The Best of Down Goes Brown (26 page)

 

 

There are two things that every NHL team needs if it's going to contend for a championship: a superstar player, and a great coach. Of course, it also helps if that coach and that player get along.

That didn't seem to be the case in Washington during the 2011–12 season. After Bruce Boudreau benched him during a crucial shift late in the game, Alexander Ovechkin appeared to react to the news by barking some well-chosen obscenities in the coach's direction. While the two later made an effort to seem like they were on the same page, that didn't stop fans and the media from speculating about a rift that may have helped lead to Boudreau's eventual firing and the Capitals' disappointing regular season.

An overreaction? Probably, because this sort of thing actually happens all the time. The NHL has a long history of disagreements between superstar players and their coaches, and many of them were far more serious than a few expletives uttered in the heat of the moment.

Here's a look back at ten other notable star vs. coach feuds in NHL history:

 

 

 

Mixed martial arts is one of the fastest-growing sports in the world. The top fighters are becoming international celebrities, TV ratings are high, and pay-per-view events bring in millions of dollars. And these days, many hockey fans are already watching popular MMA promotions such as the UFC.

But others may not be sure what all the hype is about. If you fall into the latter category, here's a hockey fan's guide to how the UFC stacks up with the NHL:

 

 

Televised hockey has seen some big changes in technology over the past few years. The days of struggling to find the puck on a tiny screen are over, now that most games are broadcast in high-definition, and some networks have even experimented with broadcasting games in 3D.

That's all great news if you have a state-of-the-art television. But plenty of hockey fans don't. And in fact, some are still watching the game on old-fashioned sets without any of the bells and whistles that so many others now take for granted.

My guess is that many of those late adopters are at least considering an upgrade to a more modern system. And if you're one of them, I'm here to help with this handy guide to get a hockey fan up and running with the latest television technology.

First step: Go buy an expensive television and home entertainment system, bring it home, and hook it up. Go ahead, I'll wait here.

Are you back? Great. Let's make sure you're ready for some hockey. First, press the power button on one of the seven remote controls you now own. No, not that one. The one that's kind of grayish. No, the
other
one that's kind of grayish. You know what? Just hit the power buttons on all of them. Good, we're ready to get started.

To hook up your high-def TV, follow these steps:

If you've purchased a 3D set, put on your special glasses and wait for something to be projected directly towards the screen. If you're watching a made-for-3D movie, this will happen every few seconds. If you're watching anything else, this will happen never.

Helpful hint:
When watching hockey in 3D, it's probably a good idea to look away from the screen any time James Wisniewski starts getting angry.

Your new entertainment system will feature stereo sound that delivers a much richer experience. Set up the various speakers in strategic locations around the room, and soon you'll be enjoying the sound of your friends telling you that you didn't put them in the right place.

You'll also be able to hear enhanced audio during hockey games, such as hits rattling off the glass, players calling for passes, and enhanced crowd noise. (Please note: Crowd noise not available for games broadcast from the Air Canada Centre.)

A personal video recorder (or PVR) is a device that allows you to pause, record, fast-forward, and rewind live television. While it can be used for any type of programing, it's especially useful for sports fans who want to record games to watch later.

Your system will come with a handy on-screen guide that will make the process easy. Scroll through the menu to find the game you want to record. Notice that the guide is helpfully set to record the game from 7:00 p.m. to 9:30 p.m., which is fine since nobody really wants to see the end of the third period anyway.

When it's time to watch the game you've recorded, you can fast-forward until you see something interesting happening. Then you can fast-forward past that while you try to remember where the rewind button is. Then you can rewind too far and miss it again. Then you can accidentally press the “live” button, skip directly to the end of the game, see the final score, and throw your remote control out the window. Don't worry; you still have six more.

Helpful hint:
Remember to feel slightly guilty about fast-forwarding through the national anthem.

A Blu-ray player is a device that allows Edmonton Oilers fans to watch movies during the playoffs.

Still having problems? Try some of these fixes to common issues:

 

Problem:
I recorded my favorite team's game and decided to watch all their goals, fights and big hits, but I ended up just fast-forwarding and fast-forwarding until the game was over.

Solution:
Stop cheering for the New York Islanders.

 

Problem:
My TV is stuck on an image of Sidney Crosby, and the Penguins aren't even playing in this game.

Solution:
You have accidentally switched over to an NBC broadcast.

 

Problem:
I'm pressing my remote control's mute button, but the announcer just keeps getting louder.

Solution:
You are attempting to mute Pierre McGuire. Nobody can mute Pierre McGuire.

 

Problem:
The picture starts out sharp and clear for the opening face-off, but becomes increasingly blurry as the game goes on until it is almost impossible to tell what's happening.

Solution:
You are a Toronto Maple Leafs fan. Try not to drink so much during the game.