes were clouded with worry.

“Babe? You’re kind of freakin' me out.” He gave me a half smile, trying to break the ice, but it didn’t work. The faucet turned off and mom's hands grabbed my shoulders gently.

“Teegan, honey, say something. You look really pale.” Her voice was more authoritative than questioning and my dam broke. I sobbed and sobbed until I felt like I had cried every tear left in me. Jax immediately enveloped me in a hug. My eyes were closed tight and I cried into his chest.

“Hey, hey... It's okay, girlfriend, it's all right, whatever it is. Are you pregnant?” he said softly. The question made me cry harder. “‘Cause if you are, that's okay Teegan. I'll be here for you. I'm never going anywhere,” he continued. His hand ran over my hair again and again. “You know I love you Teegan. Whatever it is, I'm not going anywhere.” His last statement was full of determination. I caught my breath and turned away.

“It’s Josie’s birthday today." My voice was barely above a whisper.

Jax’s face went blank. “Who? Baby, who's Josie?” He looked over to my mom behind me with a puzzled expression.

“She's our daughter, Jax,” I finally said.

***

I sat across from my mother and Jax. Mom had nearly fainted at my confession and he first had to assist her to the couch and then came back to me.

“Let's go into the living room, okay, girlfriend? Everything’s gonna be okay.” He made me drink the rest of my juice and handed me tissues to wipe my face. I was blown away that he hadn’t cussed me out and took off.

He sat me down and positioned himself inches in front of my face. His eyes searched my face, his eyebrows slightly furrowed. “Teeg. Baby, tell me. Please tell me everything. From the very beginning. From the end, I don't care. Just tell me.”

 As I gazed into his eyes, wave after wave of fear crashed into me. Nausea made a brief appearance and then it turned into panic.

“Y'all are going to think I'm nuts,” I murmured, already feeling dejected. Mom had yet to make eye contact with me.

“No,” he replied firmly. “No Teegan. I won't, there’s no possible way that I'll ever think that of you.”

“Me neither, Teegan,” My mom piped up. Concern was etched on her face, and there was something else. Her eyes promised that her words were true.

So I told them. My explanation of coming from the future and being a teenager for the second time sounded crazy and confusing falling from my lips, but they both listened intently. Their faces showed no signs of disbelief. Just intent.

“Jax, we've been married for nine years. Our daughter Josie, her birthday is today. And the night before I woke up like this,” I motioned to myself, “we had fought and you told me it was over.

“It sounds like something out of a sci-fi movie but it’s real. It's so real. I've been stuck here, just stuck waking up every day as a teenager,” I finished, taking a deep breath.

Silence greeted me in response. The ticking of our grandfather clock intensified with every second.

“Jax? Mama? Please, y'all, say something. Anything.” I looked from one to the other, pleading.

Finally, Jax cleared his throat. “Does Josie look like me or you?” his voice, a notch above a whisper. For a few moments I stared at him and then I let out a sorrowful laugh.

“You. She looks just like you. And she's a total daddy's girl,” I answered. “Please don’t think I'm crazy.”

Jax smiled at me, “Teegan, stop. I don’t think that. Out of all the teenage girls in the world, you are by far the most sensible, level-headed one out of them all.” He kissed my nose and continued, “Is there any way you can prove it? Not that I needed any proof. But something that you wouldn’t know right now, that you knew from the future?”

I frowned and racked my brain. Finally, it came to me

“I know why you don’t drink and drive.” My answer was confident, my voice more stable. I sat up taller as I explained, “When you were in elementary school, your best friend was killed by a drunk driver. It was July 4th and y’all were at a party with your parents' friends. The grown-ups were still up and y’all were playing baseball. The ball went out in the street. Your friend ran to get it. The car came out of nowhere; the headlights weren’t on ‘cause the driver was too drunk to remember. It hit your friend and killed him instantly.”

Jax's face paled. He looked down, biting his bottom lip. Finally, he spoke, “I've never told you that.”

I nodded my head, “Not in this time. But...” I trailed off. It was heartbreaking to see the shock and sadness covering his features.

I looked over at my mom. Something she told me when I was about to have Josie came to mind, a confession she had whispered to me while I lay on the bed, writhing in pain.

"Mom, you... You told me once about how frightened you were when Axel was born. When he was born, he wasn't crying. He was blue and motionless. The cord had wrapped around his neck.”

"I've told that story before, though, honey.” Mom frowned, wringing her hands over and over.

"But not how, while the doctors were working on him, you prayed silently over and over.
Please God take me instead. Take me and let my baby live
. You've never told anyone, not even Dad, about that part." I stared at her, unwavering, even when the tears spilled from her eyes. "And you said you heard God for the first time in your life in that moment and He said,
No. You have more to come
. And right after that Axel cried. You told me that story while I was in labor with Josie. You said to concentrate on her, that I was a mother now and mothers are the most selfless beings in the world."

Mom's hands covered her face and softly cried. Jax stared at her wide eyed and then back to me.

“See, I'm not lying. This is all real.” I sagged against the couch, all energy completely drained from my being.

Jax took a deep breath and sat on his bottom in front of me. “Wow, I mean, I don’t know what to say, Teegan. It is just so crazy. But I believe you. I believe every single word you said.”

“I do too,” Mom agreed hoarsely, busy wiping her eyes.

It was in that instant I finally felt the weight lift off. They
believed
me. I wasn’t alone anymore with this secret.

“So where do we go from here?” Jax asked, jolting me out of my train of thought.

I shook my head, “I have no idea. I've just been taking it day by day. Raegan already knows everything. She's been helping me do research, but it always leads to a dead end.”

Jax seemed to ponder that statement for a moment. “OK, then that’s what we'll do. We'll just take it day by day.” His reassuring smile quickened my spirit and formed dancing butterflies in my stomach.

Maybe, just maybe, everything would be okay.

Chapter Thirteen

Teegan

The remainder of the day was anti-climactic and Jax wound up sticking with me even after my mom reluctantly left. We decided to make a picnic and bring it out in the backyard.

I still felt lethargic and while I tried my best to savor the time with him, I just couldn’t. My secret was out, but it was still Josie's birthday and I missed my little girl with every fiber of my being.

Adjacent to the rusted swing set of past days, we sat in silence eating our sandwiches.

“Just stop this Teegan!” Jax exclaimed, making me drop the cheese cube I was absentmindedly playing with

“Stop what?”

“This,” he motioned to all of me, “melancholy girlfriend is no fun. Don't you feel better after letting all that out?” I nodded and he continued, “Well shit, okay then. Good. Then we need to move on. Maybe we can't solve everything all in one day, but we will eventually.” He took an aggressive bite out of his sandwich and a drink of his soda.

He sat the can down and held out his arms, “Please come here baby. I just want to hold you.” Tears threatened to descend as I crawled over to him with a heavy heart.

“I love you Teegan, and I'm here for you. I've waited all my life to have this kind of love and I'm not losing you. Not now. Not in the future. Never.” He gently touched my cheek to his and continued, “I can't promise I won't ask questions about how things are as a married couple of grown-ups. I really wanna know. Especially about Josie. But I'm not gonna lose focus on us. You really mean everything to me. I'm glad you’re the one I end up marrying.”

His mouth crushed against mine and a soft groan escaped his lips as he moved to my neck. My hands swept up into his hair, the smell of coconuts overwhelming me as I ran my fingers through. He led me down to the ground and gently settled on top of me. My body rejoiced at the closeness.

“We're not gonna have sex out in my backyard,” I protested.

He laughed and shook his head, “No, girlfriend, I'm going to carry you inside. Then I'm gonna make sweet, passionate, crazy love to you.” His dimples highlighted his handsome face.

“Oh really now? That's your plan?”

“Well, yeah. Right now I'm still a horny teenager with a very smokin' hot girlfriend.”

I giggled and shook my head side to side, “You're a mess.”

His eyes narrowed, staring directly into mine. An intense feeling that he could see directly into my soul burned in my chest. He whispered, “Always for you. A total mess.”

“I love you Jax. I've always loved you since the beginning of us.”

He turned his head slightly and kissed my hand. “Come on, Teeg.” He lifted himself off me and stood up. I followed suit and took his hand. But he let go quickly and instead hoisted me up into his arms. I wrapped my legs around him, which made him growl slightly. “You know I love it when you do that.”

He fumbled with the patio door and almost tripped inside. I threw my head back and laughed. “Perfect; very smooth, mister,” I teased.

“Hush lady,” he growled. We made our way clumsily into my room. We entered and I jumped down to close the door. I turned around only to find Jax right there, inches away. The heat radiated from his body and he pushed me slightly against the door. Our bodies were pressed so close. His erection was evident as his body slowly came in contact with mine.

His kisses came hurried and fierce. He lightly nipped at my lips while his hand moved from cupping my face downward.

His hands came to rest on my hips and he pulled me even closer, something I didn’t think was possible. I broke free from our kiss and panted, out of breath. This boy – he made me feel alive, mind, body and soul. He made me feel beautiful and free and loved.

“Bed.” My command was breathless and Jax's eyes crinkled, lust darkening them slightly. He growled in response, one of the sexiest sounds ever known to mankind.