The Color of Hope (The Color of Heaven Series) (13 page)

He glanced at me with concern. “Why are you asking me this?”

“I’m just curious,” I replied. “I dated a guy in high school for three and a half years. Back then, it seemed like an eternity, but it’s not really.”

“It is for high school,” he said, shifting into fourth gear.

He must have realized I was still waiting for him to answer the question, because he sighed with resignation. “About a year and a half, I think. It was right after college.”

I nodded to acknowledge his response, then I decided to change the subject.

Two days later, I interrogated him again when we got into bed. “Do you think Nadia’s pretty?”

“Of course,” he replied. “She’s your identical twin, and I think you’re the most beautiful woman alive.”

“But if you’re attracted to me,” I said, “you must find her attractive, too.”

I hated myself in that moment, for I was clearly trying to bait him. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t seem to escape my feelings of doubt.

He frowned at me. “What are you getting at?” he asked. “You don’t think there’s something going on between us, do you?”

“Of course not,” I replied.

There was no logical reason for me to think such a thing. Nothing had ever occurred to make me suspect him, and I was beginning to wonder, for the first time in my life, if I should see a therapist.

Was I losing my inner confidence? My firm and stable sense of myself? Was I now half the person I used to be, because I’d discovered I had a twin?

Rick stared at me with concern, then he threw the covers aside and got out of bed.

“Where are you going?” I asked, as he headed for the door.

“I’m not tired.”

I’d hoped we might make love, but that suddenly seemed like an unrealistic expectation.

I, too, slid out of bed and followed him to the kitchen, where I found him standing in the glow of the open refrigerator, staring at its contents.

“You’re mad at me,” I said.

“No shit.” He shut the fridge door and moved into the living room, where he sat on the sofa, picked up the remote, and turned on the television.

I sat down beside him. “I’m sorry.”

He said nothing for a long while, then at last he met my gaze. “What’s up with you lately? You’re not yourself, and I feel like you’re not happy with the way things are between us.”

“Of course I’m happy,” I said. “That’s why I want to make sure we’re okay. Because I don’t want to lose you.”

He pointed the remote control at the television and quickly flicked through the sports channels.

“Will you talk to me, please?” I implored.

He settled on a football game and tossed the remote onto the coffee table with a clatter. “You’ve been different since you found Nadia,” he said. “Nothing’s been the same.”

My stomach turned over. I wasn’t sure what was about to happen.

“I know,” I replied. “I’ve been spending a lot of time with her, so there hasn’t been much left over for you. Or for us. I feel like we’ve been growing apart.”

But Rick was my future. I loved him and I wanted a life with him.

“I can’t believe what you said,” he replied. A vein pulsed at his temple, and I realized how angry I’d made him. “Nadia is your sister, and she’s like a sister to me, too. I’ve done nothing but try and make her feel at home here, because she’s
family
. For you to suggest that I’m...” He stopped and shook his head. “You need to stop thinking that, Diana. It’s crazy.”

As I sat there, staring at the football game, I felt a little sick to my stomach over what I’d said to him in the bedroom, over what I had insinuated, and what I had suggested to Nadia at lunch. I really needed to get a grip. If anyone had a problem, it was me.

I wanted desperately to fix everything, but somehow, when I tried, I only managed to make things worse.

M
Y BROTHER
A
DAM
, who had been living and working in Australia since the fall of 2011, called me one Sunday afternoon to let me know he was flying to Vegas for a conference the following weekend. It was a last-minute decision, and since I hadn’t seen him in a year – and he was keen to meet my twin – we made arrangements to meet up.

I then called Becky, and she decided to fly out to meet us as well, since she hadn’t met Nadia yet either, and it was the perfect excuse for a family get together.

The following Friday, Rick, Nadia and I finished work early, threw our suitcases into the trunk of Rick’s car, and headed out of the city.

“This is wonderful,” Becky said as she shook the ice-filled martini mixer at the bar in our sprawling penthouse suite at the Palms Casino Resort. The suite had a gourmet kitchen, a spacious living room with contemporary leather furniture, a stunning view of the Vegas skyline, three and a half baths, and a pool table.

“You can say that again,” Nadia replied. “I never imagined I’d ever set foot in a place like this. I keep wanting to pinch myself.”

Becky poured the pink cocktails into our long-stemmed glasses, and we raised them for a toast.

“Here’s to finding lost family members,” Becky said.

“Cheers to that,” I agreed with Becky. Adam was now the only one of us who didn’t know anything about his biological parents, but it wasn’t likely he ever would, because he’d been orphaned in Africa.

“Your brother’s a great guy,” Nadia said, swiveling on her leather bar stool to watch Adam sink a few balls at the pool table. “I always wanted a brother, when I was little.”

“Now you have one,” I said to her.

She swiveled back around and gave me an appreciative look. “I should knock on wood when I say this, but thanks to you, for the first time in my life, I actually feel lucky.”

Becky smiled. “Then we came to the right place. Hurry up and finish that game boys!” she shouted into the other room. “Nadia’s feeling lucky. It’s time head down to the casino.”

W
HILE
N
ADIA
, R
ICK
, and Adam went to check out the blackjack table, Becky and I found two seats at the bar to talk privately for a while. She wanted to know how things were going with Rick.

“I’m trying my best to give him space,” I explained, “but it’s not easy when I don’t want space between us. I want to be closer. I was watching one of those trashy reality talk shows last week, and there was a woman who’d been living with a guy for eleven years, and her family was trying to convince her that he was never going to marry her or have children with her, but she wouldn’t leave him because that would mean she’d wasted all those years. I don’t want to wake up when I’m forty and wonder where my life went.”

Becky reached for some bar nuts in a bowl. “I think every woman feels that way at some point in her life.”

“Do
you
feel that way?” I asked. “Are you worried that nothing’s going to work out, and you’ll never find that special person who wants the same things you do?”

Becky considered it for a moment. “I’m still hopeful,” she said, “but it’s easier for me at this point, because I’m just finishing my degree, and I’ll be moving to Nova Scotia soon, starting a new job. Everything still feels undiscovered.”

“The world is your oyster,” I said with a smile.

I was happy for Becky. I wanted her to have everything.

“How about we go try our luck at the roulette table?” she suggested.

“Sounds great.” We slid off the bar stools and went searching for a spinning wheel that looked lucky.

More than an hour passed. I scanned the noisy casino floor, searching for Nadia and the guys. “I wonder if their luck was any better than ours,” I said.

“I’ll text Adam and find out.” She dug into her purse for her phone, while I went to check out a poster about a stage show that was playing in the hotel.

“We should go see this,” I said. “Looks like fun.”

“It’s a magic show,” Becky replied, after she pressed ‘send.’

“Yeah. They’re usually pretty amazing.”

Her phone vibrated and she swiped the touch screen. “Oh,” she said, her brow furrowing.

“What’s wrong?”

“Adam left. He ran into his boss and they went to another hotel for a late dinner.”

“His boss is a woman,” I said. “Isn’t that right?”

Becky raised an inquisitive eyebrow. “I wonder what’s going on there.”

I turned to scan the casino floor, while trying to ignore the monotonous carnival sounds: the discordant music and chiming beeps and bells. “Where are Nadia and Rick?”

“I don’t know. Let’s go look for them.”

We wandered around the gaming tables and through rows of slot machines, but didn’t see them. I texted each of them but neither replied.

“Maybe they went to one of the bars,” Becky said.

“Can you text Adam and ask him where he saw them last?”

She pulled her phone out again and typed the message.

A moment later, his reply came in.

“He says they were at the slot machines when he left.”

We were standing in the middle of the slot machine aisle, and had gone through it twice.

“Maybe they went back to the room.” I checked my phone again in case one of them had texted me. Still nothing.

“Want to go upstairs?” Becky asked, and I knew she recognized my concern, my need to check up on Rick and put my concerns to rest.

“Let’s find a house phone and call up to the suite.”

We found one in an alcove near the washrooms, but there was no answer.

“It’s a big hotel,” she said. “They could be anywhere.”

Then my phone vibrated, and I quickly swiped the screen. “It’s Rick,” I said with relief. “He says they’re in Rain. It’s the dance bar.”

“It’s just over there.” Becky turned and pointed.

I was relieved to have finally heard from him, but I wished he or Nadia had texted us earlier to invite us to go with them.

When we finally found them in the club – which was flashing with pyrotechnics – they were waving to us from the dance floor. We pushed our way through the crowd to join them.

B
Y THE TIME
the four of us made it back to the penthouse, I knew I’d had too much to drink, because all I wanted to do was pass out on the bed.

“Want some chips?” Nadia asked, heading straight for the kitchen.

“Definitely,” Rick replied. “And I need to drink some water.”

“Me, too,” she said.

I tossed my purse on a table and met Becky’s gaze.

“I’m exhausted,” Becky said. “I need to go to bed.”

“But it’s still early,” Nadia called out from the kitchen.

I heard the sound of the chip bag ripping open, and went see what else was there to eat.

“It’s three o’clock in the morning,” Rick reminded her with a playful shove. She shoved him back.

I reached for a bottle of water, opened it, and tipped it up for a drink while I watched the two of them. “I need to go to bed, too,” I said.

I waited for Rick to follow my lead, but he took his water and the bowl of chips into the living room, sat down on the sofa, and turned on the television.

“What’s on?” Nadia cheerfully asked. She kicked off her heels and sat beside him.

My muscles tensed with agitation, and heat rushed through my body.