The Berserker and the Pedant (8 page)

"If I might interject," Arthur said. "I do believe Melody has a point, my dear fellow. Perhaps we should take advantage of her experience while she is with us."

"But…"

Moog ran over and wrapped his arms around Melody's leg. "Moog," he purred, rubbing against her.

"Fine," Gurken said, "let's hear this famous plan of yours. Then we shall see."

"Thank you," Melody said. "Since we are facing a small number of large foes, we should prevent them from fully exiting the cave, and strike them from a distance. Gurken, you and I shall take point, endeavoring to prevent them from exiting. Moog, stay behind us, ready to mend. Arthur, Pellonia, climb up to the top of the cliffs and find some large rocks to push over on the trolls."

"Ridiculous!" shouted Gurken. 

"Sounds great," said Pellonia.

"Yup, it's good to have an actual plan for once. I'm in," Arthur agreed. 

"Moog," said Moog, nodding.

"What?" Gurken asked, incredulous. "Fine, but it's a terrible plan."

"Gurken," Melody said. "Why, I'm surprised at you. Are you pouting?"

"I'm not pouting."

"I know pouting; I've got a little sister."

"Hey!" Pellonia said.

"See… pouting."

"Let's do this," Gurken said. Arthur, with Pellonia riding on his back, trotted up the path to the top of the cliffs. Gurken and Melody waited a time, then walked to the cave opening.

"Oh, my!" Melody said, in a melodramatic tone. "Whatever shall I do? I'm lost and alone!" Gurken curled his mouth in disgust at such a ridiculous tactic. He took the axe off his back and stood at the ready. 

They heard movement from within the cave. A large humanoid shadow flickered across the canyon wall. Gurken gritted his teeth and smiled. Melody swung her arms in a wide circle and crouched into a low fighting stance, her hands balled in to fists with two fingers on each pointing out.

"HAAARR!" Gurken growled in a deep baritone.

"YAH!" Melody gave a sharp bark.

A small reddish figure emerged from the cave opening. He was dressed in brown leather rags and had a long pointed nose, too large for human proportions. His ears were large and pointed on the top and bottom. He had two rows of sharp teeth in a mouth turned up in a large grin. He raised a wooden staff with two large feathers on the end and yelled in a high-pitched scream, "Now!"

"Goblins!" Moog said, his eyes growing large as dozens of goblins poured out of the cave opening. He gave a yelp and dove into the bushes. 

Nauthiz, the dwarfen rune of self-reliance and recognition of one's fate, glowed, a bright yellow halo around the head of Gurken's axe. Gurken charged the goblins, hacking off limbs and hewing heads from shoulders, cutting a bloody swath through the oncoming horde.

Melody side-stepped the lead goblin, catching his arm as he stumbled by and swinging him around into the next, sending them tumbling into a third. She dove over another pair, pulling knives out of the goblins' belts as she passed and throwing them into the guts of two more.

Rocks rained down from above, striking several more goblins in the head, knocking them to the ground. The goblin with the staff stood at the mouth of the cave, waving the goblins on. Dozens more streamed out of the cave. One struck Melody in the leg with a club in an incredibly lucky blow, spinning her off-balance. Another clubbed her in the face as she fell, but she spun with the blow, matching its momentum and avoiding most of the damage. 

She rolled back out of reach. "Too many of them!" she shouted. "Gurken, pull back!" Gurken cut down another half-dozen goblins, not hearing Melody over the thundering of his rage. Another dozen goblins came, overwhelming Gurken and piling on top of him. Before Melody could react, Pellonia screamed from above on the cliff. Melody jerked her head up, but couldn't see anything. She ran toward the cliff face, stepped on a goblin's head and jumped ten feet up. 

She caught a small outcropping with one hand, and in a motion reminiscent of water flowing down a river, she climbed. With one final effort, she leapt from the cliff, flipped in the air and landed with a tuck and a roll up on her feet, ready to do battle.

Melody paused as she saw Arthur, tiny spears protruding from his flanks, lying on the ground, a front leg broken. He held up the orb, projecting brief but intense flashes of light at dozens of small goblins, blinding and startling them. 

Antic balanced on top of his back, spraying goblins that made the ill-considered decision to approach. On the ground between Arthur and the cliff was Pellonia, unconscious and trapped in a net. Melody cocked her head to one side and sighed. She sprinted over to Pellonia.

"Thank the gods you're here, I can't hold them off much longer. There ar-" Arthur began.

"I'm sorry, Arthur." Melody said, frowning. She picked up Pellonia, net and all, and slung her over her back. She ran off. 

Arthur was stunned.

Come now
, thought Arthur.
It's probably for the best. At least this way Pellonia will live, and with a spot of luck once the goblins overrun me, why, I shall waken once more in my own body. However, let us not go fondly into the cold night, but fight on. If these goblins want my hide, come now, I shall make them a time of it.

A goblin broke off from the pack and charged Arthur. He was about to lunge into a devastating thrust, when Arthur sent sharp flashes of light towards the goblin's eyes with the orb. The goblin came to an abrupt halt and fell to his knees, rubbing his eyes.

This just will not do
, Arthur thought.
Blinding and dazing the goblins does have some effect, but that effect wears off in too little time and they once more come at me. If they decide to all come at once, why, I don't think I shall survive. I must figure out how to do more with this orb of light besides flicker a few sparks in their eyes. Come now, what else can one do with mere light?

Antic sprayed another two goblins that started for them, and tried spraying a third, but the juice came out in a small spurt. No giant ants came to the rescue, no doubt since they were so far from the ant nest. Antic retreated and hid behind Arthur, quivering.

What types of light are there? Well now, there is light coming off a torch, lighting a room and providing some heat. There is light of the iridescent blowfish, a soft luminescence that, while pleasant on the eyes, does not seem to be of much use under this circumstance. There is also the light of the sun, a light which given enough time can cause a surface to heat up to a considerable level of discomfort.

A somewhat larger goblin, perhaps as tall as a dwarf, came out of the pack and roared at Arthur. The goblin swung an enormous mallet over its head and sent it crashing into the ground in challenge.

Arthur raised up the orb, pressed his finger to it and spoke an incantation to adjust the way the orb absorbed and discharged light. He pointed at the face of the large goblin and said "Lux trabem!" A solid beam of light, as concentrated and small as a fist, burst from the face of the orb, searing into the goblin's face. The goblin's face sizzled and burned, wisps of smoke rising as the goblin screamed in pain.

"Nice!" Arthur exclaimed. "Take that, goblin. The next one coming will really get it!" Arthur turned a section of the orb, which made clicking sounds as it turned. 

click… clicK… cLicK… CLicK… CLiCK… CLICK…

The goblins stood back, looking unsure of what to do. So Arthur, gentleman that he is, decided to help them decide by providing them with a better argument.

"Intentoque lux trabem!"

The area around Arthur dimmed as streams of light poured into the orb. A single narrow point of light no bigger than a finger shone out of the orb and through one of the goblins. The goblin looked down at the beam with a curious expression until Arthur moved the beam, jerking it through the rest of the goblin horde. The top half of the goblins in the front row slid off the bottom halves and landed on the ground with a sickening splut. The goblins immediately behind them fell over, groaning in pain or dead.

The goblins behind them concluded their contemplations, remembering they had plans elsewhere and were unable to continue to entertain Arthur, no matter how rude it was to abandon their guest. In short, they ran.

"Well, now," said Arthur, out of breath and still bleeding profusely. "This orb is a wondrous thing, indeed. Melody was, I think, mistaken. At least now, should my compatriots find me, I'll become a whole man again. It's almost a pity. I was becoming rather used to being a half-unicorn centaur wizard." 

He slumped to the ground, the orb too heavy for his weakening arms to continue holding. The orb dropped out of his hand and rolled towards the goblins. A goblin stepped forward and said, "Well, now, who do we have here?" and smiled an evil grin.

"Whom," Arthur said. "Whom do we have here." Then he died.

Episode Nine

The Berserker and the Goblins

As the morning sun crested the horizon, shining bright light into the canyon, Moog the Mender peeked out of the bushes, wary for any signs of impending death. Goblin corpses littered the landscape. Nothing moved. He poked one foot out, nearly touching the ground with it, and jerked it back. Moog peeked out of the bushes again, still wary for any signs of impending death. Goblin corpses still littered the landscape. Nothing moved.

Moog strode confidently out of the bushes and walked among the corpses, searching quite diligently. Near the entrance to the mines, Moog found a particularly large trail of goblin corpses. On the ground, he found Gurken's sleep sack, covered in blood. There was no other sign of the dwarf. 

Moog shouldered the sleep sack and made his way up the trail to the top of the cliff. He saw Arthur's corpse, unmoving on the ground, Antic nudging gently at his hand. Moog's eyes grew wide, and he ran over to him, pressing an ear against Arthur's chest. After a moment, Moog threw his arms around him, crying. Moog stayed like that for some time before sniffling and raising his head. He spotted the orb, lying a few feet away.

"Orb!" Moog shouted, smiling.

He walked to the orb and picked it up, cradling it and giving it kisses. He walked back to Arthur and fiddled with the orb. Sections of the orb twisted and turned in Moog's hands. A bluish beam streamed out of the orb in a horizontal line. Moog ran the line back and forth across Arthur's corpse a few times. As the beam passed over his body, the area around the line became momentarily transparent down to his bones. 

Moog rubbed the orb and poked at it and said, "Herleven."

A pillar of light descended from the heavens, striking the ground next to Moog and Arthur's corpse. At first, nothing happened, then a speck in the center of the light appeared and grew. It grew to the size of a pea, then a pebble, then a small ball. It looked like a tiny fetus, half-human, half-horse. It quickly grew and aged through infancy, toddlerhood, childhood, and young adulthood and finally, stopped at adulthood. It was a perfect replica of Arthur. 

"Moog, dear lad," Arthur said, his voice soft and weak. "You saved me. You have my gratitude." Arthur tried to stand, noticed he was still a centaur, and fell back to the ground.

"Well, if that doesn't just beat all," he said.

Gurken woke up in a dimly lit cavern. He opened his eyes and saw ropes hanging from the ceiling, hundreds of them. Some hung down a few feet; others reached the floor. Each rope was thin and fraying, and had knots tied in them every few inches. Some ended in a large knot, others without them. The ropes swayed in a gentle, mesmerizing pattern.

Gurken sat up; he was fully armored, and his axe lay next to him. The room had roughly hewn rock walls, and the floor was a natural cave floor. Stalagmites rose from the floor towards the ceiling. A small pool of water puddled in a bowl-shaped indentation next to him.

Gurken smelled the water and took a small sip. It seemed fresh, so he availed himself of it, drinking deeply. When he finished, he saw in his reflection a small cord tied into his beard. The rope had a succession of knots tied so close together that it made the rope appear to be thicker than it was. His hair intertwined with the cord, so he left it to remove later.