The Birth (The Black Wing Book 1) (19 page)

“My mission wasn’t a new task. I was sent to get rid of a pair of twins who lost control of their heartbeats. They destroyed many citizens, warriors, and Elites. When I came in contact with them they put a wonderful fight. Even with their heartbeats overtaking them, they held on to one another in their battle to preserve each other’s lives. That’s what made them so strong. They showed visible signs that they wanted to live, and overcome their heartbeat. All they needed is patience and guidance, but my orders are final, I killed them both.

That mission proved my loyalty to the Empire. As a reward, I received more privileges in the palace. I used that freedom to look at the Empire’s census. As you know, I desperately searched for my parents, and wanted reconnect with my grandmother. I dreamed to one day, open the chapter they closed on the Mountain of Sei. To my disappointment, they died shortly after I saved the Empire from
demptness,
my parents perished in battle with the neighboring nations. What I didn’t know is that they had children after me—twins.”

That’s why Avalon revealed the twins, she was sent to kill her own brothers.

“The Emperor knew I was related to them.” exposed Avalon. “I hated him, despised him, I even confronted him. I didn’t care if he was going kill me. If the advisors are displeased then so be it. I cried to him and told him of the pain he has caused me. Whenever I confronted him, he dismissed me.”

I’ve only just realized how self-centered I’ve become. I thought this way of life is unique to me. I forgot that I’m not the only woman who suffers from the cold side of a men. Others are abused, and exploited. I’m not alone, what made me think I was?

“The years passed after that.” continued Avalon. “I numbed myself from the delight of life. I got the freedom I always wanted, and I’m a miserable being. I became emotionally detached, and the Emperor’s advisors saw to it that they gave me the most dangerous, life risking missions. They wanted to kill me of course, or perhaps they wanted to give me an opportunity to escape and become their enemy. Even so, I always returned to the palace.

When I laid with the Emperor I burned the pain of my existence in bed. On one of those nights, I was in his chamber staring at the ceiling. There I received a kick within my abdomen. I thought my Emperor was going to sense the tiny scent of life, but he did not. As the Emperor slept beside me, I kept awake, completely aware of the duty that must be done. I must terminate this tiny speckle of life. No one disobeyed the Emperor, I know better than to keep it from him. It frightens me to say this, but I didn’t care at that time to detach myself from my daughter.

As the days passed, I took quick notice that having this little life, made me feel different about myself. The spiritual connection in my womb has become a pleasant, warm sensation. I spent nights of unrest, wondering how my sister wives could disconnect themselves from their child so effortlessly. Each passing day, the idea of aborting her became more and more difficult to do. During that time, the Emperor saw my glow and went to bed with me countless of times. He was attracted by what he didn’t realize is our DNA forming one life form.

One night, the Emperor’s oldest wife summoned me to her chamber. She was as aged as my grandmother, but still capable of joining us in battle. There, she told me something young wives like me, didn’t know. Our Emperor doesn’t have the ability to sense an expecting woman that is why the advisors supervise us to prevent unwanted pregnancies. When she said this, I knew where this topic was leading to. She asked me when I plan to delete my child. Those words hurt, it sparked an anger within me—I pushed her against the wall and told her to shut up. When I noticed my reaction, I retracted, and apologized. She grew outraged by my behavior and threatened to tell the Emperor. I begged her to give me some time to do it, but she refused to forgive me, and went on her way to report the news.

Within seconds, my time as a mother has reached its end. Leaving the Empire is out of the question, we told the advisors everything about how my grandmother fled, and hid in the Mountains of
Sei.
My only options is to leave Osois for good. It was a fool’s hope—but hope nonetheless, hope.

To buy some time, I took the life of the Emperor’s oldest wife. She put up a fight and fought bravely for her life. That is why you saw me with torn clothes. The stain on my chest is from her blood.”

I thought Avalon got her clothes that way from crawling into the forest, not once did I think of the possibility that she was fighting for her child’s life.

“Before anyone could suspect me, I connected with a
catarelia
growing within the palace, and left Osois behind. My only mistake is not planning ahead, otherwise, things would be different. Now look at me, I’m rotting in this revolting planet, asking you to help me, calling your child a vessel. I’m so selfish.”

Avalon vanished from my sight. The stone balcony in the palace is starting to disintegrate. It happened so quickly, like a dream passing back into reality, I opened real eyes.

The sky, earth’s sky is above me. I am back in the good old Okanogan Forest. The heat that made me fall asleep has left, the cold air returned to chill my body. No matter how real it felt, everything I experienced second ago was only a harmless dream. I turned to look at Avalon and found her mysterious blue eyes staring at me. Her faced relaxed and her lips smiled at me. She looks so content, it looks like she just solved a puzzle.

“Is that all you wanted to show me?” I said, sitting up.

I stretched to the extent my body can allow. Kinoki yawned from her spot beside me. Since the dream, I feel powerless to overthrow Avalon’s claim about being an alien.

“No.” replied Avalon. “I am giving up.”

I looked at her for confirmation. A smile still pressed on her lips. She nodded at me with assurance and told me she realized something inside the dream.

“I shouldn’t be called a mother.” she started. “Not if my actions will alternate your baby’s life. I called your baby a vessel, and selfishly forced you to understand. In return, you forced yourself to be so kind to me. Even if a part of me wants to go against you will, I decided that I can’t do this to you. I’m putting my selfish desires aside, I no longer have any hopes from your unborn. With that, I ask that you leave me in peace."

Avalon’s eyes returned to the look when she first saw me—empty. She nodded at me to go as soon as possible. I hesitated, this is out of the blue for her to suddenly call it quits and throw in the towel. Things were different when we first met, and now I understand she’s doing this to protect me. I wanted to tell her how we share similar lives, but instead, I started packing my bags. Avalon doesn’t know I called for help at the cabin. I wouldn’t come back without dialing 911. A great deal of time has passed and there’s still no nosy helicopter, it should be here by now.

“They won’t arrive.” said Avalon. “I sensed an incoming presence half way through the dream. Right now we are under an illusion, where the trees are camouflaging this empty field. Those people cannot see us and we cannot see them. Lola, if I really wanted medical attention, I wouldn’t hesitate to ask. Because of my intent to preserve my child’s life, I am fused to this place, I’m sorry, but there is nothing you can do.”

What ever happened to the fire in her eyes that burned with every desire to protect her baby? She’s not even throwing suspicious glares, or saying threatening comments. Avalon waited in this wilderness for a month, in that dirty cold ground, in rags, and with only a cold, mossy boulder to comfort her. If was in her shoes, I’d never allow myself to leave.

“The cold air doesn’t bother me. I could walk naked in this place if I wanted.” hinted Avalon.

She’s right—I know she’s right. As a child, Avalon barely had a jacket, and yet, she didn’t get any frostbite in the Mountains of Sei. If it’s not the cold weather making her shake, then it’s our planet earth. The extra blanket I laid over her isn’t big enough to cover her entire body. I noticed her breasts have been soaking her torn cloth with milk. When she caught my eyes, she wiped the milk off her nipple. I re-arranged the blanket around her, she may not be cold, but seeing her breasts leak hurts.

“You finished your soup.” I commented. “I should get some more—”

“It’s fine Lola. Please, leave.” she said in a soft tone.

“But—”

“Go.”

N
ow I’m not so sure if I want to run back to my cabin, especially after Avalon revealed her memories in my dreams. Avalon pressed her hand on her forehead and let out a deep sigh. Her storytelling exhausted her, or perhaps her death sentence on earth is coming near.

“Before I leave.” I hinted. “I want to know what you were planning to do.”

Avalon smiled and politely nodded no. I told her I deserved an answer for the trauma she caused me. The guilt I hung at here conscience worked.

“I wasn’t going to physically harm you or your child if that’s what you are thinking.” she said in defense.

If so, then how in the world is my baby supposed to help? Avalon shook her head and said telling me would confuse me. I told her I have enough confusion today, more wouldn’t hurt.

“There’s a skill called
braightnos
, it was named after the Lenur who first crafted this skill.
Braightnos
is the removal of one’s soul and attaching it to an empty vessel. It’s considered a dark and wicked skill, but only the gifted can perform it. Using
braightnos,
I created something much more potent. I wanted to transfer the soul and spirit of my child into an inter dimension. I was going to implant my child inside your baby, it would remain inside for five years. During these five years, an entity is prepared to stand as a guardian and protect them from any abnormal conflict.”

“Entity?” I asked.

“He’s the guardian of my daughter’s current physical body. He prepared an alternate realm in case we ever conduct
braightnos.
At five years, my child should have the strength to manifest back into her physical body.”

“But she can die.” I said. “You said this planet is poisonous to your kind.”

“The entity will ensure she learns to breathe like humans.”

“You keep saying entity.” I said feeling goose bumps.

“His name is Ebon. He’s the same entity that called my grandmother to the Mountains of
Sei.
We met when I was a child, I allowed him to reside in me.” Avalon’s voice died out. “He is also the one who
brought
you to me.”

Ebon, he’s the guy I should be yelling at for dragging me deep into the forest. Lenurs don’t give birth in nine month but in five years, it makes sense to want to incubate her daughter inside my child. But this whole dimension stuff is starting to sound farfetched. I’m now unable continue this conversation. Asking for more details will only upset Avalon, she knows I don’t want to help her. 

Instead, I sat beside Avalon, not minding our arm rub. She is real alright. Her shoulders are shaking, for how long—I don’t know. Since Avalon stopped plotting against me, I’m starting to see her unique character. Just sitting beside her, feels like I’m sitting next to my best friend from kindergarten. A friend whose name I forgot.

“I’m sorry, I can’t be of help.” I said.

Avalon looked at me with the same sparkling eyes, her iris twirled like the waves. Her lips tried to smile, but they failed.

“I’m the one who is sorry.” exhaled Avalon. “Everything I have done to you must have really frighten you. Please don’t think of us Lenur as monsters. It’s my life that is the monster.”

“We are no better.” I told her. “Our worlds don’t seem that different. I know how you felt when you left Osois. I know how scared you were.”

“You’re speaking of the father of your child?” she said.

My palms began to sweat and my heart began to race.

“My husband was no emperor.” I shivered. “But, he controlled my life he was.”

The memories I swallowed deep inside is submerging. My anxiety is building up again, I slowly rose to my feet. Avalon mentioned the color of my face is dying. I walked in circles with my hands on my waist. Just a few sentences of him is giving me a panic attack! Even my eyes are starting to water up and lose its focus. I stopped to keep my balance from swaying. My stomach is starting to flutter with butterflies. Before Avalon finished asking me if I’m alright, I threw up my homemade vegetable soup.

“I’m sorry you had to see that” I said shaking. “Bringing him up makes me edgy.”

The cold wind ascended and brushed the sweat off of my forehead. Avalon can clearly see I’m weak—unlike me, she didn’t throw up when she shared her traumatic story. The embarrassment got me to speak.

“I first met him in middle school. We later got reacquainted in high school. He changed since then, he wasn’t the boy who used to aim for good grades. When my family kicked me out of their home, he offered to help me get on my feet. I ignored the obvious signs, and thought he loved me, or at least I wanted to believe he genuinely cared about me.”

Somehow everything started to easily pour out. I talked like I haven’t done so in a while. My lips smacked and stretched leaving no room for air. Avalon listened intently, noticing my swift speech. I told her everything, from his control over me, to my insecurities, and low self-esteem. My love with a man I feared. I shared the blamed I put on myself for every fight we had. How I gave up my thirst for an education and exchanged it for a low paying job. I even added that I made no objections when my husband and his friends used our home like a brothel.

“Through the years I was completely cut off from my family. The friends I tried to befriend didn’t last—many became intimidated by my husband. I was in a situation where I couldn’t leave him because I have no one to turn to.”

I took notice of my fast speech, I want to stop and pause for breath—but I can’t! This is becoming very pleasing to do! Why does it feel good to share these horrific memories? I even revealed parts I never dared tell Ms. Clarisse. After my brief summary, Avalon gave me a genuine smile, her teeth were just as bright as her hair. Her eyes grew radiant as she expressed her joy.

“Out of all the women who walk on the same path, you managed to escape that painful life.” she said. “I’m happy for you.”

When her eyes rolled towards my belly her smile went flat. Her eyes blinked away her joy in seconds.

“I’m sorry I called the life in you a vessel. I acted out of the expense of your little one. Forgive me.”

“In a way, a mother has to be selfish for her child. Even if it means traveling around the galaxy to good old planet Earth.”

“Lola, there’s something I must confess.”

I paused.

“Shortly after my arrival, Ebon was able locate you. We brought you great pressure to lure you back to this place. Just a single breath of the air outside of your home was enough to make you paranoid, and trap you into thinking of coming here. At the time I was desperate and upset with my disadvantage on earth, but now I see I was wrong to do so.”

I sighed with relief, and here I thought I was going crazy. If she can do something as haunting as that, she can do anything to me right now. Now that she’s not, she must be really honest about letting me go. The most rational thing is for me to go. I’m not responsible for her or her child. I need to let her meet her fate.

“The sky is getting dark.” warned Avalon.

She knows I want to go home, and she’s not clingy or surprised by it.

“I’m leaving now.” I warned.

“Farewell, Lola.”

Kinoki’s bells jingled beside me, she looks more eager to go back to the cabin than me. When my legs moved forward, I felt a sudden peace. The spell that drew me to them is no longer torturing me. Avalon has freed me, I can return home with a calm, and clear conscious.

Halfway, through the field, I looked back. Avalon isn’t looking my way. Her face snuggled underneath my jacket, a shelter from the October wind. I never paid much attention to her belly as much as Avalon did to mine. Even when we talked about her pregnancy, I couldn’t bring myself to look at her belly. Now that I’m getting ready to leave, my eyes are stuck on her abdomen. Alien or not, a baby evidently holds an equal value, and that is innocence. I shouldn’t be so concerned, Avalon made the mistake to come here, her risk to leave the Empire didn’t end well for them. Besides, it’s really the Emperor fault for being such a jerk, that she had to leave so recklessly.

Kinoki happily followed ahead, her tail raised towards the sky. I smiled at my dear friend and assured her we are going home. I can’t wait to feel the warmth of the cabin, as soon as I get home I’m going to make a cup of hot cocoa. The further I went, the more unsatisfied I’m becoming. We can easily be replaced by fate. She can be the safe mother with her safe daughter desperately returning home, and I would be the alien mother fated to die with her soon to be lifeless child.

There I go again, I’m thinking too much. I can’t swallow the thought of being in Avalon’s shoes, that idea shouldn’t be crossing my mind. The entrance back to the forest, welcomed me, my steps are now slower than I expected. My hand has started to remind me of the slap I gave Avalon. Should I blame her for trying to throw some kind of witchcraft on me? I should be able to sympathize with her—I know better. I of all people know the feeling of being used, unwelcomed and abandoned…

….abandoned….

…..abandoned.

I’ve become what I swore I would never be, a hypocrite. I’m deliberately walking out on her. I’m leaving Avalon, in the same way my family left me. It’s the horrible feeling that hit me whenever my mom sneaked out of the house at night, when my siblings complained every time I took something from the fridge. It’s the same empty feeling of marrying my husband, and immediately becoming his prisoner. Everything they did to me is unfair—I never deserved it!

Now I'm deserting the one person who out of her own will, decided to set me free. Look at me, I’m eager to return back into my naïve world, where I plaster on the walls, pictures of every person who has hurt me. There, I worshipped them until my natural nerves can no longer take any more abuse. Generalized anxiety disorder they would say, and sudden panic attacks, it will heal over the time they assured. I wish it would, but I only just realized I’m using these attacks like a drug. I’m the one who won’t let go. I have allowed this abuse to continue in my mind, day by day accepting the anxiety attacks and blaming the world for them. I no longer have to hold on these mindful drugs, I don’t need to cling to my past.

No one in their right mind will allow a pregnant alien conceal her unborn in a human child. No one, not even me! I called out to Avalon. Her eyes opened and looked over to me. Her head shook with disapproval, and told me to leave.

"If you were in my shoes, what would you do?” I yelled.

Avalon looked on the ground to give it some honest thought, she smiled and cried out.

“I would keep walking, and never turn back!” she cried.

She’s not crazy at all. I looked at Kinoki who noticed I stopped moving forward.

“Kinoki.” I called out to her.

I reached for her head and slid my hand throughout her body. I never wanted to disappoint her, but I am.

“Don’t hate me for this.” I said.