The Black Sheep (19 page)

“Max and Mona are still going to freak out,” I say.

“They are.”

“I'm partly to blame for getting us into this, so I have to get us out. I'm a mature adult. I can handle this.”

He smiles. “Gonna call your folks?”

“Absolutely.”

* * *

“Sergeant Newman?” I ask. “Can I make a phone call?”

“Nope.”

“Please? Pretty please? I'll get you profiled on the show.”

Judy oinks behind me. “Like hell you will.”

“You trying to bribe me, kid?” Newman asks.

“Of course not. Although, everyone knows the system is corrupt.”

Walter laughs. “Let her make a call, Mike.”

“Nope,” Newman repeats. “She's got too much attitude.”

“It's not about me,” I say. “It's about Meadow. Look at her, she's terrified.”

Meadow puts down the Snickers bar Sergeant Newman gave her and tries to look terrified. “I want to go home,” she says.

“See? She's young and impressionable. She could be scarred by this experience.”

“Especially by being exposed to people like me,” Walter says.

Detecting a trace of doubt in Sergeant Newman's eyes, I persist. “Usually when she's this upset, she starts crying. And once she gets going, man, she never stops.”

Sergeant Newman looks at Meadow, and she rubs a sleeve across her eyes.

“It's brutal,” I add. “But if you can stand it, we can.”

Sergeant Newman gets to his feet and unlocks the door.

* * *

“Hi, Dad.”

Silence.

“I wanted to apologize about the whole divorce thing,” I say.

“You're only apologizing now because you're in trouble,” Mom says on the extension.

“How did you know I'm in trouble?” I'm so relieved that they already know that I forget to mention I've tried to contact them before.

“Terrance Burnside called two hours ago,” Dad says. “He said he's going to sue us because Boulder Beach is apparently going to sue the network for slander.”

“It's not slander if it's true,” I say.

“You'll have a hard time proving your case in court,” he says. “Kendra, we told you not to take on Boulder Beach and you did it anyway. What do you want us to do about it?”

A week of
Dr. Ernest
boot camp and they still aren't capable of supporting me. But now is not the moment to point out their deficiencies as parents. “I was hoping you'd post bail for me. And for the rest of the group, too.”

My mother actually laughs. “I have better ways to spend my life savings.”

“Do you want me to rot in jail?”

“No, but we want you to take responsibility for your own actions,” Dad says.

The man is cold. He could afford to clock a few more hours with Ernest's rubber dolls. “Well, if I can find an adult to sign the papers, can I at least charge bail to your credit card?”

This time it's Dad who laughs. “We canceled it.”

Mom says, “I'm surprised you'd turn to us after telling the whole world we're such horrible parents.”

“Not the whole world, just North America,” I say. “And I never said you were horrible. You know that half this show is a lie. The divorce is just a stupid publicity stunt, and I told both Judy and Terrance that I wouldn't agree to it. I'm coming home soon.”

There's another silence I can only read as a lack of enthusiasm over my return. I consider asking if I'm welcome, but I'm afraid of the answer. Instead I ask, “Aren't you worried about me at all?”

“What could be safer than a police station?” Dad asks. “I'm sure you'll be fine, Kendra. Good luck.”

I put the phone down and follow Sergeant Newman blindly back to my cell. My parents are devoid of emotional vital signs. I understand that they're disappointed, but it's not like I stabbed someone or pushed drugs or anything. I shouldn't have wasted my one phone call on them. I should have called Rosa.

Walter pats my shoulder through the bars as I pass. “I guess I don't have to ask how that went.”

I appreciate Walter's sympathy, but what I really need is some support from Mitch. Unfortunately, he's returned to Lisa's side.

“Poor little Black Theep,” Judy lisps, as I enter the cell. “All alone in her time of need. I think you're finally figuring out Mitch's game.”

Judy's the one playing games, so I let this go.

“They're obviouthly a couple,” she continues without any encouragement from me. “And they uthed your thelebrity to promote their cauthe. Remember how they avoided the camerath at firtht? Then, after you got all riled up about the plight of the th-th-th-”

“Seals?”

She nods. “They warmed right up. Particularly Mitch.”

“We're just friends,” I say. In spite of myself, I start reviewing the timeline in my head. My heart contracts when I realize that the timing supports Judy's theory.

I glance over again, and Lisa's head is resting on Mitch's shoulder. Could Judy be right that he used me to get media attention for the otters? No. He may not be a classic Romeo, but he's a compassionate guy who cares for his family and friends, animals and the environment. Sure, he pimped Ted for the cause, but he wouldn't do it to anyone else, especially me.

On the other hand, it would explain why Lisa disliked me from the beginning, and why she freaked out about my sharing a tent with Mitch last night. It would also explain why things have always been awkward between Mitch and me: it was fake—on his side—all along.

Judy smiles as I reach my conclusion, baring three broken front teeth.

“Close your mouth,” I say. “You're scaring people.”

Sergeant Newman slams the phone down and opens the cell door. “You're free to go.”

“All of us?” I ask, scared to believe it's true.

He nods as if he can't quite believe it either. “All of you.”

“My parents came through?” I ask. Maybe Dr. Ernest did emotional CPR and brought them back to life.

“Nope. A guy by the name of Logan Waters. He was surfing at Big Sur and drove into town when he saw the news. He signed the papers and picked up the tab. You are one lucky girl.”

I am indeed. Who needs a second-rate Romeo when you've got Logan Waters on your side?

M
ona paces around the kitchen with the phone to her ear, while Max keeps Mitch and me pinned to our seats with a glare.

“We didn't know about the protest in advance, honestly,” Mona says. “I am so sorry that your daughter was arrested. Trust me, they will be punished.”

Faster than you can say “hypocrite,” Mona and Max have transformed from liberal, tolerant citizens of the world into conservative banker wannabes. All that's missing is dollar signs where their pupils should be.

Hanging up the phone, Mona says, “That makes twenty calls. Apologizing for you two is becoming a full-time job.”

“We're very disappointed,” Max says. It's the fifth time he's said that since getting back from Garberville.

“I don't know what we'll do if Boulder Beach decides to sue us, too,” Mona says.

“We'd be in serious trouble,” Max says.

Cue the dollar signs.

“Your parents might be able to afford it, Kendra, but we'd have to sell the house,” Mona concludes.

There's an explosion of light at close range as Judy exposes her shiny new crowns in a nauseatingly happy smile. Far from being fired for shooting the protest, she has become the network darling overnight. The CEO—Terrance's boss—was so impressed by the footage of the episode that he's already nominated her for a “Realie.”

There's no justice. Mitch and I have explained what happened over and over, but nothing is getting through to his parents.

“It was just a rally,” Mitch repeats.

“A
peaceful
rally that got a little rowdy in the end because of Judy,” I add. “Someone smacked a display, that's all.”

“You should have known that would happen,” Mona tells me.

How? It's not like a crystal ball came with my contract. I expected a little more support from Max and Mona. Once upon a time, their rally went further off the rails than this one.

“You were
arrested
,” Mona says, as if it might have escaped my notice that I spent half a day behind bars. “And you're acting like it's no big deal.”

“I know it was a big deal,” I say. “But look on the bright side: it brought a lot of attention to the cause, so maybe it was worth it.”

“The end does not justify the means, young lady,” Max says.

“Have you thought for one moment about how your life will be affected if the charges aren't dropped?” Mona asks.

I decide not to respond, because it will only prolong the agony.

When Mona doesn't get an answer, she resorts to hurling quotes from
The Book of Parents
:

“We thought you had more sense.”

“Did you think you wouldn't get caught?”

“Breaking the law is not something we tolerate in this house.”

“What are we supposed to tell the other parents?”

Please. No one wearing otter barrettes and a caftan really cares what other people think.

“Calm down, sweetie,” Max says, patting her shoulder anxiously. “Maybe Kendra doesn't know any better.”

This is the worst insult yet. Of course I know better! I was raised by nerds, not wolves.

“Well, Mitch certainly knows better,” Mona says, focusing on her son. “You lied to us.”

“I didn't lie,” he says, shifting uncomfortably. “I just skipped some details.”

A nervous grin twitches on my lips, and Mona raises her hand as if she'd like to cuff both of us. She remembers the hippie inside her just in time. “How could you expose your little sister to a violent situation?”

I take this one. “The only person who got out of hand besides Judy was two hundred years old.”

Mona shuts me down. “I was talking to Mitch. This is a family matter.”

A family matter? When did I lose my family status? She certainly has no problem treating me like one of her own when it comes to the chore roster.

“But you're still grounded for as long as you're here,” Max adds.

Great. I get all of the crap that comes with being part of the family, but none of the benefits.

Meadow appears at the kitchen door and says, “I think Kendra's getting a bum rap.”

“You do,” Mona says. It's a statement, not a question, but that subtlety is lost on Meadow.

“Yeah. It's not like anyone took a dirt nap.”

Max stares at his daughter. “A
what
?”

Chili looks around his eyepiece to translate, “Prison slang for ‘died.'”

“Meadow, where did you pick up that sort of language?” Mona asks.

Judy beats Meadow to the answer: “The kid hit it off with the thug from the next cell.”

As Mona gathers herself to blow, I interject, “Meadow was sitting with Sergeant Newman the whole time. We asked her to go with Bob and Chili but she refused.”

“She's ten,” Mona says. “You don't ask her to leave jail, you tell her.”

Mitch finally decides to chime in again. “Mom, we were cuffed and in the cruiser when Bob left. There wasn't much we could do.”

His mother deflates faster than a slashed tire. “Our son was taken away in handcuffs,” she says. “We have failed as parents.”

“Now, now,” Max says. “Some of them are turning out all right. Maya's a wonderful girl.”

Mitch rolls his eyes and Mona wags a finger at him. “We warned you that a criminal record could ruin your life, but you wouldn't listen,” she says. “Whose idea was the sit-in?”

“Kendra's,” Mitch says before I can even open my mouth.

I stare at him, stunned. Sure, I threw the idea out there, but he's the one who formalized it, and Lisa put the wheels in motion. This girl merely went along for the ride.

Meadow punches him in the arm. “Quit bitching up Kendra.”

Max escorts her to the door. “Unless you'd like to rinse out your mouth with dish soap, I suggest you go to your room.”

The phone rings and Meadow picks up in the hall. “Mitch, it's Lisa. She wants you to come to the aquarium right now.”

Max shakes his head. “Grounded.”

“Tell her I'll call her later,” Mitch says.

“Okay, but she says someone vandalized her office.”

Mitch waits until his father nods reluctantly and then bolts out the door without so much as a backward glance at me.

Mona and Max sit down on either side of me. “What on earth possessed you to do such a crazy thing?”

I'm tempted to shift the blame to Mitch, but unlike him, I know the meaning of loyalty. “You told us about your sit-in to save the redwood forest and we thought it might work here.”

Mona offers the all-time parental classic: “That was different. We cared about that forest, Kendra. We weren't staging an event to get television ratings.”

Judy makes a motion of someone twisting a knife in her gut and pretends to die. If only it were true.

“How can you say that?” I ask. “You know I care about saving the otters.”

“And you know you won't be around to deal with the consequences of your actions. You're running back to New York and leaving us holding the bag.”

“But the show is ending! I have to go home.”

“That's my point,” she says. “For you, it's a show. For us, it's our lives. We've worked hard to establish good reputations for ourselves and our children in this community, and with our history, it wasn't easy. People have very long memories.”

Max gets a stab in too. “It's probably not a coincidence that someone broke into Lisa's office today. If computers were damaged, we may lose valuable research.”

“It's a shame you didn't think things through before deciding to play the hero,” Mona says.

What's really a shame is I didn't know that TV parents could be worse than real ones before agreeing to be part of this show. The only thing that's keeping me in my seat right now is the knowledge that a Black Sheep must display grace under pressure.

That and the fact that they have me surrounded.

I try one last time to reach them. “I thought you'd be happy we were trying to help the otters.”

“We
were
happy—when you were acting sensibly,” Max says.

Mona stands and beckons to Max. “This stress is putting a kink in my chi. I'm in need of your healing hands.”

He follows her out of the kitchen, rubbing his palms together to warm them.

I am alone in the basement when Meadow tracks me down.

“What are you doing?” she asks.

I'm watching “When Nature Kills” on the
Animal
Planet
. In this episode, a pride of lions is stalking a graceful gazelle. “What does it look like I'm doing?”

“Sulking?”

One good thing about going home will be that I'll have solitude whenever I want. I don't know why I didn't appreciate that before. “What do you want?”

“To see if you're okay. My parents came down pretty hard on you.”

“Yeah, well, that's life.”

“Where's Mitch?”

I shrug. “Who cares?”

“He should be here cheering you up.”

She is already more insightful than her brother. “That's life,” I repeat.

“Maybe we could go down to the aquarium and help them.”

“I don't think so. I've had enough of the aquarium.”

“But you can't just give up. You have to—”

I crank up the volume as the lions lunge at the gazelle. There's a horrible screech, and Meadow covers her ears. “Turn it off!”

“I can't. That's what real life is like, Meadow. Someone's always circling for the kill. The sooner we accept it, the better off we'll be.”

“So true, KB,” Judy says, coming down the stairs. “It's the story of my fabled career. She pauses to watch the disemboweling of the gazelle before popping a disc into the DVD player. “I've got something even more exciting to show you—not as gory, but X-rated.”

Meadow's eyes light up. “Cool.”

Judy pulls me off the couch to make way for Max and Mona, who look as pinched and disapproving as a couple of bankers I know. Standing beside the TV, Judy does a little curtsy. “And now, I present to you the teaser for my Realienominated episode of
The Black Sheep
. Chili, lights, please.”

The screen goes black for a moment and then, in fifty-two-inch living color, we see a couple making out.

“Oh my God!” Meadow exclaims. “Judy stole my camera.”

In retrospect, I suppose it could have been worse.

First, Mitch and I could have been naked.

Second, Judy's teaser could have been longer. It felt like an eternity, but it's probably only five minutes. Even so, Mona's increasingly labored breathing throughout had Max pretty worried. I looked over to see him trying to move the chi along, and Mona actually slapped him.

And third, I could have come off as the villain. Instead, Judy structured the segment to depict me as a naive, overprotected city girl who stumbled into the Mulligans' web of free love and deceit. She built her case with carefully layered shots:

• Kendra prancing about her parents' art collection in blue-and-white pajamas, looking like the biggest nerd on the planet
  
• Mitch in the buff, staring down the camera
  
• Mona tossing condoms into Maya's suitcase
  
• Mitch hugging Lisa
  
• A montage of the Mulligans fighting environmental causes as a family
  
• A montage of my parents in Dr. Ernest's boot camp
  
• Mitch and Kendra kayaking among the otters
  
• Kendra giving Team 14 a pep talk, while Mitch looks on admiringly
  
• Kendra on a series of talk shows
  
• Mitch hugging Lisa again
  
• Lisa in her bikini
  
• Kendra and Mitch making out
  
• Mitch hugging Lisa yet again
  
• Kendra running, crazed, down the streets of Carmel
  
• Mitch and Lisa in the back of a squad car
  
• Kendra alone in the back of another squad car
  

It was so well done that Judy's voice-over describing how Mitch used me to gain attention for his pet cause wasn't necessary, although it did add drama. Meanwhile, a message scrolled across the bottom of the screen:
TUNE IN TO THE SEASON FINALE TO CAST YOUR VOTE. SHOULD KENDRA BISHOP DIVORCE HER PARENTS? CALL
1-800-
U-DECIDE
!

I have to admit, Judy has a flair for storytelling. Not that being depicted as the puppet and pawn of the Mulligans is a high point of my life. On the contrary. But at least it's a change from being portrayed as the ungrateful, disrespectful daughter. It's time someone else took some heat.

Judy shuts off the TV and looks to us for a reaction. “What do you think?”

“I think I'm going to be sick,” Mona says faintly. “Kendra, we welcomed you into this family with open arms and we tried to give you space to find your own way. We thought you were a nice, misunderstood girl, but you've obviously been manipulating all of us. I can see why you were having trouble at home. You have no respect for your parents, no respect for us, and no respect for yourself.”