The Clan MacDougall Series (22 page)

“Ya should pay closer attention, Duncan,” Black Richard said as he walked away. “elst ye might miss out on something special and important.” He winked at Duncan, bowed to Aishlinn and bid her good day.

After Black Richard left, Aishlinn shared parts of their conversation with Duncan. She wanted a man’s perspective, as she had no experience in matters of the heart or romance. Duncan was, after all, her foster brother. Even though she held more than sisterly feelings for him, she felt he was the best person to go to for such things.

“You’re such a good brother to me Duncan,” she told him. “I know you’ll be honest with me. Do you think it only a brotherly invitation Black Richard gave, or was it something more?”

Duncan knew full well what kind of intentions Black Richard had and being her brother was not one of them. But he did not want to share that with her. Black Richard was a good man, not a ruffian and not one to bed any lass that would have him. That fact made Duncan’s current predicament all the more difficult. He wanted Aishlinn to have a rich and full life. But he did not want it to be with anyone other than himself.

He felt quite selfish but did not care at the moment. He knew Black Richard could quite easily sweep Aishlinn off her feet and that was a chance he was not willing to take. “I think it be more of a friendship he be wantin’ to have with ye Aishlinn, and nothing more.”

She deflated the moment he said it and it brought a twinge of guilt to his heart. Her punctured posture made him wonder if she had more feelings for Black Richard than she would admit to.

“Is something the matter, lass?”

She shook her head. “Nay.” She felt like a great fool at the moment. Such a fool she was to think there might be a small chance that Black Richard, or any man for that matter, might be able to see beyond her plainness and want something more than a friendship. She felt stupid for allowing her heart to believe such a thing possible.

He believed her not. “I think mayhap there be somethin’ and ye be afraid to say it.”

She sighed heavily before looking at him. “Do you promise not to laugh at me?”

“Aye, I do promise,” he said as the guilt grew.

She took a deep breath before asking, “Do you think any man might ever be wanting anything other than a friendship with me?”

He felt like a cad and a whoreson. Duncan knew she thought she was plain and deserved little in life. And when a man finally showed some attention towards her, raising her self-esteem for probably the first time in her life, Duncan had broken it. He knew there was a special place in hell for a man like him.

He held her gaze for a long moment. “Aye, lass, I certainly do.” He was not certain if she believed him. “I think there be plenty of men here who would very much like to gain yer affections.” He could not tell her he was one of them. “But I ask ye to be makin’ me a promise, lass.”

She did not look up at him, her eyes fixed at the ground at her feet. “What is the promise?”

“That before ye go allowin’ all these lads to be escorting ye to dinner and tryin’ to win yer affections, ye’ll come to me first?”

Duncan could see by the puzzled look on her face that she did not understand why he would make such a request of her. “Ya see, no’ all the men here might have good and decent intentions. I know of a few off the top of me head right now who I’d warn ye against.” His own name was first on that list.

She thought about it for a moment. Perhaps this was the kind of thing good brothers did for their sisters. “Do you do that for Bree as well?”

“Aye, I do.” He knew it was only true to a certain extent. Bree was a good judge of character and had grown up knowing everyone here and Duncan worried not that she might make a mistake. Besides, Bree had her parents to look out for her. He knew he was being selfish but he wanted Aishlinn for his own.

Having no experience with men or romance, Aishlinn thought perhaps it was a good idea to first confide in Duncan before making a decision on what man she would allow herself to be courted by. If anyone did in fact ever want that privilege. She agreed and made the promise.

Duncan wondered if he’d ever stop acting a fool when it came to this bonny lass. The thought of anyone else attempting to court her made his stomach seize and his heart fill with jealousy. He had no true claim to the lass, but he would like at least to have the opportunity.

Duncan watched very carefully over Aishlinn that evening while keeping a more watchful eye on Black Richard. The first sign of any romantic twinkling in the man’s eye and Duncan was ready to intervene. Although he felt quite guilty for lying to her earlier in the day, his jealousy and his need to have Aishlinn as his own far outweighed his guilt.

He noticed that Aishlinn did not look as happy as she had earlier in the day. She was merely going through the motions and it was his fault she was having a miserable time. He knew she felt quite wounded by the lie he had told her.

The usual bright smile was gone from her face and she spoke very little to Black Richard during their meal. Although Black Richard was making a gallant attempt at being kind to her, it mattered not. Aishlinn was convinced he wanted nothing more than a friendship. Not being experienced when it came to men she was not picking up on the subtle cues that Black Richard was giving her. Duncan noticed them, however; for they were the same kinds of things he would have used himself if he weren’t such a coward.

When the meal was finally over and it was time for Black Richard to escort Aishlinn back to her room, Duncan followed the two of them. He stayed hidden and quiet in the shadows. He was quite relieved when Black Richard bid her good night without so much as kissing her hand or whispering anything in her ear. Duncan felt like a rat because he knew that had he answered Aishlinn with the truth earlier, her evening with Black Richard would have gone quite differently.

Typically Duncan would have knocked on Aishlinn’s door and bid her good sleep. Tonight however, the immense guilt eating away at his heart kept him from doing so. A part of him wanted to go to her, tell her the truth and all the reasons why he had lied to her. The coward in him said nay. Feeling like a weasel, he slunk off to his room.

A
ishlinn’s nightmares returned with a vengeance. She had woken twice that night, bolting upright, her nightdress soaked in sweat and clinging to her skin. Her chest felt heavy and it was difficult to breathe and the tears refused to quit.

It was the second dream that had been the worst. In it, she was hiding under Castle Gregor. The soldiers had come; they had learned she was there. Hundreds upon hundreds of the king’s soldiers had surrounded the castle and more climbed over the walls in search of her.

As they combed the castle they came upon Isobel and demanded she tell them where Aishlinn was. When she refused, a soldier drew a large sword from his scabbard and stuck it deep into Isobel’s heart. ’Twas the same with Bree and Duncan and all the others. Soon, everyone she loved and cared for was dead.

Lifeless, cold bodies, drenched in blood were scattered everywhere. Their dead eyes stared up at nothingness. Some had been stabbed while others had had their throats cut. The soldiers had killed everyone, even the bairns and weans! The soldiers had killed them all in order to find her. In the dream she had tried to scream, to call out, but she had no voice and she could not move.

When she woke, ’twas with such great sorrow and dread in her heart, her stomach was churning and threatening to retch. Large tears ran down her cheeks and her body trembled with fear and anguish. The people she loved could not die on her behalf. She simply would not allow it.

Half asleep she climbed from her bed and wandered aimlessly about her room. She was certain the dream ’twas some sort of omen. It warned her that no matter where she hid she would be found. And the people she cared so much for would end up dead.

She wanted not to be alone and afraid. She wanted Duncan. To hear his voice tell her, as he had done when they first had met, that all was well and she was safe now. Perhaps if she went to his room and quietly peered inside, just to see that he was safe and her dream not real, perhaps then she could go back to sleep.

Carefully she opened her door and crept down the dark hallway to Duncan’s room. She stood outside his door and took a deep breath. Somehow she managed to find the courage to open it. She justified her action by remembering that he had told her many times before that if she needed anything he was right next to her. Tonight she truly needed him.

The moon shone in through the tall windows. It cast a soft silvery glow across the room. In the near dark, she could make out his sleeping form as he lay on his back with one arm folded over his face. Her heart pounded relentlessly and she fought the urge to wake him.

She had given no thought to what she would do after she entered his room. She stood shivering and feeling like a fool. She was afraid to move forward and afraid to go back to her room where she would have to fight the nightmares alone. Perhaps she could curl up on the floor in front of the fire. Knowing Duncan was nearby might be enough to calm her mind and keep the bad dreams at bay.

Duncan woke with the sense that someone was in his room. His instincts told him to reach for the dirk he kept under his pillow. He took a slow breath in and listened to the sounds about him. He could hear the soft crackling of the low fire and the soft breeze as it floated in and carried the sounds of night insects and tree frogs with it.

He could also hear someone breathing near his door. He made the decision to reach for the dirk. With great speed, he rolled over onto his knees, slid his hand under the pillow and pulled the dirk out. He held it up, ready to pounce if necessary. “Who goes there?” he demanded. ’Twas then he heard her gasp.

Still in defensive posture, his eyes adjusted to the moonlit room. “Aishlinn, is that ye?”

“Aye,” she whispered nervously. She had not meant to startle him or to wake him. “I’m sorry!”

He returned the dirk and wrapped the sheet around his waist before going to her. “What be the matter? Are ye ill?”

The tears returned. “I am sorry. I had a nightmare.”

Duncan put his arms around her and pulled her into his chest. She melted into him and held on tightly as her tears fell upon his chest. Soon she was sobbing, her shoulders racking as she cried. He held her closer. “’Tis all right, lass,” he whispered as he rested his cheek on the top of her head.

It all came flooding out then. Between great sobs, she told him of the dream. “The soldiers found me. They killed everyone. You. Isobel. Bree. All the bairns, all the women, all the men, everyone was dead. There was blood everywhere! And it was all my fault!”

“There now, lass,” he whispered holding her tighter. “’Twas just a bad dream and nothin’ more.”

Aishlinn was not convinced it was merely a bad dream. “No, I think it was an omen. No matter where I go or where I hide, they’ll find me. They’ll kill anyone who tries to help me! I cannot let that happen Duncan!”

“Lass,” he said softly as he tried to quiet her tears. “The soldiers are no’ lookin’ for ye, remember? Gowan, Tall Thomas, Richard and Findley scouted for days and found nothin’. They’ll no’ be coming for ye.”

“Do you really think so?” she asked, needing very much at the moment to believe him.

“Aye, I do,” he told her as he prayed that he was right.

They held on to one another for a while longer before the tears finally subsided. She wanted not to let him go. He smelled like soap and smoke and sleep. She missed riding with him, sitting upon his lap while she slept with her head against his chest. She missed that feeling of warmth and safety. She had missed him.

“Duncan?” she whispered.

“Aye?”

“May I stay here, in your room this night?”

He swallowed hard for he was not sure he heard her correctly. “What?”

Aishlinn looked up at him and he could see her eyes, swollen from crying, looking to him for something. “I’ll not bother you, I promise. I do not want to be alone. May I sleep by the fire?”

He shook his head. “Nay.”

Her shoulders slumped and she slowly let out a heavy sigh. “I’m sorry. I will leave you be now.”

His bluntness had saddened her. She had known there would come a time when she couldn’t run to him every time a dream frightened her. Perhaps Duncan knew it as well and this was that moment. She tried to step away so that she could return to her room but he held on to her.

“Ya may stay Aishlinn, but ye’ll no’ be sleepin’ on the cold hard floor.”

Confused she asked, “But where then?”

“Ye may sleep in my bed.”

“But where would you sleep?” She didn’t feel it right to sleep in his bed while he slept on the floor.

“I’ll sleep there, in me bed, as well.”

She was horrified at the thought. “Duncan, that wouldn’t be proper!” She thought back to the stories Moirra had shared with her so long ago. Perhaps Duncan was one of those Highlander men who liked his women ready and had been hiding that fact from her. Although, if she admitted it to herself, the prospect of being with Duncan in such a manner did not frighten or repulse her. Still, she knew it wasn’t proper.