The Choice

The Choice

Kate Benson

Copyright © 2014 by Kate Benson

All rights reserved

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without written permission or the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

For my mom
.

For waking every day

and choosing us.

I love you
.

Always do what you are afraid to do.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Sophie, open the door.” I hear Drake’s baritone voice swimming behind my ears, but I’m stuck in place on the cold linoleum of my bathroom floor.
Please God not again
. “Sophie?”

The door to my bathroom
begins creaking open and Drake’s tall, muscular frame is standing cautiously on the other side of the frame. He’s peering down at me, his dark brow furrowing in concern over a sea of blue, but I can’t find my voice to answer him. I stare blankly in front of me at nothing as his words echo in my mind.

“They don’t know if he’s going to make it
, Sophie.”

My chest tightens again and a stifled
cry slips out of my trembling lips. Drake makes his way across the small bathroom and sinks to his knees in front of me, instantly pulling me into his protective embrace. I feel his arms wrap around my shoulders, but my limbs feel like they’re filled with lead. Tears are streaming down my face and muffled cries escape my heaving chest as Drake positions my head against his warm chest. The fabric of his long sleeved cotton shirt is drenched in soot, blood and now, my tears.
Chase’s blood
. This realization causes me to find the feeling back in my arms enough to grip the fabric into my hands tightly. Another wail, more primal this time, makes its way out of my mouth and Drake’s hold on me tightens instantly.

“Oh my God!” I wail
into his chest incoherently.

“I’m so sorry
, Honey.” The pain in Drake’s response is unmistakable and the cries that had been caught in my throat make their escape now. The crack in his voice only causes the dam of my emotions to break that much faster.

“Oh my God!
Not Chase! Please, God not him!” I sob brokenly into his chest. There’s no way this is happening again. It has to be a mistake. Gripping helplessly onto the last shred of hope, I manage, “Are you sure it was him? Maybe…”

“I’m sure,” h
e chokes out and nods as he pulls away slightly to face me. Reaching into his pocket, Drake pulls out the gold arrow bracelet Chase had given me shortly before our fight. “He had this in his jacket. I thought you would want it back.”

Drake ta
kes my trembling hand into his and carefully slips the shiny cuff back into place on my shaking wrist. The action causes me to sob even harder than I had been before and he grips me back into his embrace. I wrap my arms around my midsection and lean into him for support. We stay like that in my bathroom floor for a long while before I finally catch my breath long enough to fully inhale.

Smelling the fabric of Drake’s shirt covered in the evidence of our rea
lity, my stomach turns. I push him away so I could lose the last of the contents of my stomach. When I’m done, I slowly stand and make my way to the sink feeling his eyes follow me cautiously. After brushing my teeth and splashing cold water onto my face, I turn to look down at his exhausted expression.

“We should get going,
” I say numbly.

“Where are we go
ing?” he asks confused.

“He’s in the hospital
, isn’t he?”

“Yes
, but…”

“Then that’s where I need to be,
” I cut him off in a monotone voice.

“Sophie, H
oney they aren’t going to let you see him right now. He’s in surgery.” Drake rises to face me more directly, but I’m already on my way out of the bathroom. I pull a small bag from my closet and throw a few things I think I might need over the course of the next few days while he stands waiting for my response. When it doesn’t come, he gently places his hands on my shoulders and turns me to face him. “Sophie, did you hear me?”

Nodding once
, I wipe the new tears from my eyes and wiggle out of his grip. “You should probably change before we go. I’m sure we’ll be there for a while. Which hospital is he in?”

“Sophie…” I do
n’t want to hear whatever he is going to say, so I turn to face him.

“I’m going to the hospital with or without you. I’d prefer to not go alone
, but I will if I have to so make your decision, Drake. Are you coming with me or not?” After holding my weary gaze for a few seconds he nods. “Okay, now which hospital is he in?”

“They took him to Corpus
,” Drake answers before walking into Ana’s room in search of a shirt. When he comes out, I’m waiting impatiently by the open front door. “Ready?”

I nod
, knowing I’m
not
ready for what I’m about to face at all and pull the door shut behind us.

***

Seven
teen. For seventeen hours, I’ve been sitting in this room watching Chase’s chest rise and fall.

Seventeen. The times an hour I’ve gotten up from this chair and paced the same floor beside his bed.

Seventeen. The number of times I’ve thought he might be about to wake up.

Seventeen. The number of times he hasn’t.

Drake and I had arrived less an hour after he went into surgery and he still hasn’t woken up. The doctors said that was normal with traumatic injuries such as those Chase had endured, but it’s been seventeen hours and I’m going crazy.

M
ost of the bruising lining his bronzed face has darkened, tarnishing his typically flawless appearance with purple splotches. The gash that runs above his right eye and through his eyebrow will likely leave a scar. That’s the least of our worries however. In the accident, Chase has also suffered three broken ribs, a dislocated shoulder and a concussion. They were afraid to pull him off the ventilator right away, but since he’s begun breathing on his own, the doctors are more optimistic than they were. I keep holding on to the naïve hope that he’ll wake up any minute now, but he still hasn’t.

And I
don’t know if he will.

Ana
came straight from work last night and although her intentions are good, I have to admit she is getting on my last nerve. Between her asking me if I’m hungry and begging me to go back to Drake’s with her to sleep, I want to scream. I know she’s only worried about me, but that doesn’t make her concern any less irritating to my exhausted mind.

Shifting in the chair I’d
planted next to Chase’s bed last night when we’d arrived, I rest my head onto the arm that remains on the uncomfortable bedding without dropping his warm, still hand from mine. Careful not to disturb the myriad of tubes and wires coming to and from the arms I long for, I begin running my thumb gently over the shape of his fingernail. My mind wanders back to the last time these hands had touched me before arriving at the hospital and I close my eyes ignoring the fresh tears that slip down my cheeks.

“God Sophie,” h
e panted against my neck. “I can’t believe how much I love you, Baby.” I placed my hands on the sides of the muscular arms I loved so much, as they wrapped around me from behind, and turned my neck to taste his lips.

“I love you too
, my Sweet,” I said still panting. “That was so hot,” I whispered with a shy smile causing Chase to chuckle at the blush that flamed my cheeks.

“Don’t
get all bashful on me now, Baby,” he growled into my neck as he slid out of me, causing us both to sigh at the loss. Pulling me down to lie next to him as he spooned me, I felt his calloused fingertips gently brush against the sensitive skin on my stomach. He began running his soft lips lightly across my shoulders, neck, and hair as I let my mind drift away. I closed my eyes and fell into the Heaven I knew only his arms could provide. God I loved this man.

“What are you thinking about?”

His voice sounded so clear in my mind. My chest began to heave at the barrage of emotion that was now assaulting me. Not releasing his hand, I attempt to hide my face into my elbow to keep the volume of my cries from disturbing him, supporting my middle with my free arm by wrapping it around my stomach. Even though it felt like it had been an eternity since he’d touched me, the memories were so vivid that I could still feel his fingers tracing the lines in my palm like they always did when he held it. I could still feel his hand squeezing mine gently and the soothing way he made tiny circles over my thumb with his own.

“Please wake up
, Chase,” I plead quietly into my elbow for the hundredth time today. “I need you to wake up, Baby. I can’t do this. I can’t lose you, too. I won’t survive it. Please don’t leave me, Chase.”

My chest racks
with sobs as our bittersweet memories continue to torture me. If I didn’t know better, I’d swear I can still feel his eyes on me. I can still hear his voice.

“Baby I’ll never leave you.”

I’m officially going nuts because the scratchy, whisper of a voice I just imagined barely even sounds like his. I slowly lean back into my chair and wipe my eyes as my sobbing slows and I focus on the white wall in front of me.

I really need to sleep. I’
ve been hearing his voice and talking to him for hours now, but gazing into the azure pools that are focused on me now, I know I’ve officially lost it.

God
, I love those eyes.

Those open eyes.

Realization hits me like a cinder block and when he sees it, he very gently squeezes my hand reassuringly. My body lets out a sigh of relief I don’t realize I’ve been holding in so deeply for hours. With it, another sob escapes and my hand flies up to my mouth as my head leans back into the chair. Saying a silent prayer of gratitude to Heaven, I squeeze his hand tighter, still unable to speak.

“Sophie
,” he whispers, only making me sob harder. 

Reaching up to grab a cup of water from the table beside him, I carefully hold the straw in place so that he can take a small sip and wet his dry throat. Never breaking our eye contact, he continues to drink while I stand perfectly still at the edge of his bed. I don’t dare move a muscle. If the eyes staring back at me now are a dream, I don’t ever want to wake up.

Chase pulls away slightly, his way of telling me he’s had enough to drink, and keeps his gaze locked on me.

“You need your nurse,” I manage
, pulling my eyes from his to replace his cup on the table beside his bed.

“Come here
, Baby,” Chase says quietly.

“You need your nurse,
” I argue incoherently, still in shock.

“I need you,” h
e answers as I finally bring my eyes to his. Laced with unshed tears he holds my gaze and gives my hand a gentle tug. “I need you, Baby. Please come here.”

I take a small step closer, still scared to disturb his battered body. Searching his face, I feel his hand gently pulls mine again.

“Sophie,” he whispers. “Get in my bed, Baby.”

Holding his gaze, I
slowly and carefully climb in next to him. Luckily most of the cords are running behind him to the monitors that have been beeping ruthlessly. Sinking into the bed next to him, he shifts slightly with a groan of discomfort and I still instantly.

“Did I hurt you?”

“I’m okay. Come here Baby,” I nuzzle into his hard chest and gently lay my head onto his free arm careful to not put any weight on him.

“We need to call the nurse Chase
,” I try again but he just shushes me.

“
In a minute,” he says. “Look at me.” I raise my eyes to his and after a moment he releases a low breath and presses his full lips to my forehead. After lingering there for a minute he pulls away and looks at me again. “My dreams don’t do these eyes justice,” he sighs again. When the tears start to form under both our eyes, I sweep my fingertips gently under his while mine flow freely before resting my palms lightly on his neck.

We stay like this, simply gazing at each other for a long while, taking each other in, memorizing each and every feature. His shallow breaths gradually strengthen as I feel them wash over me. The most wonderful feeling I’ve ever had in my life.

Ever.

Eventually, Chase quietly clears his throat in an attempt to speak, ignoring me when I try to urge him to take it slow.

“I love you so much. I swear I would never…” he starts in a raspy voice.

“I know. I love you too,” I interrupt and place a soft kiss on his lips. When he presses his lips harder against mine, I’m surprised, but can’t deny the relief I’m feeling. Knowing he can’t overdo it, I pull away gently and send another silent
thank you
to Heaven as he kisses the tears away from my eyes.

“We’ve got
to get our shit together. No more fucking around, okay?” His voice is laced thick with emotion and I nod in agreement. “No more breaking up bullshit. My heart can’t take it.”

“
Neither can mine,” I confess. “I won’t. I swear.”

“Kiss me again,
” he whispers and I immediately press my lips against his for a gentle, chaste kiss. “Tell me you love me, Baby.”

“I am so in love with you
, Chase,” I choke out and he closes his eyes for a moment before he gazes back into mine.

“Hopelessly,” h
e whispers and rests his forehead against mine. He’s quiet for a moment and shuts his eyes so I think he’s fallen asleep. I need to call the nurse. He’s been surprisingly alert for everything his beautiful body has been through, especially considering all the pain killers they’ve been pumping into him. For that I am thankful but I know he still needs medical attention. I reach across him to press the call button and the uninjured arm that I lay against squeezes me. “Not yet, Baby.”

“Chase…” I try
to tell him it was too late, but he cuts me off.

“Marry me
, Sophie.”