The Boyfriend Sessions (26 page)

Three little words.

That’s all they were. Three lousy little words. But I couldn’t say them.

And now I sat alone in my apartment, frustrated, angry, and overwhelmed, suffering from a serious lack of inspiration. I stared at my blank sketch pad. I was supposed to be working on creating the final avatars for Max and Jay. I only had two to go as the other six had already been approved, but I hadn’t been able to do anything useful since Max had uttered those three little words.

I sighed and pushed my work away, stomping to the kitchen. Talk about ruining the day. I still couldn’t figure out if it was Max’s fault or mine. If he’d just managed to keep his feelings to himself, then we could have continued having an enjoyable afternoon. Instead, after his little revelation, I’d gone all silent and moody on him.

After he’d told me he was falling in love with me, I’d been unable to speak. At all. Finally, I’d turned away from him and walked to the edge of the clearing and stared numbly at the boats bobbing in the water down below.

Eventually Max had come to my side and told me it was time to head back. There was no hurt in his tone, or anger, he’d been exceedingly calm about the whole thing.

Well, of course he was
, my subconscious shot back loudly. He felt much better after sharing his feelings. Obviously he hadn’t expected much from me in return—the girl who says what she thinks but doesn’t know how she feels.

In the kitchen I rifled in the pantry for a tea bag. I held fast to the theory that a cup of tea could solve anything.

Honestly, what was Max hoping to achieve, telling me he loved me liked that? Maybe Maddy was right. He was vulnerable at the moment and now he’d gone and done something stupid like falling in love with me. Idiot.

The door buzzer squawked loudly and I glanced at the clock. It was eight o’clock in the evening and I wasn’t expecting anyone. Max had dropped me home several hours earlier so I could do some work—and come to terms with his heartfelt revelation undoubtedly—and Cate was out.

I walked to our intercom in the hallway and pressed the button. “Hello?”

“It’s Maddy.”

Great. Just great.

I pressed the button again. “Come on up.”

I restrained from pacing the hallway while I waited for her to arrive. The door opened a moment later and Maddy walked in, dressed in a pair of fitted jeans and a simple black top. The woman could wear a paper bag and still look stunning.

She eyed me warily. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

“Can we talk?”

“Sure.” I turned and led her to the lounge room. I wasn’t all that sure I was in the mood to discuss things with her, but at least she was here and that was a start.

She sat down on the couch and waited for me to do the same. “I’m sorry if I’ve been a bitch.”

“I wouldn’t say—”

“No, I have. Even if it was justified.” She gave me a long look.

“You’ve spoken to Max, haven’t you?”

“Yes,” she admitted.

“What did he say?” Please don’t say he told you he loved me, I thought.

“He made it clear that the attraction was mutual.” She winced. “As disturbing as that was for me to hear.”

“Why?” I was perplexed, and possibly a little hurt.

She looked at me. “Because it means he cares about you.”

“Alright.” I wasn’t quite sure why that was such a bad thing, expect of course for the big L word issue I was currently having some problems with.

“But don’t you see?” Maddy stood, agitated. “If it was a just a casual fling, I could get over it.” She glared at me. “I’d still be pissed, but I’d get over it. This? This is really complicated, Christa.”

I bit my lip, at a loss for words. I had to agree with Maddy. Yes, it was really complicated. However, what I was currently unable to understand was why this was such a problem for her. As if reading my mind, Maddy sat back down, defeated.

“I care about you both so much and I don’t want either of you to get hurt. Why did you have to get involved with him?”

Max’s comments from our earlier dinner came to mind again. “I’ve told you already. We didn’t plan it.”

“I know, I know. It’s just really inconvenient.”

I stood, indignation getting the better of me, but Maddy waved a hand at me. “Sit down. I understand this isn’t all about me. My big brother reminded me of that fact. So tell me, what are you going to do about it?”

“I’m still figuring that out,” I hedged.

“Do you have feelings for him?”

“Yes.” I was unwilling to say more.

“He’s in love with you, you know.”

Why was it everyone around me was determined to remind me of that fact? I tried to meet her eyes calmly. “Is that what he said?”

“He didn’t need to. It’s obvious. It’s also obvious you have feelings for him.”

“I care about him a lot.”

Maddy sighed. “So are you going to give him a chance or find some way to sabotage things?”

“Hang on. That’s not fair—”

“Nor is sneaking around behind my back sleeping with my brother,” she reminded me.

“Fine. Well, if everyone would just leave me alone for minute, then maybe I’d have a chance to try and figure out exactly how I feel about him,” I snapped.

Maddy held her hands up in a gesture of peace. “And that’s what I’ve promised Max I’m going to let you do. I’m going to butt out.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

Alright then. Well, this conversation was entirely unexpected, but I was pleased to see it hadn’t ended with us shouting at each other or Maddy storming out. “Thank you,” I replied, softly. “I don’t want to see him hurt again either, you know.”

For the first time in over a week, her gaze softened. “I’m glad you see it that way. If I ever get my hands on that Sarah bitch again—”

“Steady on, tigress. Max can look after himself.”

“I know he can. It doesn’t stop me from feeling his pain.”

God, how I’d missed her. She was so loyal, even if it did border on terrifying at times. “I’d walk away first, before hurting him,” I told her quietly.

She took a second to digest my meaning and then shook her head fiercely, back and forth until it made my own head hurt. “No, no,
no
! That’s not what I want.”

Now I was really confused. She shifted closer to me so she could take my hand. “That’s your problem, Christa. You’re too quick to walk away, too quick to shut everything down. Promise me this time, if you genuinely have feelings for my brother, that you’ll give him a chance.”

I swallowed the painful lump in my throat. I was beginning to realize it was a physical manifestation of my feelings, which was fear—sheer, gut-wrenching fear. “I’ll try,” I managed.

She squeezed my hand and gave me a reassuring look. “Good. That’s what I want to hear.” She looked around the apartment and then at the clock on the wall. “Got any wine? I sure could do with some.”

In answer to her question, I stood and headed to the kitchen for the Hunter Valley Semillon I knew was cooling in the fridge. The cup of tea could wait.

Besides, I had my best friend back. I had no idea what Max had said to her, but right now I was so deeply relieved I almost would have told him I loved him.

Almost.

*

Cate arrived home two hours later. Maddy and I were in such a relaxed state that Cate stood and regarded us with an amused grin.

“Come and have a drink!” Maddy suggested generously.

Through my alcohol induced haze, I eyed Cate carefully. Alright, not carefully, more like squinted at her with a concerned sort of expression. She looked a bit pale but, from what I could tell, she didn’t look too distraught. I wasn’t sure what that meant.

She dropped her bag in her bedroom on the way down the hall and came to join us. “I see we’re on speaking terms again?”

“Blame Max,” Maddy muttered. “Bossy, big brother.”

“Mighty Max,” I agreed, crooning a little.

Maddy recoiled and pointed a finger at me. “Do not go there! I may have said I’m alright with it, but I am
not
alright with any sort of non-brotherly imagery.”

“Sorry.” But I kept smiling, remembering the sketches I’d done of him the other day, all muscle-toned and invincible. I missed him, I realized. I’d only seen him this afternoon and I bloody-well missed him.

Maddy narrowed her eyes at me, or at least tried to. We were both so relaxed from the wine that me confessing my undying love for her brother at that moment probably wouldn’t have fazed either of us.

“She’s so gone on my brother and she doesn’t even know it,” Maddy whispered loudly to Cate.

Cate pursed her lips and looked like she was trying hard not to laugh. “I think it’s sweet.”

“
Ack
!” Maddy waved a hand wildly in our proximity. “Everything is always sweet with you, Cate, that’s your problem. Less sweet and more meat if you ask me.”

Cate gasped and I smirked. Maddy drunk gave Scarlett a run for her money in the honesty stakes. Maddy had no idea about Cate’s little tryst with her boss and from the pained look on Cate’s face, she didn’t need reminding about it either.

“You should talk,” I shot back, eyeing Cate protectively when Maddy wasn’t looking. “You haven’t exactly made time for much meat lately, as you so eloquently put it.”

“Mmm,” Maddy agreed. “I know. Grounded Marketing takes up so much of my life. It
is
my life. Sad really.”

“But at least you have a successful business to show for it,” Cate pointed out.

“True. Christa’s right though. Maybe I should take my own advice and find me a man. But where does one find a decent man these days?” Maddy wondered aloud.

I was glad to see Cate smiling now. “Yes. It’s not like Christa or I have a hot brother to offer you.”

“Ouch!” Maddy giggled then presented her palm to Cate for a high five. So childish.

“There’s no one you’ve got your eye on at the moment?” Cate asked curiously after their laughter subsided.

Maddy pouted. “No one. Not a one. It’s so depressing.”

“It would probably just be a distraction anyway,” Cate said, trying to cheer her up. “Wait until you’re finished building your empire before you complicate your life by falling in love with a man.”

Maddy stared blankly at Cate for a long moment. “What happened to sweet Cate?”

“Sweet Cate is getting older and wiser.” Cate sat on the lounge next to us with a huff and reached for the wine.

“Careful—you’re starting to sound like Scarlett,” Maddy advised.

“Wouldn’t be the end of the world,” Cate told us. “At least she never seems to get hurt.”

Despite the glasses of wine muddying her system, Maddy shot me a
what the?
look, then turned back to Cate. “Alright, spill,” she ordered.

I couldn’t see Cate’s eyes because she appeared to be pondering the Hunter Valley Semillon with dedicated concentration. Finally, she sighed and tilted her head back to drink straight from the bottle. Maddy watched, aghast, at this very uncharacteristic Cate behaviour and I bit down on a giggle. Older and wiser, indeed.

I sat back and listened silently as Cate relayed the story to Madeleine. When she finished, Maddy blinked a few times, trying to process the unexpected news.

“So what you’re telling me,” Maddy said slowly, “is everyone is having sex but me?”

Cate’s eyes widened. “That’s all you’ve got to say?!”

Maddy straightened in her seat. “Fine. Moment of self-pity over. It’s a crappy situation Cate, what do you want me to say? Stupid move on your part? Probably. But even worse on his part if you ask me.”

“Do you think I should end it?” Cate asked.

“I think you should find out what his true feelings are. If it’s just sex, it’s not worth throwing your life into turmoil over it. If it’s more than that … ” Maddy looked in my direction. “Turmoil might be inevitable, but worthwhile.”

Touché.

“What do you think, Christa?” Maddy asked.

I studied Cate’s pretty, but currently strained, face. “I think she should stop beating herself up about it. What’s done is done. Now just figure out how to move forward.”

“Sounds like good advice to me,” Maddy agreed, raising perfectly shaped eyebrow at me. “And you would know.”

“I can go into detail about how fantastic your brother is in bed, if you like,” I added.

Maddy coughed loudly on her mouthful of wine and set her glass aside, her olive complexion suddenly pale. “You wouldn’t.”

“Oh, I would.”

“Come on girls, have you eaten?” Cate asked, attempting to maintain our recently acquired truce.

“No,” I admitted.

Cate stood. “Well, why don’t we walk down to Blues Point Road and see if they can find a table for us at the Thai restaurant?”

“Good idea.” Maddy stood, her lithe frame towering over me. She offered me a hand.

I accepted and we gathered our bags and jackets. It was a blissfully warm evening, with the heat of the day still lingering, but Cate and I had lived close to Sydney Harbour for long enough to know a breeze would pick up—which it could do at any moment —and then we’d be shivering.

The first to be ready, Cate stood at the door, watching the two of us. “I hope it’s a crush.”

Maddy’s brow furrowed as she dug through her bag for her lipstick. “How do you mean?”

“Well, Christa reminded me that her stepfather had a crush on her mum for a long time and look at them now—they’re still together years later. If Dave had a crush on me leading up to our affair, then maybe it’s not just sex. Or maybe I’m just trying to make myself feel better about being a marriage wrecker,” Cate finished, with a deep sigh.

“It was never about sex for you, was it?” Maddy asked her softly.

Cate raised a solemn hand, her eyes sad. “Lead member of Pathetic Romantic Fools Anonymous right here.”

I leaned over and gave her quick, tight hug. “That’s why we love you,” I whispered.

Cate stepped back and looked me in the eye. “But does he love me?”

“You’ll never know, if you don’t talk to him about it,” I said.

Cate bit her lip, then turned and opened the door. We followed her out into the hallway that smelled suspiciously of lamb chops, which I suspected was from the old woman living down the corridor. Cate pressed the lift button impatiently, her expression grim.