The Bitter End (12 page)

I lingered with the razor and it cut a bit too deep as I dropped
it and Ryan knocked on the door.

“Beth?” he called out to me and
I looked down as blood dripped on the floor.

“Fuck.” I whispered as I pulled the needle and thread and did what I had done a few times before. I pulled my silver lighter and heated the tip of it and then proceeded to stitch myself up, gritting my teeth and trying
my best to not scream. He knocked again only this time a bit harder.

“Just a minute!” I yelled out to him.
It only took 4 stitches to mend and I then pulled some medical supplies and cleaned it up, with antibiotics and all of that ridiculous nonsense. It is funny how I hate pain unless I want it to happen. Again, a control thing, hence the reason I am so brutal in bed. I love to make it hurt, the more the better. I then wrapped the gauze around it and taped it off. I walked to my closet as I looked at the door.

“What?” I called out and Ryan stood there staring at the wood.

“I thought I heard you fall.”

“No…I am fine,
” I said and I stepped into the closet as it lit up and rows of clothing stared back at me.

“Well.” I said as I pulled a black long sleeved shirt and buttoned it up, careful to not put too much pressure on the cut on my arm.

“I really need to fucking get some meds,” I said as I turned and Ryan was standing there with a credit card in his hand that he must have used to unlock my door.

“Jesus, Ryan,
” I said as he startled me.

“You okay?”

“Yes.” I said as I finished buttoning up my shirt.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked me and I lowered my arms feeling my gauze under my sleeve and wondered when he installed a fucking camera on me.

“I…well.” I started to say and he stepped up to me.

“A
ll you had to do is say ‘Listen Cocksucker, it’s my birthday, stop’.”

I blinked and then realized he didn’t know about my cutting shit.

“Oh…birthdays come and go,” I said as he held my chin up and made me look at him.

“Yesterday sucked ass, from Holland, to me taking you to my old apartment and then the club…fuck
, Beth! All you had to do is tell me. I would have never taken you there.”

“I am glad you did,
” I said and he hugged me as I wrapped my arms around him and felt strangely loving for a moment. Like we were having a true moment of connection and it terrified me. I can only guess he feels the same…terrified that is.

****

I sat in the car and waited. Ryan had actually driven himself, which was crazy. I don’t remember ever being in a car up front with the driver. I know it sounds crazy but it is true and he had even bought the whole driver outfit thing, hat and all and escorted me to the car. I laughed as he opened the door up to the front seat but I got in and he took his hat off and slipped into the driver’s seat and smiled as he pressed the button and the car started up. He then turned to me and smiled.

“I am totally at your service today.”

“Oh really?” I asked him and he looked me over.

“Yes, it is your da
y to do what you want with me.”

“So I get to pick where we go then?”

“Well, not the first place, everything after that.” He pulled out and we were on our way to whatever insanity he had planned, which could be anything really.

Forty
minutes later we arrived at a private airport and he stepped out as a jet waited on the landing strip for us. I smiled as he opened my door and took my hand. I stood up and let the nice breeze engulf my senses and it blew my hair up around my face as he took my hand and we walked to the waiting plane, his, no doubt, as it had “RB” on the side of it. I wondered how many girls he had fucked on this thing and then found it odd I evened cared to know at all.

We walked towards the stairs and he stopped and held me and then looked back at the car.

“That Bentley is yours to keep,” he said and I smiled and shook my head.

“What the hell will I do with a car?”

“Do what you do with everything, whatever you want.” He started to climb and pulled me along with him. I looked back as the doors closed and let the car fade from my view and it felt so similar to any gift my father had ever given to me. No asking, just giving and telling me to go play. I turned and grinned knowing I should thank him regardless of my feelings about it.

“Thank you
, it is a very nice gift Ryan.”

“Oh that is nothing. I just know you like them.”

“How?” I said as I walked towards him and then sat down on the white leather couch.

“
I, well…your Father gave me some information on you…before,” he said and I looked down at my hands and hated it. I hated that my father had purchased Ryan as he had so many other things before. Clumping him up into a big pile of gifts I never used to care for. Now I find myself caring for the first thing ever given to me by him and I almost hate it. How could Ryan be what I needed when I could not even be what I needed for myself? I need to stop, that is the fucking therapy talking right there. I adjusted on the leather and looked at him and tried to be nice.

“I love Bentleys, plenty of room to fuck in them.”

“Well, I guess we will just have to try that out, I have another one waiting where we are landing.”

I laughed at him.

“Two cars?”

“Oh no, one is mine of course,” h
e said and we took off without another word about cars or anything else having to do my Father.

****

Miko stepped into the hospital room and stared at Holland in her bed. She sighed and pulled out a cigarette as a large man stepped in behind her and stood very still. She waited until he lit it for her and she glanced at him and then at Holland in the bed.

“Well, isn’t this drab,” s
he said as she walked to the window and peeked through the blinds at the city. She then turned back to Holland and then glanced at the man who produced a syringe and stepped up to Holland. He shoved it into one of her IV’s and Holland started to choke a bit and move. Miko stepped up to her bedside and stared down at her as Holland’s eyes fluttered and then settled on Miko as she started to look terrified.

“I need to know things Holland, things only you can tell me darling so you need to tap your little finger her
e, is it working?” Miko picked up Holland’s hand and it felt cold.

“Can you move these?” Holland had a tear roll form her eye and Miko leaned over clicking her ton
gue.

“Oh, don’t be upset dear. I am only here to chat and then we will leave you to resting, you understand me?”

Holland moved her head slightly to nod ‘yes’ and Miko smiled at her as she touched her hair. The monitor was a bit erratic with her heartbeat and Miko glanced at the man who returned with another syringe and he shot it into her IV line. Holland relaxed a bit and her heart beat slowed back down.

“Fucking drugs,
” Miko said as she sat down on the edge of the bed and tapped Holland’s hand.

“So, Holland. I need a few yes or no’s, do you understand me?”

Holland did not respond and Miko slapped her across the face as Holland fluttered her eyes and nodded ‘yes’.

“Did you talk about the boys?”

Holland shook her head ‘no’ as more tears rolled form her eyes and she tried to move a bit in the bed. Miko grinned.

“Did you say anything to Beth?”

Holland hesitated for a second and Miko took her cigarette and placed it close to Holland’s eyes as she shut it and the man grabbed her face and forced her eye open as she choked a bit with the tube down her throat.

Holland shook her head ‘no’.

“Are you sure?” she asked as she held the cigarette to close and it singed Holland’s eyelashes. Miko pulled it back and took a drag from it and smiled as the smoke rolled from her mouth.

“Okay t
hen,” she said as she stood up and walked to the window. She glanced back at the man as he stepped up and placed his hand over the tubes opening on Holland’s mouth and pinched her nose closed. She struggled a bit as Miko watched the traffic outside.

“This city is so filthy, I just hate to come to it anymore.”

She turned as Holland feet twitched on the bed and the man pulled the line to her heart beat. She then jerked a couple of times and he took his hand from the tube as she lay still.

“Replace the monitor, no need for anything to look strange here.”

Miko said as she walked out, the man quickly following behind her.

I touched my blindfold and smiled as I felt his hand on my thigh and wondered if he was just trying to fuck me. I mean, to buy me a car and then fly me someplace new was not out of reach for him nor would it shock me. I am sure he had gone further in the past for others. There it is again, that nagging thought of the “others” he had been with. I really need to control that shit right now. I bit my lip and he pulled me out of the car and then stepped behind me. He took my blindfold off as the sun was shining down on me and it took a moment to adjust my eyes but when they did I knew exactly where we were and I sighed and took in the sight of the large Ferris wheel in the distance.

“I don’t know anyone w
ho has their own amusement park, Beth. I mean your Dad is a prick but this is one of the coolest things ever,” he said to me and I wish I could match his enthusiasm. I really did. He took my hand and pulled me along as I looked up and saw Bittermend Corp on the sign and then the ever-embarrassing “The Magical Land of Bethany” in bright lights. I loved it when I was five, I hated it now. Then, it was an enchanted place built by a man who I adored. Now? It was a reminder of his inability to understand flesh and bone. This amusement park was as real to me as he was. Ryan pulled me along as man, dressed up for security as in secret service, stepped up to us and held his hand up.

“You have to purchase tickets.”

Ryan laughed and looked at me and I pulled my license out and he looked at it and immediately apologized.

“Miss Bittermend, I had no ide
a, I am so sorry. Come right in,” he said and we strolled through the gates and looked around.

The place seemed the same as it had alw
ays been. It had every ride, ‘no expense spared’ as my Father had said as he held me up high and let me see it all as a child. I still remember screaming with excitement when my parents brought me here and my mother stood still in her white fur and smoked as he spun me around. It is hard to imagine he was ever once so joyful, for small moments that sit like bullets in my mind. Hard to remember his smile, yes an actual smile on his stoic face before the fucking and hatred started, but he was human once, to me anyway. I felt Ryan squeeze my hand and I looked at him as my eyes were a bit glossy. I sniffed and then smiled at him, shrugging off the nostalgic crap I was caught up in for a second.

“I say food,
” Ryan said and I grinned as he pulled me along with him.

We stopped at the cotton candy stand and he grinned unlike I had seen him do before. His grins normally consist of evilness to lead to fucking, he has never acted so kid-like before and it has taken m
e by surprise. I mean Ryan is about as joyful as I am which is less than zero.

He reached up and grabbed a huge package of cotton candy as the girl eyed him and he smiled and glanced at me.

“This is mine,” I said and she narrowed her eyes at me as the security guard stepped up behind me.

“This is Miss Bittermend.”

The girl shook her head and then smiled all fake at me. I know fake when I see, I do it in the mirror every morning.

“Well on the house then,” s
he said and Ryan laughed as he tore the bag open and started to eat some of it. I watched him as we walked along and he stopped and held a piece of it out to me. I opened my mouth up and he placed it inside. It dissolved quickly but not before tasting so sweet it lit my taste buds on fire. I stared at Ryan for moment and knew he was just like that too; he was something so delicious that would leave a sweet flavor behind but dissolve as if it had never even been there. Problem is you never forget how it tasted and I sat down on the bench and stared at the rides. He followed me as he ate the cotton candy like children do. I grinned as he sat down next to me and chewed a bit, shoveling more into his mouth.

“So I take it you like amusement parks.”

“Fuck yes I do. I never went to any as a kid. In fact when I first made money, you know…when I…” he paused and skipped it, no need to mention being a whore to me. “Well anyway, I spent an entire month going to as many as I could but I never came here. I knew it was yours.” He set the bag down and I looked at him.

“This is mine, this is my father’s,
” I said and he looked at me and licked a couple of his fingers, making a sucking noise on the last one, which was a bit annoying.

“
No, this is called the Magical Land of Bethany, that means you Beth.”

I laughed and looked around at everything.