The Chronicles of Barsetshire (100 page)

“Yes, that’s important, no doubt. But come, Reddypalm, such an old friend of Sir Roger as you are, a man he speaks of as one of his intimate friends, I wonder how you can hesitate about it? Now with another man, I should think that he wanted to be paid for voting—”

“Oh, Mr. Romer!—fie—fie—fie!”

“I know it’s not the case with you. It would be an insult to offer you money, even if money were going. I should not mention this, only as money is not going, neither on our side nor on the other, no harm can be done.”

“Mr. Romer, if you speak of such a thing, you’ll hurt me. I know the value of an Englishman’s franchise too well to wish to sell it. I would not demean myself so low; no, not though five-and-twenty pound a vote was going, as there was in the good old times—and that’s not so long ago neither.”

“I am sure you wouldn’t, Reddypalm; I’m sure you wouldn’t. But an honest man like you should stick to old friends. Now, tell me,” and putting his arm through Reddypalm’s, he walked with him into the passage of his own house; “Now, tell me—is there anything wrong? It’s between friends, you know. Is there anything wrong?”

“I wouldn’t sell my vote for untold gold,” said Reddypalm, who was perhaps aware that untold gold would hardly be offered to him for it.

“I am sure you would not,” said Mr. Romer.

“But,” said Reddypalm, “a man likes to be paid his little bill.”

“Surely, surely,” said the barrister.

“And I did say two years since, when your friend Mr. Closerstil brought a friend of his down to stand here—it wasn’t Sir Roger then—but when he brought a friend of his down, and when I drew two or three hogsheads of ale on their side, and when my bill was questioned and only half-settled, I did say that I wouldn’t interfere with no election no more. And no more I will, Mr. Romer—unless it be to give a quiet vote for the nobleman under whom I and mine always lived respectable.”

“Oh!” said Mr. Romer.

“A man do like to have his bill paid, you know, Mr. Romer.”

Mr. Romer could not but acknowledge that this was a natural feeling on the part of an ordinary mortal publican.

“It goes agin the grain with a man not to have his little bill paid, and specially at election time,” again urged Mr. Reddypalm.

Mr. Romer had not much time to think about it; but he knew well that matters were so nearly balanced, that the votes of Mr. Reddypalm and his son were of inestimable value.

“If it’s only about your bill,” said Mr. Romer, “I’ll see to have that settled. I’ll speak to Closerstil about that.”

“All right!” said Reddypalm, seizing the young barrister’s hand, and shaking it warmly; “all right!” And late in the afternoon when a vote or two became matter of intense interest, Mr. Reddypalm and his son came up to the hustings and boldly tendered theirs for their old friend, Sir Roger.

There was a great deal of eloquence heard in Barchester on that day. Sir Roger had by this time so far recovered as to be able to go through the dreadfully hard work of canvassing and addressing the electors from eight in the morning till near sunset. A very perfect recovery, most men will say. Yes; a perfect recovery as regarded the temporary use of his faculties, both physical and mental; though it may be doubted whether there can be any permanent recovery from such disease as his. What amount of brandy he consumed to enable him to perform this election work, and what lurking evil effect the excitement might have on him—of these matters no record was kept in the history of those proceedings.

Sir Roger’s eloquence was of a rough kind; but not perhaps the less operative on those for whom it was intended. The aristocracy of Barchester consisted chiefly of clerical dignitaries, bishops, deans, prebendaries, and such like: on them and theirs it was not probable that anything said by Sir Roger would have much effect. Those men would either abstain from voting, or vote for the railway hero, with the view of keeping out the De Courcy candidate. Then came the shopkeepers, who might also be regarded as a stiff-necked generation, impervious to electioneering eloquence. They would, generally, support Mr. Moffat. But there was an inferior class of voters, ten-pound freeholders, and such like, who, at this period, were somewhat given to have an opinion of their own, and over them it was supposed that Sir Roger did obtain some power by his gift of talking.

“Now, gentlemen, will you tell me this,” said he, bawling at the top of his voice from off the portico which graced the door of the Dragon of Wantly, at which celebrated inn Sir Roger’s committee sat—”Who is Mr. Moffat, and what has he done for us? There have been some picture-makers about the town this week past. The Lord knows who they are; I don’t. These clever fellows do tell you who I am, and what I’ve done. I ain’t very proud of the way they’ve painted me, though there’s something about it I ain’t ashamed of either. See here,” and he held up on one side of him one of the great daubs of himself—”just hold it there till I can explain it,” and he handed the paper to one of his friends. “That’s me,” said Sir Roger, putting up his stick, and pointing to the pimply-nosed representation of himself.

“Hurrah! Hur-r-rah! more power to you—we all know who you are, Roger. You’re the boy! When did you get drunk last?” Such-like greetings, together with a dead cat which was flung at him from the crowd, and which he dexterously parried with his stick, were the answers which he received to this exordium.

“Yes,” said he, quite undismayed by this little missile which had so nearly reached him: “that’s me. And look here; this brown, dirty-looking broad streak here is intended for a railway; and that thing in my hand—not the right hand; I’ll come to that presently—”

“How about the brandy, Roger?”

“I’ll come to that presently. I’ll tell you about the brandy in good time. But that thing in my left hand is a spade. Now, I never handled a spade, and never could; but, boys, I handled a chisel and mallet; and many a hundred block of stone has come out smooth from under that hand;” and Sir Roger lifted up his great broad palm wide open.

“So you did, Roger, and well we minds it.”

“The meaning, however, of that spade is to show that I made the railway. Now I’m very much obliged to those gentlemen over at the White Horse for putting up this picture of me. It’s a true picture, and it tells you who I am. I did make that railway. I have made thousands of miles of railway; I am making thousands of miles of railways—some in Europe, some in Asia, some in America. It’s a true picture,” and he poked his stick through it and held it up to the crowd. “A true picture: but for that spade and that railway, I shouldn’t be now here asking your votes; and, when next February comes, I shouldn’t be sitting in Westminster to represent you, as, by God’s grace, I certainly will do. That tells you who I am. But now, will you tell me who Mr. Moffat is?”

“How about the brandy, Roger?”

“Oh, yes, the brandy! I was forgetting that and the little speech that is coming out of my mouth—a deal shorter speech, and a better one than what I am making now. Here, in the right hand you see a brandy bottle. Well, boys, I’m not a bit ashamed of that; as long as a man does his work—and the spade shows that—it’s only fair he should have something to comfort him. I’m always able to work, and few men work much harder. I’m always able to work, and no man has a right to expect more of me. I never expect more than that from those who work for me.”

“No more you don’t, Roger: a little drop’s very good, ain’t it, Roger? Keeps the cold from the stomach, eh, Roger?”

“Then as to this speech, ‘Come, Jack, let’s have a drop of some’at short.’ Why, that’s a good speech too. When I do drink I like to share with a friend; and I don’t care how humble that friend is.”

“Hurrah! more power. That’s true too, Roger; may you never be without a drop to wet your whistle.”

“They say I’m the last new baronet. Well, I ain’t ashamed of that; not a bit. When will Mr. Moffat get himself made a baronet? No man can truly say I’m too proud of it. I have never stuck myself up; no, nor stuck my wife up either: but I don’t see much to be ashamed of because the bigwigs chose to make a baronet of me.”

“Nor, no more thee h’ant, Roger. We’d all be barrownites if so be we knew the way.”

“But now, having polished off this bit of picture, let me ask you who Mr. Moffat is? There are pictures enough about him, too; though Heaven knows where they all come from. I think Sir Edwin Landseer must have done this one of the goose; it is so deadly natural. Look at it; there he is. Upon my word, whoever did that ought to make his fortune at some of these exhibitions. Here he is again, with a big pair of scissors. He calls himself ‘England’s honour;’ what the deuce England’s honour has to do with tailoring, I can’t tell you: perhaps Mr. Moffat can. But mind you, my friends, I don’t say anything against tailoring: some of you are tailors, I dare say.”

“Yes, we be,” said a little squeaking voice from out of the crowd.

“And a good trade it is. When I first knew Barchester there were tailors here could lick any stone-mason in the trade; I say nothing against tailors. But it isn’t enough for a man to be a tailor unless he’s something else along with it. You’re not so fond of tailors that you’ll send one up to Parliament merely because he is a tailor.”

“We won’t have no tailors. No; nor yet no cabbaging. Take a go of brandy, Roger; you’re blown.”

“No, I’m not blown yet. I’ve a deal more to say about Mr. Moffat before I shall be blown. What has he done to entitle him to come here before you and ask you to send him to Parliament? Why; he isn’t even a tailor. I wish he were. There’s always some good in a fellow who knows how to earn his own bread. But he isn’t a tailor; he can’t even put a stitch in towards mending England’s honour. His father was a tailor; not a Barchester tailor, mind you, so as to give him any claim on your affections; but a London tailor. Now the question is, do you want to send the son of a London tailor up to Parliament to represent you?”

“No, we don’t; nor yet we won’t neither.”

“I rather think not. You’ve had him once, and what has he done for you? Has he said much for you in the House of Commons? Why, he’s so dumb a dog that he can’t bark even for a bone. I’m told it’s quite painful to hear him fumbling and mumbling and trying to get up a speech there over at the White Horse. He doesn’t belong to the city; he hasn’t done anything for the city; and he hasn’t the power to do anything for the city. Then, why on earth does he come here? I’ll tell you. The Earl de Courcy brings him. He’s going to marry the Earl de Courcy’s niece; for they say he’s very rich—this tailor’s son—only they do say also that he doesn’t much like to spend his money. He’s going to marry Lord de Courcy’s niece, and Lord de Courcy wishes that his nephew should be in Parliament. There, that’s the claim which Mr. Moffat has here on the people of Barchester. He’s Lord de Courcy’s nominee, and those who feel themselves bound hand and foot, heart and soul, to Lord de Courcy, had better vote for him. Such men have my leave. If there are enough of such at Barchester to send him to Parliament, the city in which I was born must be very much altered since I was a young man.”

And so finishing his speech, Sir Roger retired within, and recruited himself in the usual manner.

Such was the flood of eloquence at the Dragon of Wantly. At the White Horse, meanwhile, the friends of the De Courcy interest were treated perhaps to sounder political views; though not expressed in periods so intelligibly fluent as those of Sir Roger.

Mr. Moffat was a young man, and there was no knowing to what proficiency in the Parliamentary gift of public talking he might yet attain; but hitherto his proficiency was not great. He had, however, endeavoured to make up by study for any want of readiness of speech, and had come to Barchester daily, for the last four days, fortified with a very pretty harangue, which he had prepared for himself in the solitude of his chamber. On the three previous days matters had been allowed to progress with tolerable smoothness, and he had been permitted to deliver himself of his elaborate eloquence with few other interruptions than those occasioned by his own want of practice. But on this, the day of days, the Barchesterian roughs were not so complaisant. It appeared to Mr. Moffat, when he essayed to speak, that he was surrounded by enemies rather than friends; and in his heart he gave great blame to Mr. Nearthewinde for not managing matters better for him.

“Men of Barchester,” he began, in a voice which was every now and then preternaturally loud, but which, at each fourth or fifth word, gave way from want of power, and descended to its natural weak tone. “Men of Barchester—electors and non-electors—”

“We is hall electors; hall on us, my young kiddy.”

“Electors and non-electors, I now ask your suffrages, not for the first time—”

“Oh! we’ve tried you. We know what you’re made on. Go on, Snip; don’t you let ‘em put you down.”

“I’ve had the honour of representing you in Parliament for the last two years and—”

“And a deuced deal you did for us, didn’t you?”

“What could you expect from the ninth part of a man? Never mind, Snip—go on; don’t you be out by any of them. Stick to your wax and thread like a man—like the ninth part of a man—go on a little faster, Snip.”

“For the last two years—and—and—” Here Mr. Moffat looked round to his friends for some little support, and the Honourable George, who stood close behind him, suggested that he had gone through it like a brick.

“And—and I went through it like a brick,” said Mr. Moffat, with the gravest possible face, taking up in his utter confusion the words that were put into his mouth.

“Hurray!—so you did—you’re the real brick. Well done, Snip; go it again with the wax and thread!”

“I am a thorough-paced reformer,” continued Mr. Moffat, somewhat reassured by the effect of the opportune words which his friend had whispered into his ear. “A thorough-paced reformer—a thorough-paced reformer—”

“Go on, Snip. We all know what that means.”

“A thorough-paced reformer—”

“Never mind your paces, man; but get on. Tell us something new. We’re all reformers, we are.”

Poor Mr. Moffat was a little thrown back. It wasn’t so easy to tell these gentlemen anything new, harnessed as he was at this moment; so he looked back at his honourable supporter for some further hint. “Say something about their daughters,” whispered George, whose own flights of oratory were always on that subject. Had he counselled Mr. Moffat to say a word or two about the tides, his advice would not have been less to the purpose.