The Broken Hearts Book Club (29 page)

Even the mention of Dad made me want to crumple into a heap and cry. The image of him collapsing in the restaurant was emblazoned on my mind and I knew it’d be there for a long time to come.

‘He’s on the mend,’ I replied, trying to keep as much composure in my voice as I could. ‘He gave us all a huge fright, but he’ll be OK.’

‘That’s great to hear.’ Elle reached over and clasped my hand. ‘I was in bits when I heard the news –’ She trailed off as her voice faltered.

‘The whole thing’s made me reassess my priorities though. Mum’s going to need a lot of help round the house while Dad recovers, so I’ve decided not to take the job in London.’

I watched my best friends’ jaws drop and smiles light up their faces.

‘So you’re staying?’ I could see excitement bubbling up inside Elle. She looked like she was ready to burst.

‘Yup! There’s no getting rid of me now, I’m afraid!’

We burst into squeals of joy and hugged each other from across the table. I could feel happiness radiating out of me like rays of sunshine. This was what being happy meant. Right here, right now, everything was perfect.

‘So what are you going to do?’ George asked. ‘Help Jake run The Purple Partridge or something else maybe?’

I shrugged, loving not knowing what was going to come next for once. ‘Who knows? I’ll have to get my Miss Marple hat on and start researching possibilities, but right now staying here and being happy seems to be enough!’

Just then, in walked Maggie making a beeline for Diane at the counter, but stopped when she saw me.

‘I didn’t think you’d serve pond life in here, Diane,’ she remarked, gesturing to our table.

Diane’s gaze moved from me to Maggie, her calm and neutral stance giving nothing away.

‘I think it’s high time you stopped this petty vendetta Maggie. God knows you’ve had a rough few years and I wouldn’t wish them on anyone, but the time for giving Lucy a hard time is over. You’ve made it clear you’ll never forgive her and that’s fine, but bad-mouthing her wherever you go won’t win you many friends.’

Maggie looked shocked, bright red spots of anger sprung up on her cheeks. She spluttered, her mouth forming words that didn’t come out. A quick glance around the room for support yielded no results. This time, nobody was leaping to her defence. ‘And there was me thinking you were on my side! Some friend you are!’

‘I’m not on anyone’s side except my own, love. Now are you going to order something, or are you done here?’

Diane’s face indicated which option she’d prefer Maggie to choose. Luckily for her, Maggie made the right decision and whirled out of the café, slamming the door behind her.

I exchanged smiles with Elle, who looked completely gobsmacked, and mouthed ‘thank you’ to Diane. She gave a little nod of her head, kicked her mouth up into a smile then continued serving her customers.

Elle let out a sharp exhale. ‘I never thought I’d see the day that Diane stuck up for us! Just goes to show things
do
change eh?’

Watching Maggie’s retreating frame head down Luna Bay high street, it struck me that there was one thing left that I had to do, something I had been putting off for a long time. I had to face up to it once and for all and I had to do it alone, to show how far I’d come. Today was as good a day as any.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Eden House was a residential care home for patients with long-term disabilities or health problems. It lay in the heart of the Yorkshire countryside amidst acres of forest and parkland, providing a stunning setting for a place that did such good work.

It had also been Vicky’s home for the past eight years.

I left Luna Bay immediately to make the journey, filled with a sense of purpose. I knew this was what I had to do to finally forgive myself. When I got to Eden House, the sun was high above the rolling hills to the rear. There was a long gravel driveway leading up to the main house, which looked elegant and calm from the outside. I drove up it, my nerves fraying more and more as I got closer.

I found a parking space and sat in the car, willing myself to bite the bullet and go in. This would be a good experience for me, I knew it would. It was just the going in that was the hard part. Letting my head sink forward I hit the steering wheel.

Had I come too soon? Was I really ready for this?

I would just have to be, I reasoned, steeling myself. There was no backing out now.

Getting out of the car I looked at the beautiful and elegant place where Vicky had ended up and for the first time in eight years, I allowed myself to remember exactly what had happened that fateful night. The fragments that had already begun to bleed into my brain since returning to Luna Bay, came suddenly brighter and with each memory I felt a wave of catharsis as I finally accepted I couldn’t change the past.

First came her carefree laughter as she’d swigged the vodka I’d swiped from my parents’ drinks cupboard. Her wavy blonde hair fell in a golden curtain down her back and her creamy porcelain skin had been alive with happiness. She’d looked like a princess in her prom dress and sparkly high heels. Then she’d called Elle and me ‘boring’ because we wouldn’t do handstands against the school building with her. I could still vaguely recall the pounding dance music pulsing through the wall as the sixth-form ball took place just a few feet away.

‘Oh come on!’ Her voice had been almost whiny in quality, yet dripped with honey as she tried to persuade us to take part. ‘It’s our last night of high school, we’ve got to live a little before we become boring adults!’

Then, in an instant, everything changed. Vicky had decided it’d be a fun idea to climb up on the school’s roof and was halfway up the rickety old ladder leading up to it before either of us could stop her.

‘Vicky, get down before you hurt yourself!’ I’d yelled. ‘You’ve made your point, now come down so we can all go back inside!’

‘No chance, you two should come join me up here! We could have ourselves a little rooftop par-tay!’

Then it had happened. She had lost her footing and was falling through the air like a ragdoll. Her long blonde hair and the pale lavender dress she had taken days to choose flapped noiselessly in the wind as the world seem to slow down, turning five seconds into a lifetime. Then life as we knew it ended with a sickening, wet thwack as body met concrete.

Shaking my head, I tried to dislodge the memory and forget about it altogether, but there was no chance of that happening. That night would be with me until the day I died. It was at the root of everything: why I’d stayed away so long, why I’d punished myself every day, why I was so afraid to take a chance. One terrible mistake I’d made had caused my best friend’s life to be changed irrevocably and it was only now that was I prepared to forgive myself.

Walking into Eden House, I was greeted by a receptionist with a sunny smile and asked who I was here to see.

‘Vicky Cunningham,’ I said, fluffing my words. ‘I-I’m her cousin. I phoned ahead earlier and the person I spoke to said it would be OK to pop in. I’m only in town for today and I wanted to see her.’

The receptionist rifled through some papers until she got to one with some notes scribbled on it about my phone call. I’d felt the need to lie and say I was part of her family to make sure they let me see her. This had to happen today; it was time to finally lay the past to rest.

‘No problem, I’ll just get one of our nurses to take you to see her.’

She dialled a number and moments later, a nurse approached, ‘Vicky’s just in the day room, follow me please.’

She walked across the marble floor to a set of mahogany double doors at the back of the building. They opened out onto a large octagonal-shaped room with a huge set of French doors leading out onto a patio and acres of lush green grass. The walls were high, painted cream and trimmed with white cornicing. A ceiling rose held an impressive chandelier suspended above the room like a marvellous centrepiece.

‘She’s just over here,’ the nurse said with a smile and led me over to a small, light-haired girl in the corner of a room, who sat in a wheelchair facing out onto the garden. My heart stopped. I couldn’t believe it. I was looking at my best friend; it was as though she’d been frozen in time at eighteen years old.

‘Someone here to see you Vicky! Your cousin… What did you say your name was?’

‘Oh um, Lucy.’

My blood froze in my veins. On the journey here, I’d felt confident and sure that this was the right thing to do. Now I was actually here and seeing my best friend for the first time in so long, I was scared. My biggest regret was now staring me in the face and I had no idea what to do.

‘Lucy’s here to spend a bit of time with you today.’ She wiped the corners of Vicky’s mouth then looked at me. ‘Let me know if you need anything, I’ll just be in the next room.’

I thanked her then pulled up a free chair to sit next to Vicky.

‘Long time no see, eh Trouble?’

At hearing my old nickname for her, Vicky’s head lolled to the side so she could see me. Although her face had a permanent slightly starry-eyed expression, I was sure I saw her smile a little.

‘I’m sorry I haven’t been to see you. I meant to come but the longer I left it, the harder it got. I’m sorry for a lot of things actually and that’s why I came today. You were always the crazy one out of the three of us and I should never have let you near that bottle of vodka. I should’ve tried harder to stop you climbing on that bloody roof; if I knew then what I know now, I’d have gone right up there after you and pulled you down.’

Vicky’s eyes were firmly fixed on me and her smile shrank ever so slightly.

‘You were always so beautiful and talented. You were good at everything and everybody liked you. It’s not fair that you’re here now because of one stupid mistake. I’ll never have another friend like you, Vicky Cunningham. You were one in a million and you still are now. I guess I just wanted to come here, see how you were doing and hopefully make peace with the fact that what happened wasn’t my fault.’ I took her bony, frail hand in mine and gently squeezed it. ‘It was a tragic accident and if I could take it back, I would in a heartbeat. Sometimes, I think of all the fun we’d be having now if you hadn’t fallen: all the girly holidays we would’ve gone on, the flats we would’ve shared, the guys we would’ve fought over… It would’ve been awesome and I’m sorry we didn’t get the chance to do those things.’

She made a small gurgling sound then smiled again and even though I wasn’t sure if she understood, it felt as if she was granting me her forgiveness.

I stayed and talked to Vicky for a good hour before I had to leave. I told her all about Jake and the Broken Hearts Book Club and about my job offer in London and how I’d be turning it down to stay in Luna Bay. It felt good to have finally visited her after all this time. I’d been scared of not knowing what to do when I got there, what to say after all these years. However, the experience was fun and enjoyable and I wanted to go back once I managed to smooth things over with Maggie. Because I would, I thought. She might be mired in a grief that would never truly heal, but I’d strive to make amends with her in any way I could.

As I was leaving, I got a text from Jake:
meet me at the beach.

***

On the way back to Luna Bay, my brain worked overtime trying to work out what he was going to tell me. Would it be a final goodbye before he left for a new life in Spain, or was there a chance for us after all?

I parked the car and walked down to the beach, my heart thundering in my chest as I wondered what I’d find. On my way down, I saw Rachel close the boot of her car and drive off. There was nothing obvious to suggest where she was going and no screaming of tyres to suggest she was upset about something.

When I finally arrived at the beach, nobody was there. Not a single, solitary dog-walker or a family for a day out; the place was completely deserted. It was a bit off the beaten track beach-wise, so it was never busy but today it was eerily silent. I wondered where Jake was. He’d said to meet him here after all. I took some cautious steps onto the sand and bundled my hands into my sleeves to fight against the cold chill in the air.

‘You really know how to keep a guy waiting, don’t you?’

I turned around and saw Jake coming down to the beach, his arms folded and a dopey grin on his face.

‘Uh oh,’ I said, trying to sound calm and banish all the negative thoughts from my mind, ‘I know that look. That’s your trouble look.’

He shrugged his shoulders and switched to his “who me?” face. ‘Me? I’m practically a choir boy, I’ll have you know.’

‘So what’s going on?’ I asked. ‘Why did you ask me here?’

I didn’t like the look that came next. It was some sort of grimace/scowl hybrid that made my brain think all sorts.

‘I was an idiot at the hospital last night. I never should’ve kissed you, not when your head was all over the place. It was stupid and insensitive and I’m really sorry.’

‘Oh.’

My heart sank, although I tried not to show it. I stuck a brave smile to my face and looked at him. His hands were in his pockets and he was shifting from foot to foot, his gaze wandering to everywhere but me. After a brief pause, he snapped out of whatever thoughts he’d been lost in and walked over to me.

‘That doesn’t mean I didn’t want to though. See, I’ve got this problem Lucy and I’ve had it ever since I met you: I’m fucking crazy about you and there’s nothing I can do about it.’

My mouth popped open and I gasped. I certainly hadn’t been expecting that, given his sombre and serious tone.

‘Oh,’ I said again. ‘That’s… interesting!’

He raised an eyebrow and frowned. ‘I’m going to need a little bit more than “that’s interesting”! I’m putting my neck on the line here!’

‘What about Spain?’ I asked. ‘You said yourself we wouldn’t work if you were there and I was here! And you can’t miss out on so much of Maya’s life, I won’t let you.’

He gave an easy shrug, as if we were debating what to have for tea. ‘I’m not going to Spain.’

My thoughts went into a tailspin. I couldn’t take in what he was saying; this seemed like the end of a romantic comedy where everything I’d ever wanted was coming together.