The Broken Hearts Book Club (26 page)

Chapter Twenty-Four

As it turned out, life advice could come from the unlikeliest sources. Two days after getting the phone call from Helen, I found myself in The Purple Partridge, despite my best attempts to avoid it.

It had been Elle’s idea.

‘Show him you’re not arsed about him swanning off to Spain with another woman,’ she’d advised. ‘Then it’ll make him feel like a massive shitbag.’

‘Yeah but if I hadn’t told him we were finished, he wouldn’t have even entertained the idea of getting back with Rachel,’ I’d reminded her.

‘Details, details…’

So there we sat, nursing our drinks and making hackneyed attempts at conversation while Jake and Rachel stood behind the bar looking like the Kat and Alfie Moon of Luna Bay.

‘Her extensions probably aren’t even real,’ Elle said. ‘They look ratty, like her face.

‘Stop it, she’s stunning and you know she is.’ I sipped my vodka and orange, not really enjoying it.

‘OK, but I bet she’s got the personality of a plastic bag.’

I put my glass down and sighed. ‘Look Elle, I know you’re trying to be nice and help me, but I’d honestly rather go home. It’s bad enough knowing it was my fault all this happened without watching them two act all lovey-dovey.’

She patted my shoulder and downed the rest of her drink. ‘OK, if you’re sure. Give me a sec while I go to the loo then we’ll head back.’

She got up to leave, but stopped and turned round again. ‘And for what it’s worth, it’s not your fault. Rachel should never have put Jake in that position and he shouldn’t have said yes. If he goes with her, it’s his loss.’

Without another word, she spun on her heel in the direction of the ladies. I slouched down in my seat so I could watch Rachel and Jake without them seeing me. Every so often, they’d stop what they were doing and kiss, looking every inch the perfect couple. I looked at Rachel’s hair extensions and decided Elle was right. They
did
look ratty.

‘Are you going to order another drink or sit there playing peek-a-boo?’

When I craned my neck to see who the voice belonged to, I found Nicole staring at me with her hands on her hips.

‘I’m not playing peek-a-boo, I’m –’ I stopped when I realised the truth wouldn’t sound any better. ‘I’m just sitting having some quiet time to myself.’

Her unusually large eyes drifted over to the bar, where Rachel was in stitches laughing at something Jake had said.

‘They’re pretty much always like that,’ she said. ‘Except when they go upstairs and fight like cat and dog.’

That piqued my interest. ‘Oh, what do they fight about?’

She shrugged. ‘How would I know, I just work here. Probably the fact that she’s more up for going to Spain than he is. They’ve let the act slip down here a couple of times and I’m guessing that it’s because he wants to stay here.’

She sat down opposite me in the booth so I wasn’t going to get away with dodging her questions. I’d had all my sarcasm, wit and spirit knocked out of me with recent events, so I wasn’t in the mood for a barney.

‘So go on,’ she said, ‘how come you two aren’t together?’

I sighed and gave her as brief a version of events as I could. I stuck to the main salient points: Jake and I met, fell in love, thought we had a future and then it was spectacularly ruined so we weren’t together any more.

‘Oh and did I mention he’s now back with his ex-girlfriend who looks like she just stepped off the cover of Victoria’s Secret? Since I’m more Victoria sponge than Victoria’s Secret, I’ve got no chance!’

Nicole rolled her eyes and did her best to fix me with a hard and serious stare. Unfortunately, she succeeded only in making herself look even more like a cartoon character.

‘Listen, you know I don’t like you right?’

‘Yeah I kind of got that,’ I admitted with a chuckle. The dirty look when we’d first met and blatant flirting with Jake had been clues to that.

‘Well that’s actually a good thing in this case, because that means you won’t get mad when I tell you you’re being a total idiot. You walked away from Jake and now you’re mooning over him because he’s back with someone who won’t do that? I’m sorry, but that’s bullshit.’

‘Oh thanks very much!’

‘It’s true! If you tried to be all noble and fall on your sword so you didn’t hurt him or whatever, then why are you surprised to see he’s moved on? If you really wanted to be with him then you would be, simple as that. All you’ve done is invent excuses for why you’re pushing him away. You don’t deserve him!’

I picked up my coat and bag and prepared to leave. Elle came out of the ladies and looked perplexed to see me leaving so quickly. I left her trailing in my wake, determined to get as far away from the pub as possible. Obviously Nicole had no idea what she was talking about and didn’t understand my deeply complex and tragic situation. Either that or she’d hit the nail on the head and I just didn’t want to face it.

‘I heard you were good at running away. Guess they were right,’ she said.

‘Yup that’s me; the permanent runaway who ruins decent people’s lives. Well I won’t be around to do it for much longer. I’ve been offered a job in London and if I take it, I’ll have my old life back and you’ll never have to see me again.’

I stormed out of the pub, feeling more and more like a massive bag of crap with each step I took.

‘You don’t know how good you have it!’ I heard Nicole shout from behind me.

‘Oh yeah – I’m living in a village where most people either think I’m a joke or someone who caused her best friend to have a life-changing accident, and the man I’ve fallen head-over-heels for is back with the mother of his child. You’re right, things are just peachy aren’t they?’

She snorted and did a slow walk towards me that I guessed was to make some kind of point.

‘You’ve got a family who loves you, a beautiful cottage right by the beach and a bloke who’d love you for the rest of his life if you’d let him.
I
on the other hand haven’t seen or heard from my family for nearly a year simply because they can’t be arsed with me. I live in a tiny little flat miles away from here and have to get three buses a day just to get to work. So next time you think your life’s so shit Lucy, just remember there are people worse off than you.’

My status as Massive Bag of Crap was now set in stone. I felt my heart sink to my shoes and every inch of me began to cringe inwards. Nicole was right; I’d been too busy thinking life had crapped all over me that I didn’t notice anyone else’s problems. My shoulders slumped and I let out a sigh. I was pretty sure it wasn’t possible for me to feel any worse than I did now.

‘I’m sorry Nicole.’ I swallowed the lump in my throat, taking all my pride with it. ‘You’re right, I’m so busy thinking about what’s going wrong in my life and looking for escape routes, I can’t see all the good stuff I have right in front of me. Maybe that’s why I end up pushing it all away without realising it: I just don’t know how to appreciate good stuff when I have it.’

Nicole looked taken aback to find me agreeing with her. I was pretty shocked myself, but she hadn’t said anything that wasn’t true.

‘I think I’ve probably caused enough damage here to last about five lifetimes, so maybe going back to London will be the best thing for everyone.’ I said, my heart a leaden weight in my chest.

‘Or you could actually stick around this time and put things right? People might be pissed off now but they won’t be forever. You love it here don’t you?’

I nodded. ‘This place, it’s… It’s in my blood and that’ll never change. But sometimes, no matter how much you want to belong somewhere, you just don’t. It’s nobody’s fault, it’s just the way it is. If I stick around here, I’ll always be reminded of what I could’ve had if I’d been a little bit braver. Every time I go to The Purple Partridge and don’t see Jake behind the bar, it’ll smack me in the face all over again. If I go back to London, I at least stand a chance of forgetting him.’

The words stung as they came out of my mouth. They were totally at odds with how I felt inside, but the only way I’d get through this was pretending I didn’t care and protecting myself as much as possible.

Nicole shook her head and scoffed in disgust. ‘Lucy, nobody gets out of here alive; you have to take your chances where you can. Stepping aside gets you nowhere in life. If you go back to London, everything you’ve done here will have been for nothing. I know we haven’t exactly seen eye to eye, but you’ve made a real difference here.’

I could feel a lump growing in my throat. If someone who didn’t like me was telling me to stay, maybe I ought to listen, I said to myself. But my reasons for leaving far outweighed the ones to stay. So as sad as I was to be leaving my favourite place behind, it had to be done.

‘Luna Bay’s changed me too,’ I replied, ‘and for the better. But not only has Maggie Cunningham made it plain she doesn’t want me around, I’d have the memories of what Jake and I had together to contend with whenever I set foot in the village. Back to the big bad city for me, I think.’

With a final sad smile, I took off towards Rose Cottage. The sense of what I’d already lost and what I’d soon be giving up hit me like a sucker punch to the stomach. I’d been so full of hope about staying in Luna Bay, but now it had all fallen apart around me.

Chapter Twenty-Five

After two more days, a lot of funny looks from Luna Bay’s residents and even more soul searching, I decided to accept Helen’s offer. As much as I loved Luna Bay, I didn’t feel like I could stay. My involvement in Vicky’s tragic fate had spread far and wide and I was now the subject of gossip wherever I went. The Broken Hearts Book Club stood by me and tried to dispel rumours or mutated versions of events wherever they could, but public opinion still remained the same: I wasn’t welcome.

To say Helen was happy was an understatement.

‘AHHHHH THAT’S AMAZING NEWS!’ she screamed down the phone after I told her I’d be taking the job. ‘How soon can you start?’

‘Well I’ve got some stuff to sort here –’

‘A week today it is then! See you then, bye!’

Helen cut the call before I could mention anything about putting Rose Cottage on the market or saying goodbye to everyone. Now that I’d accepted the offer and everything was all official, it was time to say goodbye to Luna Bay once and for all. I’d done my three months as leader of the Broken Hearts Book Club. Nana Lily’s wishes had been fulfilled and now I was going to leave.

But not before I tied up a few loose ends.

Continuing with my theme of ‘putting things right’, I decided to finish off Operation Broken Hearts Book Club by helping Diane. I’d managed to give the other members a helping hand and I wanted to try and do the same for her. My first attempt hadn’t covered me in glory, so I wanted to have another crack of the whip. Since I only had a week left before my new job in London started, I had to get my arse into gear.

I strolled into the Moonlight Café just before closing time and found her standing behind the counter, wiping down counters and cleaning up after a day’s trading.

‘Hi Diane.’

The sound of my voice made her jump and she didn’t look particularly happy to see me.

‘Oh it’s you. What can I do for you? Is there something wrong with the club?’

‘No, nothing like that… I’ve been offered my old job back in London.’

Her expression changed from one of suspicion to one of curiosity.

‘Oh? And you’ve decided to take it, I presume?’

‘Yeah. I think after everything that’s happened, the least I can do is sod off back to London and leave everyone here alone!’

I laughed but Diane didn’t reciprocate. Instead, she came out from behind the counter and pulled up a chair at the nearest table. She was deathly silent for a moment, looking anywhere but at me. The weight of things left unsaid hung in the air and I wondered what could be coming next. Then her eyes came to rest on me and she opened her mouth to say something.

‘It’s dawned on me that maybe I wasn’t entirely fair on you when you first came back here. I gave way too much weight to Maggie’s version of events without stopping to think it might not be entirely true because she’s still so consumed with grief. I let myself believe that you were entirely to blame for what happened to Vicky, but I’ve come to realise I was wrong. I’ve seen what you’ve done for Jean, Frank, Cath and Denise and how happy Jake was when he was with you. You’ve become a real part of things round here, what with trying to save the pub and joining the book club. And I for one will be really sad to see you go.’

‘Even though my attempt at helping you caused you to find out that Derek had fathered a child twenty-five years ago?’

She heaved a sigh and gave me a wistful smile. ‘You weren’t to know I’d find those letters. I overreacted because it meant my husband wasn’t as infallible as I’d believed he was. Finding that out meant he was human and had made mistakes in the past. It made me realise that it’s time to move on and–’ she took a deep breath, ‘–that scares the life out of me. I’ve been grieving for so long that I don’t know how to do or be anything else. I took it out on you and I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry Lucy.’

I blushed and shifted from foot to foot. ‘Diane, it means so much to hear you say that, especially since we didn’t quite get off on the right foot when I came back here. I actually wanted to help you like I helped the others; that’s why I’ve come.’

‘Really?’ She gave a little smile. ‘What do you have in mind?’

***

Luna Bay beach was bathed in a glorious twilight when we got there. Colours ranging from butter yellow to soft pink were scattered across the sky as the sun sank behind the cliffs, turning them into jagged black silhouettes.

‘What are we doing here?’ Diane asked, looking around her for signs of suspicious activity.

I reached into my bag and pulled out a deflated balloon and a piece of white string.

‘I’m going to help you say goodbye to Derek. You said yourself that since you found out about Emily, you feel like it’s time to move on. So why don’t you use this opportunity to put everything to rest? Then you can start a whole new chapter of your life, but take Derek with you in your heart. Sound good?’