The Color of Hope (The Color of Heaven Series) (27 page)

“Let’s consider this a dress rehearsal,” I said. “And you know what they say about a dress rehearsal that goes badly.”

I expected her to finish the thought for me, but she continued to stare vacantly out the window.

I laid my hand on her knee and drove into our neighborhood. “It’ll go better next time,” I assured her, though I didn’t have the power to keep that promise. No one did.

I helped Nadia inside first, then removed the car seat from my vehicle and carried Ellen in. Ellen began to cry, so I set the carrier on the kitchen floor and went to prepare a bottle.

“I’d like to take a bath,” Nadia said, while standing at the bottom of the staircase. “But I don’t think I can make it up there. I don’t have the strength.”

My own heart throbbed with despair. “I’ll carry you.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” I replied, “and tomorrow, I’ll see about having one of those elevator chairs installed.”

It wasn’t easy, but somehow I managed to carry my sister in my arms, all the way to the top.

“Thank you for taking care of Ellen,” Nadia said, her arms gripped tightly around my neck.

“You don’t need to thank me. I love doing it.” I carried Nadia to the washroom, set her down, and started the water running. Then I went back downstairs to change and feed Ellen.

Ellen finished her bottle and fell asleep in my arms, so I took her upstairs to her crib and laid her down. Quietly, I tiptoed out of her room.

Pausing in the hallway, I pressed my ear to the bathroom door to listen for water sloshing about in the tub, but it was quiet in there. Too quiet. After the day we’d had, I was concerned that Nadia might not be able to handle the stress.

I knocked on the door. “Nadia?”

She gave no answer, and my pulse began to race.

“Is everything okay in there?” I asked.

Then I heard the sound of movement in the tub, and I waited for her to answer.

“The door’s open,” she said. “You can come in if you want.”

I accepted her invitation and entered to find her up to her earlobes in frothy white bubbles.

“That looks great,” I said. “What’s the fragrance? Is it mango?”

“Passion fruit,” she replied, and swiped a hand over the suds, tossing a few bubbles into the air. “Sit down for a second,” she said. “I need to talk to you.”

I closed the lid on the toilet, took a seat, and leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees.

“I’ve been thinking,” she said. “I’m grateful for everything you’ve done for me. Really, I am. But things didn’t go so well today, and I think it’s time I tried a new doctor.”

“What do you mean?”

“I met Dr. Reynolds today,” she said, “and I liked him a lot.”

Laying her head back on the rim of the tub, she stared at me intently.

“What happened today wasn’t Jacob’s fault,” I said. “I’m sure he made the right call with that heart. It’s important that we get the right one for you, so that your body doesn’t reject it.”

“I don’t blame Jacob,” she said. “Today wasn’t the right day, that’s all. But I really liked Dr. Reynolds. He was nice.”

I twirled my pearl ring around on my finger. “You don’t have to do this,” I said. “Jacob is the best, and we’ve come so far.”

“We certainly have,” she agreed. “I feel very blessed. But I saw how you looked at him today, and how he looked at you. Like I said in the car, I’m not sure how much longer I can keep holding on, and when I think about Ellen growing up without me, I need to know that she’s going to have the thing that I missed out on – a real family that stays together. Parents who love each other and treat each other with kindness and respect. I’m doing you a terrible disservice by keeping Jacob for myself, when clearly he’s meant to be with you. So I’ve already made up my mind. I called the hospital a little while ago and asked for my file to be moved to Dr. Reynolds.”

I closed my eyes and looked down at the floor. “I only want what’s best for you,” I said.

“And I want what’s best for
you
,” she argued. “So maybe we’re going to have to duke it out and see who wins. But since I have a heart condition, I think it’s only fair that you allow me a handicap.”

I smiled at her.

“I know you want to be with him,” Nadia said. “Don’t even try to deny it. You can’t hide that from me. I’m your twin, for pity’s sake. I know everything.”

She scooped up a pile of soapsuds in the cradle of her hand and threw them at me. “Go call him, you idiot.”

The thought of contacting Jacob made me want to weep uncontrollably with happiness. “Maybe I’ll just send him a text,” I said.

“That’ll do.”

I stood and felt all the barriers between us falling away. Our lives apart had thrust us to very different places in the world, yet here we were, back to where we belonged, together as sisters, willing to sacrifice anything, and everything, for each other. “Thank you.”

“It’s no sweat,”

With a chuckle, I went downstairs to dig through my purse for my phone. A soon as I found it, I scrolled through my list of favorites and typed in a message.

Hey you. Nadia just told me she met Dr. Reynolds today and she liked him. I’m making a pot of tea right now. Are you home? Would you like some?


I set my phone down on the kitchen counter, stared at it, waiting impatiently for it to vibrate. It sat there like a dead fish.

Five minutes later, as soon as the kettle began to boil, there was a knock at the front door. I eagerly went to answer it.

One month later

W
HAT A DELIGHT
to discover that everything Jacob had told me about fishing was true. After spending an hour with him at sunrise, standing on the edge of the dock at his lakeside cabin, while watching the mist rise up off the gleaming water, I was quite certain I had indeed added an extra hour to my life. Perhaps even two. I hoped the same would be true for Nadia.

Four weeks had passed since the false alarm that summoned her to the hospital to receive a new heart, which turned out to be the wrong one for her. Unfortunately, her condition had worsened since then. She rarely left the house and had to keep an oxygen tank nearby, but we remained ever hopeful that a new heart would be found in time to save her life.

Since the night I texted Jacob, he and I had met in Starbucks every morning, and eaten dinner with Nadia and Ellen on the nights he was home at a decent hour. If not, he came over later to spend time with us. Sometimes we watched television, or took Ellen for short drives around the neighborhood to help her fall asleep. Occasionally he and I went out alone together, to a movie or a late supper.

On this particular Saturday morning, the four of us – me, Jacob, Nadia and Ellen – had risen early after spending the night in his cabin, and ventured outside to marvel at the sunrise. Nadia was very weak, but she wanted this experience with a desperation and determination that moved me.

Jacob carried her down to the rocky beach, where he set her gently in a chair so she could hold Ellen in her arms and watch us fish off the dock.

A short while later, Jacob slipped a worm on a hook and cast a line. The reel made a whizzing sound, and the hook and bait went
plop
in the still water, creating a circular ripple effect that eventually reached the shore.

Ellen was fussy, however. Nadia sang to her.

“She’s scaring the fish away,” Jacob said with laughter. “We may have to eat steak tonight.”

“That wouldn’t be such a bad thing,” I mentioned as I laid my hand on his shoulder. “You do make an excellent steak. But it will have to be a lean one.”

He gave me a sexy smile and jiggled the rod, dragging the hook through the water. The rod quivered and bowed, and he tugged it back. “There’s a nibble.”

The line tightened and he reeled it in until a giant trout came flying out of the water.

“You’ve got one!” I cried.

Ellen screamed even louder.

“Looks like we’ll be dining on fish after all.” Jacob reeled in the trout. It landed on the dock and flopped around.

I squatted down to watch Jacob remove the hook and toss the fish into the bucket.

“Well done, surgeon,” I said.

He looked at me with those flirtatious green eyes that never failed to take my breath away.

“
Diana
!”

The panic in Nadia’s voice sent my insides into a frenzy. Jacob and I both rose to our feet, and I ran the length of the dock to reach her.

“What is it?” I asked.

She was scrambling awkwardly to reach for something in her pocket, while shifting Ellen from one arm to the other.

“It’s my pager,” she said. “It just went off.”

Our eyes locked on each other’s while she checked to make sure she hadn’t imagined it. I turned to Jacob.

“Her pager just went off,” I told him.

He immediately pulled out his phone and called Dr. Reynolds at the hospital. “Hey,” he said. “What’s going on?”

He listened for a moment, and checked his watch. Then his eyes lifted and he nodded at both of us. “We’ll be there in under two hours.” He ended the call. “Looks like today could be your big day,” he said to Nadia. “Are you up for it?”

She smiled at him and her eyes filled with moisture. “Yes, I am.”

I took Ellen from her arms. Then Jacob offered his hand and helped Nadia rise to her feet.

Nadia

W
HEN THE FOUR
of us drove from Jacob’s cabin to the hospital for my surgery, I spent a great deal of time watching Ellen in her car seat. I also gazed out the window at the colorful autumn leaves in the forest, and felt a surprising sense of calm.

I told Diana and Jacob that no matter what happened, I had never been happier, and on that crisp October morning – while sitting on the quiet beach at dawn with my daughter in my arms – I felt somehow closer to heaven. I truly believed that if I died on that day, I would leave this world knowing I had lived a full and complete life – for I had achieved something not everyone can achieve.

By some miracle, I had broken through the walls of my childhood isolation and learned how to trust and love. Despite the years apart from my sister, and our differences, and the appalling mistakes I had made, she loved me regardless, and forgave me for my mistakes.

Then I was blessed with the knowledge of motherhood – though none of it was ever handed to me on a silver platter. I had fought tooth and nail to survive long enough to hold my baby in my arms. The love I felt for her was a love I never imagined could exist, and it gave me great strength.

As we drove to the hospital, I wondered if my birth mother had known this kind of love before she passed on. Was she able to hold Diana and me in her arms, even just for a moment? Maybe one day I would meet her again, and she would tell me everything.

But on that particular day, I had something important to do. My fight wasn’t over yet. I had to see if someone else’s heart might be right for me, and if it was the right one, I would accept it and be grateful for my donor’s generous gift.

But this is a terrible thing I am doing here – keeping you in suspense like this.

Dr. Reynolds was brilliant during the surgery, and I am in his debt.

It’s been three weeks since my transplant, and I am home again with Ellen and Diana, though the transplant team is still monitoring me closely. I take medicines to prevent my body from rejecting the new heart, and so far, there have been no complications, but it will be a long, hard road to a full recovery.

Meanwhile I wonder about the person who signed the donor card that saved my life. What were the circumstances of his or her death? I have been given limited information due to issues of confidentiality, but I can’t help but think of the family, and how difficult it must have been for them. I hope they know how grateful I am.

So I will cherish my time here, because every moment – every heartbeat – is a gift, and I have learned that no gifts should be squandered.

Please do not forget that, even when life seems hopeless. Especially then. Because you never know when it might take a sudden turn for the better, and you’ll find yourself in a situation you never could have predicted.

Maybe there is someone in your future who will change everything. Maybe there will be gifts that will surprise you.

Live for it. Dream of it. Or if you already have it, treasure it.

Dear Reader,

Thank you for reading
THE COLOR OF HOPE
. It’s the third book in a series I began with a novel called
THE COLOR OF HEAVEN
, which revolves around a woman who drives her car into a frozen lake and has a near-death experience that answers questions about her past. I released
THE COLOR OF HEAVEN
in 2011, and completed a follow-up book,
THE COLOR OF DESTINY,
which was released in September 2013.

I am now happily at work on the fourth novel in the series,
THE COLOR OF A DREAM
, which will be Nadia’s story. The book will pick up where this one leaves off, and will explore what happens to Nadia after her heart transplant surgery.

Please visit my website and sign up for my
New Book Alert
mailing list to stay informed about the release date, which I expect to be in early 2014.