The Birth (The Black Wing Book 1) (23 page)

“Did she beat you?!” I exclaimed. “Did she mentally abuse you? At least she had the decency to cheat behind your back instead of the room across your bedroom! Don’t tell me about deceitful women, when I’ve been living with the foulest man on earth. Yes—I was stupid for thinking he would change and allow myself to suffer abuse after abuse. You can keep bad mouthing women, but don’t list me as one of them.”

Jeremy didn’t utter any confident words after that. What I brought to light is sufficient to keep him silent. Now I don’t know if what I said is a wise move. I just yelled at Dr. Graham’s son, and told him things I never told his father. If Jeremy reports this, all hell will break lose. I wouldn’t be surprise if Dr. Graham will lose respect for me.

“He really did that to you?”

“Yes.” I replied. “For years.”

“What made you want to leave him—why now?”

“My baby.” I said looking down. “My husband threatened to do whatever he could to separate us. I opened my eyes, and did the only thing I can do to protect us. I left California. I haven’t seen him since—”

“Lola.” interrupted Jeremy.

I looked at him but he shook his head and said never mind. Back on the road, I saw the Mable sign and directed Jeremy to the small opening. At last, we are finally here. Unlike my old truck, his new model has no trouble getting through the bumpy road, the congested trees and shrubs. The large tires claim dominion over the road and we smoothly drove over the gravel. The sight of the cabin caused Jeremy to whistle.

“Whoa.” he started. “I thought it was worn and neglected but that’s one fancy looking cabin.”

“I really have to pee.” I panted.

Jeremy noticed the dark patches beside the stone path, and parked his silver truck over what would be my truck’s spot. I quickly went to stairs to get into the cabin, Jeremy trailed behind, slowly observing the area. His neck stretched at every turn, his jaw partially dropped. I guess for a farmer who needs a naked earth to plant crops, the forest gives him a fresh perspective.

When I finished my business in the bathroom, Kinoki has already greeted our guest in the living room. She sat on his lap and purred at the touch of Jeremy’s large hands, roughly smoothing her coat. I told him to wait while I pack my things, he agreed, hinting not to lift anything heavy.

“Can I take a walk around this place?” he asked sounding almost childlike.

“Help yourself.” I answered finding his character comical.

Having my fist guest is becoming enjoyable. The cabin entertained Jeremy without having to host.

Within half an hour, I filled two boxes of hygiene products, and books. The suitcase Ms. Clarisse passed on to me is now full of a month’s worth of clothes. I hope Dr. Graham’s home has enough privacy for me to remain in the same garments for at least two days, otherwise they will notice I’m not abundant in outfits. I called out for Jeremy to lift the luggage for me. When he arrived he appeared wide eyed like a kid at a museum.

“Care for something to drink?” I said. “There’s water, juice—”

“Some coffee.” he said with no formality. “I will need it for the ride back.”

He took my luggage and carried it to the truck, when he returned, he had Kinoki back in his arms. Kinoki doesn’t seem to mind our first visitor. The two sat in the kitchen table, and watched me prepare a pot of freshly brewed coffee. The smell alone woke up my senses, I want to sneak a cup for myself but resisted the temptation. Jeremy began to share is quick liking to the cabin. 

“This place looks like a regular house, and its well taken care of.”

“The previous owner kept the building up to date.” I added.

“Who, how did you…” Jeremy paused. “You know what—I’m not going to ask. Hey I—never mind.”

Even if Jeremy’s curiosity, I feel no obligation to answer him. I passed him a cup of coffee and filled a mug for his road back home. The setting sun is right on schedule, the bright sky is beginning to diminish. A gust of wind hit the largest window in the kitchen. Hundreds of red and yellow leaves slapped the glass, and brushed away. Jeremy instantly admitted his fault. He said he was wrong to think I would feel crummy with the beautiful scenery outside the cabin.

“It’s not always like this.” I confessed. “At night, it can get pretty dark and depressing.”

That was half a lie, I hate the hours of darkness.

“That’s why you need company at night.” he suggested.

Our eyes met each other, and we equally turned away. His brought his attention back to the view of the Cascade Mountains. I took notice on a strange feeling, something about his presence makes me feel safe. Did I ever felt like that with my husband?

“I’m sorry.” he confessed.

How eccentric to hear a man apologize for no reason. Jeremy let Kinoki free and leaned on the table. The cabin fever in his hazel eyes are gone.

“Sorry for what?” I replied.

“For acting like a complete jerk on the road. You don’t know how ashamed I feel for my rude behavior, I judged you for being a woman. That’s not who I am—I’m not that kind of man. I’m just fed up with how things ended for me. It’s been months now, but my ex-fiancé continues to play the blameless victim.”

“Victim..?” I inquired “For cheating on you?”

“She tried to validate that she was pressured into staying with her lover for four years. What she said didn’t matched the pictures of her wearing matching clothes with him. Her smile in a bathing suit, the bed they shared together, and even the family events she attended. She lived a double life. With him, she was more rebellious, but with me she was a sweetheart. In the end, I wanted to work things out. A part of me didn’t want to throw everything away, but she refused to admit it ever happened! Her reasons had nothing to do with saving our relationship, she wanted to save her face from our peers, our family, and friends. When I cancelled the wedding, I told everyone and she couldn’t handle the embarrassment. To this day, she breaks down, and calls me to help her get rid of the shame in her heart. My friends tell me to stop answering her calls, but it’s not that easy. How can I when she’s acting suicidal? If anything should happen, I don’t want that on my conscious. Now I have to pretend I’m okay in order to get her through the day. It’s so difficult to hear her voice, and encourage her to be strong. I don’t even know how I’m supposed to continue mine. Why does she have to make me look after her like that? I didn’t cheat on her—I’m the one who got hurt, I’m in pain as well.”

Jeremy laid his head over the table. The way his body slouched on the table, is a visible wound no different than physical abuse. Jeremy’s shoulders hung under the table like a puppet. That fact that his ex-fiancé has never confessed is what’s causing Jeremy’s heart to take so long to heal. It will cost much of his joy when she’s still very reliant on him.

With, uncertainty, I approached Jeremy and gently pressed my hand on one of his dangling shoulders. I told him to be strong, that he would get through this. Before I pulled away, he reached from underneath the table and grabbed my hand. His touch startled me. I let his fingers grab my palm, the rough sensation on his skin is enough for me to know how much of a hard worker is. Jeremy held my hand for a moment longer and released it. He lifted his head and took in a deep breath.

“Is there anything else you wanted me to take?” he said getting up.

I’m the least surprised by his lightning reactions to change subject. He’s pretending the dramatic way he laid on the kitchen table was an illusion. In return, I followed the conversation and told him Kinoki’s belongings are ready.

“You and I are going to have a great time together.” Jeremy sang reaching for Kinoki.

Kinoki went between his legs and fled into the living room. Jeremy left to fetch her and brought her back to the kitchen. She settled in his arms, enjoying her new toy—Jeremy.

“I never had cat who just flops like a doll the moment you grab her.”

“I guess you can say I was practicing holding a baby when she was kitten.” I confessed.

When I brought Kinoki’s box, Jeremy took a quick look at the items: a cat bed, cat toys, catnip, mini water fountain, plush toys, cat snacks, and hygienic items.

“She lives better than I do.” he teased.

My heart ached at the thought of sleeping without Kinoki by my side. Tomorrow, we’re leaving the cabin and will be going our separate ways. I sat in the kitchen and watched Jeremy walk up and down the cabin, transporting the boxes of infant items into his truck. Kinoki followed him like a duckling sticks to its mother. My luggage is the last remaining item, when he took it, he no longer returned to the cabin.

It seems like I enjoy having Jeremy for company, a part of me wants to return to the road with him. To be able to admit that to myself is alarming. What exactly am I allowing myself to think? I killed those thoughts and threw them into the dark ocean of my subconscious. Kinoki jingled back to me, she has finally left Jeremy’s side and stuck with me. He’s probably in his truck already, I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye. Before closing the door shut. I curiously looked down the stairs of the cabin, and found him there, waiting for me. When I walked down the steps, he met me half way.

“Thanks for the coffee.” he said.

“No problem.”

“So, I guess I’ll be off.” he exposed.

After a minute, Jeremy and I kept our feet glued to the steps. When a chilly breeze passed by, I wanted to run back into the cabin, but I resisted the urge. I took great notice to Jeremy’s weird behavior, he’s fidgeting, and constantly tapping his wrist against his hip. His eyes are looking around for some justification of what he’s about to say.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea to leave you alone like this. Can’t you—just stay at dads tonight?”

Jeremy’s request is of no surprise, right now he sounds a lot like Dr. Graham. This kind of request usually annoys me, especially if it came from my nosy physician. For once, it makes me feel relieved. Could it be because Jeremy requested this? I quickly ignored the possibility.

“I want some time to mentally prepare myself for the whole month I will be crashing at your dad’s place.” I hesitated. “I still don’t know how your mom feels about a stranger living in her house.”

“My mother has a hobby, and that’s having company. She’s often lonely with Dad working, so I have no doubt in my mind she will love your company.”

His assurance gives me hope, I still remember his energetic mom with bouncy curls, and sophisticated clothing. When Dr. Graham’s wife enters the clinic, the room lightens up. I never looked her way, somehow thinking if I did, I would corrupt her sweet nature.

Jeremy scanned the area like he’s waiting for something to happen. I feel inclined to ask him what he’s so worried about. If it’s a bear, there’s nothing to worry about. I’ve run into them before, none of them are interested in me. Besides, they’re already in denning, hibernating.

“Lola.” he said directing his attention to me. “Once your baby is born and all, I know you’ll be busy being a mom. I can see that this area needs some work, I’ll be more than happy to bring my equipment and clear this place. Also, you don’t have a fence to protect yourself from any pestering animals. I can fence this place up and set up some solar panel lights. You’ll feel more at home and safe at night. What I’m trying to say is—after your baby is born, I really wouldn’t mind coming back to visit.”

When Jeremy said he wants to come back, these unfamiliar emotions began to gleam around my heart with nowhere to go. They feel like sparklers shooting out in every direction of my heart. The sensation is uncomfortable, and yet—very pleasing. I want to say of course, but I find myself saying nothing.

“I know we just met so I don’t blame you for feeling weird.” he said, tucking his hands in his pocket.

“I’m not.” I responded.

“You’re not? Then—”

“Wouldn’t it be bothersome for you to do these things for me? I’m the one who’s in your debt, you went through the trouble of brining me home.”

“I don’t care about that, Lola, the thing is that I want to…” his voice died out.

I looked away, unable hide the smile on my face. My cheeks are so warm, the cold air can’t freeze them. Jeremy’s hands suddenly touched my shoulders, he rubbed them. If my husband did this, I would immediately jump and question his motive. Jeremy’s touch calmed me, his rough skin gently pressed against me. When his fingers reached for my collar bone he noticed my shaking.

“You’re cold. You better run inside—wait! Don’t run, just walk inside.”

His worry forced another smile on my face.

“I’ll see you tomorrow morning.” he said. “Here’s my cell number, just in case I get lost. I’ll also be seeing you at dads—you know, just to say hi.”

After exchanging our cell phone numbers, he waved Kinoki goodbye and went downstairs. He followed the stone path to his truck.

“Jeremy.”

He stopped and looked back.

My cheeks burned because I accidently called his name. I thought of a way to evade my error and the embarrassment that’s growing every time his hazel eyes waited for me to say something.

“Thanks.” I let out. “Be safe.”

Jeremy gave me a smile I haven’t seen since I met his empty stare in the clinic. A light I have never seen sparkled in his iris.