The Child Whisperer (4 page)

How to Become a Child Whisperer

Y
our children entered this life equipped with their own deeply rooted, innate gifts and talents. And so did you. I call this energetic configuration that every person is born with an Energy Profile.

What does Energy Profiling have to do with becoming a Child Whisperer?

Everything.

Becoming a Child Whisperer involves identifying your child’s Energy Profile, understanding what their Energy Profile tells you, and applying what you’ve learned in order to make everyday interactions with your child effortless and enjoyable for you both.

What is an Energy Profile?

Every person alive has their own unique Energy Profile—a natural movement that expresses itself in body language and earliest sounds from the day a child is born. In fact, it even starts earlier than that. Have you ever heard a mother say that her pregnancies each felt different? That’s because she was carrying children with different energetic movements.

Most parents default to the assumption that their children’s personalities are the factor that makes them different. I suggest to you that personality is actually just a by-product of something much deeper, much more innate in a child’s expression. I suggest that a child comes to this life with a natural expression of movement that profoundly influences personality. If this natural expression is ignored or stifled, children’s personalities can develop in contradiction and conflict with their true nature. The goal of every parent should be to help a child develop a personality consistent with their true nature and natural movement, rather than one that contradicts it.

In other words, your goal as a parent is to become a Child Whisperer.

When you are a Child Whisperer, you don’t have to wait for the tantrum, the rebellion, or the crisis to happen. You already know your child’s deepest motivations and you know how to honor and support them so the crises just don’t exist. You have all the tools you need to intuit your child’s needs, rather than react to them. Not only that, you know how to create a home environment that honors each Type in your family so that everyone feels happier and more fulfilled.

. . . .

COLE’S STORY

Their True Nature is Already There

When ten-year-old Cole started to play basketball, his coach told him that the more he practiced, the better he would be. He took that advice to heart. And true to his deeply committed nature, he did something about it.

When Cole went home later that day, he told his parents he planned to shoot 100 baskets a day. They reminded him that they didn’t have a basketball hoop. He said that was fine. He had already gone across the street and arranged with the neighbor to use their basketball hoop daily. He had taken initiative and already committed to his plan. His parents didn’t need to force or even encourage him—they just needed to support him in being the committed, authoritative person he already was!

. . . .

An Energy Profile is an Inner Blueprint

I recently heard a parent say she needed to “instill” into her children the right values so they would grow to be good people. But to instill suggests that we have to “put into” children something that is not already there. I believe children come with a blueprint, an inner design of who they really are.

You may choose to teach your children your particular belief system or cultural norms, but there is nothing you need to instill to make your child good—just a true nature to bring out! Your children already came to your family with natural gifts and talents of intuition, compassion, and love.

Your natural movement may look different from your child’s, but
you
also
possess unique gifts to aid you in the incredible journey of parenting your children true to their natures. Open yourself up to your own intuitive gifts and abilities.

With that in mind, it’s time to talk about the Energy Profiling model so you can revolutionize your parenting and support your children in feeling more loved and confident than ever.

Introduction to Energy Profiling

E
nergy Profiling is an intuitive model to describe the configuration of movement and energy your child was born with. Your child is a unique and wonderful person, and Energy Profiling is a supportive tool to help you understand the truth of who your child is—inside and out.

As you determine your child’s Energy Profile, it will be worthwhile for you to remember that Energy Profiling is
not
a personality test. Personality is only one of several factors used to identify someone’s Energy Profile. Some of those other factors are actually more reliable because they cannot be altered or faked.

Children will adapt their personalities to the expectations put on them. They often receive messages or are parented in a way that encourage them to develop a personality at odds with their nature and natural movement. It’s one of the biggest reasons we have such a huge self-help industry today. Think about your own childhood. There were probably rules or expectations from someone (whether parents, friends, teachers, or otherwise) that demanded that you alter your personality to fit in or survive.

. . . .

KATHY’S STORY

Rules and Expectations

Kathy was not parented true to her nature as a child. She was a bright, animated child with a naturally buoyant, random nature. At a young age, she connected with the belief that she had too much movement, too much energy, too much noise for her parents. She believed that she needed to behave, and behaving meant that she couldn’t live life in the fun, unstructured, spontaneous movement that came naturally to her.

This belief brought on so much shame about her inner nature. She felt ashamed of who she truly was and is! Her body responded by playing out that belief as she grew up. She gained a huge amount of weight and apologized for it constantly. She made jokes about herself, as if she were saying, “Yes, I know I’m too much. I take up too much space. I’m ashamed that I want to live life as big as I do.”

You know what? It’s not okay! When children are told that they are too much or not enough, they are shamed into acting contrary to their nature. It’s not okay that this brilliant, beautiful woman was shamed about who she was. I’m proud of her. She came to me after she had already lost 70 pounds. Since then, she’s taken even more steps on the path to healing, happiness, and living true to her nature.

. . . .

A child’s inner nature exists before personality ever develops! Your job as a parent is to honor your child’s nature so their personality develops in harmony with who they really are. Identifying your child’s Energy Profile is one of the most important steps you can take in understanding and honoring that true nature.

How to Identify Your Child’s Energy Profile

In Energy Profiling, there are four Types of natural movement. Each Type is labeled with a number—Type 1, Type 2, Type 3, and Type 4—to avoid negative judgment associated with descriptive titles. These four Types each describe different qualities and levels of movement that children naturally express.

As you read through each of the Types’ descriptions, observe your child’s natural gifts and talents, personality traits, thought and feeling processes, communication, behavioral tendencies, learning tendencies, physical development, body language, and physical characteristics. Use all these factors to determine which of the four Types best describes your child. There is no test to take—this system is designed to be intuitive, personal, and empowering.

As you read the next four sections (one for each of the Types in my Energy Profiling system), you may automatically recognize your child’s tendencies. In the research I’ve conducted, I’ve found that each of the four Types of children express similar patterns in all areas of their life. Certain activities may look a little different depending on age or gender, but the movement is still the same. Keep reading and you’ll see what I mean.

Don’t get discouraged if you feel confused or unsure about your child’s Type! Depending on your situation, your child might not currently be living true to his or her nature. Any number of situations at school, with friends, or family can compromise a child’s true nature. We’ll talk about some of those situations later—and what you can do about them.

For now, consider these three essential keys to discovering your child’s Energy Profile as you read about each of the 4 Types.

1.
Live true to your own nature. 

This is more important than you might realize. In fact, it is huge. As parents, we too often try to change or shape our children into something they are not, often in an attempt to line their behavior up with the priorities of our own Energy Type. We don’t even realize we are doing it!

Until you live true to your own nature, you won’t be able to get the clarity and intuition you need to read your children. Energy Profiling is an intuitive system and you definitely need intuition as a parent. If you’re not living true to yourself 100 percent, that’s okay. Self-awareness is the first step to living true to your nature. 

If you’ve already identified your Energy Profile, then good for you. If you don’t know your own Type yet, try to identify it as you read through the following sections. You were probably living most true to yourself as a child. You may recognize your tendencies and desires as a child in some of these pages, which will help you discover your own Energy Profile. I can’t stress this enough:
You will get clear intuitive hits as a parent when your own true self is honored and whole.

You may be asking yourself where Energy Profiling even comes from and how I’ve identified these four Types of movement. I have studied the energetics and movement of human nature in the field of energy psychology for over 20 years. In that time, I have discovered that these four elements are the building blocks of our biology and the four Types: nitrogen, oxygen, hydrogen and carbon. (For a broader look and more information about the science behind Energy Profiling, I recommend the resources you can find in Appendix B in the back of this book).

2.
Look at movement, not personality.

Energy is a movement that begins in the womb—before your child ever develops a personality. So many factors and expectations influence your child’s expression of personality. But natural movement and the basic design of facial features do not change.

In my discussion of each of the Energy Types, I describe typical patterns in physical development, body language, and physical characteristics that can be a more reliable indicator of a child’s Type than their personality.

Some of the descriptions or stories for each of the Types may remind you of your interaction with your child or your parents’ interaction with you. To varying degrees, every person carries all four Types within them. But your child leads with the expression of only
one
dominant Type that will stay consistent throughout his or her life.

Somethin
g
to remember:
All children are naturally gifted and capable. The only difference is that they will move through life experiences with a different quality of movement. When you identify their dominant movement, you can better honor children to move at their own pace and in their own way.

3.
Get your child in on the conversation.

Unless your children are very young, don’t Type them without talking about it with them! They know themselves well and will be the best source for knowing their own Type. You can definitely become familiar with this material before sharing with them. However, you shouldn’t expect them to just accept the Type you’ve chosen for them. Children don’t like being told who they are any more than adults do.

Energy Profiling is a process of self-discovery that empowers children to recognize and own their strengths and abilities. Don’t rob them of that opportunity for self-reflection and fulfillment.

Children are naturally drawn to experiences that honor their true natures, so they may naturally be drawn to learning about Energy Profiling along with you. If they aren’t interested, consider the possibility that your child has a reason. Ask yourself which patterns in your family create resistance to understanding their true nature. Which expectations have been placed on your children that pressure them to deny their true natures?

Children younger than three to four years old are not yet capable of being included in this conversation. That doesn’t mean you should wait to learn their Type! You can still identify your young child’s Energy Profile through the information and stories shared in the next few sections. When you honor your child’s nature from a very young age, you will find that they act more naturally cooperative and happy (and you’ll avoid those twos that are supposedly so terrible!).

. . . .

JAKE AND MAX’S STORY

What Changes When You Know Their Type

Eight-year-old Jake had a hard time with his younger brother, Max. He expressed a lot of anger and blamed Max for things, even though four-year-old Max was always trying to get his approval. His parents experienced a challenge in trying to help their boys have positive interactions.

When their mother discovered Energy Profiling, she soon learned that both Jake and Max identified with a dominant Type 4 expression. They both have naturally structured, exact natures. They both felt very strongly—even from a young age—about being their own authority. You can imagine how they could push each other’s emotional buttons.

One night, Jake’s mom was tucking him into bed after reading about Energy Profiling. She told Jake that he and Max were lucky to have each other because they thought the same and understood each other. She shared some of their tendencies that were similar.

Since that night, Jake’s mom says, “It has been night and day. Seriously. I thought I had to do something more drastic, or bigger than that. All I did was talk to them. It has helped Jake more. I think he feels that he now has somebody in the family that gets him.”

A few days later, she took her boys to the local library. Jake was using the self-scanner to check out their books when one of the books wouldn’t scan. Max grabbed the book from his brother and his mom says, “I was ready for the meltdown and the fit.” But Jake just let Max help him with the book. Then he took the book down and put it in the pile. Max grabbed the other books, put them on the scanner, and Jake took them off. They worked together.

His mother says she hasn’t done one thing different besides talk to them. Just understanding each other’s natures helped both parents and siblings to support and cooperate with each other.

. . . .

One last note before we look at the four Types. All children—no matter their Type—have certain basic needs and traits in common. All children are innocent and active. They all possess childlike curiosity, imagination, and a desire to explore this world. Every child needs to be validated by their parents.

Most importantly, children
need
to be loved and accepted for who they are. Meeting that need is the most important reason you could read this book, for both yourself and your children.

It’s time to discover your child’s unique Energy Profile and use that knowledge to become a Child Whisperer.