The Certainty of Deception (23 page)

A slight breeze rustled the blanket.  I caught the sweet scent of the innocent child in my arms.  It dawned on me that I couldn’t recall the way Autumn smelled.  Even though the picture in my mind had my little angel pristine and perfect, the truth was, she was still messy from having just been born.  All there was to smell was blood, but that didn’t stop me from imagining smelling the perfection of her skin.

Honor fussed for a moment, her little hands having escaped from her baby blanket.  The pang in my chest throbbed.  I never heard Autumn’s voice; her cry.  I never saw her move.  All I had was the memory of her lifeless body. 

Little fingers opened and closed, searching for something to grasp.  I shook in terror, but moved to place my finger between Honor’s flinching grasp.  She squeezed and I almost broke down in tears.  If only my angel had moved.  Just once.  And yet she never did.  She never even had a chance to breathe let alone move.  She never had a chance to live, and while it might’ve been an accident, it would always be my fault.

I glanced down at the sweet baby in my arms, fearing I might crush her with my tight embrace.  How was one to hold a baby?  I really didn’t know, but Honor cooed letting me know I was doing okay.  I bit my lip, sniffling back the tears that threatened to reveal my terror, as she snuggled into my arms and eventually quieted.

If only I’d had a chance to hold my little girl this way.  To hear her cry.  To know her laugh.  To smell her skin.  But none of those things were meant to be.  If they had, I never would have met the true love of my life.  While I thought that had been Rebecca, I’d been wrong.  I didn’t know true love until I met McKenzie, which proved that everything happens for a reason.

As I stood there, holding this perfect, little piece of Heaven, everyone else finalized the plans for their trip to Florida once we were settled.  I caught parts of the conversation, but I was too lost in the child that snuggled against my chest.  From what I could tell, McKenzie planned to get a place of her own upon her return.  What she didn’t realize was I planned on her moving in with me.  But that was something we could talk about later. 

And while I wished I could say that I handled holding Honor like a pro, it turned into being one of the hardest things I’d ever done.  No matter how much I buried the panic, it was still there.  There are some wounds that take time to heal.  This appeared to be one, but at least I was on the road to recovery.

“Oh, wow,” Gavin noted, glancing down at his watch.  By this point, the church parking lot was pretty much empty.  There were a few stragglers here and there, but barely a soul in sight.  “I hate to break up the party, but we’ve got to head to the airport.  Our flight leaves in a few hours.”

A haze of sadness shadowed over us.

“I guess this is goodbye,” Gavin said.  He turned to Glenda, giving her a quick squeeze.  “You behave yourself.”

Glenda laughed, patting Gavin on the butt.  “You bet I will.”

Hugs and goodbyes ensued, but no one seemed ready to let us go.  Jackie had taken Honor back, but Justice seemed fused to my side.  It took Bill and Cody leaving the group to get us all to disperse. 

McKenzie turned to me, her face downcast as she whispered, “It’s only one week.  After that, we’ll figure this all out.”

“Promise?” I beseeched her.

“I promise.  Have loads of fun, and take lots of pictures.  If there’s a bachelor party, I want incriminating evidence.”

I laughed, pressing my lips to hers.  “That I can do.”  A moment of silence hung between us.  “Are you sure you don’t want to come?”

McKenzie placed her hand on my cheek, tracing my lips with her thumb.  “I’m sure.”

“Okay,” I breathed, kissing the pad of her thumb.  “I’ll call you when we land.”

“You better.”

Leaning in, I kissed her.  I didn’t care who was watching or where we were at.  All I cared about was saying goodbye.  “I’ll be seeing you,” I breathed against her lips.

“I’ll be seeing you,” she parroted.

Reluctantly, I released her and watched as she walked away.  I sighed as she disappeared into the bright sunlight.  I moved around to the driver’s side of the car.  Gavin and Jared were already inside the vehicle. 

“Andy!”  I turned around, cupping my hand over my eyes to block the midday sun.  McKenzie stood next to her Prius, leaning against the door, smiling.  “I love you,” she shouted.  “Don’t forget that.”

“I love you, too,” I replied.  “I’ll see you in a week.”

“One week.”

After that, McKenzie was nothing more than a reflection in my rearview mirror.  This weekend hadn’t turned out
exactly
like I’d planned.  If it had, McKenzie would be planted right beside me.  I wasn’t happy about going to Boston alone, but at least I had a promise of good things yet to come.

I sat on the plane, my
ear buds jammed into my ears.  My face pressed against the thick paned window, looking out over the tarmac.  First class on a MD-80 wasn’t anything like the Boeing 777 I’d be taking from DFW into Logan International, but it was better than being stuck in coach.  The seat next to me remained opened.  I tried not to look at it because it only served as a reminder that McKenzie wouldn’t be with me.  I’d lasted two months without her.  I could do another week.  At least I hoped I could.

A depression of sorts had descended upon me since we left the church.  We’d arrived at the airport nearly three hours ahead of schedule, and let me tell you, there’s nothing to do at Rick Husband International Ai
rport, but browse a few shops and eat.  The three of us changed into street clothes after passing through security.  Jared and Gavin went off in some crazy search to obtain a trinket for Morgan from Texas.  I, on the other hand, sat in the waiting area of our departing gate and texted back and forth with McKenzie. 

I smiled at the conversation about her already looking for apartments.  It was too soon to mention my plans for her living with me, but at least I didn’t have to ask if she’d stay with me when she returned.  She beat me to that punch line, by asking if she could stay with me until she found a place.  Things were somewhat falling into place, even if I was attending my own brother’s wedding alone. 

Someone tapped my shoulder.  I pulled a bud from my ear and looked up to find a flight attendant smiling back at me.  “Can I get you something to drink before we take off?”

“Orange juice, please,” I replied.  She poured me a cup of orange juice and handed it to me along with a paper napkin.  “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”  She pushed the cart to the row in front of me, offering Gavin and Jared a drink. 

I shoved my
ear bud back in my ear, listening to Etude 10 by Chopin.  Piano music was a part of me.  I chuckled at the thought.  That might be something else I should let McKenzie in on.  My mother was a stickler on us boys being artistically inclined.  Gavin took up the violin, and I chose the piano.  Chopin was my favorite composer to play.  Maybe that was another reason why I resented Jared.  He played my instrument.  Although my animosity toward him was gradually fading.  The guy was likable after all.

I took a sip of my drink, listening to the melody.  How easy it was for me to get lost in the tempo.  It lulled the beast inside of me.  I dropped the tray table and settled my drink on top before resting my forehead back on the cool window.  The music played on repeat.  I closed my eyes and allowed the notes to dance in my mind.  If I played along with the notes, I could make myself forget the empty seat next to me.

Time passed.  My cup was soon empty and the flight attendant took it from me.  “We’ll be taking off soon,” she advised.  I smiled, barely understanding her, because this time I refused to take my headphones out of my ears.  The music played, carrying me with it.  Here, I was free.  Nothing could reach me. 

Passengers continued to pass by me, moving toward coach, but my eyes remained locked on the workers bustling outside the plane.  Last minute luggage was being loaded into the belly. 
I chuckled, thinking that with my luck my luggage would be lost.  Lucky for me, I had a condo in Boston completely stocked.  I didn’t really need for anything there, and what I did need could easily be purchased. 

An animal carrier was loaded under the plane.  I smiled thinking about my boys.  Chewie and Wicket were probably going crazy by this point.  We’d been apart for over a week now.  I couldn’t wait to see them again.  They were my most trusted companions.  No one could replace them.

A soft touch pulled me from my meanderings.  I glanced up expecting to find the flight attendant.  Instead there stood McKenzie, smiling down at me.  I ripped the headphones from my ears, and stared at her in sheer awe.  I must have been lulled to sleep by the music.  This had to be a dream.  She wasn’t standing right there; she couldn’t be. 

“Is this seat taken?” her sweet voice purred.  As she spoke, I knew this was no dream.  She really was here with me.

“Well, I did purchase a ticket for someone, but they decided not to come.”

Her lips pursed and her brow pinched.  “Any woman who’d turn you down, I’d say was a fool.”

“I’d have to agree there,” I teased.  I stood up, careful not the hit the overhead compartment and pulled McKenzie into my arms.  “You said this was a bad idea.”

“I know,” she breathed against my neck.

“Then why are you here?”

She pulled back, looking me straight in the eyes.  Tears pooled in the corners, on the verge of falling.  I cupped her face in my hands.  My heart pounded out of my chest.  I knew the whole of first class was watching us, but I didn’t care.  She was here.

She smiled and gave me a nonchalant shrug of one shoulder.  “I couldn’t wait a week.”

That was all I needed.  I crushed my mouth to hers, kissing her hard and deep.  Gavin and Jared whooped and hollered.  There was a wolf whistle that sounded like it came from coach, but I didn’t stop.  McKenzie draped her arms around me, bunching the back of my shirt in her hands, as our tongues explored each other’s mouths.

“Get a room,” Gavin chortled.

“We better not feel any thumping going on back there,” Jared added.

“Sir, ma’am.  We need you to take your seats,” the flight attendant instructed.  I grinned, pulling McKenzie back into the row with me.  We dropped down into our chairs, quickly belting ourselves in.  I entwined my fingers with hers, afraid if I didn’t keep touching her she’d somehow vanish.

Jared and Gavin turned around in their seats, peaking over the headrests.  “Hey there.  Glad you could make it,” Gavin crooned.

“Me too.”

“Now we’re in for fun,” Jared quipped, rubbing his hands together in delight.  “I can’t wait to see Olivia’s face when she sees you.”

McKenzie squeezed my hand tight.  I rubbed my thumb back and forth over her knuckles.  “It’s going to be okay,” I told her.  “Don’t worry about anything.”

“Yeah,” Gavin chimed in.  “It’s my wedding, and I’ll have her removed if she causes a scene.”

“I don’t want that, guys,” McKenzie stated.  “She’s still my friend.”

“Psh,” Jared hissed.  “That woman is nobody’s friend.”

“I know what you think, Jare, but I consider her a friend.”  McKenzie turned to look at me.  Her face contorted with anguish.  “Promise me that we won’t make this anymore difficult on her than we have to.  She’s going to hate me enough as it is.”

“I’m not hiding our feelings from her, Mickie,” I proclaimed.  I wanted to shout it from the rooftops that she was mine and I belonged to her.  There was nothing Olivia or my father could say that would crush my happiness.

“I don’t want you to.”

“Then what are you asking me to do?”

“Gentlemen, please turn around and buckle up,” the flight attendant marched by, scolding Jared and Gavin.  They gave us a little wave and turned around in their seats.  The plane began to move down the runway, picking up speed.

McKenzie placed her hand to my cheek.  “I’m not asking you to do anything.  I’m with you.”

“You’re a confusing woman, McKenzie Evans, but I love you.”

The nose lifted off the ground as the plane took flight.  We were pushed back into our seats by the initial thrust.  “I love you too, Andrew Wise.”

I leaned over the armrest, placing a sweet kiss to her lips.  This was the beginning of a new chapter in our lives.  The road might not be easy, but with her by my side, I knew I could handle anything that came our way.