The Cowboys Heart: 3 (6 page)

“J
amie?” I said, knocking softly on his door.

“What?” came his muffled response. I was surprised he heard
me over his blaring music. Here goes nothing, I thought.

I opened his door and stepped inside. Then I went to his
stereo and turned it down. He was face down on his bed with a pillow over his
head. I hated seeing him so upset. I sat on the edge of his bed and smiled.
“Happy Birthday,” I said again for the millionth time that day.

“Thanks.” He rolled onto his back and tucked his hands
behind his head. “But as far as birthdays go, this was the crappiest.”

I sighed. “I know. It didn’t quite go as we expected, huh?”

“That’s an understatement. I just don’t understand why he
didn’t show up. And then when he did, he was drunk.” There was an edge to
Jamie’s voice I hadn’t ever heard before. I knew this day was coming, the day
he’d finally start to see his father’s true colors. I only wished I could’ve
prolonged it and made it so it didn’t happen on his birthday of all days.

“I don’t know, sweetie, but I know your father loves you. He
really wants what’s best for you, even if he doesn’t always show it.” I
refrained from telling him about Phillip’s hair brained idea about getting our
family back together. Jamie didn’t need to know his father had crossed that
line.

“Well, I hope he goes back to the city and doesn’t come back
for a long time,” he grumbled.

“I’m sure you don’t mean that…”

“Yes, I do.” Jamie rolled over so his back was to me, and I
knew this conversation was over. He could be so temperamental at times. It was
best just to give him some space and let him work through this in his own way.

I rubbed his back for a moment then got up and left his
room, closing the door quietly behind me. I could still hear Hudson downstairs,
so I used the opportunity to freshen up and put something sexy on for him. We
had a lot of time to make up for, and I had a lot of amends to make to him. To
think I’d actually considered leaving him so I could get back together with
Phillip. I shook my head, pushing the thoughts far away.

I went into the master bath and quickly changed into a silk
nightie with a matching robe. I fluffed up my hair, which I knew was silly
considering it would only get messed up again very soon, but it make me feel
more desirable, and I knew Hudson would appreciate the effort. I rubbed some
scented lotion on my legs and sprayed a bit of perfume. It was weird, but I
felt crazy nervous for some reason. It was like this was my first time with
Hudson all over again. I remembered that first night, on the comfy blanket in
front of his fireplace. My body flushed with warmth at the memory.

He’d been so gentle yet eager. I couldn’t wait to be with
him again, to have his hands and lips exploring my body. To feel him inside of
me, to be so connected with him. I blew out a breath and left the bathroom. I’d
expected to find Hudson in the room waiting for me, but there were no signs of
him. He probably got caught up doing something downstairs. I smiled and left to
go find him. But as I passed Jamie’s room, I heard voices.

Jamie’s voice.

Hudson’s voice.

I stopped cold. What was Hudson doing in Jamie’s room? What
could they possibly be talking about? I crept closer to the door, which was
ajar, and strained to hear what they were saying. Eavesdropping was so wrong,
but I couldn’t help myself. From the moment I’d met Hudson, all I’ve wanted was
for him and Jamie to bond, to get along. That hadn’t gone so well, but maybe it
was going to change now. I took another step toward the opening and turned so
my ear was pressed almost to the door.

“Thanks for coming tonight,” Jamie said.

My ears rang. Okay, so far this was promising. I wished I
could see them, see how Jamie’s face looked, see what his body language was
truly saying. Often his body belied his words, and I’d perfected the art of
reading him.

“Of course. I’m sorry it didn’t turn out as you’d hoped,”
Hudson said.

There was a beat of silence and I could almost see Jamie
shrugging in my mind. I smiled. “Whatever. It’s not the first birthday my dad’s
missed. It probably won’t be my last.”

My heart broke again. I wanted to wring Phillip’s neck for
making Jamie feel that way. It wasn’t fair. Didn’t Phillip care at all how his
actions affected our son? He’d been quick to point the finger at me, to make me
out to be the horrible mom, yet he never once stopped to consider his own
harmful actions.

“I’m sorry about that, Jamie. Truly, I am,” Hudson said.

“I just wish I knew why. Why’d he ditch me for the bar?
Why’d he do this?”

“I don’t know.” Hudson sighed. “Sometimes, people do things
they think are a good idea, not realizing how it affects others. People often
let other people down. It’s much too easy to disappoint the people you love the
most.”

“I’m his son, though. When will I ever come first?”

And that’s when I heard the crack in Jamie’s voice. The
tears. I inhaled deeply, forcing myself to stay calm, not to barge into his
room and gather him up in my arms like I really wanted to do. I wanted to hold
my baby, comfort him. But more than that, I wanted to see how this conversation
played out. How would Hudson handle Jamie when he broke down like this? Which
didn’t happen very often, but when it did, it was usually pretty extreme.

“You do come first, Jamie. I can’t speak for your father,
but I know you have always been and always will be your mother’s first
priority. And if you’ll allow it, you’ll be mine, too.”

Oh my God! Tears burned my throat, and I forced them back
down. I adjusted so I could peek through the door and what I saw had me
clasping my hands over my mouth to stop from gasping loudly. Jamie was hugging
Hudson with his head on Hudson’s shoulder. From where I stood, I could see his
red, tear stained eyes. I momentarily closed my eyes to calm myself. When I
reopened them, Jamie had released Hudson and was sitting back up, his back
against his headboard.

“Thank you,” Jamie mumbled and wiped his eyes.

Hudson nodded. Even though I could only see his back, I knew
he was probably smiling. “I know we didn’t exactly hit it off, but I need you
to know that I love your mother, Jamie. More than anything. And I love you,
too.”

Jamie nodded but remained silent. I held my breath. This was
it. Either Jamie would have a change of heart and accept Hudson into our lives,
or he’d remain angry and against the idea of me being with anyone but his
father.

“And,” Hudson continued, “as you know, I do want to marry
her. I would really like for the three of us to be a family someday. I know
I’ll never be your father and that’s okay. I don’t want to replace him, but I
do want a chance to show you I’m a good guy.”

“Yeah, I know you are,” Jamie finally said.

Those few words ignited so much hope in my chest, I almost
stumbled backward and gave away the fact that I was listening in on their
conversation. If I wasn’t careful, I really would give myself away, and I
couldn’t do that until I knew how this was going to end.

“I’m sorry for how I’ve acted,” Jamie continued. “I
shouldn’t have been so hard on you. Or mean to you. And I really shouldn’t have
taken off like I did.”

Hudson laughed. “You’re young. You’ll make a lot more
mistakes in your life. Trust me.”

Jamie laughed then, too. “I’m sure I will. But there’s
something I can do now to make this right.”

“What’s that?”

I found myself holding my breath again. My heart raced, and
I felt like my entire body was being pricked with needles. I couldn’t stand the
suspense a moment longer. I needed to know what was happening. I took a step
back so I wouldn’t be tempted to open the door wider.

“I want to give you my blessing. It’s okay if you marry my
mom. I know you make her happy, and even though I haven’t acted like it, I
really do want her to be happy. She does so much for me.”

That is what tipped me over the edge. Tears spilled down my
cheeks and I was powerless to stop them. His blessing meant so much to me. And
in that moment, I was so proud of him, of the smart, independent young man he’d
become. I took comfort in the knowledge that I’d raised him well. Despite his
stupid father.

“That means a lot to me, Jamie. Thank you.” Hudson patted
Jamie’s leg. “And I know it will mean a lot to your mom, too.”

“I just feel bad I’ve put her through so much. She didn’t
deserve.”

I wondered where all of this was coming from. Jamie wasn’t
selfish, but he wasn’t usually this reflective, either. Clearly something more
had happened for him to have such a major turnaround so quickly. I wanted to
know what it was, but was afraid if I pried, he’d clam up and scream that he
hated me – like he’d done many times before. Could this really be a turning
point for us?

“She’s one of the most forgiving people I know. I’m sure she
won’t hold a grudge.”

Jamie laughed. “I sure hope not. She can be miserable when
she does.”

My jaw dropped, and if the situation had been any different,
I probably would’ve laughed. I couldn’t believe my teenaged son was giving
advice to my… I frowned. What was Hudson? He wasn’t my fiancé. I’d blown that
chance. Was he still my boyfriend? He felt like much more than that.

Hudson chuckled. “Yes, I was on the receiving end of that
once, remember?” He stood. “Get some rest. I’m sure you’re tired.”

“Thanks for coming in here to check on me, Hudson.”

“Any time, kiddo. And I meant what I said. I’m always here
for you. All you have to do is ask.”

“Yeah, thanks again,” Jamie said. His voice was soft as if
he was truly shocked by Hudson’s words. I was glad they’d had that talk, that
Jamie was able to see that side of Hudson. I really think it helped show him
that Hudson wasn’t the bad guy around here.

“Oh, and Jamie?” Hudson’s voice was closer, and I moved
back, terrified of being caught.

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for your blessing. If it’s all right with you, I’d
like to ask your mom to marry me. Again.”

Jamie laughed, and I broke out into a huge smile. I couldn’t
help it. Good thing Hudson was persistent; otherwise I really would’ve ruined
any chance I had of becoming his wife. I tiptoed down the hall as quickly as
possible and slipped back into my room before Hudson could catch me
eavesdropping. I once again fixed my face to hide any signs of my tears then I
sat on the bed, waiting for him to enter.

The second Hudson entered the room and closed the door; I
knew there was no way I’d be able to keep quiet about everything I’d heard.
“What?” he asked as he crossed the room toward me.

I smiled and reached for him, bringing his mouth down to
mine. “I love you so much, Hudson Lyle, and I thank God every single day for
bringing you into my life. And for you staying.”

He chuckled. “All right, what’s going on, Heather?”

“Nothing. I just realized tonight how much you mean to me,
and I don’t ever want to lose you.”

Hudson kneeled on the bed and kissed me. “You never will if
I have anything to say about it.”

“S
o, I take it I am staying tonight?” Hudson
raised a brow and smirked. “Shouldn’t we at least wait until Jamie is asleep?”
But even as he said the words, he was kicking his shoes off and getting
comfortable.

“I’m sure he can’t hear us. Our rooms are far enough apart.
Plus, give him a minute and he’ll be blaring his music again,” I said. And as
if on cue, Jamie’s favorite rock band filtered through the house. It was
muffled, but I knew he’d turned up his radio again. This time, I didn’t care. I
was so happy to have him home and safe and to know Hudson had gone out of his
way to talk to Jamie. But most of all, I was thrilled that Jamie had given
Hudson his blessing. Now I only hoped it wasn’t too late, that I hadn’t ruined
things with Hudson beyond repaired.

“Hmm…” Hudson nuzzled my neck, kissed the soft spot below my
ear. “I’d love to stay with you, Heather.”

“Good,” I whispered, bringing his mouth to mine, “because I
need you, Hudson. It’s been far too long.”

“Damn right it has.” He chuckled.

As he stood and began to remove his clothes, I pulled back
the blankets and climbed under them. Then I watched as he pulled his shirt off
over his head. My gaze raked over his smooth, tanned, muscular chest down to
the dusting of hair that disappeared beneath his jeans. I bit down on my bottom
lip and fought back a smile. Hudson was so sexy, and just the mere sight of him
excited me. For a moment, I remembered how Phillip’s body had felt against
mine, and it didn’t do a thing for me. In fact, it kind of disgusted me. He
wasn’t Hudson, and now I realized that Hudson was the only man I wanted.

“So, what’s with this sudden change?” he asked, climbing
into bed next to me. He still had his boxer shorts on.

“What do you mean?” I rolled onto my side so I was facing
him. I trailed my finger down his bare chest, loving how he seemed to shudder
beneath my touch.

He shrugged. “You’ve been rather distant this past week or
so, and now you can’t seem to keep your hands off me.”

I laughed. “I guess tonight, everything with Phillip,
hearing you talk to Jamie, it made me realize a lot of things, and I’m so sorry
I haven’t made you a priority lately.” I lowered my gaze, too ashamed to look
at him.

“Wait, you heard me talking to Jamie?”

Oh crap. There was no hiding it now. I nodded. “Yeah, I was
heading downstairs to look for you and I heard you in his room. I didn’t mean
to eavesdrop, but when I heard him start to cry…”

Hudson put his finger under my chin and tilted my head back.
He didn’t look upset that I’d violated his privacy, and I was thankful for
that. He kissed me tenderly. “You’ve had a lot going on, Heather. It’s okay.
Jamie comes first. He always will, and I know that. In fact, I’d probably be
more upset if you hadn’t put him first.”

I smiled and wrapped my arms around his neck. “Thank you.”

“I love you,” he said, guiding me onto my back and bringing
his body over mine.

“I love you, too, and I’m sorry I ever doubted our
relationship.” Right now, it seemed like a sick joke that I’d ever thought I
belonged with anyone but Hudson. He was perfect for me, and it was time I
stopped being afraid of that fact and just embrace it.

“Let’s just put all that behind us, okay? Focus on our
future.” He said that last part as if it were a question and I fully realized
how worried he was about the state of our relationship. I couldn’t blame him. I
hadn’t given him any reason to think we had a future, and now I had to show him
otherwise.

“Make love to me, Hudson,” I whispered. He lowered his mouth
to mine, and I arched into him as he deepened the kiss, allowing his hand to
roam down my body. And I made no move to stop him. There was no reason. My life
was finally back in order, returning to a semblance of normal, and the only
thing that could make it better was this man right here, and I had every
intention of giving myself to him completely.

“You’ve got the softest skin.” He left my mouth and kissed
along my jaw, down the column of my neck. His lips were so soft yet his kisses
were firm, determined, as if he were trying to prove himself to me.

His hand continued its descent down, leaving a trail of
goose bumps in its wake. I couldn’t stop the tremor working through my body,
and I realized I didn’t want to. I wanted to experience everything he had to
give, to enjoy it and revel in it. And I wanted to give him the same in return,
to show him once and for all how much he truly meant to me, how my life wasn’t
complete without him in it.

“I want to kiss every inch of you.” He gently removed my
nightie, and then his mouth closed around my nipple.

I cried out, my body lifting to meet his. The sensations
were glorious. Too much and not enough at the same time. And his hand! It was
between my legs, but not actually touching my private area. He ran his thumb up
and down the apex of my thighs, almost touching me but never actually doing it.
He was going to tease me until I couldn’t stand it. Part of me wanted to scream
and him to just do it already, to give both of us what we’d been denied for far
too long, but another part of me just wanted to lay there and give him complete
control.

“Hudson.” My voice was a needy whine, and I shifted closer
to him, hoping to entice him to finally touch me down there, but he didn’t. The
need to be touched combined with the mental war I was waging with myself was
too much, and I knew if this continued, I’d lose my mind. I grabbed his face and
brought his mouth back to mine, needing to feel at least some part of him
inside of me.

“I’ve missed you so much,” he whispered as he pressed the
top half of his body to mine, covering my exposed breasts with his hard, smooth
chest.

Unable to contain myself a moment longer, I moaned, needing
him to know how his touch affected me, wanting him to know I was all his.

“I’ve missed you, too, Hudson. So much.”

I held his face, wanting to memorize that look in his eyes.
It was caring and unflinching, his gaze burning with love for me. To think I’d
nearly given up on him, on us. My heart stuttered in my chest and hammered in
my ears. I couldn’t think like that. I hadn’t given up on him. I hadn’t lost
him. He was here. With me. In my bed. Ready to make love to me. That’s the only
thing that mattered – the here and now.

“Don’t stop,” I whispered when I realized he’d stopped
touching me all together.

Before the words were even out of my mouth, his finger was
sliding up my folds, his thumb pushing on my mound with just the right amount
of pressure. I moaned, and my eyes closed of their own volition. A quick flash
of how Phillip had grabbed me, demanded we have sex… I pushed the thought away
just as quickly as it had surfaced. Hudson was nothing like Phillip, and he was
proving that right now in the way he touched me and kissed me.

“So…wet…” He groaned low at my ear, and once again shifted,
bringing more of his body over onto me. “God, Heather.” His finger slid inside
of me, and I bucked beneath him, driving it deeper into me, causing me to
scream. He eased back a little, peering down at me with concern. “Shh,” he said
with a small smile.

Crap. For a moment I’d forgotten Jamie was in the house. His
music was no longer coming in muffled waves through the walls, and I realized
I’d have to be a lot quieter. I doubted he was asleep, so that made it all the
more important I was quiet. Talk about embarrassing for all of us if Jamie
overheard Hudson and I having sex. Hudson continued to touch me down there, and
I rotated my hips, desperate for relief, which was so close I could almost feel
it.

Hudson captured my lips with a soft kiss. Using his knees to
spread my legs open, he settled between them, his fingers still inside of me,
working me into a frenzy. I writhed beneath him, my breathing coming in short,
ragged pants. I wasn’t going to last much longer at this rate. It was too much.
Yet, I wanted more, deeper, harder; while at the same time I wanted time to
stop, to keep be in this moment together forever. It was a perfect moment with
both of them lost to each other, the world around us ceasing to exist. I’d
never experienced so much love and adoration from a man’s touch, and it was
euphoric.

My hands roamed over his shoulders, down his arms, my
fingernails digging into his biceps as I edged closer and closer to my orgasm.
I was teetering on the cusp, ready to plunge over the edge any second. And
Hudson seemed to know that, because he kept doing exactly what he’d been doing,
not changing his pace or form. He’d hit my sweet spot, and he knew it. So did
I. The room started to spin, and my throat was drier than a desert.

“Tell me what you want. Tell me what feels good.” He brought
his mouth back down to my nipple, drawing it between his teeth, flicking his
tongue over it. Oh God! That small movement was a jolt to my system, making me
even crazier with need. How did he do that? How did he know me and my body so
well? It was exhilarating and scary.

“You,” was all I managed, and even that came out as a gasp.
“I want you, Hudson. Just you…” I’m sure I sounded delirious, like I was high
on some drug. That’s sure how I felt.

“You have me.” He eased his fingers from me, and I instantly
missed the contact, whimpering in protest. He smiled at that. “I’m yours, baby,
forever. Just tell me how you want me.”

That one little word – forever! It lodged in my mind and was
permanently embedded in me. He wasn’t technically mine forever yet, but if I
had my way, by the time tonight was over, he would be. But first, it was time
to return the favor, to give him some of the pleasure he’d just given to me.

“On your back.” I wiggled out from under him and when he lay
down, I kneeled between his legs, easing his boxers off him. Taking his shaft
into my hand, I stroked him, eliciting a barely audible moan from him. It was
enough to make me smile. I stroked him slowly, my palm circling his head.
Hudson moaned again, louder this time, and his stomach clenched. Never, in a
million years, did I think I’d ever be in bed with a man who I felt so
comfortable with, a man who completed me in every sense of the word. I licked
my lips, and then brought them down over his engorged member.

“Damn.” His thighs tensed, and his hips lifted off the bed.

His sharp intake of breath, his throaty exhale, spurred me
on. Gathering my hair and holding it away from my face, I looked up at him. His
look was hotter than I’d ever seen it before, and I worried that maybe I was in
over my head. This was the first time I’d ever taken charge like this. Maybe he
didn’t like it? No, from the way he was looking at me, I knew he liked it. He
loved it, and it was getting him off. The control I had right now turned me on,
too, made me feel like a desirable woman who could conquer the world.

I took him into the back of my throat, humming around his
shaft. Hudson arched his back, his head pressing down hard on the pillow. I’d
never felt so in control and desirable in my entire life. Phillip sure as hell
never made me feel this way. He was the quintessential wham bam thank you
ma’am. But not Hudson. To know I had this power over him, the ability to make
him mindless with pleasure was fantastic! But what made it even better was how
he so easily relinquished the control to me without so much as a second though.
He trusted me just as much as I trusted him, and that was the single best
feeling in the whole world.

“Enough.” His voice boomed and echoed around me. He
surprised me when he grabbed me under the arms and brought my mouth to his.
“It’s been too long since we’ve been together, and I refuse to let my orgasm be
in your mouth.” He traced my lips with his tongue.

I smiled against his lips and straddled him, allowing his
hard shaft to rest between my folds. And then I moved, rubbing along his
length. “Ahh, yes,” I moaned into his mouth. Everything about him felt too
good.

“That’s it.” He wrapped his arms around me and rolled us
over so he was now on top. Then he reached over to the bedside table and
grabbed a condom. “I can’t wait a second longer.”