The Best Man for the Job (12 page)

‘So?’

He shrugged and decided there wasn’t any harm in telling her. It wasn’t as if he had a problem with it or anything. It was just the way things were. ‘I’m not against marriage in general,’ he said, serving himself a slice. ‘Just for me.’

‘Why?’

‘I’ve seen the damage that love can do. I am the damage. Or at least, I was.’

She nodded thoughtfully, presumably remembering the shocking stories about him that he knew Dan had regaled her with. ‘So you steer clear of love too?’ she said, taking a mouthful of tart and groaning softly in appreciation.

‘Yes,’ he muttered, giving his head a quick shake to dispel the faint feeling of dizziness. ‘Although it’s never been an issue because I’ve never been in love. But if I ever am I’ll resist it with every bone in my body because in my experience love is messy and tragic and who needs that kind of hassle?’

‘And that’s where we differ,’ she said, smiling wistfully and scooping up another bit of tart. ‘Because I’ve never been in love either but from what I’ve seen it’s lovely and so I’d like to experience it some day.’

Suddenly losing his appetite for pudding, Marcus sat back and ignored whatever it was that shot through him at the thought of her with someone else, because that she would be eventually was inevitable. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said gruffly.

‘For what?’

‘Putting you in this position.’

‘Oh, it’s fine,’ she said airily. ‘Now I’m beginning to come to terms with the reality of a baby I’ve mentally rearranged a few things.’

‘Love and marriage being amongst them.’

‘I’m not sure there’s a lot you can do about love, but marriage was only a very vague goal anyway.’ She grinned. ‘So you don’t need to worry—I won’t be hassling you on that front. Unlike some, I imagine.’

Marcus frowned. ‘What are you talking about?’

‘I heard you have a stalker ex.’

Oh. ‘Dan again?’

‘Yup. And I have to say I’m completely agog. So come on, spill.’

‘You want details?’

She arched an eyebrow. ‘Of course I do. Think of it as part of the “getting to know you” thing.’

‘OK,’ he said, figuring he had no real reason not to tell her. ‘I met her at a party and we went out for two months.’

‘A whole two months?’ she said dryly. ‘A record, surely.’

Marcus shot her a look.

‘Sorry,’ she added, not sounding sorry at all.

‘She wanted more. I didn’t. We stopped seeing each other.’

‘You dumped her?’

He shifted on his chair but he couldn’t get comfortable. The memory of Noelle the Nutcase giving him hives probably. ‘Yes.’

‘And then?’

‘She wouldn’t accept it.’

‘So what did she do?’

‘Kept calling, texting, emailing. She turned up here once or twice, and at the office a bit more.’

Celia grimaced. ‘How mortifying.’

‘It wasn’t the most pleasant of experiences,’ he said, which had to be the understatement of the century. ‘When she broke in here, arranged herself on the bed and waited for me to get home, I had to take it to the police.’

‘And then what happened?’

‘She was issued with an order to stay away both physically and electronically.’

‘Has she stuck to it?’

‘Thankfully.’

She hmmed. ‘I can see why you’d be wary of getting involved after something like that.’

‘Quite.’

She regarded him thoughtfully for a while and then leaned forwards. ‘So tell me, Marcus, given your abhorrence of commitment, why do you want this baby so much?’

Where that had suddenly sprung from he didn’t know, but the question didn’t come as a huge surprise. ‘It’s hard to explain.’

She winced. ‘I know the feeling.’

‘Not just the ultrasound and those pictures for you, then?’

She shook her head. ‘No. Although that afternoon was the key that unlocked everything, if that makes sense.’

‘More than you probably realise.’

She put down her spoon and fork together on her spotlessly clean plate and bit her lip. ‘For me I think it was a combination of things, really. My friends marrying and starting families. And then that thing my dad said about my age. It got into my head sort of insidiously and then stayed there, niggling away. I mean, I know I still have time, but after we made the decision to go for the abortion, I kept thinking what if this is my only chance? What if I got rid of this baby and I never got pregnant again? Would I regret it? And if I did, would I be able to live with the regret?’ She shrugged and smiled, although there wasn’t any humour in it. ‘Silly, huh?’

‘Not at all.’

‘So what was it for you? Don’t tell me you were envious of your friends settling down and having kids.’

‘No.’

‘And age wouldn’t be an issue, so what was it?’

‘Some stuff going back a while.’

‘What kind of stuff?’

While he’d been absolutely fine with talking about love and marriage, this was veering into territory that would make him sound like a sentimental sap. ‘Just stuff,’ he muttered, hoping she’d leave it but knowing she wouldn’t.

Celia tilted her head and looked at him. ‘Come on, Marcus, I told you my reasons. You can tell me yours. Come to think of it,’ she added contemplatively, ‘you already know a lot more about me than I do about you, and didn’t you once say you were all for equality?’

He had, and, after what she’d just told him, maybe he owed her the truth in return. Besides, if he carried on protesting she’d read more into his reluctance than there was to be read.

‘Fair enough,’ he said, sighing and running a hand along his jaw as he wondered where to start. ‘Becoming a father isn’t something I’d ever have chosen to do,’ he said finally. ‘But presented with the possibility, it opened a box for me too. Mainly to do with my father and our relationship.’

‘Which was good, right?’

‘Very good. I kept thinking about my childhood—which I remember as being improbably idyllic—and was filled with the overwhelming need to recreate it. I guess I’d like to have that father-child bond again, albeit from a different angle.’

‘What if it’s a girl?’

‘Doesn’t matter.’

‘And the sacrifices you’ll have to make?’

‘Those don’t seem to matter either. My lifestyle’s already changed for one reason or another and I find I don’t mind at all. You know, maybe I’ve been waiting for something like this to happen.’

Her eyebrows shot up. ‘An accidental pregnancy?’

‘Not exactly, but something that makes me evaluate my life.’ Which was something he’d been doing quite a bit of actually. Recently the thing Dan had said about Marcus turning into Jim Forrester had been gnawing away at him. Did he really want to be fifty and chasing every woman he could? No, he didn’t, so maybe once things had settled down he’d look at embarking on a proper relationship. One that might cure him of his inconvenient and impossible attraction to Celia.

‘Do you miss him?’

Marcus shrugged and twirled the stem of his wine glass, watching the dark red wine swirl around. ‘It’s not too bad any more.’

‘But you did for a while?’

‘Like a missing limb.’

‘And that’s why you went off the rails.’

He nodded. ‘Mainly.’

‘And what about your mother? Do you miss her?’

Something inside him chilled a little and he abandoned his glass to pick up the knife and point it at the tart. ‘More pudding?’

Celia shook her head. ‘No, thanks. It was delicious, though.’

‘Coffee?’

‘No, thanks,’ she said again, only this time with a tiny frown.

‘Tea?’

‘Nothing, thank you. Except an answer. That would be nice.’

It wouldn’t be nice at all, he thought darkly, clearing the table and refusing her offer of help. Which, with hindsight, was probably a mistake because instead of being busy with dishes, she had time to wonder.

‘Why are you avoiding the question, Marcus?’ she asked, and he could feel her eyes on him.

‘Because it’s a tricky one to answer,’ he muttered.

‘Why?’

With a deep sigh, Marcus abandoned the crockery and turned to lean against the counter. ‘Following my father’s death neither of us were very good at dealing with our grief,’ he said, folding his arms across his chest as if that might somehow suppress the memories. ‘I went wild. She withdrew into herself. Ultimately she’d loved him so much she couldn’t live without him. Literally.’

She nodded, her eyes filling with sympathy, compassion and pity, and he couldn’t work out whether it pissed him off or made him grateful. ‘I heard. I’m sorry.’

He shrugged. ‘Nothing to be sorry about. She just couldn’t go on without him, that was all.’

‘She must have been in a very bad way.’

‘She was. She was deeply depressed, even though I don’t think she realised it. I certainly didn’t.’

‘No, well, how could you have?’

The guilt struck him square in the chest and his jaw tightened. ‘If I’d been less hell-bent on self-destruction I might have.’

‘She’d have found a way whatever you’d done.’

‘If I’d at least tried she might have thought I was worth sticking around for.’

For a moment there was absolute silence and Marcus wished he could take back the words because he’d said too much. Way too much.

‘I’m sure that wasn’t it,’ she said softly.

‘It was,’ he said bluntly. ‘She left a note. Basically saying that she loved me and that she realised she’d be leaving me behind but that it wasn’t enough to stop her.’

Celia looked stricken and a dozen different emotions flickered across her face. ‘Oh, God,’ she murmured.

He arched an eyebrow. ‘You did ask.’

‘I know I did.’

‘Regretting it?’

‘Not for a second.’

He gave her a dry smile. ‘Hardly the best of gene pools, is it?’

‘Oh, I don’t know,’ she said, running her gaze over him and, whether she knew it or not, making him forget that horrible couple of years and return his focus to her.

He watched her eyes darken, heard her breath catch, and desire hit him like a blow to the chest. His hands itched. His mouth went dry and he was a second away from hauling her up from the chair and into his arms when she blinked, snapping the connection and making him recoil.

‘So how did you get from hurtling off the rails to where you are now?’ she said a little hoarsely, sounding as shaken as he was.

Marcus gathered his wits and thanked God Celia had had the sense to pull them back from the edge. ‘Just after my mother died and I was spinning really out of control, a friend of my father’s basically took me in hand. He put me to work in one of his companies, a brokerage. It turned out I had an affinity for stock picking and I moved up until I set up my own business. The rest you know.’

‘Didn’t any of your own friends try to help?’

‘Dan did a bit. But we were eighteen, nineteen. I was determined to raise as much hell as I could and I was very good at it. There was nothing he could have done.’

‘Is that why you’re setting up this scheme to help people like you once were?’

‘Yes.’

‘Paying it forward.’

‘In a small way.’

‘And what about the business mentoring and the angel investing?’

‘I had no idea you were listening so closely.’

‘I was listening.’

‘Right,’ he said, wondering why the thought of her listening would make his heart beat this hard and this fast. ‘Well, that’s because I enjoy taking risks and making money.’

Celia gave him a smile that was hot and wicked and threatened to blow his noble intentions to keep his hands off her to smithereens. ‘I’m glad to hear you’re not all good.’

There was a crackling silence, and as they looked at each other, with heat and tension filling the space between them, all Marcus could think about was how much he wanted her. How much he always had. To hell with what was right or wrong. Screw the consequences. He wanted her, and she wanted him, and he, for one, was going to go mad if they didn’t do something about it.

‘Are you?’ he said softly, taking a step towards her and seeing her eyes widen with alarm.

She stood up, nearly knocking her chair over in her haste, and grabbed her bag. ‘Of course,’ she said way too brightly, edging back and keeping the distance. ‘Just think of your reputation.’

He was having trouble thinking about anything but her and what he wanted them to do together. ‘I know it comes fifteen years too late,’ he said, keeping his eyes on hers, ‘but I’m sorry about making up the bet.’

‘Fine,’ she said quickly. ‘And I’m sorry about what I said about using you.’

‘Were you? Using me, I mean?’

‘No.’

‘So why did you say you were?’

‘I was confused. Overwhelmed.’

‘By what?’

‘By you and the effect you have on me,’ she said breathlessly.

His pulse spiked and a bolt of desire thumped him again. ‘And what effect is that?’

‘You know perfectly well.’

‘It’s entirely mutual, you know.’

She swallowed hard and took a breath, as if struggling for control. ‘It’s also utterly irrelevant.’

‘Remind me why,’ he murmured because for the life of him he couldn’t remember.

‘Sex would only make a complicated situation even more complicated.’

‘Would it?’

‘And the awkwardness when it fizzles out would be hideous.’

There was that, he thought with the one brain cell that was still functioning, but this tension, frustration, was pretty hideous too. ‘Nevertheless, I have a suggestion.’

A tiny flicker of alarm leapt in her eyes. ‘I don’t want to hear it.’

‘You don’t know what it is yet.’

‘It’s something along the lines of getting it out of our systems so we can move on, isn’t it?’

He gave her the glimmer of a smile. ‘The idea has merit, don’t you think?’

‘It’s insane.’

‘We could try it and see. It worked before, didn’t it?’

‘I should go,’ she said, shaking her head as if to clear it.

‘Should you?’

She nodded hard. ‘Definitely.’

‘This isn’t going to go away, Celia, even if you do.’

‘No, but if we’re sensible, it’ll be manageable.’

Sensible? Manageable? ‘How?’

‘We ignore it.’

‘Not sure that’s an option.’

‘No...’ she agreed a little desperately. ‘OK, then, how about from now on we stick to meeting up in public?’