The Clan MacDougall Series (53 page)

Liam had appeared at Wee William’s side. “What will ye have me do?” the boy asked eagerly.

Wee William smiled down at the boy. “Ye’ve the most important job of all lad,” he said as he lifted the boy up and sat him next to Robert.

“Ye have to keep yer eyes open and be lookin’ fer any signs of trouble.”

Liam would take his role seriously. “Aye,” he said as he looked out at the horizon. “Do I get a broadsword or a dirk?” He asked.

Wee William stifled a chuckle. “Nay lad, no’ yet.”

Liam looked disappointed. “I’ll teach ye the proper use of a broadsword soon enough,” Wee William told him. “But fer now, I need ye to be on the look out for Buchannans, or anyone else for that matter.”

Patrick called after Andrew and Collin. “Andrew,” he said. “How old be ye?”

“Ten and two,” he answered, looking up at the man who could very well have passed for his older brother.

“I be almost ten and one!” Collin told him, looking quite eager to help.

Patrick nodded, “That’ll do. The two of ye will drive this wagon,” he told them. “Ye stay between Findley’s wagon and Robert’s.”

Richard would lead the way while Wee William and Patrick followed up the rear on their mounts. With any luck, they’d reach Renfrew by month’s end. Wee William knew it was too much to hope for to reach it by nightfall.

Maggy was not happy, not happy at all. She sat as far from Findley as the wagon seat would allow and refused to partake in any small talk. After Findley’s lie, she doubted she could trust the man beyond getting her to Renfrew. She was certain that once there, he would slip out at one point or another and leave without her.

Half an hour had passed since Findley had given up his attempts at conversation. He could not figure out why Maggy was angry. Shouldn’t she be happy that he and his men had found her and her boys before the Buchannans did?

He could stand the silence no longer. “Do ye mind tellin’ me why yer so angry?”

Maggy rolled her eyes and shook her head. It puzzled her to no end as to how men, stupid beasts really, had managed to control the earth. If women were in charge, well, life would certainly be different. She imagined that if women held the power that men did, there’d be no more wars, no more political firestorms and definitely no more arranged marriages. There would finally be peace on this earth.

But men did have all the power. And they certainly hadn’t gained it using any mental intellect. They’d gotten it through sheer brute strength.

Findley took a deep breath. “Maggy, I canna fix the problem if I dunna ken what I’ve done wrong.”

Maggy mulled it over for a moment. She needed the ride to Renfrew. Did he make his offer to get Ian back for noble reasons? Or did he know more than he was letting on? Was that why he was so adamant about getting to Renfrew and the reason behind his blatant lie? She wished she knew him better.

Mayhap his reasons were noble and he truly had no clue what was really going on with the Buchannan. But what would happen once he learned the truth behind Ian’s abduction? All men were, after all, the same—simple-minded beasts. She decided it was far too much to hope that Findley would be any different.

Chances were, he would respond in the same fashion as the Buchannan. Aye, he might not use brutal tactics to get what he wanted. The problem was that he would want what she could offer and she had no desire to give it to anyone.

“Ye’ll be leavin’ us in Renfrew, won’t ye?”

Blunt and to the point, yet another trait he might enjoy in a woman if the circumstances were different. “What leads ye to believe that?” he asked, keeping his eyes on the horizon.

“I was married fer a time, Findley. I be not an innocent lass who canna tell when she’s bein’ lied to.” She looked at him out of the corner of her eye.

He wasn’t sure how to respond. He had told the truth earlier, that he would not send her to his keep in Dunshire. She was apparently smart enough to figure out he planned on leaving her in Renfrew.

“Maggy,” he began as he tried to find a way back to her good side. “I’ve only yer safety in mind. I dunna want any harm to come to ye or yer boys.”

“And why do ye care about me safety, or that of me boys?” She folded her hands in her lap and looked at him.

Findley chewed his tongue for a moment before answering. “I’ve told ye before. ’Tis the right thing to do, to help those that need it.” He prayed she would accept his answer and not drag it out further.

She caught the flicker of something as it flashed across his face. He had said earlier that he sought redemption and spoke of honor. There was more to it than what he was sharing.

“Why do ye seek redemption?” If she caught him in another lie she would be glad for him to leave her in Renfrew.

He felt the color drain from his face as his stomach tightened. He rarely spoke of what had happened to his family and how he had failed them. He came to the sudden realization that there was a very strong chance he’d not be able to gain her affections. And once she learned why he sought redemption, would she look at him with shame?

Better she learned the truth now and be done with it. He felt all hope at winning her heart fall away with what he was about to tell her.

He took a deep breath and let it out very slowly. “I failed me family. Because of it, they be dead.”

Her expression wasn’t what he had expected. Instead of looking at him with disgust and shame, she looked puzzled. “How did ye fail them?”

His jaw hardened. “Does it matter?” he asked. “They be dead and it be me fault.”

“Aye, it does matter.”

It was his turn to look puzzled.

“Findley,” she said before taking a short breath in. “If I am to entrust the safety of meself and me boys to ye, then I’ve a right to ken.”

Maggy knew there were many ways in which a man could fail his family. Some were far worse than others.

“I was no’ there to protect them. There was an attack on our village.” He cleared his throat before going on. “Because I was no’ there, the entire village was destroyed, including me own family.”

The images of his own burned and destroyed village began to blend with what had happened to Maggy’s. His stomach tightened further and his heart began to pound with guilt. He had failed them all.

“Where were ye when it happened?” she asked softly.

“I was off with me friends,” he answered, “fishin’.”

“Did ye ken an attack was comin’?”

He thought it a ridiculous question. “Of course not. Had I ken it, I’d no’ have been fishin’.”

“Then why blame yerself?” She could see the guilt etched on his face and her heart began to break for him.

“If I had been there, I could have helped.” In Findley’s mind, it made perfectly good sense. Many people over the years had tried to tell him not to blame himself. But those people simply did not understand how he could not relinquish the guilt. He carried it with him, wherever he went. He wore it like a second skin.

Maggy could well understand his guilt. Had she been at home, instead of in the forest, she could have protected her small clan from the Buchannans.

But everything would have ended differently had she been there. She and her boys would either be dead or she would have been forced to marry the Buchannan in order to save them all. The thought of marrying Malcolm Buchannan sickened her.

She had refused the Buchannan chief’s proposal each and every time he had made it over the past several months. There had been numerous reasons why she had refused him. The man was as disgusting as he was cruel. He apparently disliked bathing for he stunk to the high heavens and his teeth were yellow. The thought of being married to someone who was that cruel and that filthy was revolting. She could not imagine anyone who would willingly lay with the man let alone bear his child. She simply could not bring herself to agree to marry him.

Once the Buchannan got what he wanted, Maggy and her sons would have no longer held any value to him. They were simply a means to an end.

No matter how well she understood the circumstances, she still could not rid herself of the guilt. She would never be able to forgive herself for the deaths of her people or for Ian’s abduction.

She suddenly realized that she and Findley had much in common. Both felt they had failed those they loved the most.

“I be truly sorry fer yer loss, Findley,” she said, resisting the urge to reach out and touch his hand. “I understand yer grief and guilt.”

Findley had been carrying around the guilt for far too many years. He did not believe anyone, least of all Maggy, could either understand it or forgive him. “What do ye ken of it?” he snorted.

His words stung as much as if he had slapped her. “I feel the same way, ye fool. I was no’ there for me people or me son and now look where I be.” She gritted her teeth and looked away.

I be an eejit. He swallowed hard, feeling like a complete fool. “Lass,” he began, “I be sorry. I sometimes forget I be no’ the only one bad things have happened to.”

’Tis because yer a man. Ye canna think beyond yerself.

They rode in silence for quite some time. Maggy was not as angry with Findley as she had been. Now, she was simply disappointed in him. For a moment she had allowed herself to believe he might be different, that he might not be an idiot like most of the men she knew. He had proved her wrong.

Findley studied her from the corner of his eye. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever had the pleasure of laying eyes to. She had an oval-shaped face that held a straight nose, full pink lips and bright green eyes, nearly the color of spring grass. And all that was surrounded by thick masses of deep auburn hair tied into a beautiful braid that fell over her shoulder and across an ample bosom.

For a moment, he pictured himself there, with her arms wrapped around him and his head resting gently upon her chest. ’Twould be heaven and home to be with her in such an intimate manner.

He had become smitten with her months ago and she had no idea how he felt about her. His original plan had been to take her and her clan back to Castle Gregor and from there he would woo her and get to know her better.

In his mind’s eye, the scenarios were always perfect. They would have shared walks along the loch and long rides across Clan MacDougall’s lands. He would have impressed her with his skills on the practice fields. He would have wooed her and won her heart and she would be his forever.

His daydream of Maggy falling into his arms and professing her undying love and devotion to him, and he to her, were broken when Wee William appeared beside their wagon.

“Have ye told the lassie yet, Findley?” Wee William asked from Maggy’s side of the wagon.

There was a twinkling of something in Wee William’s eye that did not settle well with Findley.

“Told me what?” Maggy asked as she smiled up at Wee William.

Findley eyed his friend suspiciously, uncertain as to what he spoke of.

There was a devious grin on Wee William’s lips. “Yer boys be wantin’ ye to marry me.”

Maggy’s mouth literally fell open while Findley’s confused face instantly turned to a deep, hard scowl. “Be gone with ye William,” he ordered.

“Nay,” Maggy said, looking first to Findley then back to Wee William.

“Pray, tell me. What is it me boys have done?”

Wee William chuckled. “They be tryin’ to forge a bargain for ye.”

Maggy’s brow creased as she pursed her lips together. She had done her best to teach her sons that arranged marriages were not a good idea in any situation. She prayed her boys held tightly to their secret. “They are, are they?”

Wee William nodded his head and continued to smile. “Aye, that they are lassie.” He leaned forward on his mount to get a better look at Findley. Wee William was thoroughly enjoying the sour look that his leader’s face currently held.

“And have they told ye why they want us to marry?” she asked, quietly praying her secret was still safe.

Wee William’s lips curved upward as he continued to look at the lovely lass sitting beside Findley. “Aye. They think I can protect ye from the Buchannan. They believe that if yer married, the Buchannan will leave ye be.”

He sat taller in his saddle as his smile broadened. “Ye see, lassie, they appear to be impressed with me size and stature.” He looked rather proud of himself at the moment.

“Wee William,” Findley began before he was interrupted by Maggy.

“I can see why,” she said, ignoring Findley. “Ye be a mountain of a man, Wee William. I doubt there are no’ many who are no’ impressed with ye. Especially the lasses.”

A breath caught in Findley’s throat as a wave of something akin to panic flashed over him. Certainly she could not be impressed with the giant riding alongside her. Certainly she could not be considering the prospect of marrying Wee William.

Wee William raised an eyebrow and continued to smile at Maggy. “I have to beat them off with a stick, lass.”

Maggy giggled. ’Twas the first time Findley had heard such sweetness come from her and he was angry that he hadn’t been the one to make her laugh. He tightened his grip on the reins and bit his tongue. Things were not going as he had planned. It was to be him that made her laugh, smile and bring joy to her life.

“I would imagine so, William,” she continued to smile up at him. “And I imagine me boys have nothin’ but good intentions in mind. But I couldna marry a man who had to constantly beat the women away with a stick.”

“Aye. I imagine ’twould be a difficult cross to bear, lassie.”

“’Twould be indeed. And I thank ye fer yer offer, but I’ll have to decline it.”

Wee William winked at her, and then cast a devilish smile at Findley before turning back to Maggy. “I would have shaved me beard fer ye lass. And there be not a woman in all of Scotland that ever made me think such a thing.”

He bowed his head to her, pulled rein and rode back to Robert’s wagon.

Findley’s gums began to ache from clenching his teeth. He had not appreciated the little tete-a-tete that Wee William had shared with Maggy. The man knew how Findley felt about the auburn-haired beauty. And still, he had openly flirted with her, right in front of him!